Yesterday I woke up with an awful headache so I get out of bed pop some Tylenol and a Zyrtec, and then promptly throw it right back up. I figured I needed to eat before taking pills so I get ready for work and walk out the door early to hit up Wendy's for my cheeseburger and some Chili.
I get to Wendy's and there is a HUGE line for the drive-thru that wraps around the building so I park and walk in to order. The line inside is long too, but seems to be moving fast so I take my place at the end behind a large family of 12 with a bunch of kids who are screwing around. After about 10 minutes they finally get up to order and NOT one of them know what they want. I think "Seriously! You've been in line for 20 minutes at Wendy's, how do you not know what you want?!" 10 minutes later I finally get up there and order 2 cheeseburgers, a chili and a medium coke to help get rid of my headache. Now, I am not normally a burger or coke eater at all, but you know of my fondness of the Burger King cheeseburger. I am expecting something similar from Wendy's, a small burger that costs a buck or so. The dude behind the counter tallies my order and says that will be 10.40$. 'Holy crap!' I think, but I am already going to be late to work thanks to the Brady Bunch so I pay the man and get my order. The coke the dude hands me is HUGE, not the medium I ordered so I say 'Excuse me but I ordered a a medium, not a large.' and the dude says that my soda is a medium! I get a little sad because there is no way I can drink that much coke and I don't want it to go to waste but I take my stuff and get in my car and drive away.
As I am heading to work unwrapping my burger to eat on the road horror strikes! My simple little cheeseburger with onions is actually this HUGE, monsterous, giagantic burger with a whole slop of crap on it! I look at the burger, then look at my HUGE coke and promptly start crying and I can't stop! I cry all the way to work, all because my coke and cheeseburger were too big!
What makes it even worse is that when telling the story to 3 other nurses (at seperate times) I cried again during the story.
Yesterday I lost a very important part of my family. My Yorkie Max.
We went to the vet on Saturday because Max had been having some episodes of labored breathing and hacking. They did a chest x-ray and listened to his heart and lungs. His lungs sounded fine, but the vet heard a loud heart murmur. The x-ray showed that his heart was enlarged. Max was in no distress or showed any trouble so she told us that she would like us to schedule a u/s of his heart this week but it was not urgent and there was nothing that concerned her then. Yesterday Graham took our other dogs to his parent’s house while I stayed home with Max. All day he was fine. We hung out in the sun reading and had a mellow day. At 2:30 I left to meet my family to go bowling and have dinner for mother’s day. Graham called me at asking how Max had been all day, because he was looking really uncomfortable. I told him he was fine, but if he was concerned we should take him into the emergency vet who has a cardiologist. I left my family to meet my husband at the vet. When I got there Graham was sitting along in the waiting room and started crying as soon as I walked it. My husband is not a crier so I got alarmed. He told me the vet said that they were very concerned that Max was in heart failure. He was in a lot of distress and had a low oxygen level so they had him in an Oxygen tent. The nurse came out to talk to us and tell us the estimated costs (which weren’t important) and what we wanted them to do if Max went into Cardiac arrest. Max is almost 9 years old, but the nurse said that was fairly young for a Yorkie so I told them if Max’s heart stopped I would like them to take heroic measures and start CPR. A few minutes later the Vet came back out and said that she was very concerned that Max would not make it through the night. They gave him some lasix (a diuretic to help drain the fluid from his lungs and around his heart) as well as some Nitro to help the valves in his heart handle the blood flow. But he was not responding, but instead was getting worse. She told us he was very critical and wanted to be sure a Full COR is what we wanted. She told us that only 5% of animals that CPR is done on are revived and of those 5% only 1% can ever get well enough to leave the hospital. I told her Max was a tough dog and he deserved to have whatever could be done to save him. At this point I honestly knew he was going to be fine. How could he not? When I left him just 2 ½ hours ago he was fine. She also told us that Max was favoring his paw and was unable to put any weight on it and that worried her that he had a blood clot in his leg. They let us go back and see Max, but told us we could only stay for a few minutes and we could only touch him quickly since he was in his Oxygen tent. When we get back their there are two nurses watching Max, who is laying in this clear plastic box that only has 2 small holes for the O2 to go in and out. He was flat on his side and breathing HARD! He looked so awful. He was awake and looked at us, but didn’t try to move or get up. He just laid there panting. We stayed with him for the few minutes we were allowed and they let us to a quick petting and then told us we could go home and they would call if anything changed. Max is such a huge part of my life so it didn’t feel right leaving him so I told them we would stay until they got him settled in the O2 tent that he would be spending the night, which was being prepped to the correct oxygen concentration before they moved him. I wanted to see Max settled before we left. We went back to the waiting room and waited. 45 minutes later the Vet come running out and told us Max had gone into Cardiac Arrest. We went back to see him and every free hand in the clinic was gathered around my tiny 7 lbs dog. They had him incubated and were doing chest compressions and pushing meds. Words cannot even describe what that is like to see that happening to your little dog, who was fine a few short hours ago. I was crying while we stood back and watched. All I could think was that the chances of getting him back were so slim and that we were prolonging his pain so I asked them to stop. The vet had everyone step back and drew up some medication to let Max pass more comfortably. She has the meds ready to go into Max’s IV went to put my hand on Max so he could feel I was there as he passed but as I laid my hand on his chest I felt a heart beat! A very strong heart beat! So I said, his heart is still beating, does that mean he has a chance? So they all gather around again and start ventilating Max and doing compressions. Because there is so much fluid in Max’s lungs every few compressions they have to stop and pick him up to let the blood tinged pink fluids drain out. The vet apologies for us having to watch such a graphic scene, but all I want is Max to get better so I tell them to do what they need to do. I say isn’t it a good thing that the fluid is draining out and clearing his lungs? The vet says it is as she is doing her compressions. She tells me that they did get Max back but his rhythm is so irregular that it’s not a rhythm compatible with life. I asked about a difibulator to shock his rhythm back to normal, but the Vet said that this was not a rhythm that can be fixed with a shock. So again I asked them to stop and told them I wanted to hold him. Graham and I step forward and place our hands on Max and tell him what a good boy he is and how brave he has been and how proud of him we are as the vet pushes the medicine that officially ended Max’s life at . After Max passed they put us in a room with him so we could say good bye. We sat for hours with him crying and wishing something could be done different. The vet came in and answered all his questions. She told us we did everything we could and we did everything right. She said that she thinks it was a good idea to try CPR, but it was also the right decision to stop. We decided to have Max cremated. He was a special dog. He deserves to be remembered for the wonderful part of our family that he was. Today my heart is completely broken. Last night I couldn’t sleep more then an hour without waking up crying. It’s amazing how the smallest member of our family has left this huge hole in our home. Our house, even with 2 other big dogs feels so empty and quite. Even sitting here typing this is hard, because normally Max would be lying right next to me but instead all there is a void. Please say a little prayer that Max is in a place where he is happy and comfortable.
It has been a really tough week loosing Max. He was our first "child" and has been there for me through every rough time I've ever had. My heart just aches without him. I took Monday off work, which was nice to have the time to grieve at home, but was also hard because DH went to work for 1/2 the day so that left me alone in this house that seems so huge and empty without Max here. When I was home Max was always right next to me. If I was sitting he was laying next to me legs, if I was in bed he was sleeping on my legs, anywhere I walked to he was right there with me, waiting for me to come out of the bathroom or following me in if I forgot to shut the door all the way. It feels so much emptier when you are used to seeing, feeling and hearing Max everywhere.
Work has actually been a nice distraction but since I only work 3 days a week so far I have been alone at home all week except for Tuesday, when I worked. Last night I was looking forward to going in. Not only is it a good distraction, but I would get to work with my good friends who are a great support system for me. But instead our census was low so got canceled and put oncall. Normally I don't mind the extra time off, but today I was looking forward to going in. I went to bed and managed to get to sleep, but woke up at 3am with a strong urge to write the Emergency Vet who cared for Max in his last moments. I'm sure for her it was business as usual taking care of Max. He was only there for less then 2 hours before he passed. I want the vet to remember him. He was a special little dog and I wanted to be sure her life was touched by him as much as people who meet him when he was well were touched. So I started writing her a letter about Max's life. I sat here for 2 hours trying to sum up Max in typing to let her know how loved, treasured and missed he is but words could not come to mind. Everything I wrote just sounded stupid and did not justify how amazing he was so I gave up. I hope I can find the words before she totally forgets about this special little Yorkie who she spend his last moments with.
I am trying to focus on happier things because when I get upset I tend not to eat or sleep. Neither of which is good for the baby so when I was at a loss of words of how to accurately describe Max I turned my attention to a guest list for one of my many baby showers. We are going to a baseball game tonight with friends. Amanda, my best friend, has been asking me for a guest list for quite some time so since I will be seeing her tonight I had to come up with one.
Since I am blessed enough to have a lot of people who are almost as excited about this baby as I am and several people who are determined to host a shower I've decided to break my guest lists into 3 and do a work shower, a family shower and a friends shower.
These showers are sneaking up quicker then I thought they would! But my baby sister is getting deployed in September so all of my hosts were nice enough to push up the time so that she can come before she ventures off to fight for our country.
I'm most excited about the friends shower. I really don't like being in the center of attention. I hated my bridal showers and sitting there opening gifts as people sit and watch. I really didn't want to have to do that 3 times. My work shower will be formal as will my family shower so my dear sweet Amanda came up with a plan to make this less of a shower about gifts and more of a celebration of the baby. There will be no shower games, no girl only teas with tiny sandwiches, no gift opening in front of an audience but a coed Baby-Q where it more about fun, friends, food and drinks than bottles, bibs, binkies and booties. It should be fun!
Nothing too new to report babywise. We went to a baseball game with a group of friends and one of my close friends is a sonographer and asked when I was going to let her scan me. I have been wanting to wait until the baby looked more like a baby. So nows the time. We set a date for this coming Friday. I'm excited! My big u/s with my OB is the 30th but I think it will be so much more fun to find out the gender with a friend then the OB.
Just for fun here is a pic of me and DH at the Rockies game.
We also did a crap load of year work this weekend! We are landscaping our backyard and we finally are making progress past the sprinklers. So this weekend we shaped the sod and moved a TON (literally a TON!) of hardscaping (boarder stones, retaining wall pieces) I got quite the work out but it is looking so good! I'm so excited our baby will have nice soft grass to crawl around on next summer! I'm just sad Max didn't get to see it, he would have loved it.
I think I am finally starting to get a more noticable bump. I still think I look just fat and frumpy, but my friend all were commenting on my little belly this weekend so I think I am starting to pop.
Here is my 19 week pic taken today, it looks like a bump here, but when you see the full picture with my chubby legs and big *** it looks more like a food baby then a real baby! Oh well. In the next few weeks here it should start to get really obvious.
Last edited by Lavender444; 05-19-2008 at 02:19 PM.
I turned another year older on Saturday. I hate that birthdays are no longer fun, just depressing. I am now closer to 30 then I am to 20 (although that was true last year too). I actually had a fun birthday despite getting older. I really wanted to go hiking so DH and I trecked up to the mountians and went on a 10 miles hike (not bad for a pg girl!).
My HOT Dh and the Dogs...
and even though I feel HUGE and hate this pic I will share it anyways...me and the dogs.
It was fun and such a beautiful day for it and obviously my fat *** needed the excercise. Afterwards we came home to a much needed nap. Then we went and undid all the good we did hiking at the Melting Pot! Yum!
We also learned the sex of the baby this weekend! My sonographer friend has been wanting to scan me so we finally made the long trip to see her and found out we are having a GIRL!!!
We are very excited, although we cannot agree on a girl name for the life of us. My long time favorite, before it got popular, was Ava. I used to take care of a resident at a nursing home I worked at with that name and I always though it was so pretty and classic. Now I am having second thoughts because its so popular. I don't want my daughter to be one of the 7 Ava's in her class. Of course once I started writting the name off, DH has started to warm up to it. So we'll see. I am still in the market and hoping something grabs me and feels right before she is born!
We got our first girl gift yesterday! We went to a BBQ at a my friend Tessie's (the sonographer) house and she got us some super cute girl outfits!!!
My Mom also came over yesterday and bought me a bunch of summer shirts for my b-day and also came with this little guy that her husband made me! It totally made me LOL! She winds up and dances! If I was smart enough to figure out how to do a video I would show you, but sadly a pic is all I am capable of.
I walk into the report room at work last night to find one of my favorite coworkers waiting for me. "So...?" she asks. and I tell them all "It's a Girl!" Kerry smiles really big and hands me a bag- FILLED with girl clothes! How did everyone know but us that we were having a girl?
I cannot believe how many clothes Kerry got us! So sweet and generous! I also cannot believe she was so sure it was a girl that she loaded up on that much pink! She did have one blue outfit tucked in there and some yellow- just incase, but a whole lotta pink!
I also *think* I felt the baby kick last night!! Although I was pretty gasy so it might have been that, but I am pretty sure it was the baby. I felt 3 good bumps all in the same spot! So fun!!
OMG! Congrats sweetie! I hadn't read your journal in a couple of days and then when you said that you were having an U/S, I just KNEW it was a girl and sure enough, I scrolled down and that's exactly what you said!!! Yay for girls!!!! P.S. I love Audrey and Charlotte. Audrey is my middle name and I Charlotte is on our girl name list cuz we like the nickname Charlie. You have such good taste in names!
20 weeks and 3 Days...again! Yep, my due date got moved. Actually it was moved a while ago but I'm just now ready to admit it. My new due date is just 2 days later...October 14th. At first I was upset but now I am thinking the later in October I deliver the greater the odds I get to stay home through the holidays so she can bake a little longer so I don't have to work Christmas!
My appt went well today. We got lots of new u/s pics! Our baby is still a girl and everything looks perfect. Her heart rate was 148, she weights 357 grams, which is 0.8 lbs or 12.5 oz. So she is up 2.5 from my u/s with Tessie! Sbe was moved from breech into a transverse position and was curled up in a tight little ball the whole u/s. It was super cute to see but they were unable to get a good look at her spine with her in that position so I talked them into another u/s at my next appt! ()
Here are just a couple of our many pics because I am too lazy to put them all up.
Still a girl shot
All curled up! So cute!!
Everything with me is going well too. I was worried about my weigh check because I feel like I have been eating like **** since I still have morning sickness and only the crappy food sounds good and stays down. I was sure I gained 15 lbs from my last appt. My scale at home is on the fritz so I had no idea where I was, but I have only gained 3.5 lbs from my starting weight. My OB was happy with that so now I feel a lot better and celebrated with ice cream and a cupcake! I know I need to gain some weight, which I am fine with but I am already heavier then I am comfortable with and want to keep my weight gain from being excessive. My BP was 104/77 and my uterus is 3 fingers above my belly button. I didnt have my uterus measured since I'm not that big yet, but everything is going well! Yay!