Number 3 - It has changed me forever!

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Number 3 - It has changed me forever!

My DH and I decided we definately wanted another baby. He said he wanted to go through it again, "Just one more time". Both of us with the thought that it was so great the first two times, that we could not go on without experiencing it again. It did not take long to get pregnant. It didn't take long the first two times. I was excited about the third because I figured, I knew what I was doing now! I have two daughters and a stepson. I considered myself "experienced". With this pregnancy I wanted to be able to relax and just enjoy the miracle! We could now afford things that we could not on the first two. I had already made up my mind that I was going to be a trendy dressed pregnant woman. The other two pregnancies required second hand clothes. This one was going to be ALL NEW! BABY! My first doctor's appointment was the usual. I was so relaxed that I took both my 2 and 3 year olds with me. I said to myself, "this won't take long". They did the usual. I went and had my blood work done and they scheduled me for an ultasound to get a better idea of the due date. I mean please....with a 2 year old and 3 year old you have got to be kidding me. When was the last day of my period? I don't remember what we ate the day before. So, I was scheduled for the ultrasound.

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The Next Step

My DH and I decided if it was a girl, her name would be Lilly. If if was a boy, then Luke. We had decided that before we ever got pregnant. I kept seeing the name Lilly in the weirdest ways and places. I took it at the time as a sign that havng a third child was the right thing to do. I started keeping a list of where I would see or hear the name Lily because it was getting too weird on the ways I was coming across it. I started the list one day in the car when I was waiting for Lydia to get out of preschool. There was a song on the satelite radio that I liked the sound of. I never get to listen to any of my favorite stations because they are always on the KIDS stations. However, Leighton was asleep in her car seat so here was a chance to relax. I glanced down at the radio in order to see the name of the song. It was Lily is coming or Lily is here. I can not remember which. However, at that moment I decided I needed to keep a list. How weird is that? I have not be able to find the song since or the artist. But anyway, it was a cool thing. I was convinced now that I was having a girl, Lily.

I was completely unprepared for what happened next. I was excited about the ultrasound because it was going to be in 3-D. Wow! What you can see at 10 weeks - AMAZING! She told me that she was having a hard time viewing the neck and wanted to get a better image. She said she needed to do a vaginal ultrasound. Then another doctor came in to look as well. They told me that there was a cystic hygroma. A WHAT???? They explained a little. However, at this point I'm in shock and can not absorb was they are saying. Later when I got home, I looked up what they were talking about. I was still unsure if what they saw was just something that they check for anyway or if something they saw sent up some red flags. I had already turned down genetic testing, so I was not sure what they saw. I decided to wait until I saw my regular doctor a week later. That is when the BOMB went off. She told me that they saw something that sent up some red flags. I remember her saying this occurs in approximately 1 in 6000 pregnanies. I remember her saying a possible chromosomal birth defect. There is a 40% chance there is something wrong. However, there is a 60% chance the baby will be perfectly normal. My head is now spinning. I try not to break down in the office. I remain calm, until I get out of that building. I loose it. I call my Mom first. Hopefully, she can calm me down before I call DH.

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The news, the next week

My Mom was able to calm me down. She had me focus on the positve. I called her first because at the time, I could barely talk. I didn't want to call DH like that because he was at work and would have completely freaked out. He called while I was talking to my Mom, so when I hung up I called him back. He knew right away that something was wrong because the sound in my voice. He listened while I explained and then there was a long silent pause. He then said the most perfect thing. He said that we could not look at the pregnancy any differently than when I was pregnant with Lydia and Leighton. Whatever happens, is a miracle and that God does not make mistakes. He said we could not go through this the whole time upset and worried. So, I quickly changed my attitude and decided that he was right. I had planned to go to the Mall that day with my bestfriend and have our picture taken with our kids. Four in all, two almost 4 year olds and 2 two year olds. We did it last year for Mother's Day and decided to do it again this year. We like the pictures because we want to be able to look at them years from now and say - That was our life at that moment - CRAZY! At first, I was going to call her and cancel. However, after my conversation with DH I decided to go ahead and go. No sense in going home and sitting around just letting my mind wonder. So, I went home, got our stuff together and off we went. Tamara knew something was wrong we she looked at me. I'm always happy with a smile on my face. Not so much that day. I told her a little about it while the kids were playing in the Play Area. I also told her that I have been seeing and hearing the name Lily alot and was taking this as a sign. She agreed and said maybe that was true. She then said a starbucks decaff coffee would make me feel better so she went and got us one. At that moment, I heard a man call out for Lily. I quickly looked around the room and was amazed since there was hardly anyone there. I went up to the man and asked him what he said. He said he was calling out for his daughter Lily. I could not believe at that moment I heard the name Lily. I felt like something in my soul was talking to me. That was a week ago. Since then, I have had my ups and downs. I did a ton of research (not always the best thing to do). I joined the Birth Defects Forum. They are a huge support system and what I call Earth's Angels. And I started this journal. This will let me get everything out of me without all the attachments of telling someone you know personally. I decided to keep a list of the places I have seen or heard Lily. If it's a boy I will be equally happy but a little confused as to what all of the Lily popups mean. So until I know for sure I will assume that Lily is trying to talk to me.

April - Several times including a song but did not keep a list then.
5/10 - On the back of a rebate form I was filling out.
5/11 - Man at the Mall calling for his daughter
5/12 - On a forum I was reading the tracker at the bottom was Lilypie.com
5/12 - At a small local store where I went to buy a birthday gift. Three books were featured on display. Two were Lilly's Big Day and Lilly's Puple Plastic Purse. ( I bought them both)
5/14 - In the only article I read on Mother's Day in the paper. Three daughters were being quoted. One was Lily.
5/15 - In a trashy celebrity magazine I was reading at Jazzercise. One of the photos I was looking at had a caption and the person's last name was Lilly.
5/18 - In a wiggles song Leighton and I were listening to while running errands.
5/20 - In article in paper about new movie starting Lily Thomlin.
5/25 - The Blue Kangaroo (Main character is Lily)
5/29 - On a ball floating in the neighborhood pool we go to.
5/30 - On a billboard in a tv commerical
6/2 - Lowe's in the garden department on a "Lily Floater Flower"
6/3 - At the Pet store on a "Lily Flower Pond Decoration"
6/11 - Car in front of car wash, License plate "LILLY"
6/15 - On the show The Simple Life at 2:30 in the morning. The 3 year old girl Paris was taking care was named Lily.

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Lily spotted Again

I got to read the Daily Break section of the paper today. It's the only part of the paper worth reading. I use to be a person that would stay on top of what was happening in the world. However, once I became a Mom I had very little time to read or watch anything other than Sesame Street. I must choose what is worth reading in a 20 minute time frame before I'm interupted. So, sorry the headlines news never makes the cut. The Daily Break section is entertaining and I want to be entertained not depressed. Anyway - on the front page of the Daily Break it listed the movies that are not to be missed this summer. One was a movie starring Lily Thomlin. Very cool. I'm still very positive and refuse to give in to any negative thoughts. I'm a very blessed person and have no compliants!

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On paper is one thing - saying out loud is different

I'm feeling great! I've always been lucky like that. With both pregnancies before and now this one I've never gotten sick. I really don't have any strange cravings. This pregnancy feels exactly like the two before. However, my spirit is different. People are starting to notice that I'm pregnant. For the ones that already knew, everyone is asking, "how are you feeling, is everything going okay?" And it is. However, there is that lingering next ultrasound. THE BIG ONE! THe one that will tell us if the swelling has gone down or if we need to get an amnio for further testing. I haven't really told anyone about what we have been told. The only people that know are our mothers and one friend of mine. I really don't want to tell anyone for several reasons. First, I don't know what to say. Second, I don't want people looking at me going..."Oh, I'm sorry." Third, I have a hard time saying the words out loud. And lastly, I feel like everything is going to be okay. I went to church with my daughter Lydia on Sunday. During communion you have an option to go to the side to the Stephen Ministry for special prayer requests. I have never participated in it before. However, on Sunday I just felt the need. I told Lydia as we were approaching that I was going to do something different today. I took communion and then went to the side. It's a very private thing and no one really notices it unless they are going over there themselves. I knelt down and was going to ask for a special prayer. However, as soon as my knees were down, my body began to shake and the words would not come out of me. I just cried. The woman just held my head and finally I was able to whisper my prayer request. My daugher Lydia which has such and old soul, just wiped my tears away and hugged me. It was such a humbling moment. On the way home, I asked Lydia not to tell anyone about what happened. I didn't want anyone to know really. It was such a special humbling moment that by sharing it with anyone would take away from it. Lydia promised that it would be our secret. She has not mentioned since.

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Another Lily spotted 5/25

Last night we decided to go to a free concert they were having at the University. It was the Symphony which played songs from Villian and Hero Movies. It was outside so we packed a picnic. We had a great time. Later that night, I started feeling pretty bad. I was having some cramping and felt for the first time very sick on my stomach. I was laying in bed and started to worry. Since I have never experienced this before I was getting very nervous. Oh, please don't mean there is something wrong. It didn't help that yesterday I was doing some more research. I was also I little upset that I had not seen Lily's name lately. Isn't that a silly thing! I would not dare tell anyone that because they would think I was crazy. I was also starting to think I was a little crazy myself. But, this morning out of the blue - BOOM - Lily!!!! My daughters and I decided to read some books this morning. So we piled on the floor in Leighton's room and pulled out some books. I love children's books. Everytime I go to a thrift store, I head for the books. We have quite a collection. It's fun because it's like our own little library. So, when we decide to read books, we never know exactly what we might pull out. We started with a Franklin book. Next, Lydia pointed to a pink one and asked for me to read that one. It was The Blue Kangaroo. We have never read that one before. I opened to the first page and started crying. It started off with Lily and her blue Kangaroo. I can't explain how that makes me feel. And again, I don't share this with anyone. This is the only place I put this information. Maybe I am being crazy. However, it makes me feel good when I see that name and it gives me a sense of peace.

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Feeling Good

On Friday me and the girls went to the beach. What a wonderful fun day. We looked for shells, jumped waves and built a sand castle. Typical day at the beach. I believe that this experience with my baby has changed me forever and that is why I picked that as my journal's name. I think I'm more patient. I think I'm more centered. Regardless or what happens, I believe I am a better person. Only a couple of weeks before the next ultrasound. Oh, please God let me tell me that my baby is okay.

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Another Lilly Spotted

Okay now this is weird. I'm sure some people reading this and definately if I had told anyone this would think I have lost my mind or I was just making this up. I'm at the neighbor pool hanging out in the baby pool with my two girls and my dear DH. My youngest daughter Leighton has a tendency to freak out when someone else is playing with her ball or floaty. So, I'm keeping track of where they are and who is playing with them. Every now and then some will go missing and I have to go retrieve them before Leighton has a melt down. Did I mention that my youngest daughter has a tendency to be what I call HIGH MAY (aka high maintenance). Love her dearly, but she is a high maintenance child in a funny way. Anyway, in the distance of the big pool I see a ball which at first I thought was ours. Same one, however not ours. The reason I know it's not ours is it has a name on it in permanent black magic marker - LILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear just floating in the pool.

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Enjoying the summer

On Wednesday me and the girls took the ferry over and went to the Children's Museum. It was so much fun. They loved the ferry. Yesterday we went and painted a huge platter for Daddy for his Father's Day present. It is really cute. It has their hand prints on it. I think he will really like it. Last night, Lydia and I went to see Disney Live! It was a great show and I really enjoyed the time that just the two of us had together. We are now getting ready to leave to go to Gymnastics. Leighton is starting the toddler class today. How fun it is going to be to watch my little girl that can never sit still. After that we will probably head to the pool. Can you tell I'm keeping very busy? It helps because now I'm really getting anxious. Only 13 days left. I'm so ready to see the baby again. However, at the same time I'm so nervous. I have a lot of faith and hold onto that. Whatever God feels I can handle, I will handle. On another note my Mom has now said that the name Lilly is also popping up at weird times for her. My nephew starting talking to my Mom about a girl in his class named Lilly. She said, he has never mentioned her before. And then two days ago my Mom started a new book. The main character's name is Lilly. If my baby is a girl, how fun it will be to tell her all this one day.

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Lilly spotted

Another Lilly spotted. Today at Lowe's I was buying some tubing for my water fountain. Off to the side and in the wrong place a "Lily Pad floater".

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Not much going on

Right now there is not a lot of going on. I'm feeling great physically. I get stressed every now and then. However, I'm still positive. I just looked at the calendar and saw that as of this Thursday, I only have one week until the next ultrasound. In that regards, I'm all nerves. I'm trying not to think about it.

Side note - Lilly spotted this weekend at the pet store on a "Lilly Flower decoration".

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Tuesday morning update

Today Lydia and I start our Mother/Child three day art camp. I'm very excited and it should be alot of fun. Yesterday Lydia, Leighton and I made pinatas for Lydia 4th birthday coming up. We are having a Toy Story Party. It has been keeping me very busy. My Mom made Lydia a Mr. Potato Head outfit. I'm going to be Jessie. My husband is Woody and Leighton is Buzz. Our pinata is Mr. Potato Head. It actually came out pretty cute. Her birthday party is two days after the ultrasound. That is good in one way and kind of hard in another. Good in that it has been keeping me very busy and my mind occupied. However, I am nervous that if they tell me something I don't want to hear how can I dress up like Jesse and not have a break down. I just pray that God will give me strength. I keep telling myself that everything will be okay - no matter what!!!!

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Weekend Update

It was a busy week. Lydia had art camp for 3 days. Leighton had gymnastics. In between those things we also went to the pool 2 times a day. We had a great week. I haven't spotted any Lilly popups this past week though. However, only 6 days until we find out the sex. I can't wait for that part. I've been having some really strange dreams lately. I remember the same thing happened when I was pregnant with Lydia and Leighton. I also get a jealousy streak in me that I usually don't have. I guess it comes from all the insecurities you have when you are pregnant. DH says he is not nervous about the ultrasound at all. I wish I could say that. I am nervous. I just want everything to be okay. Nothing going on this weekend. We just plan to hang out at the pool. Still working on Lydia's birthday party stuff for next weekend. I'm currently burning Toy Story theme songs on CD's for the guess.

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Just when I thought I would not see another one!

Another Lilly spotted today. I had just finished writing in my journal about not seeing Lilly for almost 1 week. I must admit I was getting a little disappointed. However, we past a car wash and they had a car out in front that they had just finished. The license plate was Lilly!

On a very sad note - a friend of mine that was pregnant and due 1 day before me, just lost her baby yesterday. It was very upsetting and put my situation in a newer light.

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The night before

Well it's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. For one, my daughter Leighton gave me a bad cold and I'm coughing, sneezing, and my nose is running like a fauset. Also, my ultrasound is at 1:00 today and obviously on my mind. However, I'm calm and know that whatever happens is what is suppose to happen. I was watching The Simple Life on E! early. Not alot to choose from in the wee hours. I have never watched it and really don't care if I do again. But, anyway on the show Paris was going to have to be the Mother of the house for the day. The child was 3 and her name was LILY!!!!!!

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The Best News EVER!!!!

First let me say that I do believe in Lilly. However, she is not growing inside of me, she's my angel. Yesterday I found out that I am blessed with a son! His name is LUKE!!!! My husband I went to my ultrasound appointment at 1:00 PM. They were running behind, so it was a long wait in the waiting room. So long that my DH started reading CHILD. He laughed when he started an article about a little girl, named of course Lily! It gave me much needed strength at that moment. I had made up my mind that I could face anything that God was going to bless me with. Words can not describe how I felt when they said that what they saw in the first ultrasound had disappeared. All measurements were normal and no further testing was recommended. I am HAPPY beyond words and forever changed. I am blessed that I experienced it. It opened my eyes to things I never knew existed. It opened my heart to people I have never met. It changed me as a Mother. I am a better person because of it. I hope now that I can use this to help others. Now today is a big day. We have a lot to do. My daughter Lydia is 4 tomorrow. Much to do. Much to celebrate. I have to go finish my Mr. Potato Head pinata. Thank all of you that sent their thoughts and prayers. You were all with me yesterday and I could feel that.

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Update

WOW! I have been sooooooooo busy. Lydia's birthday was a huge success. It was so much fun and a great memory. I can't explain or put into words the happiness I felt all weekend. I am just beside myself that I am going to have a son before Christmas. I am so glad I found out. The excitement now is unbelieveable. Now everything is LUKE. LUKE. LUKE. Lydia is very excited she will have a little brother. A little confused when I told her that we needed to get some boy stuff. I tried to explain that most of our toys were girls toys and that I didn't think Luke would want to put on dress up dresses. She said, "but why not". Oh, Luke baby, I can picture this now. I'm sure there will be a day when you come downstairs all "dressed" up in a princess dress with makeup on. Leighton doesn't quite get it. However, she will. That girl does love a baby. She goes up to every baby we come across and starts hugging and kissing. I hope she will have that much love for her own "baby" brother. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. My doctor said she knew I was feeling great since the ultrasound and that it must have been a huge relief. She said everything else looked great. My weight, blood pressure, urine, blah blah blah was right on target. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so Happy!!!!!!

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Update

My nephew Kody is here for the week. We have been busy doing this and that. Yesterday, we went to the pool and packed a picnic. Today probably the same but earlier. Lydia starts Creative Dance today. I can not wait to see her do that. I'm getting so excited about Luke coming. I just want to go out and start buying clothes, new baby gear, new stuff for his room, etc, etc, etc. But, I'm not getting too crazy. I have decided to do his room in Vintage airplanes. I think I will have a mural painted. I can not believe that June is almost over. The summer is flying by.

Weight at Doctor's Appointment: 124 (I've gainted 9lbs).
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Update

Well it's Tuesday morning. It has been so busy lately. Me and the girls have had such a great time with my nephew, Kody. We take him back tomorrow and pick up my stepson, Andrew. So the craziness and busy schedule will not end anytime soon. Yesterday, Leighton went to the potty twice all by her self. YEAH! I'm so hoping she will be completely potty trained by the time Luke gets here. I can not believe that as of this weekend when July hits we then only have August, September, and October left. Once November is here, our lives will change forever. Luke, Luke, Luke. How exciting. I'm a little disappointed that I haven't felt alot of movement. My doctor said it was still a little early. But, come on Luke, I'm ready for one big kick. Plus, I can't wait for Lydia and Leighton to feel him. Yesterday was a great day in that I talked to one of my very bestfriends that I haven't talked to in awhile. However, it was like old times and that we had just talked the day before. That is when you know you are truly the very best of friends.

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Update

So now my stepson is here and my nephew Kody went home. What a treat to have had Kody here. He was a true joy and good "boy" practise for me. Now, Andrew is here and it is a joy as well. It is so fun to watch Lydia and Leighton love on their brother so much. Even though they are not always together they are everything brother and sisters are to each other and separation does not change that. You can tell the difference when they are with Kody for example versus Andrew. That sister brother bond is there not matter what and what fun it is to see. The first day Andrew was here we went to the pool and stayed for dinner. That was Wednesday. Yesterday we went to the pool in the morning, had lunch, watched a movie and then went to Lydia's dance lesson and the park. We came home and ordered Chinese. Today we are doing much needed chores, going to the grocery store and then to the pool again for dinner. Lydia and Leighton start their swimming lessons today. DH will be home early so we will have a long weekend as a family. I think today we will decorate for 4th of July and make our decorations for our bikes for the neighborhood parade this weekend. Lots to do. As far as the update on Luke. He is growing and starting to take up lung space. I can feel him when he has decided to move to another side of me. I'm still waiting for a big kick! Hope it will happen this weekend. Lydia can't wait to feel him kick. Also, in a couple of days we are picking up our bird we bought a couple of months ago. He had not been able to come home with us yet because he was too young. However, they say he can come home next week. So now we have Lydia, Leighton, sometimes Andrew, Lisa our greyhound, Ene Cab our guinea pig and next week, Little Ray our parrot. Oh my God, can our house get any more crazy? I guess Luke will make a little more crazy! Can't wait for that!

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Oh what a wonderful day already. Lydia woke up this morning happy as always and came into my room. DH had already gotten up to go running. Lydia and I just laid there together talking to Luke and hoping he would move. Lydia has such patience for a 4 year old. She didn't want to get up in case he decided to start moving. So we just laid there for the longest time. Leighton woke up and came in the room to join us. She was so cute in her girly pajamas with her big chunky spiderman bedroom shoes. She is so funny. The last couple of days we have spent at the pool. Lydia has finally gone all the way under the water and is now not showing so much fear of the water. Leighton of course would jump in the deep end if I would let her. No surprise there. As soon as Lydia decides to jump off the diving board, I'm sure Leighton will be right behind her. I bought Luke some clothes on Saturday. Oh what fun that was. We also got our Conure bird yesterday, aka Little Ray. He is very cute and is adjusting just fine to our crazy house!!!!

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Finally!!!! Luke started some good kicking last night. What fun it was to just sit and experience it. Everyone was asleep so Luke and I got to experience it alone. I must say it was an amazing feeling. Not just phyisically but spiritually. I still feel on a daily basis how Luke changed me. It effects everything I do. I want it to because it sure puts things in perspective. How ridiculous some things sound to me now that in the past would have been "stressful". Stress occurs at all levels. But when someone tells you something might be seriously wrong with your unborn child, that is a stress that can not be explained. Like I have said from the beginning....a life changing event. I got to hold a three week old baby boy yesterday at one of my friend's house. How incredibily exciting. It is so true what everyone says. You truly forget how small they are when they are born. What an absolute joy. I can not wait to meet my son and hold him.

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I'm tired!

Okay, now Andrew has gone home. Three kids for the last month has been very tiring. Andrew will be back this weekend and then we have a 1 week break. Shortly afterwards we go camping and then have Andrew again and then my niece for a week. I call it my "3 kid boot camp". I'm in training for 3 kids. It's a good thing. Also, I have now entered deep nesting. So, I had a landscape person come look at the backyard to come up with a plan on how to add a swingset and a playhouse. I might not be able to do it all at once, but I do love a game plan. The way I figure it with three kids, we need a backyard to contain and entertain. Next, I have almost completed cleaned out Leighton's room. All of her stuff has been moved to Lydia's room. Tonight will be her fist time sleeping in the same room as Lydia. I called our painter to come and paint their room a light purple. I completed cleaned out the playroom and went through all toys. Lydia and I made a pile of toys that have to go. At first this was quite difficult for Lydia to do. She did not want to part with anything. She even cried and talked about how one of the bears (I swear the ugliest bear I have ever seen, it looks like a bunch of green cotton candy with eyes.) was going to miss her. However, after I told her that we could have a toy sale and all money could go for her a bike, she quickly lined up with that. I now have Andrew's room as the staging room. It is completely full of stuff that has to go somewhere. I have now committed myself to having a sale that has to happen within the next two weeks. The things I get myself into!!!! Anwyway, at least we are getting some things done. I know it's a little early. Luke won't be here until the middle of Novemeber. But, after I get everything ready for Luke's arrival, I have to have all my Christmas shopping done. I can't do it around Christmas. This I do know. So, the more I get done now, the better. Luke, can you tell we are excited about you????

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The Walmart Trip

Okay so yesterday I decided that we needed to go to Walmart and Home Depot. First, let me say that for me thankfully this businesses are not right around the corner. It takes about 20 minutes to get there. With two small children 40 minutes in driving time is tough enough. But, to add those two stops.....it's a nightmare for us all. However, I was feeling strong and determined, so off we went. I had on my nesting list a new shower curtain, paint, groceries, a birthday present and some other small items. This is my nesting journey. First, the idea was to move Leighton into Lydia's room. Since, it's the smaller room we had to get rid of some toys to make room for all the other stuff. I kept Leighton's diapers and pullups in one of her dresser drawers in her room. However, that was not going to work in the new room. So that meant the diapers had to go into the Linen closet. That was already full, so I decided to clean that out. That led to cleaning out the bathroom toys, so naturally that led to cleaning and reorganizing the bathroom. Hense, the new shower curtain. So now I have reorganized 5 rooms for Luke. HA HA!! All that would be the reason Walmart and Home Depot was a must. Who know's what today will lead to. I think I have my eye on the attic. All the baby stuff is up there including other toys meant for give away. Nesting is a wonderful thing. But, let me finish the Walmart story. Leighton fell asleep on the way so she went into the stroller. Lydia wanted to ride in the cart. So I was pushing Leighton and pulling Lydia. I filled up the part children are suppose to sit in and the bottom part of the stroller. Leighton woke up after about 1 hour. She wanted to get into the cart with Lydia. So then I had to move stuff from the cart to the stroller. It was chaotic as usual but Lydia and Leighton were absolutely wonderful. Good sports!!!! After we had gotten everything from the Caboo Treasure Hunt Game to dill pickle relish, we were moving towards the front of the store as I'm throwing pixie sticks at them to keep them occupied. This lady looked at me and said, "I don't envy you." She wasn't being mean. I just smiled and went on. However, it made me a little sad. I wanted to say.....OH BUT YOU SHOULD!!!! How could life get any better that two wonderful, cute, adorable pig tail girls in a cart in Walmart, eating pixie sticks, laughing and saying more Mommy, with a little baby boy growing inside of me. I have a wonderful husband, I'm with my children and not at some job wishing I was home, I have money in the bank and a beautiful almost completed organized from top to bottom house!!!!! Life could not get better than this!!!

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43
Update

It's 4:00 am in the morning and I can't sleep. One would think I would not have any problems considering the energy that my daughters require during the day. However, here I am.....awake. Anyway, a good time for an update. I went to the my doctor on Tuesday for a regualar check on Luke. Everything looks good. I've gained a total of 17lbs. I started at 115 and now I'm 132. I big 8lb gain since my last appointment. However, my doctor said that was probably my big jump and now it will level off to about 3 or 4 lbs a month. Luke is real busy now. I love to feel him moving around. I know he can hear his sisters. They talk to him all the time. The excitement for Luke is so unbelieveable. I know that it will be really really hard for the first couple of months trying to get a routine with a 4 year old, a 2 year old and an infant that will be attached to my breasts. But, somehow I'm sure we will manage. On the homefront update. My house is getting sooooo organized. I'm trying to get rid of all the stuff we have accumulated since Lydia was born. We don't need all those girl clothes I have been saving. And of course, I'm stilling gathering all unplayed with toys. Our toy sale could be a big sale and hopefully a good one. I now have my eye on a "treehouse" swingset I want for the girls and Luke. It's over the top for sure and I'm sure a lot of people would say ridiculous for me wanting it. However, it's a child's dream and when you take all the children that will enjoy it and the number of years they will use it........it really is not that bad. The way I figure it is like this....we were going to buy a camper. However, I think this is something we would get far more use out of and it will last longer. You are probably thinking what is it for God's sake? Well, it's a treehouse that is built on top of a redwood tree trunk. The inside is hollowed out and there is a door built with steps leading up to the house part. You can add on a slide and swings. I'm sold!!!! The bad thing that I haven't quite gotten over is that it has to be shipped from CA on a flat bed truck. Definately not cheap!!!!! But, I can dream right???? Who knows, by next year at this time it just might be in my back yard.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43
Update

Well on Monday I went for my echocardiogram. It came back normal. She also mentioned that the cystic hygroma they had noted in my file was still gone. It was such a reassuring thing. Luke has been moving lately. However, he seems to be laid back and not very active. Maybe that might be an indication of how he will be as a baby. We had a wonderful weekend and a busy week so far. On Friday night we had 2 of our family friends and their children as our guests at the pool. We cooked out hamburgers. It was fun. On Saturday we went for a long family bike ride. I must say I was impressed with myself being 5 1/2 months pregnant bike riding with Leighton attached for 8 miles. Once we got home Evan came over to look at Luke's room and give his thoughts on the mural. I changed my mind on the bike ride as to what I wanted. I thought I wanted the vintage airplane look. However, since we have been looking at the whimsical treeshouses I decided I wanted something a little more fun. I started thinking that the planes was a little too nursery. I wanted something that would last a lot longer. I was inspired by the pirate ship treehouse that we had seen. But, I didn't think that pirates would be a good nursery either. So, that led to......Peter Pan. I thought how fun to have a "Never Grow Up" kind of thing. Evan the artist was very excited and thought he could make it really cool. I told him that he could do whatever he wanted and go crazy for that theme and have total artist freedom. He asked if he could include the whole room and I said yes. However, it turns out that total artist freedom with a huge palette is not cheap. When I saw the estimate I thought......well we don't need to go that CRAZY. I'm sure it would be unbelievable, but in my head I can justify a treehouse. However, I cannot justify a mural. So.....we are going to tone it down a bit. Now onto the treehouse. My husband got so excited that he actually upgraded the treehouse I had picked out. I think we have decided that we definately want to do it. I haven't decided if I want to go ahead and do it now or wait until the beginning of the year. I would hate to get all of it started and as everything it not be on schedule and then I would be dealing with it right when Luke comes. But, on the other handI would like to have it completed by the time Luke got here so we could enjoy it come Spring. I'm not sure. I'll decide that later. We're going camping this weekend so I have a lot to get together. I'll decide next week.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43
Update

It's Tuesday late afternoon. However, it feels like a Sunday afternoon. That's because we just got back from our camping trip. We left on Friday and ended up staying an extra day. It was for my Mom's 60th birthday. We decided to surprise her with a photographer on Sunday and have pictures taken of the whole family on the beach. It was wonderful and I think the pictures will be incredible. It was fun camping and bought back a lot of wonderful memories. Lydia, Leighton and Andrew LOVED IT!!!! So, I'm sure we will be doing that again real soon. I'm feeling great!!! But, I am starting to enter the "not so comfortable" stage. Luke sometimes like to get real HIGH up and then other times like to get real LOW. I can't say one is more comfortable than the other. How can something so small feel so BIG???? But, trust me....no complaints. I can't believe how close it is getting. I just received in the mail today catalogs featuring Halloween stuff. I thought to myself, wow it's getting close.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43
Update

I've being trying to get to the computer to write an update, but unfortunately one thing turned into another and blah blah blah. Anyway, here now. Belly is getting big. I went yesterday and picked out Luke some new baby stuff. Lydia was having just as much fun as she would see something and say.....Oh, Mom it's soooooooooo cute. Can we get this for Luke? I'm certain she asked for more things for Luke than herself. Luke has a lot of clothes already. Most has been hand me downs. But, who cares????? It has been so fun to wash and fold those cute little things. I'm really trying to take time out to really pay attention to what is going on inside of me. It's my last pregnancy. I have a hard time with closing chapters. I know I will never experience this again so I want to cherish everything that is happening.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Update

Busy Busy Busy. We're trying to fit everything we can into these last days of summer before school starts. However, my two daughters are making me crazy. Last week at Target Leighton decided to run off as we were checking out. Usually she goes just around the corner or close by where I can call for her and she will come running back to me. Not this time. I called for her but I did not see her. I started to go into a panic since the check out line was right in front of the front automatic doors. The sales people radio all employees to look for a 2 year old wearing a gymnastics leatard with a big ponytail. Of course all surrounding people noticed a 6 month pregnant woman carrying a four year old running around calling out for LEIGHTON. It seemed like an eternity but finally they said they found her. Are you ready for this?????? IN THE DRESSING ROOMS. I was sooooooooo relieved but the other feeling, just can't explain that one. Now this week, my Lydia the one that keeps me sane has decided to change teams. She has started a full NO campaign. She just says NO to me whenever she wants to. No I will not brush my teeth, No I will not pick that up, No, I will not stop coloring on my sister. I'm hoping they will both come to their senses soon. Maybe school is a GOOD thing. Luke, please be my little EASY GOING child. Have I mentioned how excited I am???? Fall is just around the corner and that means Luke is that much closer to entering our CRAZY world. Just hope that Zone will be a little easier than MAN TO MAN DEFENSE.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43
short post

Just got back from visiting my sister and spending time with an old friend. Had a great time. Very tired. My children are making me crazy. I think I'm ready for school to start. I never thought I would say that. Luke is great! Growing alot! At my last doctor's appointment I gained 7lbs....AGAIN! I have gained 22lbs and I'm 28 weeks. He's moving alot too! Loving it.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Back to School

I'm looking forward to next week. BACK TO SCHOOL!!! I need structure. I really have enjoyed the summer and me and the girls had the best time. But, how much unstructure time can one person take??? I must admit, I do like a routine. Soooooooooo starting Wednesday......a new deal. As for Luke, I'm ready to starting getting really ready. I want his room just right. I want all Christmas shopping done so I don't have to worry about that when he is born. He has been rolling and turning and flipping. What an incredible feeling. You never get use to that no matter how many times you experience it. I love it!

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43

The clock is ticking. Lydia started school yesterday. She will go 5 days from 9-12. My precious Leighton starts for the first time today. She will go 2 days a week. So starting now until Luke is born, I have 3 hours to myself on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What in the world I'm I going to do with those 6 hours??? Not that I can not think of what to do, I have to narrow it down. I would like to say that for the next 2 months I will pamper myself by getting pedicures, special coffee breaks, read junky magazines or just shop. However, I know myself too well. Not matter how much I would like to do those things.....I won't. I will probaby spend that time shopping for Christmas to have all that done before Luke arrives. I will also get my house organized like it has never been. Hopefully, I will sneak in a pedicure or two. Today is the first time I have had 3 hours too myself in a long time. I do not know what I'm gonig to do as of right now. I have 3 more hours to decide.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Update

I'm now down to single digit weeks, 9 exactly to go. Oh my God! So much to do. I have to finish Luke's room and do all Christmas shopping. I guess somehow it will all get done. I'm very ready though. I can not wait to meet Luke. We just got back from visiting the farm this weekend. It was fun. However, the bugs were really bad. I don't think I have ever seen mosquitos that big. Hopefully, we can go again in October and they will not be so bad. This week will be a busy week. There is just a lot going on.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
weekend update

This past weekend we went to see Aunt Hazel in the hospital as well as my Grandmother. It was hectic but I'm glad we went. Today is Monday and Lydia has a friend over playing. Evan is upstairs painting Luke's room and I'm folding all his clothes and putting them in his closet. I'm still suppose to have a yard sale with all the extra stuff I've collected that we don't need. It was a by product of nesting. However, I'm not sure how I'm going to fit it in. I guess I will somehow. The clock is ticking and I'm getting nervous. Luke has now moved down I think because I can constantly feel his feet kicking me in the ribs. I can't say that I'm comfortable now but I'm dealing. No complaints!!!!!!!!

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Panic and Depression have set in

Today I'm at a lost. This really has nothing to do with my pregnancy but it might make me feel better to get it out. I feel like a complete failure! I can not get my children to do anything. Nothing is easy. They won't go to bed without a complete fuss, they won't eat what I fix. If I don't fix anything they say they are starving and then won't eat or just lick the mayo off the sandwich. Yesterday, they went in Luke's room and opened paint that the artist is using and made handprints on the wall. I managed to get it off in time before it dried, thank god! You are probably saying, where are you when all this is happening. I'm right here. Yesterday, the paint thing happened when they woke up from their naps and they went in there when they woke up. Today again started out with constant struggles. Lydia and Leighton fought over who was going to give Daddy's his lunch box. Then they fight as to who will get in the shower first. They fuss about EVERYTHING. Nothing is easy.....NOTHING!!!!!!! I have tried every trick in the book. I have failed at them all and now feel like a failure as a Mom. Honestly, today I have nothing left to give. I'm depressed and don't know how to pick up and laugh it all off. I have done that for so long now. Do other Mom's go through this? I'm always the happy one. I'm always the one that has the answer. Not today. It is when I am at the lowest of the low when I wish I was a working Mom. I wish I had something other than one struggle after the next until you fall asleep putting them to sleep then wake up and do it all again. I'm tired, frustrated and have no answers. My reserves are all dried up. I'm hoping and praying that this is just my hormores and that tomorrow will be better or maybe even better after naps. I hope so.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 05/12/06
Posts: 43

For all those worried about my mental state, I want to let you know.....I'm fine. Just a bad day the other day. I fell hard that day but I'm much better and my children returned to "Angel Status" the next day. Thanks mostly to their father that got them straight. I have no idea why I can yell, scream and even like Monday cry and it does not effect my children the way one harsh word from their Father does. WHATEVER! Hey....whatever works right? This Friday will be 6 weeks left. All my God!!! I keep telling Luke to stay in there the whole time because I need all 6 weeks. I am finalizing things but still not completely finished with what I need to do. By the third child you realize all they need is clean diapers and a breast. However, all your emotions require a perfect room will all their little clothes folded up, the perfect take home outfit, and the plan in place to bring the little munchkin home. I'm still working on the details of all of those.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
3 weeks to go

Well, I can not believe the time is so near. I am so ready for you Luke. However, at the same time I am very nervous. Life changed a lot when we added a second child. I know that it will be another BIG change. Please dear God give me the energy and patience.

It won't be long now. I guess I need to pack a bag for the hospital. It just hasn't sunk in yet that Luke could come any day now.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Any day now

It's halloween and thank God I've made it this far. I was a little nervous on Sunday after having several contractions. Since Daddy is out of town until tonight, going into labor was just not an option. I went to Lydia's and Leighton's Halloween parties at school day. Today I was in charge of crafts in Lydia's class. I did Leighton's class last Thursday. Lydia is a mummy and Leighton is Minnie Mouse. Halloween costumes went exactly how I imagined each one would for my children. Lydia is cut from the same cloth as me. She made up her mind she wanted to be a Mummy from the very beginning. She wanted her makeup and outfit to be just right. She didn't care that she smelled like coffee from the stains required for the "look". She set off this morning on her "mummy" adventure with such determination and excitement. Leighton, my funny non committment child changed her mind depending on her mood. First, she wanted to be a witch, then a mummy like her sister, then a skeleton, then an adorable minnie mouse, then minnie mouse with a pool cover up on top, then finally after much begging just minnie mouse with no ears by her choice. Okay okay okay. But, what a wonderful day. They are both currently napping and will soon wake up to start it all over again. I'm very sad that Daddy won't be home in time for the treating. However, I'm ready for this weekend. All my little "to do's" are almost done. Luke's room was finished yesterday. It is absolutely breath taking. I go in there and just want to cry. Every wall has a scene from Peter Pan painted. The whole room looks like you have walked into the book. Above the windows and door's are all my favorite sayings from it. My favorite is "to live will be an Big adventure". It's so perfect. All his clothes are ready, his crib ready, his bassinett ready. The last two things are car seat installed and to pack my bag. I haven't done that yet, because I figure once I do, then that's all she wrote and to labor I will go. So.....I'm waiting until tomorrow or Thursday for those. These last days are sweet and a little sad. I love being pregnant and feeling the power of God. What a miracle. To let completely go is a little hard. However, I can't wait to meet you Luke Evan.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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If there was ever a day.....

If there was ever a day I would go into labor, it definately will be today. Why???? Because I just can't. All my planning now has gone up in smoke in one afternoon. My plan for Lydia and Leighton while I go to the hospital is now not a plan at all. Why? Because the family is at the hospital with a 10old that broke his arm. My back up plan has a child with strep throat. So, I'm sitting here having contractions praying that Luke will not want to come tonight. We have had many nights in the last week that we thought we might be going to the hospital. But, the contractions always stopped. I guess we will see.

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Reporting In

Okay....Friday was my due date. It's now Monday. I'm still pregnant. Luke just does not want to move. I have never been so ready. I don't think my house as ever been as clean and organized. I have never planned so well. Everything is in place. HELLO! Luke come on. Why the big build up? We are all waiting and can't wait to meet you. I do understand if you are scared to come out of that protective place into this crazy zoo. However, it's fun!

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Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
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Posts: 43
Today is the day

Well it's 3:30 in the morning. I can't sleep. In a few hours I call the hospital to make sure they have a bed for me. I'm getting induced. Can't say that is what I wanted. But, Luke can not make up his mind. One minute it feels like he is determined to exit and then the next minute he changes his mind and settles back in. So....today is the day. I must say, I'm nervous. One would think that the third time would be a piece of cake. However, I am nervous. I just want everything to be okay and for us the come home. My nurse/daughter Lydia took care of me today. She watched about 4 episodes of A BABY STORY today. She discovered it and then wants to watch it over and over. I guess she wants to understand what is happening to Mom. Anyway, she rubbed my back today and was just that sweet thing she always is.

Well, I guess the next time I write it will be with all the wonderful details of Luke's birth.