This first post is going to be so long that I'll probably break it into several parts!
A little background - My name is Kim and my DH is Earl. We've been married for 15yrs and have a 7yo boy named Nathan. We've always been reproductively challenged and it took us almost 8yrs of TTCing to conceive Nathan. We started trying for #2 when Nathan was a year old but it took us almost 7yrs this time!
I'm actually going to end this post with my last two TTC journel entries because they deal with this pg and they also will help me explain myself in the next post!!
Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:40 pm
I got a BFP!!
Before work yesterday I went to Walmart and got a 3 pack of First Response. I couldn't wait so I stopped at Best Buy (electronics store) and went to their bathroom. The line was faint...but it was there...and I spent 10min in the bathroom stall wailing like a fool! I couldn't help it! All I could do was cry and say 'thank you'!
Of course, I was only 11dpo, I wasn't using FMU, and the line was very faint so I roped myself back in and managed to make it through the day w/o telling anyone or having anyone ask me what was the reason for the silly grin plastered on my face!
I'd planned to use FMU this morning and get an 'accurate' reading, but for some reason last night I could not stay out of the bathroom. From 11:30pm until 7:30am I had to go 4 times! So much for FMU!
Of course I couldn't help myself. I tested at 10am and got another faint line! I immediately told DH, who looked very skeptical and kept saying 'I don't see it'. Of course, he's done this w/ all of my pregnancies. He won't let himself 'believe' until I get a doctors confirmation. It's the way HE protects himself from dissapointment!
It led to a cute moment (IMO). He kept snickering and sayinging, 'Where...what line...' so I hit him on the arm with the test, then said, 'No! Bad baby! Don't hit daddy!' Which completely cracked him up.
He believes, though he swears he's waiting, because he's been walking around with a grin all day long and has made several off hand comment about how our families (and especially Nathan) will react. Then I made the comment at Walmart (I had to get more tests because I want to take a few more when I'm actually 'Late' to hopefully get some darker lines. That way when I go on my next day off to have my dr's office confirm the test, I can confidently say...yep got a dark line!) about how much diapers cost and he got this faintly sick look on his face and said, 'Oh man...I hadn't even thought about that yet!'
Last time I got pg in Feb 04, the day the dr confirmed it (at just over 4wks), we told Nathan and both our families. When I miscarried a week later, it was very hard. I did like having the support of my family, but trying to explain to my then 5yo son why he'd only been a 'big brother' for a week, was a conversation I hope to never repeat.
Because of that, I've asked DH if we could wait until I'm at least 6wks before we tell anyone. I know I'll NEVER make it much past that because I am so happy and excited and (regarding work) commited to not doing anything stupid (like lifting heavy objects and swinging from ladders to steel to get products down for customers).
I'm going to hang around here for a little while longer, again the old fear of m/c rearing it's ugly head, because I don't want to 'get ahead of myself' too much by starting a pg journal!!
Nov 18, 2005 9:23 am
Okay, this is more nerve wracking than the 2ww...I'm convinced of it.
I went in on Monday (11/14 - 14dpo) and had my pregnancy confirmed by the doctors office. Two wonderful things happened there. One, my favorite nurse Maryann was the one who gave me my pee test (she'd done my one w/ Nathan) and when I told her my home tests had been faint, she dug around in a cabinet until she found a different test that she said was little more sensitive. So I actually had 2 pg tests working at the same time!
The sensitivity didn't matter though because w/ in seconds both tests popped up positive! She was as excited as I was! Then she asked if my husband was excited and I laughed and told her that he said he wasn't going to believe it until someone from the doctors office said 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey'. Well, when she heard that, she pulled out her note pad, wrote the date, time, and 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey' and gave it to me. I wish I'd had a picture of Earl's face when he read that! He thought it was so funny! It's hanging on the refrigerator now but will certainly go in the new baby's book!
Then Maryann did something that will forever put her at the top of my Christmas card list! The doctor wasn't in (he'd been called in for an emerg c-section) so she made an 'executive decision' and ordered me some blood tests to check my hcg levels! I could have kissed her! My last preg ended in a m/c so I was looking for ANY reassurance!
The results came back with a number of 109 which, after reading on the boards about some of the other ladies numbers in the high hundreds and even thousands, sounded awfully low to me. But, the nurse was quick to assure me that for a two/three week gestation period the numbers were right on track.
I'm to go back on Monday for another test to see how the numbers are doing.
I've decided that NOW would be a good time to get an evil head cold and it's killing me! My head hurts, my nose is stopped up, my throat hurts, my ears hurt...basically anything over my neck is not cooperating! I did call Dr. B's office to find out if there's anything I could take but I just wish it would go away!
Otherwise, I'm sitting over here quietly losing my mind from worrying about a possible m/c. I'm not cramping or spotting or in any way but until I get past that 5wk mark where I lost my last baby, I'm going to be paranoid.
My bb's are still tender but the level they were at last weekened (where I didn't want anything to touch them) has gone down a notch. They are still painful when poked but breathing doesn't make me wince anymore! My stomach still has that bleh feeling but I wish I had full blown m/s! It would be more reassuring.
I just remember that in 2004, I had the tender breasts, then the home bfp, then the doctor's office confirmed bfp, then a week later a m/c. So, the doctors BFP may have reassured Earl, but it's reawakened all those memories and fears! Knowing the numbers has helped, but I'll be better if I could just get my second set of numbers and get a little further along.
We've decided to wait until after the second blood test and Thanksgiving to tell our families. One if the numbers indicate something is wrong, we won't have gotten everyones hopes up, and with everyone in one place we'll get them all in one swoop!
There are of course three exceptions to this rule. The first (and most important) is going to be Nathan. We're going to tell him as soon as we get the results of the second blood test back (if the results are good). He's so anxious for a baby I know he'll be beside himself with joy. As a matter of fact, when we prayed before bed last night, he told me and Earl that he'd decided to pray for only what he wanted the most (apparently he's decided to move away from the generic 'bless my family, my friends' type prayer) so he prayed for Earl's grandmother whose in the hospital and then he prayed for a baby brother or sister. I wanted to cry.
The other two exceptions are my friends Robin and Ann. Robin has been my sounding board (okay..my whining and obsessing board!) for this journey and I couldn't NOT tell her! Her son was in my son's kindergarten class, but because both of us work, we didn't get to know each other until one day when she e-mailed me. She'd found my journal on pg.org and saw Nathan's kindergarten graduation picture! She's a special, funny, caring woman that I'm fortunate to have gotten to know! So, of course I told her (shhhh....Earl doesn't know that!).
Ann is family. We've been friends since we met at work in 1992. Because of our same sick sense of humor, a love of music and books, shared experiences, and the beach, we became closer than sisters! We've been each other's confidant, leaning post, thump on the head to bring you to your senses, friends since then. She supported me through 6yrs of TTCing before moving to England in 1996. When I became pg in 1998, I had to share the news with her over the phone. She now lives in South Carolina and is coming up next week to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us and her family (who live in the area), so she will also be told before Thanksgiving!!
If my numbers are good from Monday's test, I will probably move to a pg journal. All I can do is pray and try to remain positive! I just wish time would move a little quicker...you know?!