Today Raistlin started school full time... It's been odd not having him here and not having to go out half way through the day to collect him! Ashton and Lacey-Rose ended up sleeping from about 10:30am-1:30pm, so Martin got a clear few hours of work done and then they were really quiet all afternoon so he got more work done then too!
Tomorrow I am hoping to get out of bed and take Ashton and Lacey-Rose to Activity Land. I am resting today though, my hips really hurt I think I did too much the last few days... So hopefully if I rest today I should be OK to get up and about for a couple of hours tomorrow.
Things are good here at the moment. Lots of work coming in, kids are doing well and are as cute as ever, Libby seems to be doing well - not moving much today but I'm not too worried, she's probably just tired or something!
God I need to tidy!!!! I have this horrid compulsion to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the skirting boards!!! LOL Martin's just gone to go and get the kids from school so when he gets back I might actually get one of them to bring me up some cleaning stuff and try and sit on the floor and clean a bit! Also need to put some laundry on ready for tomorrow if I'm going to go out - have no clean clothes at all!!!!
So I got up and took Ashton and Lacey-Rose to Activity Land down the road today. A few of the Mums I know (and some I don't) from Netmums were going too. It was really, really good fun!!! I felt a bit sorry for Lacey as I couldn't run around after her so I had to just put her in her buggy and she eventually went to sleep so she didn't really get anything from going along at all... But Ashton loved it. Trundled around and played - they even have a free buffet for the kids with sandwiches and fruit at lunchtime!
It was good. I'm going to go next week too - it costs a fair amount but I'm going to try and make it a weekly thing as I think it'll be nice for Lacey and Ashton to get out and about and be around other children more.
I'm feeling OK today. Battered emotionally but then Martin was absolutely horrible to me last night and I am still beyond upset and barely talking to him. So far as I am concerned I've done my fair share of supporting him. I supported him when his last business failed, I supported him when he refused to work for over two years and I've supported him through this new (and very successful) business and rarely complained about any of it and to have the whole lot thrown back in my face when he knows how much help I need... It's not like this is a massive surprise to him. We discussed this BEFORE I even got pregnant that the last few weeks I would be unable to do anything and he'd need to look after me.
I just can't be bothered anymore. Don't want to even hear about his work anymore and certainely am not going to be running around and the supportive wife I have been until now. Why should I when the one time I need looking after (which he knew about months before it happened) he can't be bothered. He can't even be bothered to give me my injections anymore. Don't think I've had one in a week or so. He KNOWS I could DIE if I don't have those injections but nope - he's more wrapped up in himself.
I also don't appreciate having money stuff thrown in my face. I rarely ask for any money, and I never go shopping generally and every penny I spend (even when it's money I've earned myself) I ask permission for first... So to throw money back in my face is lower than low. I went without shoes for months to support him. SHOES FFS! And no I'm not being dramatic. I had a broken pair of sandals that I got for about £1 from somewhere and I wore those in ALL weathers for months.
As for me being lazy... I can barely ****ing move most days! Lazy is not doing any laundry or tidying mate, lazy is leaving cat sh!t on the kitchen floor when you know your youngest crawls around in there. If I'm lazy because I'm physically unable to do these things - what's that make you?!
I've decided as well that I am not giving birth in this house in it's current state. I'm not even going to bother telling him that though - he knows how I feel about the mess and does nothing about it. If it's in a state like this when I go into labour I am just going to take myself down the hospital or over to my Mums (with my towels - I'm obsessed with having towels!!!). It'd be unhygienic to give birth here in this house in my opinion.
Anyway, pregnancy wise things are still OK. Libby is moving lots today, heartburn is absolutely killing me though and my pelvis, hips, legs and back are really painful...
I'm still waiting for a certain someone to get me the reflexology appointments and the massage appointments he promised. I suspect I might be waiting a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG time.
I'm shattered today! I didn't get to sleep until around 1am and then woke up again just before 5am. So annoying!
Heartburn is really killing me now especially at night - I can't sleep it's so bad.
I am going to get up today again. I felt sore and needed to go to bed half way through the day yesterday but it really lifted my mood to be out and about away from the house. So today I am going to get up again, wash my hair and get Martin to straighten it. Demand he gives me my injections and I think I might take Lacey-Rose and Ashton and go buy the last few things I need for my birth bag and get it packed seeing as I've only got just over 5 weeks at most.
I'm also going to do a ton of laundry today and some tidying if I can. There's little point me *****ing and complaining about the state of the house, nothing will change if I don't change it.
Tomorrow I am going to definately take a belly pic. I've now swung in the complete opposite direction having seen lots of recent belly pics of people who're the same stage as me and now I'm worried I'm too small!!!! LOL I can't win - I think this pregnancy started off with worry and is going to end with it.
Oh, I got my urology appointment through yesterday. Well, I presume it came yesterday, seems like when it's my post it just gets left on the mat and I don't even get told about it... Only saw it there because I was downstairs and taking the two younger kids out!
Can't believe that tomorrow I will be 35weeks and only have 5 weeks left to go! Seems like I was only 5weeks pregnant a couple of weeks ago! This pregnancy has just flown by so quickly. Wish it'd slow down a bit, as despite how much I moan on this journal, it's just my venting place really so I don't get moody with my family - I'm actually for the main part really enjoying being pregnant this time (apart from the pain!).
Oooo... I see my midwife again next week! Wonder what that appointment will show!
35 weeks pregnant today!!! Only 5 more weeks to go!!!
That means there's just 35 days until my due date!
At this point she's just getting fatter and fatter and putting on weight for when she enters the World!
I am feeling quite good today. Got a fair amount done - I gathered everything I need, except towels, for the birth and my birth bag. All I need now is a bag to put the stuff in!
Martin did some organising, clearing and cleaning today. Did a run down to the dump to get rid of the crap that was lying around... He also moved a peice of furniture he had dumped in the hallway downstairs up into the bedroom with the help of a friend and put a huge hole in the wall... But he's filled it now so that's OK.
I spent the evening cleaning the bannisters. Don't ask me why but it was suddenly important that I didn't have dirty kiddy finger prints all over the staircases and landings and hallway!
Everything is OK at the moment. It turns out Martin hadn't been giving me my heparin injections because I'd basically run out of heparin and he hadn't bothered to go to the hospital to get my prescription. He said he'd do it today but he was busy doing other, obviousely more important, things and so now I have to wait until Monday for my next injection... I must have gone about a week without already and my chest is really hurting me now. It just makes me paranoid that I'm getting more clots on my lungs although I know it's probably not really likely.
Libby seems to be OK...Moving around, although not as much today but maybe she's just tired or something. She seems to have dropped a little bit lower as well yesterday as I suddenly can't stand up without huge amounts of pressure down low - it really feels like she's going to fall out!!! I keep walking around holding my lower stomach although God only knows why as if she was about to fall out holding my stomach is hardly going to keep her in!!!! LOL
I've made a chore list to get through in preperation for her arrival. There are like 25 major things (listed below) that I want to get done BEFORE she comes.... And only 35 days at most in which to do them!
Anyway, my "to do" list!
Clean Bannisters (almost finished this!)
Vacuum all rooms thoroughly
Deep clean bathrooms
Deep clean kitchen
Tidy lounge including under chairs
Finish the girls room
Hang new curtains in girls room and lounge
Keep hall, landings and stairs clear
Get rid of Caddy
Sort the outside of the house out
Sort out a bed for Martin's Mum
Check birth pool and do trial run
Pack birth bag (almost done!)
Clean master bedroom
Keep on top of laundry
Clean all doors / walls / skirting boards
Put petrol in both cars
Stock the fridge, freezer and cupboards
Make and freeze Halloween Party cake
Re-arrange furniture ready for the pool
Sooooo...... Not a lot to do then! And I've got four weeks to do it before MIL gets here!
I had a God awful night last night. I just hurt so much right now. I actually had a good day yesterday. We had a BBQ in the evening and I gave the boys a bath and folded a load of laundry... The bannisters have been scrubbed, Martin cleaned under our bed although God only knows why! I'd have preferred he properly cleaned and tidied the living room personally.
I am currently debating where I will have the baby IF I have her at home. I don't think Martin quite gets how important it is that this house is SPOTLESS for the birth... And I mean, SPOTLESS. I don't know why but I'm so paranoid about mess this time around, I NEED it to be clean. The only two times I have been deathly ill after giving birth was when I gave birth in a messy house. He seems to think because it's "better" now than it was then that it's OK... But it's not! It's really not. I have deep issues and fears about giving birth this time and dying and I NEED the house virtually sterilised!!! In reality I know the state of the house had nothing to do with my previous bad health but that's irrelevant - it'll make me feel better if it's clean and tidy.
Anyway, I am currently debating upstairs in our bedroom for the birth, or downstairs in the living room. I have concerns about not getting downstairs when I'm in labour... But then I'm not sure if there will be enough room in the bedroom for a birth pool and all those people!!! But then if I'm upstairs in my room already I can just have a shower if I feel like it and get straight into bed. On the other hand if I'm upstairs and need am ambulance it'll be harder for them to get me downstairs. I just don't know what to do.
I would also love to have a rented birth pool... One that stays heated and filters itself etc... Then I could be having the benefit of the pain relief from next week or so. But it's a lot of money and the last one I had didn't work and I have a birth pool already that I've used for my last two births...
Oh, I bought a bag today and packed all the stuff I'll need for the birth in it! So that's one job done!
God I hope something eases up soon... Or she comes. I've never had an early baby and there are no signs she'll be early either but I do hope she comes before my EDD!!!
I'm knackered today... I got up earlier than I normally would these days after a relatively bad night of pain etc... Then I did some tidying in the lounge and threw a load of things away. I've sorted a load of clothes which are to go. We got one of those charity bags through the door so I'm going to shove them in there and send them off to them. It's a bit sad as there are loads of cute baby boy clothes there but I just want them gone and I don't want to have to wash them or iron them - I'm thinking the charity place probably washes everything they recieve??? I don't know...!
Next time I go down I will start moving furniture and cleaning under the chairs etc.
Other than all that, everything is OK. I see my midwife on Thursday, then next Monday I have physio, followed by an ultrasound and then an aneasthetics review on Tuesday and my Haematology appointment on the Thursday.... And then the following week I've got my Urology appointment regarding my kidney.
Feely very tired and achey generally... Lots of pressure down low, and lots of movement down low although I really can't even guess as to what way up she is anymore - my stomach is so hard I can't feel anything much really except the general shape of her body curled up.
I am really hoping that this time around my labour starts during the evening/night as it normally does... Otherwise if it happens on a weekday before the 25th October the kids will be in school and they really want to be there for her birth. I can't help thinking about the birth at the moment. Where I'm going to be, what I need to do or get in the run up, when it'll happen and who will be there and so on. I guess it's cos I have nothing else to do but lie in bed and think things over unless I am feeling well enough to get out of bed.
I am also contemplating what I will do if my scan shows she's breech next week. I'm not worried anymore, just can't decide whether it's worth trying to turn her or whether I'd just be best off figuring she's breech for a reason (maybe a short cord or something?) and if that's how she wants to be then that's how she can stay and going for a breech birth. I read something, somewhere recently that said something about breech vaginal births may actually benefit greatly from waterbirth as the water keeps baby warm and supports their weight and isn't such a shock to their system whilst their body is out and their head is still in.
In a bizarre way I actually think it'd be quite cool to have a breech birth. I've had five great birth experiences and babies just seem to pop out of me, so I really don't think it'd be a problem to get a breech baby out without anything untoward happening. I remember vaguely hoping with Raistlin that he'd stay breech so I could experience a breech birth. I know a lot of people think they're dangerous but there is definately a difference between a breech birth and a breech delivery. Normally if a baby is breech and comes out of it's own accord it's all fine (and I really believe most babies would be delivered fine if Drs kept their damn hands off), the complications tend to arise when Drs and midwives feel the need to get their hands in there and start delivering the baby rather than just letting it be born. More women should have faith in their bodies in my opinion.
Anyway, I guess that's a bridge I will cross if I come to it. I'm not really bothered what way up she is. I know from experience they can flip at anytime - like Raistlin who was breech when I went into labour and flipped at some point before he was born (I never noticed him flipping I have to say)... And Lacey who we thought might be breech a few days before her EDD and turned at some point between then and her birth! At this point I am mainly concerned by size - although even that I know is an estimate...
I have decided I'm not going to complain about pain anymore. I mean, what can I really say. Day in, day out my entries seem to be "was in pain today again". So from now on I'm not going to write about it unless it's really relevant to my day!
I only have a month left!!! 31 days until my EDD!!!
I see my midwife tomorrow. Am quite looking forward to it although not sure there's any real point other than to check my BP, urine and Libby's position etc.
I'm also finding that since I've been stuck in bed, unable to move much I have been more motivated to make friends and arrange to meet up with people. In the last two weeks I've made more friends locally than I have in the last two years! That's pretty sad actually, I really need to make more of an effort when this baby is born.
I'm really enjoying spending time with the kids these days. As I'm typing I've got JJ lying on the bed watching TV with me. I seem to be getting more one-on-one time with each of the kids whilst I'm stuck in bed as they come up and see me individually when they've got nothing else to do! (Oh don't I feel loved! LOL )
Oooo... I found out two of our friends are expecting again! One has two boys already, and the other has three boys and both are due in April! How cool!
35weeks and 5days - only 30 days to go!!! Woohoo!!!
I saw my midwife this morning... Everything is looking good. My BP was nice and low, no protein I don't think, although I had a + of sugar. Libby's heart rate was good and healthy and yet again we aren't sure exactly which way up she is. My midwife said if she had to say, she'd say breech though which is pretty much what I thought anyway.
Not that it matters. I've got a scan on Tuesday at Babybond which will give us a real answer either way.
We spoke a little bit about breech births etc. At this point in time we're going to wait and cross that bridge if it comes to it on Tuesday. My personal feelings are if it looks like I'm going to have another 10+lber who is breech then I am going to seriousely think about a version to turn her around and maybe an induction at that time... If she's a "normal" size and breech I'll just leave her to it - if she turns, she turns, if not then it's a home breech birth for me!
My midwife also said that if I can just hold off on labour for a week then I'm home free and can go ahead with my homebirth as I'll be almost 37 weeks!!! To be honest though I really don't think I'm about to drop a baby anytime in the next couple of weeks so I doubt it'll be an issue.
I was going to start clearing spaces for my birth pool in the bedroom and living room this weekend, but I'm going to hold off now until I've had my scan on Tuesday and we know what's what cos this little madam is not giving away anything as to where she is or what she's doing!
Today I am feeling OK. Very tired and lots of really painful contraction thingies - my stomach and back really REALLY hurt today. Lots of pressure down low too which is making me feel like I constantly need the toilet. Not fun.
Oh, and I have a real craving for chinese today... Although at this point I am beyond caring, I just want to get in the bath and try and get my stomach and back to stop hurting right now.
I am tired and annoyed today. My stomach and back are killing me still, heartburn I swear is going to finish me off and my hips and pelvis feel like they've crumbled. I barely slept last night, and then when I do eventually get to sleep Martin wakes me up to ask me some stupid question about school. The kids had to wear green to school today and pay 50p each for it towards charity. Apparently it wasn't obvious to Martin that this meant it was a non school uniform day today so he'd just got them dressed in their school uniforms but with a green shirt each. Urgh. Then just as he needed to be leaving he decided to wake me up and ask me if that was right (despite having had a discussion yesterday about not having to wear school uniform today) and then ask if I can watch Lacey.... So that's me awake again, after only a couple of hours of sleep.
Then he doesn't even bring me anything to eat or drink until I eventually ask him at 11am in the morning. Nothing unusual there as most days I don't seem to get anything to eat or drink until gone 3pm when I can ask the kids to ask him to bring me something...
Now don't get me wrong... I know he's got work to do today but he knows I'm up here and haven't had anything and one of my midwife's main concerns is that I don't stay hydrated properly so need to push fluids and I don't eat enough... So that's really annoyed me. It reminds me of when I had Ashton and was so sick in bed, dehydrated, starving, bleeding, unable to move, seeing things that weren't there, fitting and he didn't even notice or care. I had a serious infection I'm sure and he did nothing to help me. It took me over 4 months to recover from his birth and now I am stuck in bed again (although for different reasons) and my needs are being ignored again.
And on top of that he's not watching the two kids either. Lacey has been up the stairs more times than I can count - which is fine as she goes up them quite safely but she can't get back down them safely and often falls when she tries.
Other than that everything is OK. Just really tired... Wish Tuesday would hurry up and come around, am dying to see Libby again even if she will be all squashed up and not very viewable on the ultrasound!
I'm also kind of hoping my physio offers me a wheelchair again. I didn't take it last time and have really regretted it as I can't go anywhere or do anything and am really lonely as nobody speaks to me or anything whilst I'm stuck in bed. Well, the boys do but otherwise I'm left alone. If I want to go somewhere I have to hire a wheelchair which I can't generally afford... So hopefully Monday she'll lend me one from the hospital so I can go out places - assuming of course that Martin will push me, as he keeps going on about electric ones which I don't want.
I really wish whatever part of her that is under my ribs would move down a bit... I can barely breath at the moment thanks to this hard lump pushing up!