6w5d-March 14, 2009
Today is the first day that I really, truly feel like poop! I woke up this morning after having a crummy dream and got online for a while. Daddy went and bought donuts for breakfast and also bought me an apple juice. I ate the donuts and felt fine. I also drank some of my juice and not more than 30 minutes later I started feeling like crap. I thought it would go away, but after a couple of hours I was still feeling crummy. M/S to me feels like having a hangover :( Yuck! I laid down and took a 2 hour nap and woke up still feeling like poop, so unfortunately I think m/s is here to stay. I think I may go downstairs and look for my sea bands. They need to be on reserve for the next few weeks :) Tonight we are going out to eat for Daddy's birthday and I hope I can find something to eat. Wish me luck! Luv you peanut!!
7w2d-March 18, 2009
It's been a few days since I've written in here, so I thought I better come say hi. I have the worst backache :( It's right in the center of my back and it hurst like h*ll!! Other than my backache, I'm doing alright. M/S is kicking my butt, but not nearly as bad as the fatigue. I find that by the time the afternoon rolls around I'm having such a hard time keeping my eyes open. I kept pestering your Daddy about girl names too...If you should be a little girl, we'll call you Emerson :) I've loved this name since before Lauryn was born, so I'm happy I have a 50% chance to use it :) This will be a short one tonight. I am going to go lay down. Luv you peanut!!
7w4d-March 20, 2009
I just bought the first 2 diapers for the new baby :yahoo: They're adorable!! Lovebug will look so cute in them. I've been a little hesitant to buy anything, but m/s has definately made herself known. I feel a little more confident that I will get to meet this LO in about 7 months, so I decided to buy the diapers.
I had a dream about little lovebug the other night. In my dream, she was a girl. Not real sure what to think :confused: With Lauryn I had several dreams that she was a boy and poof! She's a girly girl. Guess we'll have to wait and see. I'm so anxious to see the baby. My u/s is in 6 days!!
I've had some sharp stabbing pains in my abdomen today and I vaguley remember them from my previous pregnancies. It feels like the baby is poking me from the inside with a needle. They don't last long, but they hurt! I'm going to bring it up to the doctor when I go on Thursday and see what she has to say. I think I'm off to bed for the night! Love you peanut!
7w6d-March 22, 2009
Today has been a blah day for me. I woke up last night with the worst pain/cramp in my stomach that I've ever felt. It scared me at first, but I *think* it was just gas. I woke up this morning and I've felt pretty good all day. I ate some lunch and then laid down with the girls. I just ate some cookies, and now I'm not feeling too well. I think I'm just scared. I'm getting closer to my u/s and I'm worried that there's going to be something wrong. I know it's all out of my hands, but it still scares the daylights out of me. I've had m/s on and off, but there's just no way to know in the first trimester. Ahh, I wish it was Friday! Then I'd have seen my peanut on the u/s and I wouldn't be freaking out as bad. I'm having some ligament pains, so hopefully all is well in my belly with my lovebug :confused:
?w?d-March 27, 2009
Nice title, right? I don't know what my due date is anymore, and therefore don't know how far along I am. I had my first appointment and u/s yesterday with my doctor. I was so scared, and then when the u/s started I realized why. My baby is measuring behind. I thought I was due Nov. 8 when I got my positive pregnancy test. I have been keeping track of my cycles and know about when I Od. When I met with the nurse practicioner she changed my date to the second, and I knew that might be off. I went into the u/s expecting to be off by a week or so (based on the doctor's due date), but low and behold I'm 2 weeks behind (1 behind my original due date). I tried to keep the tears in but I was and still am scared out of my mind.
While the tech was doing the u/s she asked if I was positive about my last period. I said yes, and then explained that I thought my due date was the 8th based on my calculations. She told me that she was getting a due date of Nov. 17th based on the measurements of Lovebug. Then she pointed at the baby and asked if I saw the flickering that she was pointing at. I thought I did, but I wasn't sure, and she told me that it was the baby's heartbeat. She tried to get a read on it, but she couldn't. She said I shouldn't worry, but of course I am.
I went back into the room and started crying while I was waiting for my doctor. This just doesn't make sense to me. The only thoughts going through my head are 1) my dates are off (maybe implantation happened later in my cycle) 2) my baby is just getting a slow start and will get a spurt here in the next few days or 3) my baby isn't growing like he or she should and I'm going to lose him/her. I'm so scared of the last one....it kept me up almost all night. I need all the positive thoughts/vibes/prayers I can get right now. I cannot lose this baby! I have become so attached already. This is my child. I want to meet this baby in November. I go back for a growth check on April 8, so only 12 more days :confused:
?w?d-March 28, 2009
I got a decent amount of sleep last night. My sister came over and she looked at the u/s picture and commented that Lovebug looked a whole lot bigger than her daughter at her 6w u/s. I'm just hanging onto that tiny bit of hope that I implanted much later than I thought, especially since I had a screwy cycle to begin with. I didn't even ovulate until CD21, and my cycles are typically only 29 days long. I'm going to try to relax over the weekend, but I'm sure I'll be analyzing any and all symptoms that I have. Please continue to send positive thoughts this way. Thank you!
?w?d-April 2, 2009
This baby is sure trying to make mommy stress. This morning I went to the restroom and when I wiped I noticed a small amount of red blood. It wasn't much, but I noticed it. I tried to figure out where it was coming from, whether it was hemeroids or something else. I called the doctor to check, and all they told me to do was rest and drink lots of fluids. She thought it might be a broken blood vessel or a swollen cervix. I honestly think it was from going to the bathroom, but blood at any point during a pregnancy is terrifying. I only saw it 2 times, and have felt pretty normal throughout the rest of the day. I have the option to come in tomorrow morning if I want, but I think I may just wait it out. My appointment is on Wednesday. We'll see how the night goes. Ugh!! For all the trouble this LO is giving me, it better be a boy ;) I just have to try to stay calm over the weekend. Please keep sending positive thoughts this way!
?w?d-April 3, 2009
Today is the first day that I'm scared something has happened to the baby. I didn't really have any m/s at all :( My boobs still hurt and I've been peeing, but that's about it. I'm really scared. I wish I would have stayed home today and gone into the doctor's. My appointment is Wednesday, and if I really wanted to, I bet I could go to the ER. Who honestly wants to do that though? Agh!! :mad: I hate waiting!
April 9, 2009
My baby has grown wings....I never thought this would really happen to me, although I've always been terrified of the first trimester. I tried to mentally prepare myself, but there's no way to really do that. I'm just devastated.....I was already so attached to this baby.
I went for my follow-up u/s yesterday and before the tech started, I told her I was really nervous. I explained that the last time I was in, the baby was smaller than what it should have been. She asked if there had been a heartbeat, and I said the tech thought she saw one, but I didn't. The second she started, I could tell there was no heartbeat. The baby didn't look any different than the last time I was there 2 weeks ago. In fact, it looked smaller. She took some measurements and I could tell they were off...the machine was giving me a new due date of Dec. 1. I started crying. She didn't really say anything to me, but that she was going to go get my doctor. Then I knew :( My baby died.
Dr. Aldrich came in and said the tech told her the baby's heart had stopped beating. She sat in there while the tech did some more measurements and they looked again for a heartbeat, but I lost it. I cried for a long time and then went to back to a room to talk to the doctor. She said I had 2 options, and that she was surprised that I hadn't started bleeding already. Evidentally, the placenta has already ripped away from the uterus. She asked if I wanted to wait and miscarry on my own, or if I wanted and S&C. I opted for an S&C. I just want this over, and this way they'll be able to do some tests. I'm not expecting any answers, especially since the baby was so tiny, but one never knows. I go in tomorrow and I'm scared, angry, and frustrated. I know that everything really does happen for a reason, but when it happens to you, it really sucks! Todd and I both know that we want one more child, so when we're done grieving for our little lovebug, then we'll try again. Until then...I guess this journal is closed :(