Sleep seems to be an illusion- a trickery of sorts. I might be lucky if I get 3-4 hour a night. I seem to sleep better in the day than then night, but i try not to sleep during the day so I can sleep at night. The baby is tired today, very quiet. Seems to be resting after being so active all night.
Im getting quite nervous lately, i noticed that in the last two weeks, my bp has been fairly high, between 105-120bpm, which scare the crap right out of me. I feel weird when its that high. I have to talk to the doctor on Wednesday. If today wasnt a holiday, I would have seen him today. I hope he can recommend something or reassure me that everything is going to be okay. I worry about hypertension or pre-eclampsia. This is my first pregnancy and I am scared that this late in the pregnancy, something could talk my precious little one from me. I pray everyday that God give me one more day with this precious baby, one more day to carry him/her and to nurture him/her. Here's hoping *fingers crossed* that nothing is wrong. the least I think he'll do is some blood work and bedrest. the worst is being admitted and on iv drugs until the baby is born.
Okay, im back, 33w checkup and this kid is doing fantastic. I have an appointment for another ultrasound to check baby's growth but everything looks fantastic. They did a portable ultrasound just to check baby's position and he/she's headdown, which is fantastic. Very active baby, which made the doctor happy to hear it.
Another day-another day closer to the dd. I feel like a very big idiot today. Yesterday, my dad's side of the family had a christmas party. I said I would be coming but woke up feeling quite ill. i spent most of the day in bed. SO, this morning, they invite me out to breakfast. Thats fine, I feel better, I got lots of rest. They sent me home with this load of gifts, im thinking christmas gifts. I get home and go to move some of them only to read the label, every single one is addressed to BABY RIKLEY!!!! How much can I kick myself in the @ss!!!! I feel so guilty for not going now!!! Im an idiot, a freakin idiot!!!!!!
I had another u/s on Monday-baby is doing fantastic!!! I cant quite believe it but the baby is measuring at 35 weeks, which is not surprising considering how much the belly grew over the holidays. Finally getting a jump start on the nursery-i know there is a shower coming up soon. There is another one dh's aunt is planning towards the end of the month and my mom is doing one for the family. This baby isnt even here yet and its so so spoiled!!! I can only hope i dont get bombarded with clothes!!!
I feel so depressed and down today. I got a phone call yesterday from the doc's office and they said i had to go for another ultrasound. When i asked why, they said the baby's head is two weeks ahead of its body. I posted this on the February boards, knowing that usually they are quite supportive. I got several replies, most seemed to say my worries were unfounded and that the doctor knew what he was doing. I know the doctor knows what he's doing but last i checked, it was okay to be scared and nervous and worried. It took us so long just to get pregnant. We had to go to two different fertility doctors. The first one said i had to lose 150 lbs in order to get pregnant. The 2nd one was more understanding but it was still hell. Im sure we'll have to do it again with our next child too. I just am not sure if i want to post another message on the boards now-im afraid of what they will say. Its hard enough reading their messages-they all seem really well off and here i am, living in a two bedroom apartment while dh works two jobs and we barely make ends meet. We cant afford to buy new things for baby. We cant afford to buy anything for baby right now-we are dependent on other people buying us baby gifts. I hate this. Its makes me so mad! I am used to being able to work and help provide but since we got pregnant, its been very very different. I had to quit my job early due to the morning sickness and health concerns-i was working outdoors last summer, very little shade. I just feel so frustrated at the whole situation. yeah, im a first time mom to be, but i now the risks of fertility treatments and i know the medical history of both sides of the family and i am allowed to worry. I hate feelign like im not allowed to worry. i hate feeling like i shouldnt worry, that its all in my head. WTF!!!! Why cant i just be honest and say, yes im nervous, im scared and concerned??? Why is it others can post their worries and fears and they dont get treated half as bad?? WTF did i do to deserve this??!!! I know this baby is going to be okay but i want to know that i can rant off about my concerns and cares and support others as i would like to be supported. i dont know if i can do that anymore. we'll see. . .
So, i stupidly figured out the shower was today after MAJOR fight with dh last night, i was kinda wondering if i was really looking forward to it or not. So we get there walk in and there was my friend from Toronto. She was there with her sis and mom and I didnt expect to see them at all!!! So, being the overemotional I am, I turn into a blubberpuss!! Then i noticed everyone else there and Im like totally stunned and surprised.
I didnt expect that many people, it was about 12 but i was told some couldnt come and it blew me away. We played wicked games, including the baby food game which got some really great facial expressions
Then there was the gifts. OMG!!! I got swamped!!! This kid is so spoiled!!!! I got diapers, burp cloths, wash cloths, hooded towels, bottles, nipples, soothers and so much more!!
So, i got to delete 1/3 off my BRU registry tonight
Also, one of my friends had a digital camera and took pics and she's going to send me some so I can post them for you all to see!! She got a pic of me and dh and a great belly pic as well!!! So pics are coming soon!
I had another doctor's appointment today. It was supposed to be a follow up to the ultrasound we had last week, where they thought the baby's head was measuring two weeks ahead of the body. So i had another ultrasound yesterday and this time everything seemed normal, baby is right on schedule. So I go back again on Monday for another doctor's appointment and another ultrasound. Ive got my hospital bag 1/2 packed and the nursery is still so incomplete, i could just cry. All we really have ready for baby is the bassinette. No crib, no dresser, no change table-nadda zip zero!! Parents have promised but with the due date closing in so quickly, Ill believe it when I see it. We may very well be setting up the nursery after the baby arrives. Which is extremely frustrating to me.
FINALLY GOT ORGANIZED!!
Things for Suitcase to go to Hospital:
large yellow envelope for important papers
t-shirt for jeff to change into
going home clothes (yeah bellbottoms!)
pillow (with colored case)
snacks/drinks for after birth
hand/foot print page from baby book
2 disposable cameras
change for snack machine or Tim Hortons
2 phone cards
vitamin e lotion (for dry skin)
medication for two days
pads (and lots of them)
clothes-sleeper, onesie, going home outfit
4 newborn diapers
Well, here I go again, nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof surrounded by dogs! Okay, thats a crappy example but I am so nervous. My friend Sheila had her baby on Tuesday, so I went up yesterday to see her and her husband Zach and the new baby girl, Molly. She is so adorable and cute, and so small. I havent seen a newborn up close in ages and it just makes me realize all the more that in a matter of a few weeks, it will be me in that position, holding our new little boy or girl. Its absolutely scary. I hardly slept last night because my poor mind is racing about this new little bundle of joy and am I really ready to take care of it. Sounds crazy, I mean thats why we got pregnant in the first place, we felt we were ready to have a baby. Now that baby's almost here, we're asking that same question all over again. I know we will have our mistakes and frustrations but I believe the love and the joy this child will add to our family will overflow those mistakes and frustrations 100 times over.