I have been so ill the last few days. Yesterday I really should have gone to hospital as I was very severely dehydrated but I just couldn't have got there. I've been vomitting and had severe diorrhea. Like so severe I was just leaking everywhere and then projectile vomitting on top of that. Couldn't keep anything down either, not even small sips of water.
We called the midwife who said there wasn't really anything she could do. Then late yesterday I was so bad that we called the Dr who asked me to go in but Martin pointed out I couldn't go anywhere at all so they wrote me a prescription for anti-sickness pills and something to help my jippy stomach although I couldn't really take either so it was a bit pointless really.
I haven't eaten anything in 48hours now and am barely able to drink even though the vomitting and stuff has stopped.
My chest is really bad today. I can barely breath and I keep getting these strange headaches. It's like a pain that radiates up from my chest, up my neck and into my head. It leaves me unable to breath properly, or see or hear properly and paralyses me but thankfully only lasts about 2-3 minutes each time. I'm getting a bit concerned about it now though as I'm sure it's not normal. It hurts like hell and just doesn't feel like anything I've ever had before.
Martin has been a blessing. He hadn't told me the phone had been cut off yesterday and he left for work at 5am. I realised how sick I was about 5:30am and tried to phone him only to find I couldn't. I started emailing people to try and get them to phone him for me and tell him to phone me and thankfully my Mum came through at just gone 7am, by which time I was well and truely panicking. Martin called me straight back once he heard I was trying to get hold of him though and the minute he heard how I was feeling he turned straight around (having driving for a couple of hours and almost being at his destination) and headed home and told his customer tough he wasn't coming. And he spent the whole day fussing over me, getting me drinks, trying to figure out a way to get me to hospital or a Dr and generally worrying about me and looking after me.
I have my midwife coming tomorrow. Hopefully I will have been able to eat something and hydrate myself by then but I seriously doubt it at this rate.
On a rather funny note one of the few fluids I could keep down for longer then 5-10minutes yesterday was slush puppy. Martin went out two or three times to get me one, but the first one I had came straight back up. Unfortunately cos I was projectile vomitting I had no warning I was going to be sick and as I raced to the bathroom I was sick everywhere and now the carpet has "lovely" blue stains all over it... Thank God we hadn't got around to replacing the carpet in our bedroom yet. All those weeks I spent complaining that Martin promised me it'd be done and hadn't bothered, I'm so thankful now cos I'd be really pissed off if we'd just had new carpets fitted and I'd then puked blue slush puppy all over them, staining them horrifically!!!
I'm feeling much better today. I actually managed to get up, get dressed and wanted to go out today as I was bored of being at home. So we went over to my Mums.
I also managed to eat one small bowl of cornflakes this morning (the first thing in three days!) and have managed to drink two small glasses of milk, a slush puppy and a cup of tea. I'm going to try and eat some spaghetti bolognese tonight as well.
My midwife didn't come to see me today. She called some infection control place at the hospital and they told her to stay away from me for 48hours. I'm a bit gutted to be honest although I completely and utterly understand why - I'd be really pissed if I'd just had a newborn baby and she went to someone as sick as I was and then came and started touching my baby. So I do understand. Just really wanted to be checked over by someone as I'm really worried something is wrong. My head and chest just don't feel right now and I keep getting this stabbing pain running down my spine, through my chest and up into my head and if it gets bad in my head I am virtually paralysed from the neck down. I'm sure it's just something like a trapped nerve but it hurts like hell and the paralysis scares me and today my SPD is horrendous - I've completely collapsed three times alone today and I've barely stood up!
The truth of the matter is I know something is really wrong. But nobody else seems to think so, so I'm thinking maybe it's my paranioa after what happened after Lacey was born that's making me think that somethings really wrong... I don't want to go to hospital (although my gut tells me I really probably should) and just be told it's nothing.
Anyway. The house is a tip again, so tomorrow the boys, Martin and I are tidying up and putting the birth pool in place so we can make sure everything (and everyone) will fit! And I need to tidy the girls room as well as it's only just over a week before Martin's mum comes to stay until after the birth and I want the room set up ready for her from this weekend.
I'm really hoping I go into labour this coming week. Really, really hoping. I have the 14th in my mind but maybe that's just wishful thinking! Especially as I'm normally more accurate earlier in my pregnancies and I told my midwife at the start of my pregnancy it would be the 24th. Sods law though says that because I'm thoroughly miserable now and in a lot of pain she'll be well overdue!!! LOL
Thankfully that's probably unlikely. My three natural births and labours (where I wasn't induced) happened at 40wks, 40+1wks (by 2 hours!), and 39+6wks....
I'm 38 weeks today. Due in 2 weeks - thats just 14 days.
Guess I should be excited but I've had a bad day so why bother. Strange thing is I woke up feeling really happy and good and then as per normal Martin had to rain on my parade. It's another lovely sunny day and yet again I am only going to see it through the window. Fan-****ing-tastic. I'm going to get him to take the wheelchair back - it's taking up space and he's never once taken me out in it since I got it.
Anyway, this morning I woke up feeling bright and airy and wanting to do something other than lie in bed. So I spent a short while slowly getting out of bed (I have to do it in stages otherwise my hips won't hold up) and during that time I hear him downstairs telling the kids I don't want to see them, blah, blah, blah. Which immediately set my hackles up as I've NEVER said that, especially not this morning. I asked him to take Lacey downstairs once because as per normal he wasn't watching her and she was playing on the stairs. IT'S ABOUT SAFETY ARSEHOLE - NOT CONVENIENCE.
Then when I get a bit mobile I grab some clean-ish clothes (he's barely bothering with the housework these days and we're all running out of clothes now) and head down to have a bath and wash my hair thinking that as it's such a lovely day we could all go for a walk or something and he could push me along in the wheelchair.
And then the constant *****ing starts. As per normal. So I shave my legs as it's obvious he's not going to fork out for me to have the pampering he promised me (waxing, manicure, pedicure and pregnancy massage - hah!), just like he'd rather see me in constant agony then pay for me to try reflexology or acupuncture (which he also promised to do).
He wants to go down the shop to buy milk, leaving me with all the kids. Fine I say but I can't run around after Lacey or get her off the stairs. And then he throws a complete tantrum over it, says a bunch of horrible things and at that point I've had enough. So I'm back in bed and I'm not getting out now until this baby comes. I don't see why I should be the one constantly making an effort whilst he puts everyone else and his own needs ahead of those of his own family.
So I'm not tidying, I'm not sorting anything out, I'm not listening to his stupid business ****, I'm not interested in helping friends out... I'm just going to stay here until this baby comes now and if the house isn't in a condition that I think is suitable to give birth in then I am going to hospital and he can stay and babysit the kids. Cos frankly I'm tired of giving everything I've got and more, making myself worse, and being supportive and getting NOTHING back from him.
Thanks to him I have never had such a lonely and miserable pregnancy. Ever. He's completely ruined everything and he gets NOTHING from me now. The only people I can talk to who actually listen and are supportive are my Mum and my online friends. So far as I'm concerned I've had enough, and if I didn't have other children he'd be out the door now.
I supported him for over 2 years whilst he bummed around and our family suffered because of it and yet he refused to do anything to make it better. And all I asked for was a few damn weeks and he can't even give me that.
Well he can GO TO HELL now. He gets nothing from me anymore. I'm not interested.
Oh and Libby, my ticker says that your lanugo is gone now and your lungs are fully functional. So please evacuate the building ASAP.
So after a major falling out, I went back downstairs eventually. We did go for a walk to the park and Martin pushed me in the wheelchair. It was going OK and I was quite enjoying myself until he met two people he knew from the school. The first one he made a couple of comments about my weight, and the second one he made some comment about it being unweildy and heavy. I was embarrassed enough that I was stuck in the chair at all but that was just icing on the cake really.
I'm still downstairs but am in a complete funk mood wise. I keep thinking maybe it's hormones and he's not really as unreasonable as he seems to be... But I don't think so at this point.
He has however spent the day moving furniture and tidying space for the birth pool but now he wants to put it all back to where it was. I'm saying no way as he'll just let it get as messy as it was and we won't have another full day of me being in labour for him to tidy it back up and get the birth pool set up and filled. He's also blown up the birth pool manually. He refused to go and get the compressor from my brothers house... I think once the kids are in bed he's going to get the hose out and sterilise everything but not sure - that might be a job for tomorrow.
My midwife sent me an email today asking about coming and seeing me on Monday at 3pm. I haven't replied yet because I'm not sure that's a great time for us as it's school run time.
You know it's so annoying. My posts are always so depressing these days. My moods are very low right now, I'm constantly angry or sad at things for no real reason I guess... I'm just so fed up with being sick now.
Oh, and an update on the spine thingie I had going on yesterday - haven't had it happen today so guessing either Libby was pressing against something she shouldn't have been, or whatever it was has resolved itself.
Last edited by Sarah-Jean; 10-11-2008 at 12:54 PM.
I've had a relatively good few days! Today was great. Martin had two jobs on, one down London and one locally, so I went to my Mums with the kids. It was really good, as per normal. I got food and drink and a good gossip and got to rest some. I like going over there as there's no pressure on me like there is at home and it's clean and tidy.
I'm very uncomfortable now. My hips and pelvis are shattered. I can barely move now and certainely not without extreme pain. Libby feels really low down although she also feels really high up too. So I'm convinced she's as big, if not bigger, than the ultrasound predicted. My stomach is really stretched and I don't feel her move much anymore - there's just nowhere for her to go at all.
I saw my midwife the other day. All is good. Blood pressure was lower than ever, urine only had a little protein and no sugar, only minor concern was that her heartbeat was a lot slower than normal. She's normally around 140-160 beats per minute and the other day she was registering as 110-120bpm instead. But my midwife wasn't concerned, so I'm not either. She still hiccups a fair amount and if I prod her she shifts a little bit - just no major movements really.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow too. Activity Land (hopefully, if Martin can get some money out the bank!) tomorrow with the two littlies. Then I might be having my hair cut with Lacey-Rose (again depending on money). The older three boys are going to my Mums and the rest of us are going with Martin as he has another job on about 2 hours drive away... I quite enjoy the ride in the car, and also it means I can help to drive if he gets tired.
I am not so stressed out anymore. Feel a strange sense of calmness now. I don't care if she doesn't come soon, I've got my head around the fact I'm as ready as I'll ever be (although I would still like to buy more towels and try out my birth pool!) and now I'm just kind of enjoying the last few days that are left despite the discomfort and pain.
Martin's Mum is coming on Monday morning to stay until just after she's born. I think that'll take a lot of the pressure off too as she can help with the kids whilst he does his admin if I am stuck in bed, which I normally am these days. She's very formal, which I find slightly uncomfortable, but she does do anything you ask her too without questioning it and seeing as this is our last baby I thought it'd be nice to include her.
According to my ticker this baby is all ready to come into the world now - so if she could just get a wriggle on....!!!
Yesterday was a good day. I went to my Urology appointment in the morning and they said that my right kidney is extremely enlarged and filled with far more fluid than it should be. BUT he also said it's quite common in pregnancy for problems to occur with the right kidney, so I've just got to take my antibiotics and he'll have me back in 3 months time for further tests etc to see if the problem is still there or if it is just pregnancy related!
Then I went over to my Mums cos Martin had another job down in London to do, which was fun and relaxing... I was kinda sad to go home. Although my brother had the four boys overnight so it was just us and Lacey-Rose for the night and she slept through no problems!
Today has been a complete nightmare in comparison. Picked the boys up from my brother and they are in a horrendous mood. Lacey-Rose is grouchy. And they've all generally been playing up ALL day long. I've got a killer headache and just wanted to stay in bed but apparently that wasn't allowed.
Martin has, to be fair, spent all day tidying and cleaning. He also pumped up my birth pool again using the compressor. Turns out the bloody thing has a leak somewhere, so tonight is spent trying to locate it and repair it. I don't know what I will do if we can't find it. I don't know if I can face giving birth at home without a birth pool. My bedroom is completely unsuitable for giving birth in and my bath is far too small... I don't really have time to go and buy another pool and I can't afford to hire one until Thursday which could be too late as I'll be 39+5wks by then...
Anyway. Some photo's from today!
Me today, looking very fed up with messy hair! 39 weeks! Woohoo
I am officially panicking now. We can't find the leak in my birth pool anywhere... It goes down so rapidly I can't use it as it is. I don't know what to do. Martin says he's going to buy a electric pump and just keep topping it up but I really won't want the bother and the noise when I'm in labour and giving birth. I don't think I can do a homebirth without a birth pool - I hate giving birth on dry land and there's nowhere in this house I can give birth really except the living room and I'll feel uncomfortable lying on the floor in the living room with everyone staring at my lady bits!
If I can't get the birth pool sorted I'm going to have to go to hospital I just know it.
Everything is on hold right now as a result. The house isn't being tidied, I haven't repacked my emergency bag, the room isn't set up and ready for Martin's Mum who's coming tomorrow, Martin isn't getting any paperwork done... I can't focus on anything except getting the birth pool sorted out.
And again, the boys are being a complete nightmare today. Which really isn't helping.
In good news, since a night or two ago I have been sleeping properly again. It's bliss! I don't know what's suddenly changed, just feel really tired and am finally able to sleep again. Maybe it's my bodies way of forcing me to rest before the birth - I don't know.
My current guess for babies arrival is Friday! That's 5 days away and I haven't got a birth pool, the house isn't clean, the kids are being little horrors, and I need to buy towels!!!! LOL
Tristan and Martin also guess Friday. I haven't asked the others yet what they think!
I also can't remember whether Rach said she was coming to the birth this time or not... I think she said she was, but I can't actually remember.
Tomorrow or Tuesday I want to go shopping and buy some stuff for the kids to keep them entertained for when I'm in labour. Raistlin is dying for some Pixar Car cartons of drink, so I'll get some of those. And maybe some special snacks I know they particularly like and little cars to play with and a DVD or two. I know they want Flushed Away on DVD so might see if I can afford it for them. I've got loads of crayons and colouring sticks of various types too.
Oh yeah, and I want to buy towels! At least four I think... I don't trust that there will be clean ones available when I go into labour so going to buy more and put them aside somewhere.
I was going to spend the week baking too, so I need to borrow a baking book from my Mum and maybe see if she's got some cake and flan tins I can borrow too...
I suppose I better go get dressed and wash my hair. I might also see if Rachell knows how to do manicures and get her to come over sometime during the week and do my nails if I buy all the stuff... Or maybe my Mum knows how to do that stuff - she always used to wear make-up and have nice nails. Just can't remember if she did them herself or got it done by someone else.
I am determined to rest and relax this week... If it kills me!!!! LOL
I am so upset right now... Trying very hard not to cry. I just walked into the girls room to find my manky cat sleeping in Libby's bed and another cat sleeping in Lacey's. My manky cat has something wrong with her - I'm taking her to the vet tomorrow to find out what's wrong but basically her fur is all falling out and she's really thin and horrible looking right now. And the other cat is really fluffy and leaves hair everywhere.
I spent £150 on the bedding for the girls beds and it's never been used and now it's covered in horrible cat fur... And I don't even know what to think about using the stuff for Libby now as I don't know what's wrong with the cat who was sleeping in there.
I ALWAYS keep that door closed for this EXACT reason. I didn't want the cats to be the first creatures to sleep in my little girls beds. DH knows this and obviousely didn't care and left the door open.
So now on top of everything else I now have to worry about washing and sanitising their bedding and putting it all back together again. I'd just got the room sorted and ready for MIL who's coming tomorrow and will be staying in there for the duration and now I have to do this.
Oh, and having spent all yesterday, last night and today stressed out over my birth pool it appears it doesn't have a leak after all. He just hadn't done the valve up properly. So now it's almost 2pm and I've got until tomorrow morning to get this house ship shape and do everything because I spent the whole weekend trying to "fix" my birth pool instead of getting ready for the birth itself and getting the house sorted.
I could cry right now. I really could. I just want a break from work, from pain, from stress... And it doesn't matter what I do, I never seem to get one.
I am feeling much happier today. We finally figured out WHY my birth pool was rapidly deflating - Martin hadn't been doing the valve up properly. LOL So at least once we figured it out it was all fine. Just a shame we spent 2 whole days stressing over it really.
The house is in a pretty good order. The kitchen needs some work, but other than that everything is fine. I got Martin to wash the girls bedding after the upset of finding cats in there yesterday and it's all put back together again. Not sure why it mattered so much as neither will be sleeping in their cots for a few weeks at least - but at the time it was a big deal!
I had a float around in my birth pool last night. It was lovely! Can't wait to be using it properly when labour starts - although the idea of being nekkid in front of everyone is a bit daunting, but I know I won't care once the time comes!
Martin's Mum should be here any minute now. I was made to get up this morning again. I wasn't very impressed as I really didn't sleep well again last night and am shattered now. Plus my stomach really hurts today and I can't move much.
I have a midwife appointment tomorrow. Not sure it's really worth it as nothing is happening, but I guess it's nice to know everythings OK.
My jobs for today include printing off and delivering a load of invitations to our Halloween party. I already made the girls beds back up and did some laundry. So it's all good!
I'm quite enjoying these last few days really. It's not very long to go and I'm not in any hurry at all, so long as I don't have to be induced I don't mind how much longer she cooks really.
I'm trying to get another appointment to have my hair done for Wednesday or Thursday, in the hope she'll come whilst it's nice! LOL Thursday I'm planning on taking the kids to our weekly Activity Land outing (pics from last week below!). And at some point I need to go buy towels and treats for the kids! LOL
Anyway, some pics of Lacey and Ashton!
Ashton's favourite thing to do!
And Lacey loves the treadmills!
Tristan and Jaeven a few weeks ago at Pizza Hut!
I can't find a good photo of Raistlin that's recent... So I'll just have to find something to do with him so I can take some cute photo's!
OK, so my BP is up slightly, I'm spilling protein and sugar (so what's new), and I ended up in hospital thanks to Libby not moving much and having a very slow heartbeat... But it was still great! LOL
She said to me today, that IF I wanted too, she would do a stretch and sweep on Friday if the baby hasn't arrived by then! Normal protocol in the UK is that midwives do not do that until a week past dates but she said she really thought I warranted an early one due to the severe pain I'm suffering from my SPD, the Heparin situation and the fact that if I don't have this baby by the 28th I'm facing a hospital induction.
She's also emailing me over a load of natural induction techniques to try between now and then.
I am vehemently against stretch and sweeps. I know they pose risks in themselves and are a form of induction but I really don't feel like I'm going to go into labour soon and I'm more scared and concerned about a hospital induction then a sweep...
Of course, now I am panicking. I can't be having ANOTHER baby so soon. Can't it hang on a few more months?! I'm not sure I'm ready!!!
My midwife is pretty sure that if it doesn't happen by itself, I will be having a baby by Saturday. She doesn't feel I'll need a second sweep, but then you never know. Current plan is to do one every two days until labour starts. I've got until Tuesday basically to get this baby out before I start having to fight the hospital.
Oh, and my hospital trip today was fine. There was a mild panic in that her heartbeat kept going under 110bpm and didn't go over 122bpm despite trying various methods to wake her up. The hospital midwives were so concerned they called the senior on call Dr to come and see me and I called my midwife as I could see this was going to end in them insisting on inducing me today and wanted backup if I had to fight. And at that point, the little Madam woke up a bit and started moving a little bit... We got about 20minutes of good readings so at that point I said screw the Dr I wanted to go home especially when the hospital midwives said everything was OK and she was either just being a lazy, sleepy baby or she was getting prepared for the birth...
I can NOT wait until Friday now! LOL And am going to spend the rest of the week until then enjoying myself... Tomorrow I am going to get DH to take me shopping, Thursday I am taking the two littlies to Activity Land with a Mothers group I see weekly and also having my hair styled and Friday I am going to spend resting and relaxing!
I'm having an alright day today. To be honest, I haven't had much time to rest or relax this week. It's been just as stressful as ever really.
I didn't go shopping today. Martin announced he had work he needed to do today so all my plans (which he'd known about for quite awhile) went straight out the window as per normal. I insisted on going to my Mums though... No way was I going to stay in and be shouted or stressed at because he didn't bother to do the work he needed to do before now.
So that was fun. His mum has gone out for the evening. She left at just gone midday and won't be back until late evening. She's going to some parents evening thingie for her partners child and then they're going out for dinner or something.
She's being quite helpful if I'm honest. She does anything we ask her too... But Martin has reverted to spoilt teenager mode and all he does is whinge and whine. It's driving me insane. And far from being able to relax he seems to expect me to entertain instead. I'm really pissed off with him but there's no point going into it. I just shouldn't have expected anything much from him, then I wouldn't have been constantly disappointed throughout my pregnancy.
I feel quite strange today. My stomach feels "off". I don't know how else to describe it really. Kind of achey and strange but not like contraction/braxton hicks achey... I also have a constant headache but I put that down to the constant stress I've been subjected too recently. I keep almost being sick too, which is annoying and burning my throat really badly.
I did get him to walk me down to the school in the wheelchair today. It's the first time I've ever seen the kids new classrooms - although I didn't really get to see them as he parked my wheelchair miles away from people and left me to take them in. To be honest, he made such a meal of the whole thing I don't think I'll ask again, even though both the boys and I enjoyed it. They were dead excited when I said I was going to do the school run with them! It was sweet. At least someone gets excited.
Tomorrow I am SUPPOSED to be taking Lacey and Ashton to our weekly Activity Land session, then doing the shopping I was unable to do today. Then Martin wants to go to the kids Parent/Teacher evening (I hate them and think they're pointless personally) and in the evening I have a hair appointment I insisted he book for me. Although I'll be really surprised if he bothers with anything except the parent evening (he likes them)...
My midwife emailed me over a load of natural induction techniques but to be honest I knew them all already and don't want to/can't try most of them. I really don't fancy and seriousely doubt my hips or pelvis could withstand sex (and Martin won't stop hassling me about it - it's driving me insane) which is the only one that's really likely to work. I can't eat pineapple - my heartburn is already driving me mad. I can't walk, so that's most of the others out... I'm just going to have to hope the stretch and sweep works if it doesn't happen by itself soon!
I'm really feeling positive about the sweep anyway. I know they often don't work unless you're ready anyway, but I really feel like it will work for me. It doesn't seem to take much to kickstart my labours. The two times I was induced I only needed one dose of prostoglandin gel and was away, and my three natural labours we DTD and went into labour a few hours later... Plus I kind of feel like Friday or Saturday is my day anyway. At least I'm really hoping so as Friday is the last day of school before half term and my midwife is coming at 1:30pm to do the sweep, so the boys probably won't need to be pulled out during school hours as they finish at 3pm anyway and it's bound to take hours or even a day or two to work...
Either that or if she decides to come by herself before then, I'm hoping labour starts during the night so I don't send them in that day at all!!! I really don't think I'll want to have the added hassle of calling the school and explaining, then sending someone (probably Martin's Mum) to go and collect them etc etc etc... It'd just be easier if labour started whilst they're at home already!
Anyway, I'm rambling now, plus I need the toilet. My stomach feels like it's about to explode (again!)...