Oh. My. God. Baby #6 is on the way!!!

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Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335
Oh. My. God. Baby #6 is on the way!!!

4weeks and 1day!

OK, so this is just a vague introduction post. I have numerous others that have been written privately some of which I'll copy over here!

For those that don't know me but want to follow my journal, my name is Sarah-Jean and I'm 25 years old. I have been married to Martin (aged 31) since September 2000 and we have five beautiful children together who are;
Tristan born on the 18th April 2001 weighing 8lbs 2oz. (Induced hospital birth)
Jaeven born on the 24th March 2002 weighing 7lbs. (Induced hospital birth)
Raistlin born on the 4th February 2004 weighing 7lbs 6oz (Natural hospital birth)
Ashton born 26th December 2005 weighing 7lbs 9oz. (Home water birth)
Lacey-Rose born 17th August 2007 weighing 10lbs 2oz. (Home water birth)

I have a number of health problems and past pregnancy history which means I am considered very high risk. These include;
Pre-Eclampsia in several pregnancies
Multiple miscarriages / blighted ovum pregnancies
Severe SPD which leaves me unable to walk when it's bad
Unexplained and uncontrollable pregnancy induced migraines
Unstable lies
B Strep
Silent/fast labours and births
Possible Gestational diabetes (have always refused testing for it)
Multiple PEs (blood clots in my lungs)

And to add to all that I was on Warfarin until yesterday when I was switched to Clexane (I think that's spelt properly!). As I believe, Warfarin can cause deformities, complications and even death in the unborn although I'm not sure what exactly.

I spent yesterday down the hospital to sort out my medications and am just waiting for an appointment with a heamatologist (spelling?!) to discuss exactly what we're going to do treatment wise, as it was a bit of a panic to just get me stopped on the Warfarin and changed over to heparin quickly so there isn't actually a plan yet of what's going to happen!

Pregnancy wise I am doing OK... Feel really sick right now but it's manageable. I also feel quite crampy and bloated but that's not unusual for me in early pregnancy. I'm pretty tired as well and my patience is wearing thin. For some reason I'm really emotional this pregnancy, I can't stop crying over silly things - I don't remember being that way in previous pregnancies but I'm sure I must have been. My boobs are massive and sore as well and my skin is awful although my hair looks great!!!

My first guess for gender is Boy this time. I've just got a feeling this is another boy and I'm quite happy with that! DH thinks it's a girl this time, as does Tristan and JJ thinks it boy/girl twins! Biggrin

I am vaguely hoping for a home water birth again so my kids can be there... But I'm pretty sure with the blood clots and heparin I won't be allowed and to be honest I'm more weary this time then ever before as I'm aware my health is bad and I'm in real danger of something going wrong with either me or baby.

If the Warfarin has damaged the baby I don't know what I'll do. My gut says I'll carry on regardless and take whatever comes my way. I mean you're only faced with what you can handle right?! But DH is a bit more cagey about it and just says he'll cross that fence when we get there... Which doesn't help me a lot as I need a plan of action in place!

I can't really think of anything else. We aren't telling many people in real life yet as we want to wait for the NT scan... When we tell people we're expecting baby #6 we don't want to then have to go back and say there's a problem - we'd rather tell people we're expecting and there's a problem at the same time.

Anyway, I'll go and post some of my old posts and then carry on with my journal as per normal!!!

Oh, and this baby is due on the 24th October!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

So here's the posts I've made since finding out on Valentines day!!!

Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:30 am Post subject: Oh. My. God.

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I think I might have just got a faint BFP this morning.....

I had given up all hope of getting a BFP, and then this morning there was definately a faint line on the test which hasn't happened before this cycle. I'm thinking I might hold my pee and try again a bit later and see what happens then........

To be honest, I'm a bit shocked, I'd given up on this cycle and figured I had to wait until 2011!!!!

Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 7:25 am Post subject:

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Well.... Three tests yesterday, two so far today before 6am and I think I have my answer as to why I've been feeling so sick....

Yahoo

Am calling the Drs first thing this morning and getting an emergency appointment... He's going to kill me, but I don't care! LOL

What a great Valentines day present though... I mean, I dreamed this would happen (as in proper nighttime dream) but I didn't really believe it would so I am in shock at the moment....

So far feeling extremely sick... That's about it really, the sickness dulls everything else down!!! LOL

Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 7:56 pm Post subject:

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[Quote]
Well, it's now 7pm and I left for my 1st Drs appointment at 10:30am! I got in and seen and the Dr was very caring and kind. He spoke to me at great length to figure out my risks and health history and then phoned through to the hospital and spoke to them. I was then sent straight in to see a gynae about it and spent the rest of the day there (they wanted me to stay until tomorrow afternoon but wasn't in the mood!).

I am now off warfarin and on heparin (can't remember which one exactly, began with a C!) and will be sent for various tests etc to check for deformities and other problems later on in the pregnancy. It's also possible I have a UTI which they're testing for. I have also been told I can take folic acid, which is great as wasn't allowed it whilst on Warfarin!

I have to go back to hospital tomorrow to pick up my heparin injections (the pharmacy had closed by the time they sent off for it!). Then on Monday I have to go and collect my papers and green notes from my Drs surgery and book in for a midwife (if I don't go private like I did last time) appointment. I also have to see my heamatology (spelling?!) consultant to discuss the real risks and what happens next with my treatment.

I will probably have to have a viability scan around 6-8weeks, plus another scan at around 10-12 weeks and a proper NT scan. Depending on what they show will depend on further testing for deformities and complications such as downs syndrome and spina bifida (I think that's what they said!).

Erm... I think that's all..... It was a very busy and confusing day! LOL

Oh, and DH is ecstatic! I told him yesterday just before we went out for dinner... And he's really excited and happy!!!

On another note we're already thinking names.... I told DH if we had another girl he can call her whatever he likes. So far his suggestions have been Sienna (which I think is nice), Jennifer (*shudders*) and Sarah-Jayne (like me but different - not on his life!)....

Boys names so far the favourite is Brenton (nn Brent) but there are various others... Ruben, Lucien, Quentin, Devon, Roman, Lincoln, Rhydian.... Brent is the favourite so far!

Everything is slipping into place. We're making OK money from work with the aura photography, and also got home from a better then expected Drs and Hospital trip to find that DH had some more work in for next Wednesday. So he's out on site on Monday and Wednesday and we're doing Aura Photography on Thursday.... Things are finally falling into place for us!!!!

DHs current guess is we're having a girl. I say we're having a boy and neither of us cares either way!!!! I am planning on telling the kids tomorrow not that JJ will be surprised as he's been insisting for at least the last two weeks that I have a baby in my tummy. That boy has some serious psychic powers going on! Mind you, he also said we'd end up a family of ten... I hope he's wrong - can't imagine 8 children!!!! LOL

And even more spookily I had some strange 8 year old approach me in the hospital, he was alone and asked me if I knew where the shop was, so I pointed him in the right direction at which point he asked us if we could walk him there. Well, I was kinda miffed that his parents would just let him wonder around a large and busy hospital by himself so said yes... And as we were walking there he asked me if I was pregnant!!! I'm not showing and don't act it, so how the heck do all these boys KNOW I'm pregnant??!!! Mind you he also asked me if my baby was sick....

Anyway, because of my trauma today (needle phobic) and celebrating and stuff we're getting a chinese take-away for dinner so I'm going to go and enjoy my meal!!!! [/QUOTE]

Oh, and just because I forgot before I have a game going at expectnet.com under the name of hosierbaby6 if anyone wants to add a guess!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

4weeks and 2days!

I have made myself a promise that I will enjoy this pregnancy... And so far I really am! I'm not stressing over gender or health stuff, not upset or worried about my symptoms or lack of them, not stressed about miscarriage... I figure what's the point in worrying? I've worried in all my other pregnancies and it's tiring and depressing and does no good anyway so for now I'm going to just enjoy myself.

Only mild annoyance so far is that they told me I'd only need one injection a day and when Martin went and collected my prescription yesterday apparently I need two injections of Clexane a day now instead. The've only shown us how to do it in my stomach and so far I've had two injections and now both sides of my stomach are horribly bruised. I don't know how this can continue as otherwise they'll never be able to examine me or feel my stomach because it'll be too sore and bruised to touch!

I'm going to ask them to show Martin how to do it in my arms and legs when I see someone next!

I've already started shopping for maternity clothes! LOL Well, Martin insisted actually. He said if this is my last pregnancy, he wants it to be a yummy mummy style pregnancy with all the trimmings! So far he's bought me a pair of nice maternity jeans, a nice purple wrap around maternity top and a pair of yoga pants.

We're split at the moment about finding out the gender, the boys and Martin want to know ASAP but I'm really not sure I do. I've always found out - first couple of times it was for the novelty factor because our local hospital wouldn't tell you at the time, and then it became a gender issues - were we finally having a girl after all these boys type of thing. And there isn't really an issue with that now - I don't care whether this baby is a boy or a girl, I love him/her either way and I've never been able to look after the birth and see what we've got. I don't know though - I'm also really impatient!!! LOL

Symptoms wise, not a lot is going on right now. I feel sick quite a bit, am fairly tired but can't sleep and have been having really vivid but meaningless dreams the past week. Feel very emotional too over silly little things... But other then that I am pretty much OK!

Martin is working away all day tomorrow so I'm going to have to walk with the kids down to the Drs surgery to pick up my papers (whatever they are!) and make an appointment with the midwife and recheck that they're going to check my INR on Wednesday... Apparently they told Martin that I would be called to see a heamatologist (yep, still don't know if that's spelt properly or not!) very soon but I don't know whether they'll phone me or write to me or what, so I suppose I could ask about that tomorrow too! I can also pick up my folic acid prescription too.

Anyway, I better go and get my first injection of the day over and done with... Two days in and I'm already running out of unbruised spaces to inject!!! LOL Fun, fun, fun!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

4weeks and 3days!

I have gone mad with spending the last couple of days. I'm a bit worried as I'm not even 5 weeks pregnant yet and could miscarry at any time, and even if I don't my baby could have serious problems because of the Warfarin, but I can't seem to help it. It's like if I buy things and believe this pregnancy will work out all OK then it will - which I know is stupid but it's how I prefer to think right now!

So far, I have bought a pair of Vertbaudet maternity jeans, a pair of yoga pants, a maternity top from E-vie, a fictional book on motherhood and erm.... A dark wood four-poster cot. :oops:

Why the hell I bought a cot I will never know!!!! I've already got a lovely white four-poster cot for Lacey-Rose that doesn't get used, and we've got Ashton's which he's just about to move out of and now I've bought this dark wood four-poster cot too..... Lol ...... Was fun though! Lol

I'm hoping to go and collect it tomorrow if all goes well! I've got to drive to Cambridge to get it though and probably go alone because I'll neat the seats in the car down.

I went to the Drs again today to pick up my maternity papers and notes and get a midwives appointment. Apparently she's not going to see me until the end of March. :roll: Sorry, but high risk pregnancy here... Need a bit more care then the end of bloody March. Martin is furious that despite the fact my life could be compromised the NHS can't get off their arses and see me for over a month and is phoning the midwife we used last time tonight to see if she will take me on despite my health... I'm thinking if they keep me on the Clexane then I will have a hospital birth because I'm scared of bleeding out... If they take me off the blood thinners then I may consider a home water birth again. Really I need to speak to the heamatologist (still haven't checked the spelling on that!) and find out what they intend to do but have no idea when I'll get an appointment through for that either.

I guess I'm just mildly disappointed. I was surprised by how swiftly they moved to get me off the warfarin and now I'm on the Clexane they don't seem to care anymore.

My little Lacey-Rose turned 6 months yesterday.... I can't get my head around the fact she's already going to be a big sister....

Pregnancy wise I am OK. Tired as spent the last 6 hours in the care travelling to London (traffic was appalling), doing some thermal surveys and then travelling back.... Blah!

Best be off... I am being hassled by Raistlin to bake some Thomas the Tank Engine cup cakes with him!!! LOL

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

4weeks and 5days!

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase
- Unknown

I am upset today. Went for my regular INR appointment with the Warfarin nurse. For one she didn't know I was pregnant - I mean, she's one door down from the Dr I saw and it's on the computer system! Then she went on to tell me that she knew it woulc/could cause problems with the baby but she didn't know what or whether that would still apply because we found out so early and got off Warfarin so quickly.
She then asked me if I would consider a termination if the Dr thought my health was at too much risk. And then made a comment about how either me or DH should get tied or snipped.

Basically she didn't know anything about the situation or what to do with me and took my blood although only after I insisted the hospital had told me I must have my INR levels checked

So apparently she was going to speak to a Dr and phone me at lunchtime. Well lunchtime has been and gone and no phone call so far.

I was more upset and more incoherant earlier but I've calmed down now. There is no way I will EVER consider a termination again. My last one left me so mentally scarred I can't go through that again no matter what the risk or reason. It still makes me cry even to this day and I still feel anger, guilt and hurt over what I did. I swear that it is the cause of a lot of my depression issues.

I am now of the belief that nature chooses it's own course... And if my baby is sick and not meant to be here, then nature will deal with it. I'm not willing to interfere by having my baby broken up and sucked from my body. I just can't even think about it, it's too awful.

I love my baby, even now, even though he/she is soo small and seems like nothing to a lot of people. He/she is everything to me, and I can't stand to think of doing anything other then loving him/her for what he/she is - no matter whether my baby is sick or deformed or whatever the hell Warfarin does to babies (still don't know exactly!).

I would willingly die for anyone of my children and that includes the one growing inside of me now.

Anyway, onto nicer things. I am trying to figure out the bedroom configuration for when this baby arrives. If it's another girl it's easy. Four boys in the biggest room, two girls in the next room size down, then we get Lacey-Rose's current bedroom back as an office for Martin. If it's another boy then it's more complicated. Lacey-Rose will stay in her room, then we'll have to split three boys into the biggest room and two into the room next to it... But which three boys. My current thoughts are to have Tristan and JJ in the smaller room and the three younger boys in the bigger room. Tristan and JJ aren't too happy about the thought of that but I don't think they're seeing the benefits - their beds, desks, computers, games, broadband, TV, DVDs etc all in their own room away from the smaller kids who break their things.

I dunno....

I'll figure it out once I know what we're having. Lol

Appointment wise I have got in touch with my wonderful midwife from last time. I'm not happy with the way my treatment is already going with the NHS and I don't believe they have my best interests at heart. Martin has basically insisted on calling Valerie and seeing if she will take me on. I'm not sure she will because I know her major scary thing is blood clots and I did have a rather serious case of it!!! Biggrin I hope we can afford it though and she will take me on because I love her to bits as a midwife, and I love having my appointments at home and knowing she supports my decisions and gives me proper advice about my health not the NHS standard jargon. Plus I can still go to hospital and give birth there and she might be able to arrange a temporary contract (think she has done this in the past) so she can care for me there too. And if not she will at least be there to offer me advice and help me fend of the midwives on the ward. I don't know. She just makes me feel safer, like I'm getting some proper healthcare. And if this is going to be my last baby (and seriousely, I think my body has had enough now) I want to enjoy it without being stressed out by arguing with the blinkin' NHS all the time.

I'm also booking in for a private scan. I really need/want to have a very indepth NT scan (can only get this privately) at around 13weeks to tell me if there are any signs of problems with the baby because of the warfarin... And the NHS has only offered me a scan at just before 13weeks and I really need to know my dates a long time before then! So I am booking in for a private one for around 8 weeks and hopefully picking up the stuff I need for blood tests etc for the NT scan at the same time.

I am surprised with the way my life is going. It's like this baby is a blessing in our lives. Ever since I got pregnant everything has got better. Normally it works the other way around - once I get pregnant disaster after disaster happens. All of a sudden we have money coming in, Martin has tons of work on, I feel healthier, the kids seem to be doing well and everyone seems happier in our family. It's been a long time since any of us were really very happy.

Martin is worried after my appointment today. I keep telling him that this baby is a little blessing. He/she was meant to be and whatever will happen will happen. It's too late to worry about it now. I mean, seriousely, if he didn't want this baby (and he did so that's not an issue) he should have been more careful! Why does Birth Control always have to come down to me?! If I want a baby and he doesn't, he should take more care to ensure it doesn't happen!

Lol Ok, well maybe not... But still! It's not ALL my fault?! I didn't know I would ovulate earlier then I ever have before! It's never happened in the past....

Meh, whatever!

I can't wait to meet this little guy/girl! I am still feeling pretty much OK. A bit sick on and off and very tired but otherwise OK!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

4weeks and 6days!

I am happy, happy, happy today!!!! And a little bit sick... :puke: But still happy!

Martin just got what could potentially be quite a big job in and even better it's ongoing work. The company (a major rail company I think) emailed him for info today, he phoned them and they basically said come have a look around and then give us a quote!!! How cool! That's approx. four jobs that came in, in the last 2 weeks or so, his business has never been so busy before. I'm so glad he ditched his last business and set this one up instead.

He also spoke to the midwife I used last time for me last night and she is more then happy to take me on again!!! Woohoo! Yahoo And today we are booking a private scan for when I'm about 8weeks pregnant... Everything is coming good right now!

Oh, the nurse did call me back yesterday. At 6:30pm. :roll: So much for lunchtime. She basically just said the Dr had written me a prescription for Clexane which I could pick up today and that he was going to write to the gynae department to try and jiggle them along with my care. Can't see it happening though, not quickly at any rate.

I have got a phone number for my heamatology department and am quite inclined to get Martin to phone them up and try and get me an appointment with them himself, as nobody seems to know if, or when, or how they're going to contact me.

Supposed to be working tonight but really don't feel well. I really don't want to go but Martin is really riding my back these days with doing stuff and changing my mind at the last minute so I doubt he'll let me out of it. Sad Ah well!

I have my first appointment with my midwife next Tuesday at 4:30pm. Can't wait - it'll be so great to see her again!!! Now we've just got to hope the money keeps coming in so we can afford to pay for all this stuff. We've got to really, as it's clear the NHS has no intention of treating me appropriately so my only option to have a healthy pregnancy is to go private for as much as we can afford.

Can't believe I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow. And straight into my "danger zone" for miscarraige. I'm going to try not to stress over the next two weeks, but 5 and 6 weeks is normally when it happens, so I guess there's no escaping it now!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 5weeks pregnant today. Our little pumpkin is due in 35weeks!

According to my pregnancy ticker, you are now an embryo and your heart will begin beating this week. I can't believe how quickly you are developing already and how fast the time is flying. It won't be long before you're here and we're all cooing over how gorgeous you are and what a little miracle you are to us.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just trying to take a nice belly picture. I didn't enjoy my other pregnancies enough and took virtually no momento's of the event except my journals which I only wrote for DS3, DS4, DD1 and this baby... Only problem is I can't show my stomach. 1/. It's covered in stretch marks and looks like jelly! And 2/. It's horribly, horribly bruised right now and I think the bruises are making me look bigger then I am as my stomach is swollen. I just took a couple of photo's but they aren't good so going to get dressed and take some more and will post them here once I'm done!

I can't remember if I said the other day or not but I am going with my indie midwife again. I just can't be bothered with the constant backwards and forwards of the NHS it's too stressful and so far as I can see this pregnancy is going to be pretty stressful already because of my health and the fact we probably won't know for sure if baby is 100% OK until it's born if what I read is right. I am also booked in for scans on the 19th March, 10th April and my big NT scan on the 23rd April. Hopefully we'll also be able to find out the gender of baby on the 23rd April too! I won't get my hopes up too high though, I mean we found out last time with Lacey-Rose but I know a lot of people who couldn't tell at that stage. I will be in the late 13+weeks though so it should be more visible then it was with Lacey-Rose - so fingers crossed.

We have been talking names too. So far our favourites are Lily-May/Lily-Mae/Lily-Marie for a girl and Brenton Thomas/Brenton Peter for a boy. We'll probably change our minds a thousand times though until we find out the gender! LOL

I am still annoyed at my GPs surgery. Considering I went in last week and told them I was pregnant and they put it on their computer system. I then had to explain the same thing over to the Nurse I saw (who's literally right next door to the Dr I saw!) on Wednesday and then yesterday again I got a call from another Dr there saying he'd got my INR results and they were very strange as for some unknown reason it'd gone down to 1. And I said yes, that's because I stopped taking the Warfarin a week ago and he asked me why!!!! I mean FOR GODS SAKE!!!! It's on the screen in front of your face - can't they read????!!!!!! So I explained all that had happened this past week, and he was much the same as the others there and had no clue what will happen next or when or why or anything. Basically they all know Jack-Sh!t apparently. :roll:

I'm not letting it bother me though. I'm just going to leave them to muddle along themselves. I have arranged my own scans and my own midwife and care and they can catch up whenever they figure it out. I can't be bothered with it anymore.

Healthwise I am OK. Felt really rough yesterday but feel a bit better today. Mainly I am suffering from fatigue. I am constantly tired, but unable to sleep so am also suffering insomnia too! A little bit of morning sickness but nothing I can't handle yet. And very, very bloated but I think that's partially to do with my injections and how bruised my stomach is. Oh and the only real bummer is that my hips and pelvis are playing up really badly the last few days. It can't possibly be SPD already, surely? I mean it never fully went away but for them to get this bad, this early on?? At any rate whatevers causing it, it's not pleasant. Everytime I move I hear my bones scraping together or cracking in and out of place and today I swear my hip and leg bone twisted out of place... I suddenly couldn't walk very well and the pain was awful and it's only just now beginning to feel like my bones are connected the way they should be.

Little man/lady, you are going to be one big challenge from the get-go aren't you!!! Smile I don't mind though, it's only a few short months for a lifetime of gain, so I'll be OK!

I am going to go and get dressed and take a belly pic... Be right back!


Me today, yeah I'm tired and I look it! LOL In my lovely new E-vie maternity top!


And a scary close-up! God I look huge!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

5weeks and 1day!

I think reality is setting in now. I am suddenly feeling very nervous and scared of what could go wrong. So many factors, so little chance. If it's not the baby, it's me and I've suddenly become very paranoid about every ache and pain and strange feeling.

I am also getting pretty fed up with Martin. It's a weekend, he's pretty much ignored us and spent the last few weeks doing nothing but shouting at us and telling us to go away or shut up and I've kind of had enough now. It's the weekend, step away from the flipping computer. :roll:

It's like he's being really pig-headed about transportation as well. We can NOT fit 6 car seats into our current car. Besides, it's not even running or road legal right now. No MOT, no Insurance, nothing. We've spent the whole of the last week with the kids going insane because we can't go anywhere because we have no car and now he's insisting we keep the stupid van and just put a bench seat in the middle of it which he knows from experience the car seats slide off of despite the seatbelts and which don't go forward so the kids can climb in and out. And worse then that's he's spent the whole of the morning mocking whatever suggestion I make like I'm ****ing stupid.

And now, just to illustrate my point, Lacey-Rose was crying and wanted attention so he's picked her up, put her in her car seat, propped a flipping bottle in her mouth (despite knowing how much it pisses me off) and is ignoring her again. WTF.

Not impressed at all. His parenting skills are seriousely lacking and I'm beginning to wonder why I ever had even one child with him, let alone 6. :confused:

I mean, I know I'm on the computer a lot but I make time for the kids. Even now I've just broken up a fight between Raistlin and Ashton and now am playing cars with Ashton at the same time as typing this. And once I've finished doing this I'm going to go and make cakes with the two older boys and help them do their homework seeing as I asked Martin to help me with it and he's just not bothered. He never reads with them or helps them do their homework, or plays with them or talks to them. It's ridiculous.

Anyway, pregnancy wise I feel like crap. I spent the whole night dreaming that I was miscarrying or my baby was deformed or I died. Yesterday I'm pretty sure my leg had mildly dislocated from the joint as I was in a lot of pain and could barely walk and my leg and foot were at an odd angle until it clunked back into place, I feel sick and tired and now I'm irritable too.

It'd be OK if I wasn't married to a poor excuse for a father who'd get off his arse and spend some time with the children he insisted he wanted rather then surfing Ebay and spending money he doesn't actually have. :roll:

Yeah. I'm pissy today.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

5weeks and 2days!

So, I'm feeling less grumpy today. I think Martin has gone to help fix my brothers car and then my brother is babysitting the boys whilst we go for a walk around the city centre with Lacey-Rose. My midwife has an antenatal exhibition up there today which I wanted to go too.

I am feeling OK today. Tired as normal but it's manageable. Martin is working tomorrow and I've got to do all the childcare by myself for the first time in ages, including three school runs. Oh well, I'll manage it I'm sure! Smile

Pregnancy wise I am doing OK. Still very worried, and I seem to be getting more and more worried as I go along. There's 24 days until my first ultrasound when we should hopefully see the baby is alive and growing well... But we've got to wait until the end of April for my NT scan which seems such a long way away right now.

On a baby front I can already feel the pressure on me to have another girl. To be honest I truly don't mind what we have, this is the first pregnancy that I've had where there are very real concerns for both my own and my baby's health. Gender isn't even on my list of things to think about, I just want a healthy baby and yet everyone in real life and online is starting in on the comments about how it must surely be a girl this time. I'm beginning to get a bit offended - it's almost like they're saying another boy wouldn't be as special as if I had a girl. I am getting to the point where I am thinking of just not telling people unless they're very close to me what we're having so I don't have to then listen to all the "oh, another boy. I'm so sorry" or "Great a girl, are you going to stop now then?!".... Why is it upto other people to tell me if my family is either finished or not good enough because my kids aren't the right gender?!

For the record, I have bigger things to worry about then whether my baby has a bloody penis or not!!!!! LOL

Anyway, I suppose I'd better go and get ready to go out.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

5weeks and 3days!

OK, so today hasn't been too bad. Martin is working so I am doing all three of the school runs myself today which is a bit of a shock to the system! I got them all there on time this morning although it was disaster after disaster doing it!!! LOL Firstly I forgot Raisti's book bag, and then on the way to school he had an accident. His spare clothes and indoor shoes are all in his book bag so that was a bit of an annoyance. Got Tristan and JJ to their classes in plenty of time and then went to drop Raisti off who threw a huge tantrum saying he didn't want to go to school and he hates school (not true he loves it there!) and he feels sick and he wants to go home etc etc. I explain that he's had an accident and I've forgotten his book bag with his indoor shoes and his spare clothes so we sort him out with some other clothing and then I go to leave by which time he's shouting and screaming. I told the teacher I was just going to go as that may be easier and she agreed, so I left and he came chasing out after me, it took two teachers to physically drag him kicking and screaming back in.

In a way I really wish I'd just taken him home, but they did reassure me that they'd call me if he didn't settle down and they haven't called yet.

I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow. I am so excited as I love seeing my midwife! She's just so lovely and was a complete godsend to me in my last pregnancy. I am also dying to ask her where else I can inject myself. My stomach is now so bruised and sore I couldn't bring myself to let Martin give me my morning injection. It took me until 11pm last night to pluck up the courage to let him give me my afternoon injection as well. It can't go on like this cos I can see myself just refusing the have them anymore at this rate. Plus my stomach looks awful, completely covered in bruising and now I seem to be developing painful hard lumps under the skin. Sad

Little Pumpkin, you'll never know how hard this is for me, and yet I'm happy to do it for you.

Sigh... I've been home just over an hour and now I have to get ready to go back out to the school to do the lunchtime run (Raisti finished school at 11:15am every day, Tristan and JJ finish at 3pm).... I'm already knackered from the first run as the walk back is all uphill.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

No idea how far gone I am anymore. We disagree!!! So I'm not going to do anymore counting down until I know when I'm due from my ultrasound!

Anyway, I had to go and pick up the four poster cot I bought straight after my midwife left so I'm a bit late writing today.

My appointment went really well. She doesn't agree with my dates, she thinks I'm due on the 27th which makes me 5+1 today instead of 5+4. I can't really see how I am due on the 27th because if nothing else it'd mean I got an exceptionally early BFP at just gone 3weeks pregnant...

I dunno, I'm confused. Fertility friend says I am due on the 24th according to my Ovulation date but everywhere else says I'm due on the 27th according to my LMP. I think I'm just going to give up thinking about dates etc and wait for my scan for the moment! LOL

Homebirth wise she said it's really too early to tell. She was pretty disgusted that nobody has dealt with my treatment or told me what to expect and so she was writing off to my consultant Ob and Heamatologist today and going to badger them into seeing me ASAP hopefully. She also wants to come along to all my appointments with me, so she can discuss things fully and we can come up with a plan. She did say the Drs and consultants would say no way to a homebirth but it was upto me if I really wanted too but basically we agreed to just wait and see how it goes.

She explained to my DH how to do the injections into my thigh and possibly my arms too (although you have to be able to pinch an inch and my arms are pretty thin).

She did say this was a very complicated pregnancy but she'd had complicated ones and it didn't bother her. We're fairly sure looking at my notes from last pregnancy that I might have had gestational diabetes but I refused the testing as I didn't want to risk having to inject insulin so she said this time she won't report it yet but I have to go on a very strict "no sugar" diet to try and combat it because Lacey-Rose was 10lbs 2oz and this baby will be bigger if we don't tackle the problem effectively.

Erm... Can't remember what else was said or done. Basically the plan for the moment is to stay extra vigilant for signs of more PEs, diabetes, SPD (she agreed with my plan to get Reflexology, Acupuncture and visit a chiropractor) and Pre-Eclampsia etc etc... She's writing off to everyone who should have dealt with me but hasn't and will be coming to my appointments with me and I'm going to see her again this time next month! By which time we'll have hopefully seen all the consultants etc that we were supposed to have seen by now, I'll have had a scan to check viability and dates and then we can take it from there!

That was pretty much it really!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 6weeks pregnant today!!! Our little Pumpkin is due in 34weeks!!!

(Or I'm 5weeks and 4days according to my midwife, but I think my date is better and more accurate!)

This week, little Pumpkin, you are the size of a grain of rice and your arms and legs are beginning to develop! I can't believe how big you are already!

~~~~~~~~~~

So I have decided to stick with my original EDD. The one my midwife came up with is based on LMP, but I KNOW I Od earlier then normal so I'm pretty sure my date is more accurate then hers is. And I've only got a couple more weeks before I find out really...

I am surprised that I've had no problems with this pregnancy so far. No bleeding, no really horrible symptoms... The only nasty thing is I keep dreaming I'm either miscarrying, or baby has died, or baby is horribly deformed and everyone is hassling me to kill him.

Last night was the exception really. Last night I had a really lovely dream, that I went for a scan at around 12/13 weeks and they told me I was expecting a little boy and I was really happy and just admiring the scan and then when it was over I went shopping for bedroom stuff!

I was quite brave the other night, I let Martin give me my injections into my leg, and the same again last night. I was really worried (scared!) about having the injections there but to be honest they aren't that bad. They do sting more and leave my leg feeling a bit funny, but after 5-10minutes it's OK and it doesn't seem to have bruised so far!

I have become a bit obssessed with gender the last week. Mainly because everyone keeps going on about it. Apparently everyone feels like I'm having another girl, except me! I really feel that this is another boy and I'm really fine with that, but now I want to know! LOL I am going to buy one of those Intelligender tests. I know they're fake and it's a waste of money but I'm probably never going to get to do this kind of thing again and you never know, it might be right! LOL At any rate, it's a laugh! I'm going to do it around 10 weeks I think as according to the blurb that's when it's most accurate! Plus I hopefully won't have long to wait afterwards anyway for a real answer as I'm hoping they'll be able to tell gender at my NT scan at 13+ weeks like last time!

Anyway, I am going to take another belly pic, but I'll probably wait to post it up until tomorrow!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

6weeks and 2days / 5weeks and 6days...

So it's Mothers Day today. I got some nice cards the boys had handmade... I also got a shop bought card but nobody had bothered to write Lacey-Rose's name in it. The first Mothers Day that she is around and he forgets to write my only daughters name in the card. Sad

Anyway. There's not really much to say on the subject. It's less then I expected but so what else is new.

I got my appointment through to see a haematologist. I had to cancel my ultrasound though as it was on the same day. So my haematology appointment is on the 19th and my ultrasound is now on the 22nd.

I think my midwife is coming with me to the haematology appointment, which is a good thing as I tend to get very iffy around Drs and so don't take in everything that's said, at least she's used to it and will listen better then I will. I'm really hoping they say that I can come off the injections and just take daily aspirin or something. I hate the injections so much, I don't know how I'm going to manage the rest of my pregnancy with two painful injections a day. Sad

Anyway, nothing really to say. Yesterday I was extremely tired and felt a bit sick so spent most of the day in bed. Tristan's little girlfriend came around and had dinner with us then Martin set up the projector so they could watch Transformers cinema style against the wall, that was pretty cool. I finally have to concede and say he can buy a projector when he gets the money in.

I'm going to go now. Contemplating going back to bed as this day is so.... Blah. Maybe if I just sleep through it I'll feel better tomorrow and won't say anything stupid or start an arguement over it.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

Oh great... And now I'm spotting.

:cry:

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

6weeks and 5days / 6weeks and 2days!

So the spotting stopped the same day it started. I was feeling pretty confident about this pregnancy (maybe a tad over confident even) until Mothers Day and now I have very little hope left at all. I thought I could get through it and fight my way through fit, but I just can't. I can't carry on with the twice daily painful injections that leave my body bruised with what I can only presume is scar tissue under the skin. I can't carry on hoping that the baby will be alright when statistically I'm either likely to miscarry or baby is likely to die or be deformed or damaged in some way. I'm finding also that my health has suddenly started to feel pretty bad - I can barely drag myself out of bed since that day. My legs (particularly my calf muscles) feel like they're constantly on the verge of a really nasty cramp, my chest hurts when I breath in, I feel tired, my apetite is gone completely, I'm only able to bring myself to drink full fat milk at the moment nothing else...

I'm not down or depressed or anything. I just feel like what's the point in hoping everything will be OK, because the odds are really stacked against me and the likelyhood is it won't be OK.

I told the three older boys that I will probably have to have the baby in hospital and they probably won't be allowed to come with us. They were very upset and JJ actually cried. Which made me feel even worse cos I don't want to go to hospital either, let alone when I know it upsets the kids. Sad

I told them they could come and see me straight after the baby is born but that didn't make them feel any better. I might see if I can arrange something to let them be there, but knowing what the hospital is like they'll say anything to get me in there and then change their minds once they've got me trapped. They've done it before, I have no doubt they'll do it again.

I can't really seem to get into this pregnancy at all now. I can't imagine a healthy, live baby coming out of it. I just don't see it anymore. Either that or I don't see me coming out of it very well...

I'll probably feel better once I've had a scan that shows a live baby. I'm sure I will, it just seems so far away. Sad

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 7 weeks pregnant today!!! Our little Pumpkin is due in 33weeks!!!

(Or I'm 6weeks and 4days according to my LMP)

This week little Pumpkin you have elbows and knees, hands and feet!!! Growing so quickly and the time just seems to be flying past now... Can't believe it's only 33weeks until you're here. Doesn't seem like long enough to get everything ready for you!

~~~~~~~~~~

On a completely different note, I am going to ask Martin to take me to hospital when he gets home from work as my chest is really strange. It hurts when I breath in, and I am very, very breathless... I can't even walk up the stairs. I had to walk the kids to school today and I still don't feel 100% right and it's nearly time to pick them up. I'm not sure if it's anything to worry about, I'm probably just being paranoid but this has been going on for several days and it just seems to be getting worse now, especially the breathlessness.

Doubt they'll do anything, probably just tell me I'm having a panic attack and send me home like last time. :roll: Funny how I'd never had a panic attack in my life, didn't have anything to be anxious about and my nurse panicked when she saw the state of me staggering about. And was then so unimpressed by their diagnosis that she wrote a letter of complaint about it and sent me back again a few days later with the same problems.

Yeah, got to love the hospital really.

We're supposed to have a friend coming over tonight to celebrate his birthday but I think Martin is going to have to cancel it...

Ho-hum... I've got to go shortly and pick the kids up - really not looking forward to that at all...

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

7weeks and 1day / 6weeks and 5days.

So I just this minute got back from the hospital. What a complete waste of my bloody time and I won't be going again until I'm close to death again.

My DH called my backup midwife (my midwife is on holiday) on his drive home as he was going to be awhile, she turned up on the doorstep 10minutes later, took one look at me and told me to call someone to take the kids, we are going to hospital. So I called my Mum who got my stepdad to come out and collect them and she drove me there. A&E was packed full, NO WHERE to even sit, it was so busy people were standing and queing up outside. Anyway, I found a seat eventually and waited to be triaged and was called in about 15-20minutes after I arrived.

I described what was going on and how the pain and breathless problems were getting worse, and the Registrar picked up the phone and said "you're going nowhere". Made a call to someone and told me to head straight to the SAU (surgical assessment unit) to be admitted. So we walked over there and they sent me over to a bed. This must have been around 5:20pm.

They came and saw me quite quickly, took my blood and obs and basically it was a case of waiting for blood test results after that. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

At 11pm we were still sat there waiting and they wouldn't tell me whether I was staying in or not.

Add into the mix that I hadn't had anything to eat that day, no breakfast, lunch or dinner and had barely had anything to drink. My DH, midwife and I all asked them at least 5 times if I could at least have a drink if not some food too....

I was still waiting for a drink at 8am this morning. Seriousely, they didn't even bring me any water. :eek:

And they left me in a bed on the assessment part of the unit (not the overnight) so the lights were blazing brightly all night and people were constantly coming in and out of the unit around me all night so I got NO sleep either.

So now I'm feeling sick from not eating in 24hours, and not having had anything fluids for gone 15hours and I'm now suffering really horrible stomach cramps too.

Anyway, the blood tests came back showing that it was unlikely to be a PE. They didn't even bother to try and diagnose why I can't breath, why I'm having chest pain, why I can't do anything without feeling very faint from lack of oxygen. Just said it was unlikely to be a PE and I could go home.

What a waste of my time. I am now WORSE off then I was before I went in. The breathlessness is worse, the chest pain is worse, I'm now dehydrated, feel sick and suffering terrible stomach cramps on top of all that CAUSED by my stay in hospital.

I'm not going back. I've made my decision. They've never helped me with this, even when I almost died my care was seriousely lacking. So I've made the decision not to go back unless I really believe it's life-threatening - it's just not worth the stress, time and effort. If I can manage at home with the pain then that's where I'm going to stay.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

7weeks and 2days / 6weeks and 6days!

I am not feeling much better today... My stomach is really cramping a lot. I've got my backup midwife coming over tomorrow to take a urine sample and blood samples to test for UTIs and aneamia as apparently both of those could possibly cause the breathing difficulties. Apparently she is also going to complain to the hospital about my treatment.

That's the one thing I love about my midwife and her backup - they really care about their clients and will stick up for them where it's needed.

In the meantime I have decided I am not going back to hospital unless it's an emergency. I am going to go ahead with a homebirth unless there's a medical emergency which dictates I need to be in hospital or our lives are in danger. I've spoken briefly to the backup midwife and she was telling me she had a patient with a history of PE who was also on injectable blood thinners and they had planned a home water birth for her. The plan for her was two midwives would be present, with all the drugs they need to stop her bleeding out and an ambulance would be on stand-by incase she needed to transfer to hospital. There was no messing about if it went well she could have a homebirth, the second there seemed to be a problem she'd transfer. I think the woman concerned ended up needing an emergency csection but the plan in principle sounds good and that's what I'm going to do if my midwife will agree. I don't ever want to go back to hospital if I'm not on the verge of death!!! LOL (Well maybe not THAT severe but I'm not going in again just to be poked, prodded, kept awake, starved, dehydrated and then sent home with no diagnosis or treatment.)

Also that suits my family better. Martin hates me being in hospital cos he can't spend time with me then and it's difficult to get babysitting, the kids hate me being away from the house - strangely especially JJ who cries at night if I'm not there and who desperately wants to see the baby being born again. So my kids and husband want me to stay home. I hate, hate, hate that hospital and would rather give birth in the car park during a snow storm with no protection from the elements (it'd be more hygienic and probably safer then going through the hospital front doors - and I'd get more to eat and drink! LOL)...

So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm having a homebirth again. It's what I really want and I'm not changing my mind unless it's really dangerous for me to be at home.

There's only about 10 days until my haematology appointment too... Can't wait. Not sure why... I guess I'm just excited to think they may come up with a plan, and I've got a secret hope that they might allow me to come off the Clexane and just take aspirin or something instead.

Then the day after Good Friday I have my first scan... I'm nervous about that rather then excited. I can't decide whether I should take the kids or ask someone to have them either as if it's bad news and baby is dead I don't really want them to see that. But if it's good news and baby is alive then they'll be sad they missed it. The hospital doesn't really allow you to take that many people in, in one go... So not sure what to do....

I've also decided I'm not going to terminate if there is any issues with this baby. I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't give the baby whatever chance it had at survival, even for a few minutes and I especially couldn't live with myself if I did end my babies life and it turned out they were wrong and there wasn't a problem after all. I have also decided if the blood tests or scans show any problems I will be going for further testing like an Amnio cos I'd like to know in advance what to expect really. I know people don't really agree with me on this. My Mum thinks it's insane to keep a baby who is badly damaged or sick and my DH refuses to even discuss it so I've made the decision myself and that's the end of it really.

Anyway, I am dying to get to my NT scan now... I wanna see if we can see what the baby is again this time!!! LOL Plus it'll be good to know what the risk of problems are and how he/she is doing. I'm contemplating asking the ultrasound tech at my 12week NHS scan if they know anything about the nub theory and if they will give me a shot. But I'll wait and see what the tech is like before I ask because there are a couple of really horrid old bats at our hospital, and only one or two nice techs... I'm hoping for the bloke they have as he also works for a Babybond doing their NT scans and private scans, and he seemed quite happy and talkative when it came to the ultrasounds and I'm pretty sure he would take a look if we asked.

Ho-hum, all wait and see stuff really.

Anyway, better go.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 7weeks and 5days / 7weeks and 2days!

So I got an early appointment with my Ob the other day too... I have to go see her on the 29th April. Normally they don't see you until around 20weeks and then again around 40weeks but she's seeing me earlier for some reason.

My midwife should be getting home from holiday tomorrow I think. I hate to think of the amount of work she'll have thanks to me. Sad I also got a call from my GPs surgery yesterday asking me to go in for a full blood count. We asked what for and they said apparently they have to do it every now and then cos of the Clexane. That's the first I've heard of it!!! They never did it before...

I am getting a bit nervous now about what my midwife will say about my homebirth plans. I'm not against going to hospital, I just really don't want to go if I really don't have too. I don't, at this point, see that there's any real reason for me to go to hospital so I'm not planning on it. If I have a really difficult pregnancy then maybe later on I'll revise but for now I don't want to be in that filthy hell hole ever again.

I am finding this pregnancy quite lonely and stressful at the moment. Especially here on pg.org. I always found this website to be a haven for me but at the moment I'm finding the boards I used to be on that I've gone back too are basically ignoring me, or not responding, the new birth board whilst the ladies are lovely just doesn't have the closeness of the August 07 board but I don't feel able to talk there either because it seems like everyday I read a comment about how insane the newly pregnant ladies are or how they couldn't stand to be pregnant as they want to devote time to their babies etc etc... Cos obviousely my Lacey-Rose is going to be totally neglicted now I'm pregnant. I mean I shut her away in the understairs cupboard for the last three days cos she's no longer interesting to me, right?! :roll: Stupid comments! Biggrin

Anyway, I am doing OK at the moment. My chest and back both really hurt when I breath still. I am just waiting on the results to see if I've got a UTI. It's not poor iron levels as they are perfectly within range so that's not the problem. I should have the results by tomorrow so hopefully that will show up a UTI and then I just take antibiotics to get rid, the pain goes away and the breathing goes back to normal. I am so fed up with not being able to breath properly. The pain doesn't bother me so much - I can't remember the last time I wasn't in pain, I live with pain daily but I need to be able to breath!!!! LOL

Baby name wise we've not got a clue! I'm not using the name Lily anymore... Or maybe not unless it's changed slightly maybe spelling wise. As someone I know and am not particularly keen on recently used that name and I know I'll be told I'm copying and can't be bothered with the pettiness. Boys names I just can't think of anything I like much other then Rhydian. I really, REALLY love that name but DH will NOT agree to it. Brenton is OK but I just don't think I'm very keen on it. I don't love it like I love the name Rhydian. Sad Martin can't see past the bloke from Xfactor though now, even though I liked that name since Raistlin.

I don't feel prepared at all for this baby. I've still got ages to go but normally by now I've decided on room layouts, things I need to buy, names, birth plans etc etc and this time I am so completely stuck as I can't decide ANYTHING until I have more information of one type or another.

Also people keep asking me what I think this baby is going to be. Girl or boy. And then keep giving me their opinions on what I'm having, which I don't really mind but the way they all say girl makes it sound like either they're trying to give me hope or boys aren't good enough. I really don't think this is a girl. I really think this is a boy and when I say that they all give me this look as if to say "awww she's saying that in the hope she won't be disappointed when she finds out it's true"... If I wasn't such a blabber mouth when it comes to my news I'd tell people we couldn't see for sure at the ultrasounds just do I don't get the sympathy vote when we find out it's another boy. "Oh, I'm SOOOOOooo sorry".... Like it's a bad thing!

I've also been thinking about what happens if I end up with a Csection. I'm already beginning to think about baby #7 and I really don't want to go there. I think whilst I am able too I will just keep popping babies out until either I die or my body gives up on me so I've been thinking if I have a Csection I might ask them to tie my tubes whilst they're in there... I guess that may be the only way I'll definately stop having children so I'd better do it if I get the opportunity.

Anyway. I'm rambling and I think miss. Lacey-Rose wants her bottle!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

7weeks and 6days / 7weeks and 3days!

I feel terrible today. I barely got 4-5 hours of sleep last night after being upsete by a bunch of cruel and ignorant posts a group of ladies made about me despite the fact they don't know me at all... All they heard was my age and the # of children I have and made all sorts of horrible assumptions, which were really upsetting to read and I now feel kind of ashamed of myself. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm wrong to have so many kids, so young. Maybe I don't do as great a job of parenting as I always thought I did. Maybe I don't provide for them properly.

I normally take nasty comments with a pinch of salt, but these ones really upset me and now I don't even want to leave my house anymore incase this is the general way people think about me when they see me. And yet if I'm so awful why are they in the same breath they're insulting me and judging me, asking me for my advice?

I don't get it. I have always been proud of who I am and my family and what I've achieved and now I just feel like I was being stupid and the world thinks I'm an idiot, a slapper, a scrounger and a bad parent.

Anyway, I think the stress of it has got to me because after a virtually sleepless night, my stomach is cramping really badly and I feel terribly sick and headachey. My chest hurts and I can't breath properly. Martin is out at work again today in Liverpool which is great but all I want to do is crawl into bed right now and go to sleep. Sad

8 weeks tomorrow. How time flies.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 8 weeks and 2days pregnant!!! Little Pumpkin is due in 31weeks and 5days!

This week, my ticker tells me you weigh one gram and are developing cartiladge and bone! How exciting is that?!

~~~~~~~~~~

I can't quite believe I made it to 8 weeks with few problems! A couple of trips to hospital and one scare, a little bot of spotting but other then that it's been OK!!! That's pretty much a first for me!

Got tons going on this week... I have to see my haematologist on Wednesday, which I'm not sure if I'm excited or scared about. And then in 6days I have a private ultrasound where we will see you for the first time - how exciting is that?!!!

We've decided on a girls name for you too... We're going to call you Liberty if you're a girl, or Libby for short. We still haven't decided on a name for if you're another boy... It's much harder thinking of names for boys because we've already used so many. I still like Rhydian but for the moment that is still a no-go. I'm working on it though!!! Wink I always get my own way eventually! LOL

We're just trying to arrange our holidays this year, it's turning out to be difficult cos normally we go for our holiday abroad in October, but obviousely we can't do that this year, so it's a case of finding another time when it's not so expensive for us to go abroad. We already have a holiday in the UK booked, and are just sorting out a holiday to France but we'd like to go further afield as well... Maybe Cyprus or America if we can afford it - Martin doesn't want to go back to Spain this year for some reason.

Anyway, we're off to see my Dad today. He doesn't know I'm pregnant again yet as I was too scared to tell him as he made it clear that he thought we should stop with Lacey-Rose for my healths benefit... I'm not sure if I'll tell him today or wait until I've had the scan and email it over to him and tell him that way...

I'd better go and get ready.

UPDATE:

So I just got back from my Dads... It was a very fun day, until it came out I am pregnant again. The look on his face read murder! LOL He just kept saying how he was in the room with me when the consultant told me to never have anymore children again and how dangerous it would be for me. I hope I explained it well enough that I'm actually probably better off then most pregnant ladies are as I'm on the doseage they would give someone if they had a blood clot already. There's not a lot else they could do and it's unlikely I will develop any blood clots now I'm on the clexane as it's a high dose. It was OK though, by the time we left he was asking me to keep him updated on the scan and send him over a picture etc etc... I think he's OK, probably just worried about my health. Smile It was fun though and I didn't expect anyone to be pleased for us as such. Infact, rather surprisingly the most enthusiastic person so far has been Martin's Mum who thinks it's great that we're having another and reckons we're not likely to stop here..... Smile

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

8weeks and 4days!

I'm loosing hope for a homebirth now... I've been reading tons recently and everything I've read says it's not going to happen. Infact I think I'll be very lucky if I don't end up being induced. The problem seems to be that I am on quite a high dose of Clexane, and it's treatment rather then prevention if that makes sense. I need to be off the blood thinners from what I've read hours before I give birth too, which is going to be a problem as I rarely realise I'm in real labour until it's far too late... I don't think they normally induce you just because you're on blood thinners here in the UK, but I can see they might argue for it because of my history of fast labours and births. Apparently I will also need a managed 3rd stage. Sad

I've been looking around at other hospitals I could potentially go to instead of MK General but there's nothing close enough and it'd be so difficult as I'd have to change consultants and go through all sorts of hoops. I'm just so upset. I don't want to end up in MK hospital again, it's filthy dirty, understaffed, noisey, unwelcoming, constantly busy and you're lucky if they bring you food and water or even remember you're there.

I've looked at it from all sorts of angles. Private hospitals (too far to travel in labour and too expensive if they induce), other local hospital (not that much better and too far to travel in labour), insisting on staying home (but possibly making it difficult for my midwife and making her uncomfortable), to having an "opps" birth alone at home and only call someone when I'm pushing (but then risk my life with the possibility that I bleed out)... There's nothing. No alternative that I can see but to accept poor care and go to my local hospital. Sad

I'm dreading tomorrow. Apparently I should have had monitoring and all sorts so far, but I've had nothing and nobody has told me I'm supposed too. I have no idea what to expect, or what might happen, or why I'm even going. I have no idea what to ask, even though I feel like I've got a ton of questions. I don't even know when I'll be seen - as the letter said my appointment was at 11am but I'm basically just supposed to turn up and wait because they have other "more important" patients to see then me.

Oh, and my midwife apparently called them and asked them about me and the haematologist said she didn't know who I was!!!!!!

This pregnancy is going to turn into a heavily medicalized nightmare... I can feel it. I was kidding myself that it would go normally.

Oh well, whatever it takes I suppose.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

8weeks and 6days!

I can't believe I'm going to be 9weeks by my calculations tomorrow... It always surprises me when I get this far into a pregnancy no matter how hopeful and upbeat I try to be.

I had my appointment with the consultant haematologist yesterday. It went alright all things considered! My midwife met us there and we had a long wait in the waiting room... I think we got there about 10:45am as my appointment was supposed to be at 11am, and we finally got out the hospital to pick the kids up at 2:30pm.

I had a thrombophilia screen done. Although she said it's fairly academic as it's obvious there's something wrong with me that caused all the blood clots to just suddenly appear on my lungs. They're mainly doing it so they know whether Rachell and Phil (my sister and brother) need to be tested or not and whether my kids will need to be tested when they're older.

She put my daily dose of Clexane up as well. Sad *sniffle* It's gone from 60mg twice a day, to 80mg twice a day and boy does the extra sting a LOT! The injections take longer too... Not pleasant. She also told Martin to start injecting me in the morning and evening rather then just doing both in the evening and he's also to start focussing the injections mainly on my arms and legs as once I get bigger he won't be able to do them in my stomach.

She basically said I'd be on the Clexane for the whole of my pregnancy and nothing was to stop me from having my injections even if I had an allergic reaction to them.

Oh, and I got some super sexy (?!) stockings that I have to wear my entire pregnancy even during the summer. The only time I don't have to wear them is in bed at night. I'm also not allowed to stand up for longer then 2 hours at a time without putting my feet up and sitting down.... So no more exhibitions for me. I think this might also mean the haunted weekends and ghost hunts are out too but I might just carry on doing them anyway and just try to take it easy.

She's referring me to the Dr I saw when I was first admitted to the hospital with the PEs because I'm still having chest pain and breathing problems. I'm dreading that as he's not particularly friendly and he was the person who told me not to have anymore children and to consider sterilisation. Sad I can imagine what he's going to say to me.

Other then that all is OK and I have to see her again in 6weeks time. I'm hoping but not holding my breath, that they may have some of the results back from the screening test by then although she did say they take about 8weeks.

I've got my scan in a couple of days time... Am getting nervous about it now!

And then my next big appointment is with the Consultant Ob, which my midwife is coming to with me as well. That's not until the end of April though thankfully.

I've got to up my iron intake as well apparently. My blood work doesn't match. My iron levels are actually showing as quite high for a pregnant woman, but my iron stores are showing as too low. They can't figure out why but they want me to up the iron take as the chances are it is too low rather then too high especially considering the toll my body has recently taken.

Other then that, everything is OK!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 9 weeks pregnant today! My little Pumpkin is due in 31weeks! (They changed my EDD today!)

This week you're swimming and moving around which I shouldn't know, but I do cos I saw you, you little wriggle bum!

~~~~~~~~~~

OK, so I had my scan today. The results were ultimately good but I think this is possible the only time (including all my miscarriages) where I have come away from my scan and cried my eyes out. It was just such a horrible experience. I have always been a firm advocate for Babybond, but after today I will never go there again and never recommend them to anyone. It was just such an awful experience, one that cost me £95. I feel upset, insulted and ripped off rather then excited and relieved that everything is OK.

Martin and I were so upset by the experience of it that I spent the whole journey home trying not to cry, Martin spent the whole time ranting and raving and I am now at home stuffing my face full of sugar (not allowed it cos of the risk of gestational diabetes) and having a glass of wine to try and calm down.

Firstly we couldn't find the new place. We went to the wrong place first before they directed us to where it might be. Then when we found it, it didn't have any signs up to say it was Babybond or where to go to get in. Turned out the entrance was down some quite grotty small alley, and the door wasn't even one you could open to go in, you had to ring a bell that said a different company name and someone came to let you in.

The waiting room was tiny, with barely any seating and quite grotty looking. The receptionist spent awhile talking to us before asking us if Lacey-Rose was our first, when we said no and explained our family situation she was really insulting. I think she was trying to be funny, but it felt to me like her and the other customer there were sharing some sort of cruel and private joke about the size of our family, our lack of TVs, our insanity and we were just sitting there whilst we were the butt of everyones jokes. I tried to be upbeat and not let it bother me but I was so upset I almost got up and left there and then.

We were then offered a drink which turned up with sugar and milk in those horrible packages you get in cheap hotels and there was nowhere to put it down, we had to sit there holding our drinks whilst trying to deal with Lacey-Rose.

Lacey-Rose was an angel, although the receptionist upset her a bit by hanging over her and talking loudly. I was actually surprised because she'll normally be sociable and friendly and smiley with anyone but after a couple of minutes of the receptionist she burst out crying.

We were waiting for our appointment for over an hour, by which time Lacey-Rose was getting tetchy and the waiting room was full, with no seating available for two of the customers.

Eventually we were called into our scan, by which time Lacey-Rose was really fidgety. I got on the table and Martin tried to sort her out with a dummy... The sonographer, who was quite good and friendly, had got halfway through the scan by the time Martin had found her dummy and given it to her... So he missed the majority. She measured the baby, showed us the heart beating, printed a picture off and that was it. Scan over in less then 5 minutes, some of which she spent correcting the spelling mistake she'd made with my name so we couldn't see the baby.... I reckon, all in all, we paid £95 for a scan that Martin didn't get to see much of, lasted maybe 3-4 minutes AT MOST, having been horrible upset and offended by the receptionist, kept waiting for over an hour in a very uncomfortable and small waiting room that was packed full of people.

I am really glad to know my baby is alive and well, but I will never ever go back there again. I was so upset and ashamed and embarrassed by some of the comments we recieved about our large family... It really was like being a travelling freak show. I am only thankful I didn't take the kids.

I am going to cancel my NT scan on Tuesday and book it somewhere else. I've heard good things about a place in Kent, where they actually take your blood, give you a scan to date you, then you go away and come back a couple of weeks later for the actual NT scan and they give you a DVD of it - all that is cheaper then Babybond and I'm told they have a car park and a proper waiting room there.

I'm so upset. Today should have been fun and I should have felt excited and relieved that everything is OK. Instead I just feel horrible.

My due date has changed from the 24th to the 25th... Which is what makes me 9weeks today.

I will post the scan pics later (we got two but only cos she spelt my name wrong on the first one)... I'm just not upto it right now.

Sarah-Jean

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

So today has been a nightmare... BUT we got confirmation that our little Pumpkin is alive and well and growing appropriately. I thought I was 9+1 with a EDD of the 24th, but the scan showed me as 9w with an EDD of the 25th!

Little Pumpkin was jumping and dancing all over the place during our 3-4minute scan (don't ask!) and these were the pictures we got. I'd have normally only got one but she spelt my name wrong so printed us out a second one!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

9weeks and 3days;

Ok, so I have calmed down a bit since Saturday. It actually wasn't THAT bad I suppose, the main thing I was upset about was the fact Martin missed most of the scan and the receptionist talking about my family as though I was the butt of some hilarious joke. I guess looking at it normally, if it'd been one of the ladies I actually know from BabyBond it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest as I know they wouldn't say anything horrible as we get on really well with them all and I do love Babybond. But this receptionist I didn't click with and her comments were very upsetting to me.

Anyway, I'm not going to go back to that clinic I don't think. I didn't like the cramped waiting room, I felt very closed in and trapped so I think from now on I will go to the Stony Stratford one. I am going to go to Babybond for my NT scan... I've just got to get Martin to phone them and change the venue as I'll go to the local one rather then travelling to sit in discomfort.

On a more practical note we still haven't decided on a boys name. Martin is still refusing to budge on Rhydian and I don't like any of his suggestions. We'll see - if this is a boy and he isn't called Rhydian by the time he's born I'll eat my shirt!!!! LOL Lol Middle name wise I have no idea... I quite like something like Liberty Faith or Hope for a girl... And I KNOW the kids would LOVE a boys middle name to be Thomas after Thomas the Tank Engine. The kids all have their own opinions on names. JJ likes Megan for a girl (no!), one of the older two liked Ryan for a boy (no!) and Tristan suggested Robin as well for a boy (hmmm.. Maybe) and Raistlin suggested the name Baby PooPoo. :roll: Helpful!

It was JJs birthday yesterday. So for the next month I now have two six year olds!!! It's great!!! For awhile I had a 4, 5 and 6 year old. Now I've got two 6yos until Tristans birthday in April!

Work is bogging me down right now... I have no idea how I'm going to handle a high risk, difficult pregnancy and this kind of workload. If things go well then for half of the month of May I'm going to have to travel the country working nights, everywhere from London, to Oxford, to Cardiff, to Aberdeen. That should be interesting.

Anyway, I better get back to work. My brain is having a slight meltdown and if I stay here much longer not working I'll never get back to it!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

9weeks and 5days!

I am really ill at the moment. The twice daily injections are getting me down, I have an awful cold, and now I think it may be progressing to a flu like illness as I feel very shakey, dehydrated, dizzy, sick, tired, hot/cold and I can't stand noise at the moment. I just do not feel good. My throat is also sore, my chest hurts if I breath too deeply or sneeze or move too much. I just feel really spaced out. It's taken me ages to write this post as I can't really see properly.

Martin rebooked my NT scan today. It's for the same day but different clinic. I'm a bit sad as I used to like the place in Uppingham and I don't really like the place in Stony Stratford very much, but it's local so it cuts on the travel cost and time as it's 3 minutes up the road from us instead of close to 2 hours away. Apparently this time they're going to take my blood on the day - that should be interesting as I hate needles, have tiny veins that tend to collapse once punctured (IF they can be found in the first place) and am a really big wimp about needles so complain tons!!!! Lol I feel sorry for whoever it is that's going to try and get blood out of me!

I am just trying to find a holiday place for later this year. I really need a holiday somewhere warm. I vowed that I wouldn't go back to Spain after we've been there three years running now (don't normally go back to the same place twice) but now I'm thinking it's so easy and cheap and we can drive there (done it twice already) and get a villa with a private pool again. We have a holiday up North in a couple of weeks time, but I find it really hard to relax in a caravan in England - it's just not really a holiday in my mind, just some time away from home. So I've been looking around at Spanish villa's for July/August time...

Anyway, Martin insisted I get up this morning despite feeling really ill and now I feel like I'm fading a bit. My chest is really sore when I breath in and my head feels funny I really need to lie down but not sure if he'll let me or get pissy about it. So I'm going to go and see what he's doing and whether he needs me for anything or I can lie down.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 10 weeks pregnant today!!!!! Only 30 weeks to go now!!!

Apparently you are now an inch in length and are finally a fetus, according to my ticker. I just can't believe it - 10 weeks have gone by already, in a flash! The quote for this week is;

The moment a child is born, the mother isalso born.
Rajneesh.

Your big brothers keep asking me how big you are now. And whether you're awake or asleep and moving around. I have an NHS scan in 12days time and will get to see how you've changed since our last scan! Wow! Just wow!

~~~~~~~~~~

So today is pretty uneventful. I am still ill, I ended up going to bed last night so bad I forgot to have my injection. Sad I have got a school reunion drink thing on tonight. Not sure if I'm excited or worried about it as I wasn't popular at school and didn't have a lot of friends. Ah well, I'm older and a tiny bit wiser now and nothing anyone can say or do can bother or upset me anymore.

Other then being ill I feel OK at the moment. I've lost weight though in the past week as I've barely been able to eat or drink because of how ill I've been. Sad Not good.

Tomorrow we're taking the kids to a Babies Love to Boogie nightclub thing. We won tickets and it sounds like a laugh - they say it's like a wedding party, with music and dancing, a bar for the adults and drinks and snacks for the kids. Can't wait!

Anyway, I am going to take another belly picture today when I get home and will post it up here!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

10weeks and 2days!

OK, so I haven't got round to doing a photo yet. I hate my current camera - it's broken and useless so I rarely use it anymore. I wish Martin would just get me a new one but he refuses saying the current one is fine, even though it's in bits and the flash doesn't work. :roll:

Not a lot to say really. I am still ill. I'm getting a bit fed up now, colds normally are only bad for about 3days and this has been getting worse and worse for almost 2 weeks now and no sign of getting better anytime soon. The iron tablets I'm on are causing constipation, so that's lovely too. I think I'm just going to stop taking them - I hate taking iron tablets at the best of times. I'm not actually aneamic from what they've told me, I just have low iron stores or something but my actual blood count thingie was very high. Oh, and I keep forgetting to have my injections in the morning. I told them this would happen though if I had to have them at two different times daily, rather then in one hit... So now I'm either really late having my morning injection or I forget it altogether and Martin is too wrapped up in his business stuff to remember as well.

It's about 10 days until my next ultrasound... I'm getting nervous already as this is the time when we will start seeing if there are any problems or not I suppose... Sad I keep having dreams that there's something wrong with the baby. In some of them he's deformed and either missing fingers, or his nose looks funny and in the others he's developmentally delayed, or has downs syndrome etc etc... Not pleasant dreams at all.

I'm very weak at the moment. This whole thing is taking it's toll on my health. I've had a cold for almost 2 weeks that is just getting worse and worse, my breathing is awful, I'm not sleeping at nights, I have hot and cold sweats, I ache all over, I'm barely eating a meal a day and I'm dehydrated and struggling to get fluids down. Sad I'm just fed up with my health right now. I'm 25, I should be healthy with no worries about deformed or sick babies, or whether I'll live or die this time.... And the further I get into this pregnancy and the sicker I get, the more I'm beginning to panic that I'm not going to come out of this well at all. Somedays I feel like I'm hanging onto my life by a thread and the thread is quickly running out. It reminds me of when I was little and I always used to tell people I'd die before 50 and now I wonder if I really will.

Anyway, grotesque thoughts. I should be upbeat and positive. Positive thinking has pulled me out of a lot of stuff I reckon, from death when I had the clots to threatened miscarraiges.

On a seperate note, I can't wait to start on the kids bedrooms once we know what flavour baby we're having! I have tons of idea's for their rooms - so exciting!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

10weeks and 6days!

I had a bit of a shock today when I went to the school to pick Raistlin up at lunchtime. One of the teachers stopped me and asked if it was true I am expecting again. I think I must have looked shocked or something as she quickly went on to explain that Tristan had been telling everyone I am having another baby - in April!!! Lol They (I presume she means the school staff!) had been trying to figure out if it was possible for me to be pregnant again and due in April after giving birth in August! LOL I just said yes I'm pregnant but no it's not due in April, it's due in October!

So much for not telling many people. :roll:

I don't mind though. I think it's nice they're so excited about a new baby brother or sister. Raistlin was talking to me today about when Lacey-Rose was born and asking questions about his birth. Thankfully he didn't raise the subject of this baby's birth as I think I'd have been lost as to what to say. The boys all just assume at the moment they'll be allowed to be there and I'm not sure what to say to them as even I don't know what kind of birth I'm having yet! They also keep asking me/telling me I'm having a girl baby or they only want a girl baby. I have to keep reminding them we don't get to choose, you get whatever you're blessed with. I know at least one of them will be upset though when I have the ultrasound and it shows I'm having another boy. I keep trying to tell him it's probably a boy baby but he won't have it and just keeps saying he doesn't want it in that case. Sad I'm sure he'll change his mind though especially once we've actually found out for sure and there's no chance it could be anything other then what he/she is!!!

I am so eager to start decorating. I just want to get a move on now. I need to know, I'm just itching to sort their bedrooms out!!! First stop will be new carpets and new paint on the walls!!! I have decided if we're having a boy the three young boys will go in the current Playroom and the two older boys will go in the smaller room together and Lacey-Rose gets to keep her room. If it's a girl, the two girls will go in the smaller room together and the four boys will go in the Playroom (which is what they want anyway, they're currently mithering at the thought of being split up or moving rooms)....

I can't get Martin to talk about baby names right now. He just won't until he knows what we're having. I think we've just about agreed on Liberty (or possibly Trinity) if it's a girl. And if we're having a boy I am going to call him Rhydian (which he hates) whether he likes it or not unless he can come up with something I like more!!! LOL.

Pregnancy wise everything is OK. No real symptoms at all, feeling a bit better now... I'm sad cos my doppler is broken and I'd really like to hear Pumpkins heartbeat right now, but ho-hum. I am still having trouble getting Martin to remember to do my injections twice a day. I am now resorting to setting an alarm for him to go off twice a day to remind him as otherwise I forget too. I've never been any good at remembering medication, Martin always has to sort it out for me otherwise I just forget to take it, so an alarm will help us both!

I better get off for now. Need to sort out dinner and bed!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today!!! Little Pumpkin is due in 29 weeks!!!

I can't believe there is less then 30weeks to go now. That's scary, I don't feel ready yet!!! LOL

Apparently you have hair and fingernails now and you're getting nutrients through the placenta! Which is good!

I can't believe there's only a few more short weeks until you're here. And yet you're still so tiny and you'll grow so much between now and then! Amazing! I can't wait to finally meet you and neither can any of the rest of the family. Smile

~~~~~~~~~~

So today was the first day of alarms to remind me of my injections. It failed. Not miserably, but it wasn't as effective as I'd hoped it would be. The alarm went off at 9:30am to remind me for the morning jab and I was having breakfast so thought I'd get DH to do it after I'd finished eating. Well, needless to say, I forgot and it was another 2 hours before I remembered. So tomorrow's challenge is to remember to have the injection BEFORE breakfast or make sure I'm not busy at that time!!!

I did warn the haematologist this would happen though... I told her I couldn't promise that I would be able to have the morning jab every day and that my memory during the day was very bad and life is too hectic to remember such things especially in the morning when we're doing school runs and getting started on a day of work and childcare.

Anyway, pregnancy wise everything is still going well. I had quite a lot of stomach pain/cramping today when I was walking, but I figured it's probably normal so ignored it. SPD is also rearing it's ugly head now and my hips and pelvis are agony almost all the time with little/no relief from the pain. I'm not sleeping well at all at the moment either which isn't helping matters and am still very breathless. But other then that (and that is all stuff I normally suffer anyway so not a big deal!) I am doing OK!!! No real problems or symptoms or anything.

I can't wait for my scan on Thursday! I am having my hair done that day too and my legs waxed (oh the excitement!) and then going for my scan. It's also my sisters birthday and we have bought her a 50cc moped and are giving her my old (but never used) helmet. It cost us £270 new and has never been used so I really hope she takes good care of it!!! I'm also thinking of giving her my biker jacket as I'll certainely never fit into it again and I can't imagine I will be riding a bike again anytime soon.

Then on Friday we're off on holiday for a week! Yahoo So much going on!!!

Good times! Smile

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

11weeks and 2days!

Only 3 more days until my ultrasound!!! Yahoo

I had a dream last night that we went to the ultrasound and saw quite clearly that the baby is a boy. It was kinda freaky because I was looking at the ultrasound picture saying "but it's too early to see yet!" but it was really obvious. I 100% think this is a boy... I'd bet money on it if I had any!!! LOL And it kinda has to be a boy because we can't agree on a boys name, so just to be difficult!

Feeling fine still. My head keeps going a bit "funny", in that I keep getting spot headaches, my vision keeps blurring, and I keep going dizzy or my head feels like it's been put in a vice but it only ever lasts a few minutes so it's probably nothing to worry about.

Oooo... We're going on holiday on Friday! The boys are all really excited!! I'm going to start sorting, washing, ironing and packing their clothes tomorrow - joy!

Anyway, I guess I better be off and do some work.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

LOL I just spent hours reading my last three pregnancy journals.

So I don't forget where they are;

DS3 - http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/showthread.php?t=218
DS4 - http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/showthread.php?t=3243
DD1 - http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/showthread.php?t=12487

Fun and I forgot so much stuff!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

11weeks and 3days!

So last night we were talking about the birth and I think I finally got Martin to understand quite how much I really don't want to go to hospital and why. Well, I doubt he understood, but he had the opportunity.

Anyway, I was talking about a home water birth again. I think I'm really going to aim for that, even if it's against medical advice. I really think this birth is going to be quite quick, infact I keep having dreams that I go into labour on the 24th and end up giving birth alone in the toilet, completely unassisted. The only real reason I can think there is for not having a home water birth is if I'm still on the Clexane when I go into labour. Obviousely that's a concern either way as I have quick labours and wouldn't have time to get the Clexane out my system before giving birth, so I'm going to try and campaign for them to take me off it a week before my EDD.

I also told Martin that if I had a home water birth I'd be happy for his Mum to be there again. I figured if she came and stayed over a few days before my due date then she could help him around the house and I could be left to my own devices as I am generally not a sociable person in the last few days of pregnancy. Plus I suppose she'd help Martin around the house and with the boys for the first few days after I'd given birth and so I could rest more then I'd normally be able too and just focus on breastfeeding and stuff. Plus his Mum complains every time that she always misses out on seeing the kids as newborns - which is true cos she lives quite a long way away and I don't like to travel too far after giving birth.

I am also determined now to only look at the positives of pregnancy. I AM going to have a healthy pregnancy, I am going to be fine, I am not going to suffer too much, I am going to have a healthy baby, I am going to get a home water birth and I'm not going to be sick after the birth.

So there! LOL

Martin is out all day today with clients. He had to leave at 4am this morning and won't be back until early hours of tomorrow morning, which means I can't have either of my injections today. Ho-hum, I'm sure it won't kill me to go one day without them. I'm actually coping well so far despite not sleeping last night. Got up with the kids around 7am and got them some breakfast and changed whatever nappies needed changing. Then sat down with Lacey-Rose for awhile and the boys played together on the computer. It's now 10:30am and things are OK still. No major fighting or arguing or problems so far (fingers crossed). Around midday I'll do them some lunch and maybe go to the park or something, then just a simple dinner and bed at 6pm... Might even give them a bath too at some point this evening. All pretty obvious stuff really but my health has been so bad up until recently that I've not really been able to be left alone with all the kids at once because I just couldn't care for them - this is the first time since I was originally diagnosed with the PEs that I've had them for so long and been alone! So I feel like it's a major accomplishment right now and am pleased that I've managed this far!

I had also planned on doing some washing for our holiday but I think that might be overkill so I'm going to leave it until tomorrow when Martin is home to help. My focus is just getting through the day without problems!

Pregnancy wise doing great. No problems, no pain today, no sickness, no cramps, nothing! I'm not even tired despite not getting any sleep last night! My little Pumpkin is definately being kind to me right now... Smile

Anyway I better go and play with Lacey-Rose cos she's watching me and making me feel guilty for sitting here!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

11weeks and 4days!

Tomorrow is my NHS scan... I am NOT looking forward to it at all. I don't know what I'm going to do with the kids, if I take the kids they won't be allowed into the scanning room which means Martin won't be allowed either - I just have tried not to think about it tomorrow too much and tried to be upbeat about it all, but the reality is I'm dreading it.

Plus it costs a fortune to get a photo printed too... Think it's something like £5 for a crap photo, plus the several £s for parking at the stupid hospital and all the waiting around... I'm just not looking forward to it at all. I know it's going to be a long wait - it always is and I'll be surrounded by dumb preggo's who're all over dramatic about everything because this is their first baby and I hope to God none of them try talking to me... I just can't be bothered with the smiling and politely nodding whilst listening to their crap idea's of what parenting and pregnancy is all about when they have no sodding clue in reality. And then having to listen to them giving ME advice like I don't know what I'm doing already. Urgh.

And then there's this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that they're going to see somethings wrong... I'm supposed to be going on holiday the day afterwards so God only knows what will happen if something is wrong...

On a lighter note, my little sister, Rachell, is turning 16 tomorrow. I can't believe it, it seems unreal that she was born 16 years ago... I still remember that day so vividly! I can't wait to see her face when she see's what the whole family has worked to get her!!! Me and Martin bought her a moped, and are giving her my helmet (and possibly my biker jacket if I can find it). My brother is paying for her to do her CBT so she can actually use the damn thing and my Mum is paying for the insurance, lock, cover and general running costs! She's gonna be chuffed to buttons - I just hope she's sensible and uses it safely... She has NO IDEA though, she thinks we're all too skint to get her any presents! Mwahahaha

I've just taken the bike out for a ride - man I wish I could keep it!!! LOL Although I'm freezing now!!! LOL

Sigh... The two older boys have head lice. Thankfully nobody else seems to have caught their little "friends" and I suppose I should be glad that they've got to the age of 6 and almost 7 before ever getting them but it's such a pain in the bum... I'm seriousely considering just shaving their heads right now!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

11weeks and 5days!

Well, today has been hectic... I'm tired now and although I don't have a headache as such, my head feels like it's trapped in a vice with lots of pressure at the side of my head. Sad

I had my ultrasound this morning. It was a big disappointment to be honest. I was hoping to hear that baby is healthy and everything appears OK, and despite knowing there are real health concerns the sonographer just shrugged her shoulders basically and said "We don't check for problems yet... This is just for dates." I pointed out I'd already have a dating/viability scan and again she just said "We'll have a look at your baby's health at 20weeks.".... She didn't even say everything "appeared" normal. Just said that the baby had four limbs and the heart was beating.

We didn't get that great of a photo either as baby was bouncing off the walls and dancing all over the place! LOL

So. No fears allayed, no hope that all might be well, no mind put at ease.... I'm now more worried then before I had the scan and I've got over a week to wait before my NT scan at Babybond. I'm hoping the holiday will take my mind off it but I doubt it will, I've been miserable ever since my scan and nothing seems to be cheering me up right now. Sad Honestly, I could just cry.

I can't really blame the sonographer. She was a nice lady and she did her best to get a good photo for us - I guess I was just hoping to hear that baby appears healthy and normal. As it was she wouldn't comment...

Anyway, here is the photo of my cute Little Pumpkin. I am now obsessing over his/her nub and guessing gender!!! If this was someone else's nub shot I'd say I think girl... But I think it might have a slight angle and baby isn't in a great position so I'm still going with boy for this.

Stay well little Pumpkin. We love you!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

13weeks and 1day!

A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race.
Barbara Seifert

Apparently you're now one ounce and practicing to breathe!!! Well done little Pumpkin!

~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry I haven't written anything in a week or so, we went on holiday to a place near Skegness for a week and then it was Tristan's birthday, so haven't been around until today...

It was a good holiday though. A naughty one as I often went without my injections, and had a lot of problems with chest pain and breathing as a result, and I really pushed myself beyond my limits to do fun stuff for the kids. I'm pretty tired now, and haven't been very well these last few days and have a hectic week ahead so no rest for awhile. Monday and Tuesday I've got a whole website to design from scratch and get online, Wednesday I've got my NT scan at Babybond which I am really stressing out over as I'm just so convinced there will be something wrong and don't want to even hope it'll be OK and my little Pumpkin won't have been affected by the Warfarin.
Thursday I'm probably doing something work-like and Friday my midwife is coming over. Then next week I've got an appointment with my Ob and my haematologist...

I am kinda hoping to get some sort of clue as to Pumpkins gender on Wednesday too... I just hope the sonographer will be willing to even just let me have a look so I can guess even if they don't say one way or the other...

Martin finally agreed to let me call him Rhydian!!! LOL Is it really bad that now I'm not even sure I like the name that much?!!! LOL Actually I do, but I enjoy being ackward! Smile

Anyway I guess I better be off for now... I've got a ton of stuff to catch up on!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

13weeks and 2days!

Only two more days until my scan!!! I really, really hope baby is kind and let's us get a good gender shot or clue... I really want to start decorating the kids rooms and it'd be so much easier and quicker if I knew what the room split was going to be and could get on with it whilst I'm not suffering from SPD too badly.

Today I feel lousy... My chest is really painful when I breathe in or move or talk, and I feel really faint and dizzy and tired. Plus I hurt my neck last night and now can't turn my head. I am also running out of Clexane and my sharps boxes are full so at some point I have to head down to the GPs and put in a request for a couple of new subscriptions.

The kids are all in a really foul mood right now too. Tristan is ill and has been since his birthday. Ashton and Raistlin won't stop pulling clumps out of each other and Jaeven has been unusually quiet the past few days. Lacey-Rose is in a bad mood and whinges constantly, I think she's on the verge of teething as her cheeks are very red and she's had horrendous nappies the last few days and now has nappy rash for the first time ever. Martin is incredibly tired too... Not sleeping well, not feeling well and yet still somehow managing to run the house, look after me and the kids and do everything whilst trying to run his business fulltime. Sad

My midwife was supposed to be coming today but she cancelled my appointment and we moved it to Friday as it was easier for everyone. I really wish she hadn't, but she's been very busy and at the time there was no real reason for me to need to see her. Well, there's no real reason I need to see her now either I just feel very run down.

I'm kinda hoping that next weekend or one of the weekends following we'll be able to go away for a quiet weekend by ourselves to try and get some rest but I don't know how likely that really is... Sad Think we both desperately need it though.

Not a lot really to report right now. Things are going OK, just waiting for my scan really so I can move on and start getting things ready once I know the gender!

Love,

Sarah-Jean

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

13weeks and 3days;

Oh God.... Only 24hours to go now until my scan. I'm both excited and very nervous! LOL

Martin is at work today out on site... So I am looking after all the kids, and doing all the school runs, and cooking and nappies and everything - it's a shock to the system. Well, actually it's not it's quite good fun when you don't do it all the time!!! Only problem was I got to the school far too early and we had to sit in the car for 30minutes waiting for the gates to open!!! LOL Opps. Serves me right for being so paranoid about being late for things!

Oh, for anyone who fancies a game, today may be the last chance you get to guess boy or girl on my expectnet.com game... So get voting!!! LOL Link is below!

The kids are so excited. It's a shame I can't take them. Well, I think I will have to take Ashton and Lacey-Rose with me tomorrow but they're not excited, they don't really understand and will probably play up a bit unless we're lucky. Might have to see if I can buy some bribery materials like chocolate buttons or something to keep Ashton quiet for a bit and pray that Lacey-Rose goes to sleep. Tristan said if he's still sick tomorrow then can he come, which of course, I said yes but I think he's recovering now as today he seems a LOT better, infact I'm kinda thinking he could have gone to school today... So I doubt he'll be off tomorrow as well. Although he is still very quiet and whingy so who knows.

Oh, I really hope that Little Pumpkin is OK.... At the last two scans at 8 and 12weeks baby was bouncing off the walls, he was so active. I presume that's a good sign? I mean if there was a real problem then surely he/she wouldn't be so active? I'm hoping the results tomorrow come back good so I don't have to go onto an amnio. They sound unpleasant and painful but I couldn't spend the rest of my pregnancy worrying about whether there was anything wrong or not, I'd have to know for sure so it would definately be an amnio for the next step.

Not that it would change anything. Sick baby or not, I wouldn't terminate. I'd just like to be prepared really... I mean if we were likely to have a baby that was very ill, or terminally ill, or going to be unable to walk or whatever I'd need to know so I could prepare the family, or move to a more suitable house or whatever.

Ooo... I just realised! Only 4 more days until I'm officially in the 2nd trimester!!!! Yay! Yahoo

So, what does everyone think... Are we having a Liberty or a Rhydian?

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

13weeks and 4days!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OH. MY. GOD.

I had my NT scan today. It was absolutely brilliant. I had forgotten after my last experience at BabyBond just how fantastic a company they really are!!! We were treated like royalty from the moment we walked through the front door. The staff were wonderfully friendly, and it was good to see old faces again. Lots of joking and gossiping and the receptionist was lovely.

We went in for our scan on time, no waiting around. Unfortunately this was where the fun began (well fortunately for us cos we got a really long scan out of it!)... First of all Little Pumpkin was upside down and very, VERY wriggly. The lady doing our scan spent ages going over baby's spine, organs, legs, arms, head, measurements, brain etc etc to try and reassure us that baby is looking OK. Everything was perfect!!! Unfortunately because Pumpkin was upside down she couldn't do the NT part of it and baby was too wriggly to begin with to let her see the nasal bone properly. We tried everything to get baby to move around but Pumpkin just wasn't having any of it, so she looked in the toilet area to see what was going on down there for us!!!

NO SIGN OF BOY BITS!!!!!!!! She looked several times, from different angles and was really very thorough although she obviousely couldn't say for sure that it's definately a GIRL but she did say several times there were no signs of boy bits or anything even vaguely dangly in that area.

Anyway, we got back to the NT scan and still baby wouldn't move. She tapped on my stomach, made me cough loads, put me to lie on my side and still baby wouldn't move around.

In the end I had to get up and empty my bladder, have my bloods drawn and then we got back to the scanning bit. Thankfully by that time baby had calmed down and was in the right position although still quite active but not as much as before... Anyway nasal bone looked lovely and everything appeared to be good. She said she didn't have any concerns based on the ultrasound and had another look at gender (she looked several times throughout the scan as we were having difficulty getting the shots we needed) and printed us off a photo.

The first few times Pumpkin did have her legs close together so it was possible boy bits might have been hiding I suppose, but just at that last minute as we were about to stop the scan and finish she spread her legs!!! Still no sign of boy bits!!!

I am beyond excited. I feel like my family is perfect and completed now. Four gorgeous little boys and to beautiful little girls! I feel like I'm living in a dream right now!!!

I'm trying to keep a hold of this excitement too and not have the doubts creeping in that maybe boy bits were just hiding and I'm not lucky enough to have two girls... I'm going to go for another scan at Babybond at 16weeks though just to get a second look and reassure myself. I'm pretty confident though - it looked just like Lacey-Rose at that stage...

I just can't believe I've been so lucky as to have TWO girls... Martin and I have both agreed that if that's the case it's time to stop. Our family couldn't get anymore perfect. Four older brothers and two younger sisters is my ideal. I always wanted older boys and younger girls and this is it!!!!!

I can't wait to start decorating the nursery!!!!

Anyway, here are some of the pics!


Toilet shot!


Profile (looks like she's picking her nose to me!!!)


Stretching and waving!


Front view of face...


Naughty upside down baby!


Profile again!


With both hands up by her face!


Not so great toilet shot...


Feet!

I'll put the others up in a second... Just uploading them!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

13weeks and 6days!

Tomorrow I will be in my second trimester!!! How odd to think a whole trimester has gone past in the blink of an eye and I'm still pregnant and baby appears healthy and well!

I just got my biochemistry results back over the phone from my NT scans etc... When all the numbers are put together (national risk, ultrasound risk, biochemistry risk etc) my risk of having a baby with Trisomy 21 or Downs is....
.
.
.
.
.
.
1 in 20617!!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy right now... I just can't believe that after all the crap we've had over the years with stuff, all the illnesses etc that everything has come out this well. I've got a beautiful family with four boys, then a girl and now another girl. She appears healthy and well despite the Warfarin I was on at the time of conception and everything is just slotting into place all of a sudden!

I have a midwife appointment today in just over an hour. I'm pretty annoyed at my GP at the moment as I put in an urgent request for another prescription of Clexane and a sharps box on Tuesday and was told that it'd be ready yesterday. Well Martin went down there today and they don't have a prescription for me and actually have no record of me ever requesting one despite the fact I told them at reception it was an urgent request AND filled out paperwork asking for it too.

I ran out of the dose of Clexane I should be having this morning. And even when I get a prescription, the pharmacy will have to order it in which will take days too. I'm going to see my midwife and see if she will send me down the hospital or something to get a prescription and my clexane from there.

So, not too chuffed with that at all.

Martin's booking me another ultrasound with BabyBond today for when I'm 16weeks... I can't wait, I really need to know if this really IS another girl. And I'm now driving myself crazy analysing everything I saw and asking other people who're just as obsessed with ultrasounds as I am, what they think.... Rather scarily I thought it was pretty obvious that it's a girl until several people said Boy! Now the doubts aren't exactly creeping in, but I'm now a little scared that I might have been wrong and this really is a boy and not a girl! LOL

Oooo... Martin just phoned Babybond and I've got another scan on the 13th May! Seems such a very long way away now!!!

We're having difficulty with names for a girl... We know it'll be Liberty but we just don't know what to follow it with... Liberty-Anne is the main contender but I really like to like the second name on it's own too and frankly I can't stand the name Anne normally!!! I suppose it seems a bit better when it's hyphenated, but still!

Anyway, I better go. I've got to do my hair and try and get my house in order for my midwife appointment!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I'm 14 weeks pregnant today!!! Only 26 more weeks to go!!!!

Yahoo I'm in the second trimester!!! Yahoo

Little Pumpkin I am soooo proud of you right now. We made it through all the major hurdles, all the danger points that we faced and we're both doing great! So great infact that to mark the occasion the whole family went out for a 10+mile bike ride today!!!

The ticker says that you can move your hands and love sucking your thumb now. Well, we knew that already as you've been doing that for ages. I am going to get Daddy to take a bump photo once he gets back from the shop to show how we've changed!!!

You are an amazing little miracle, who is treating me very well right now despite all my health problems. We all love you loads and can't wait to meet you in a few months time!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Today has been uneventful on the whole. I think I felt baby move again last night, just a tiny little flutter when I was pressing on my stomach to try and figure out where I could have my nighttime injection without too much pain!!! So exciting - I can't wait to start feeling more movement. It should be any week now, I hope!

I had another appointment with my midwife yesterday too. It went well. I am measuring a little bit ahead size wise but we know baby is right on target so maybe my womb is just fat!! LOL I think she said I was measuring about 15-16 weeks but I can't remember clearly!

Anyway, other things we measured included;
Baby's heartrate = 150-160bpm
Blood pressure = 110/72
Urine = trace protein

So far SPD is manageable. We discussed before about physiotherapy but I just don't see the point. I know what they'll say and what they'll do and it won't help so I'm going to go to alternative practioners like reflexology and acupuncture if it gets unbearable.

I'm actually surprised by how well I am doing right now healthwise. Normally by this stage I am suffering quite badly with SPD and barely able to walk, I am generally unwell, my blood pressure is starting to fluctuate and creep up and there is more problems generally healthwise - but this time it seems OK apart from the need to inject twice daily!

I am so glad this Little Pumpkin happened. So very glad. I have been thinking long and hard about stuff over the last few days and have decided to get more information on getting a tubal. If I have to have a Csection I am going to get them to do it at the same time probably. I am done with pregnancy I think. In my eyes, I now have the perfect family, and adding one or two more children doesn't feel neccessary. I think six, this close together, is manageable and wonderful and they're all growing up so well together and form a tight knit little group... But I just can't see coping with more then 6 children and I am fairly sure my body and my health couldn't handle it anymore.

I guess I just feel done now. Like, properly done. And I don't really know what to do contraception wise as I hate the thought of coils because of the way they work, and I'm not allowed anything even vaguely hormonal. If they'd take the whole lot away I'd be a lot happier, but I'm worried that if I just have a tubal I'll spend the whole time feeling like I could get it reversed at anytime and maybe I should. Whereas if the option is gone altogether then I think I'll be happier as I know it won't be an option so I won't really think about it.

I don't know...

My midwife thinks I'm going to need to be closely monitored by my Ob anyway this time around. Normally we only see them once at around 20weeks and then again if we get to 40weeks... But this time I am seeing her on Tuesday and the midwife reckons I'll see a fair amount of her throughout my pregnancy as they will want to make a plan of action and care for me. Thankfully my Ob is quite hands off. She likes to let nature take it's own course and doesn't really believe intervention is needed very often, so I know if I've got any chance of a home water birth, it's with her and her only.

I think my appointment for the Ob is on Tuesday, followed by my haematologist on Thursday. I'm going to have to get someone to have the kids for those appointments as it's too important to risk having them running riot around the hospital.

I'm quite looking forward to seeing what the Ob has to say. My midwife is coming with us for that, which will be interesting as apparently she's got another client who's also booked in for the same appointment time, with the same person as me... Grrr.... How can they double book like that?! It's ridiculous. And how do they decide who to take in first?!

Anyway, I guess I better go... I didn't realise how hot it was today and just noticed my arms and face are really sunburnt... Sad Which means all the kids are probably sunburnt too as none of us put sun lotion on today as it didn't seem like it was hot/sunny enough to be needed. Sad :( God I feel guilty now. Especially if the younger kids are sunburnt. Sad Martin's just gone to the shop on his bike with them again, so they're back out in the sun.... Sad

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

14weeks and 3days!

Well, I had my first Ob appointment today. She's lovely and very on the ball. To begin with she was a bit confused as to why I'd come in so early in the pregnancy and we had to explain the situation to her... And once she knew she started making plans and double checking things and all sorts.

I had my BP done. It was through the roof. First check it was 131/93 and second check it was 124/98. Not good but nobody seemed concerned. They checked my urine and it had a trace of protein and nitrates I think they said so they're sending it off for testing but probably another UTI.

Then we started talking about my pregnancy. It seems I am at higher risk of placental abruption after all. I'm also at risk of substantial bleeding after the birth. The amount of Clexane I am on is apparently quite high compared to most patients and the risk to me if I go into labour having had my clexane dose within 12-24hours is very high and I have to ambulance to hospital straight away.

They are going to induce me. My Obs first words about this were "where are you planning on giving birth?". I said I preferred to give birth at home but would do whatever she thought was best. She said that induction was the safest route to go basically, BUT she would be happy for me to be induced at home!!!!!! I have never in all my years of giving birth here in the UK heard of anyone being induced at home!!!! I'm not getting my hopes up yet because there's so much that could and probably will go wrong but to even think that I have that option open to me, is amazing!!!!

So, she's got to check a few things regarding my meds but basically for the moment the plan is that I will definately be induced sometime around 38 weeks in all probability. My midwife will break my waters (ARM) at home and we will then wait for labour to start and I will give birth (if everything goes OK!) at home as hoped. If my midwife at anytime becomes concerned I am to ambulance into hospital for further treatment. I'm happy with this thought. I don't mind going to hospital in all honesty, but given the choice I'd RATHER be at home as I feel safer there.

I am being referred to someone who deals with Anaesthetics (sp?), and also to Cardiology as there is some concern about my extreme breathlessness and my chest pains which are now getting worse and worse by the day. I'm actually in two minds about going down the hospital A&E right now it's so painful... But the midwife and Ob and another Dr saw me and the state I'm in and didn't seem too concerned so I'll wait it out a bit and see if it eases a little.

Apparently they want me to have some sort of 24hour monitoring of my heart, an echo and an ECG thingie done...

The Ob is also contacting my haematologist to discuss my treatment with her too and the plan of action for care etc....

So all seems really good and really positive. There IS a lot of risk apparently to me BUT there's nothing that can be done about it until it happens basically so it's just a case of crossing our fingers and praying it all works out OK!!!

I have to go and have another review with her and discuss in more detail at 24weeks!

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Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

14weeks and 4days!

I am finding it really bazarre thinking that I might get a homebirth after all now. I mean, I've never heard of anyone being induced at home, especially given my medical complications. I'm not sure if I'm excited at the thought, or nervous. There IS a lot that could go wrong - but then I suppose it could go just as wrong if I am at hospital so what's the difference really.

I need to really think about it and talk to a lot of people about it I think. I will be so pleased if I can have another homebirth and I've accepted the thought it could go wrong at anytime and I could end up without the option. I've also accepted the thought that I need to be induced. Although I am finding the idea of choosing the day my baby would possibly come very strange!!! I mean, the Ob said anytime after 38weeks was fine... That means if we go that route then my little Pumpkin could be here anytime from the 11th October!!! Very strange way of thinking - I don't know how women who are routinely induced or choose their EDDs do it... I mean, how do you decide which day???!! I guess I'd be best going for a weekend or something if my midwife and Ob give me the choice as that would at least mean the kids would be around and we could arrange babysitting.

We've got to be really careful. If I have a homebirth we're going to need a ton of people around as if everything goes tits up we'll have to make an emergency transfer via ambulance and we'd need people there to handle the kids here at home...

That said, I'm thinking if I can make it to 38weeks without any real medical problems aside from the ones we know about, then the labour will probably be fine (assuming we can get it going by breaking my waters in the first place!)... It's just making it to that stage and staying healthy. I'm already feeling unwell and run down. My BP was through the roof yesterday and I'm having a LOT of chest pain and breathing problems. I haven't slept properly in two days because the pain keeps me awake at night.

Thankfully I see my haematologist tomorrow... Which is a good thing because I went to get my prescription for my Clexane and apparently the manufacturer hasn't got any!!!! So none of the local chemists have any either! I only have enough to last me until tomorrow morning and that's only cos I've missed one today. I am really hoping the haematologist will prescribe me some more as a matter of urgency which hopefully the hospital pharmacy will have stock of otherwise I'm in shit creek without a paddle! I also need new DVT stockings as I've lost mine. Sad I'm not being a very good patient so far to be honest as Martin keeps forgetting to give me my jabs, and I never wear my stockings and then do stupid things like taking bike rides (which are too physically demanding really for me)... I am going to try and remind Martin to do my jabs twice a day from now on, wear my stockings if I can and try to rest and not take too many risks...

Urgh... Not looking forward to my appointment tomorrow! Will update once I get back!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

14weeks and 5days!

So I just got back from my haematology appointment. It was boring and uneventful apart from the fact that they too have run out of Clexane. Well to be exact they had clexane but got my order wrong and bought me out the wrong dose, then whilst they were trying to sort out their mistake they gave the remaining clexane they had to a lady who came in after me. I am sooo pissed off. I've got 15days worth and a handwritten crappy IOU note but no idea when the rest of the clexane will be available.

The haematologist didn't say anything about my test results. Didn't even mention them. Just said something about how they wrote to some expert in Oxford to ask if I could come off the meds, but he said no way and blah, blah, blah. She said she saw no reason for a homebirth if my Ob and midwife thought it was OK, but I would have to be induced as I had to spend the bare minimum of time off the Clexane. Ideally 24hours before induction, the birth, and then back on it within hours of the birth.

Oh, apparently she thinks it's more then possible that the pain and breathlessness is the result of another/more blood clots but that I'm already on the meds they'd put me on to treat it so very little can be done... But if it gets much worse, to go into hospital. I won't but whatever.

I did however get more stockings. These ones are only knee high so much more manageable.

Martin made the whole ****ing day stressful and difficult as well and is now acting as though it was all fine. Whatever.

They now want to see me monthly throughout my pregnancy... I think my next appointment is the 5th June. The haematologist had given me a prescription for 2 months Clexane, but apparently the pharmacy will only give me one month, so even if they get more stock in I won't have enough to get to my next appointment.

Oh, and the original appointment the haematologist wanted me to have regarding the chest pain and breathing problems. You know, the URGENT one she wrote off for 6 weeks ago, came today. They want to see me in 2 weeks. So much for ****ing urgent.

Today has been a shit day. Made worse by the fact my brother said he'd take the kids out this weekend but surprise, surprise doesn't have the money. He'd asked us if the kids could go to some work thing of his fiance's but it was £15per child... We told him we'd think about it but not to mention it to them. Well, they mentioned it today. And the kids are all excited and talking about it so now WE are FORCED to pay £60 for the kids to go to something we didn't even say they could go to. I am beyond pissed. I don't have a spare £60. So, I guess it's barely any nappies and food for another two weeks to accomodate certain people AGAIN. And the real irony of it is, the kids had already BEEN invited to a party that day that wouldn't have cost us a penny.

What a pointless, shit day.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

14weeks and 6days!

I am ill today. I mean ill in a "not sick" way... I am having intermittant stabbing chest pains and when I breath it hurts like Hell. What's worse is I thought that I'd get the weekend off to rest as the kids are going to various babysitters as we are supposed to be/are doing an event up North...

Well yesterday Martin said I was too ill to go and frankly I was relieved as I don't feel upto it. I feel like I'm going to keel over anytime. It's purely that I've had my time wasted in the hospital a fair few times now that I'm not going down there until I'm convinced I'm on the verge of death! (Not literally obviousely!)

Anyway, today he sits me down and wants to "talk" and basically railroads me into going to work for the weekend anyway, despite my health. He says all the normal BS of "we won't make you do anything too difficult/physically" etc. etc. etc. And then brings out the big guns when I say I can't do it - there's no-one else to give me my injections and he's going. Sad I really don't want to go. I don't want to go anywhere to far from the hospital as I really think another day or two and I might need to head in - I certainely don't want to get up at 4:30am, ride in the car for 4-5hours then work for a full 24hours straight before riding back in the car for 4-5hours and collecting all the kids. :cry:

I don't know what to do... This weekend is going to kill me near enough and everyone can see it except him. The other two we're working with don't even want me to go anymore because if I'm not helping fully then I'm just costing money basically...

I just don't know what to do. How the Hell am I going to get through this and still be OK when I'm not even OK when I've spent the last few days sat at home quietly with nothing I have to do and STILL being this bad.

Urgh and to top it all off I'm upset as I went into the chat room here at pg.org today to chat to other preggo's as I wanted some company and friendly chatter and it was just horrible. Really hateful and scornful and not friendly at all. Definately not a place I intend to go back too.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

15weeks and 3days!

I just found out this morning that around the time my chest pain and breathing problems restarted and I started to feel unwell again I was given contaminated injections of Clexane.

I only have a few days worth left of Clexane and am trying desperately (and have been for two weeks) to get more but none of the local pharmacies have any and neither does the hospital. They've all got some on order but there's a "manufacturers delay" on stock.

Well my DH phoned the manufacturer and spoke to them direct and it turns out they're batch testing everything they've got by way of Clexane and other Heparins for contamination and I've had some of the contaminated stuff!!!!!! Sad

Anyway after speaking to them, the lady on the phone said basically if we could get the pharmacist to phone up and ask for some then they've got some they can send out that has been tested and is fine but they can't send it out routinely as it's being held back for emergencies.

We immediately called the hospital and told them this and they basically said they wouldn't phone them cos they'd ordered some months ago and it'll come when it comes. Sad

So... I've got a few days worth left and nothing after that and considering they are pretty sure I have got more clots on my lungs now it's going to be a real problem if I can't get any. Sad

The Haematologist I spoke to said that they could switch me to another type of Heparin but that wouldn't help either as it's all Heparin they're testing.

I am seriousely fed up. I've been ill since I had the contaminated jabs, now have more blood clots and only a few short days worth of injections. Grrr....

DH has just called Boots to ask if they can do the phone call and get some clexane for me, hopefully they will realise how serious this is and try to help unlike the bloody hospital.

On a better note I got my appointments through for an Echocardiogram and a 24hour Ambulatory Monitor for June 9th...

Oh, and my midwife got some of my thrombophilia test results through but unfortunately she doesn't know what some of them mean, so she can't tell me whether I'm OK or not! LOL Ah well... Least of my problems right now!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

15weeks and 4days!

Oh God. The shopping desire has started!!! LOL I've been window/internet shopping the past few days and made a few decisions on things I want to buy...

So I thought I wanted one of the Phil & Teds pink double buggies. But someone pointed out that it was a bit odd to have one sat behind the other with no view except the back of the front chair! So I have now decided on this;


It's an Othello Tandem and it costs £170 which isn't too bad, from Jusonne.co.uk


This is the bedding set I like. It's about £60 for everything you see in this picture, off Ebay. I am going to get two so the girls have matching bedding!

I've also got my eye on some more white furniture for their room. I'm kinda hoping with matching bedding the colour of the new four-poster cot won't matter so much (plus it'll make it easier to remember who's bed is who's!)...

Oooo... This is all so exciting!

Plus there's only 7 days to go until we find out for sure whether we're definately having another little girl or not! To be honest, I'd never really thought it was a possibility before the scan but now I think it might be, I am sooo excited at the thought of another little girl! I'll be happy with a boy too, but wow!!! I really feel like I've got used to the thought this is a girl now and will be surprised if it turns out to be another boy I think...

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

15weeks and 5days.

So my midwife just left. She was taking my blood for the triple test. She's referring me to a physiotherapist for my SPD which is now pretty severe, I can't really walk at all. It's a struggle to get from my couch to the downstairs toilet just a few feet away. Sad I really think I'm going to end up in a wheelchair at this rate. I was on crutches in previous pregnancies, and bedrest before that and this time I don't think I'll escape the wheelchair. Sad

I've got to go for an echocardiogram and 24hour tape test soon as they're now concerned the breathlessness and chest pain I'm suffering might be to do with my heart. Joy. I've also got an appointment next week with general medicine to see if they can do anything about the pain... To be honest, I think my lungs are just damaged (they told me part of both lungs had died before) and they also reckon I've got more blood clots now despite the twice daily injections and there's nothing they can do about it basically.

I'm also aneamic and am on iron tablets now.

Good news was my blood pressure is still staying low at 102/78 (my last readings were 131/93 and 124/98 with a starting point of 110/72 at the beginning of this pregnancy)... And we listened to the baby's heart and it was 140-150bpm...

So, a good appointment overall I'm just feeling a bit down because of the constant pain. It hurts to breath and it hurts to move, I'm in constant agony and can't do ANYTHING. My DH is solely taking care of me, the kids, the house and his business... I'm just a bit miserable today. I can't help feeling I made a mistake in getting pregnant. I knew it'd be bad but I never thought it'd be THIS bad. And I'm not even half way through it all yet. Sad

Oh and on top of all that, I've barely been able to swallow a small meal a day recently and weighed myself when the midwife was there (for the blood tests) and have lost over a stone in weight in a week or so. Sad NOT good news.

On a good note though both Boots pharmacy and the hospital pharmacy called me today to tell me they'd got my prescriptions of Clexane available!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

15weeks and 6days!

I'm feeling a bit better after my moan yesterday. Smile I'm actually really happy I didn't take up the offer of a termination in reality. I wouldn't wish this baby away no matter what, but I'm just a little frustrated by the constant agony I'm in and the fact I am virtually housebound and can't move much even to get to the toilet. I need help doing everything, it's really ridiculous. I feel like I'm disabled when I should be able-bodied which I'm sure is a huge insult to those who really are disabled, but I just can't DO ANYTHING at all and it's so frustrating as I should be able to do most things. Pregnancy isn't supposed to leave you unable to function normally!

Anyway, I've been mulling over some of the blood test results I got back from my thrombophilia screen. I don't really understand most of them, so I'm waiting for my haematology appointment on the 5th June eagerly as I really want to know if I've got some of these problems or it's all OK. The two results that have been flagged up as slightly abnormal are Antithrombin III and Protein S. My levels with both of those are low from what I can tell, but everything else is normal. I've been doing some reading up on it and apparently both of these problems are really rare compared to things like Lupus and Factor V Leiden and Protein C deficiency so I doubt I've really got them...

I know the rest of my family is waiting on the results too as I think if I've got either of those problems they'll all need/want testing too as it's apparently heriditary and my family has a very strong history of DVT and clotting in general (most had them young or died young as a result)... I'm mainly worried about my kids to be honest. I feel bad I might be passing my health problems onto them. Sad

Anyway... Martin is at work all day today. Our good friend Lisa, has taken the boys to school and is picking them up for me so I only have to collect Raistlin.

Ooooo... Only 4 days to go until my next scan!!!! Oh, and my midwife said she'd come with me on that day to another appointment I have with general medicine. The Dr I'm seeing is nice but he does have a tendancy to have a bit of a go at me and I promised him I wouldn't get pregnant again and I didn't need a tubal because I categorically wouldn't get pregnant and now I'm crawling back saying I did get pregnant and I'm suffering - help!!! LOL He's going to have such a go at me, so my midwife is coming with me to protect me cos Martin probably won't!!!! LOL

At least I have my scan a couple of hours after that appointment so it'll cheer me up if he's really horrid to me!!! LOL

Oh joy... It's raining and I've got to walk. I hope it stops by then!!!

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

Yahoo I'm 16weeks pregnant today!!!!!!! Yahoo Yippee!!!

Where did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the Everywhere and into here.
- George MacDonald

Only 24 more weeks until my due date (although I'll be induced before then - maybe in as little as 22 weeks!!!)....

According to my ticker you can sucj, swallow and blink now little Pumpkin!

~~~~~~~~~~

I can NOT believe I'm 16 weeks pregnant already!!!! It's so exciting to think it could be as little as 22weeks before I am finally holding my little Pumpkin... It's also slightly scary, as we've got nothing ready or prepared yet.

I am really looking forward to my scan on Tuesday. I have this fear that there are going to be boy bits on the screen, but even if there are it's no tragedy. Just a shock after spending the last few weeks thinking of Pumpkin as a girl! LOL

I'm sooo desperate to get the new nursery done and the boys room. I just can't wait to get started on all the fun stuff like shopping, decorating, getting stuff ready for labour etc etc.

The boys are really excited too. Everytime I see my midwife Raistlin asks if it's time for the baby to come out yet! LOL They are all excited that I might be induced at home and have the baby here after all. I made sure they understood it MIGHT not happen though as I don't want them to be disappointed.

We're getting Martin's Mum to come over and stay with us in the run up and just after the birth. I've never really needed any help before but I really think I'll need to rest more then I would normally be able too. I might also ask my sister if she wants a summer job helping to look after the kids during the school holidays. I already need Martin to do pretty much everything around the house and by way of childcare. It's beginning to affect his work but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't physically care for the kids... He really needs to push on with work and keep it going at a reasonable rate but I know the summer holidays will be particularly hard for him so some extra help them is a definate.

I can't believe my special little Pumpkin is already 16weeks... Just seems unreal! There's no real bump to show yet either, I just look fat right now and I'm not feeling many movements either yet. I can't wait to start feeling proper little kicks and wriggles and hiccups. I'm sure I'll regret it later on when I'm in agony and Pumpkin is kicking the blue blazes out of me but I still can't wait.

I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy despite the pain and health issues. We have decided this is our last baby now. There won't be anymore unless something goes very wrong. I'm thinking I'll have the IUD for 5-10 years and then one of us will get the snip.

I'm loving this pregnancy and I love little pumpkin so much. But I can't do this again. And whilst everyone else is happy to pretend I might get healthier during this pregnancy, it's just not going to happen. Every pregnancy I have is difficult, this is definately the worst pain and healthwise. Worth it, but I don't want to go through this kind of pain again if I don't have too.

My family can't get anymore perfect then the six special children I already have.

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