This first post is going to be so long that I'll probably break it into several parts!
A little background - My name is Kim and my DH is Earl. We've been married for 15yrs and have a 7yo boy named Nathan. We've always been reproductively challenged and it took us almost 8yrs of TTCing to conceive Nathan. We started trying for #2 when Nathan was a year old but it took us almost 7yrs this time!
I'm actually going to end this post with my last two TTC journel entries because they deal with this pg and they also will help me explain myself in the next post!!
Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:40 pm
I got a BFP!!
Before work yesterday I went to Walmart and got a 3 pack of First Response. I couldn't wait so I stopped at Best Buy (electronics store) and went to their bathroom. The line was faint...but it was there...and I spent 10min in the bathroom stall wailing like a fool! I couldn't help it! All I could do was cry and say 'thank you'!
Of course, I was only 11dpo, I wasn't using FMU, and the line was very faint so I roped myself back in and managed to make it through the day w/o telling anyone or having anyone ask me what was the reason for the silly grin plastered on my face!
I'd planned to use FMU this morning and get an 'accurate' reading, but for some reason last night I could not stay out of the bathroom. From 11:30pm until 7:30am I had to go 4 times! So much for FMU!
Of course I couldn't help myself. I tested at 10am and got another faint line! I immediately told DH, who looked very skeptical and kept saying 'I don't see it'. Of course, he's done this w/ all of my pregnancies. He won't let himself 'believe' until I get a doctors confirmation. It's the way HE protects himself from dissapointment!
It led to a cute moment (IMO). He kept snickering and sayinging, 'Where...what line...' so I hit him on the arm with the test, then said, 'No! Bad baby! Don't hit daddy!' Which completely cracked him up.
He believes, though he swears he's waiting, because he's been walking around with a grin all day long and has made several off hand comment about how our families (and especially Nathan) will react. Then I made the comment at Walmart (I had to get more tests because I want to take a few more when I'm actually 'Late' to hopefully get some darker lines. That way when I go on my next day off to have my dr's office confirm the test, I can confidently say...yep got a dark line!) about how much diapers cost and he got this faintly sick look on his face and said, 'Oh man...I hadn't even thought about that yet!'
Last time I got pg in Feb 04, the day the dr confirmed it (at just over 4wks), we told Nathan and both our families. When I miscarried a week later, it was very hard. I did like having the support of my family, but trying to explain to my then 5yo son why he'd only been a 'big brother' for a week, was a conversation I hope to never repeat.
Because of that, I've asked DH if we could wait until I'm at least 6wks before we tell anyone. I know I'll NEVER make it much past that because I am so happy and excited and (regarding work) commited to not doing anything stupid (like lifting heavy objects and swinging from ladders to steel to get products down for customers).
I'm going to hang around here for a little while longer, again the old fear of m/c rearing it's ugly head, because I don't want to 'get ahead of myself' too much by starting a pg journal!!
Nov 18, 2005 9:23 am
Okay, this is more nerve wracking than the 2ww...I'm convinced of it.
I went in on Monday (11/14 - 14dpo) and had my pregnancy confirmed by the doctors office. Two wonderful things happened there. One, my favorite nurse Maryann was the one who gave me my pee test (she'd done my one w/ Nathan) and when I told her my home tests had been faint, she dug around in a cabinet until she found a different test that she said was little more sensitive. So I actually had 2 pg tests working at the same time!
The sensitivity didn't matter though because w/ in seconds both tests popped up positive! She was as excited as I was! Then she asked if my husband was excited and I laughed and told her that he said he wasn't going to believe it until someone from the doctors office said 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey'. Well, when she heard that, she pulled out her note pad, wrote the date, time, and 'Congratulations Mr. Bailey' and gave it to me. I wish I'd had a picture of Earl's face when he read that! He thought it was so funny! It's hanging on the refrigerator now but will certainly go in the new baby's book!
Then Maryann did something that will forever put her at the top of my Christmas card list! The doctor wasn't in (he'd been called in for an emerg c-section) so she made an 'executive decision' and ordered me some blood tests to check my hcg levels! I could have kissed her! My last preg ended in a m/c so I was looking for ANY reassurance!
The results came back with a number of 109 which, after reading on the boards about some of the other ladies numbers in the high hundreds and even thousands, sounded awfully low to me. But, the nurse was quick to assure me that for a two/three week gestation period the numbers were right on track.
I'm to go back on Monday for another test to see how the numbers are doing.
I've decided that NOW would be a good time to get an evil head cold and it's killing me! My head hurts, my nose is stopped up, my throat hurts, my ears hurt...basically anything over my neck is not cooperating! I did call Dr. B's office to find out if there's anything I could take but I just wish it would go away!
Otherwise, I'm sitting over here quietly losing my mind from worrying about a possible m/c. I'm not cramping or spotting or in any way but until I get past that 5wk mark where I lost my last baby, I'm going to be paranoid.
My bb's are still tender but the level they were at last weekened (where I didn't want anything to touch them) has gone down a notch. They are still painful when poked but breathing doesn't make me wince anymore! My stomach still has that bleh feeling but I wish I had full blown m/s! It would be more reassuring.
I just remember that in 2004, I had the tender breasts, then the home bfp, then the doctor's office confirmed bfp, then a week later a m/c. So, the doctors BFP may have reassured Earl, but it's reawakened all those memories and fears! Knowing the numbers has helped, but I'll be better if I could just get my second set of numbers and get a little further along.
We've decided to wait until after the second blood test and Thanksgiving to tell our families. One if the numbers indicate something is wrong, we won't have gotten everyones hopes up, and with everyone in one place we'll get them all in one swoop!
There are of course three exceptions to this rule. The first (and most important) is going to be Nathan. We're going to tell him as soon as we get the results of the second blood test back (if the results are good). He's so anxious for a baby I know he'll be beside himself with joy. As a matter of fact, when we prayed before bed last night, he told me and Earl that he'd decided to pray for only what he wanted the most (apparently he's decided to move away from the generic 'bless my family, my friends' type prayer) so he prayed for Earl's grandmother whose in the hospital and then he prayed for a baby brother or sister. I wanted to cry.
The other two exceptions are my friends Robin and Ann. Robin has been my sounding board (okay..my whining and obsessing board!) for this journey and I couldn't NOT tell her! Her son was in my son's kindergarten class, but because both of us work, we didn't get to know each other until one day when she e-mailed me. She'd found my journal on pg.org and saw Nathan's kindergarten graduation picture! She's a special, funny, caring woman that I'm fortunate to have gotten to know! So, of course I told her (shhhh....Earl doesn't know that!).
Ann is family. We've been friends since we met at work in 1992. Because of our same sick sense of humor, a love of music and books, shared experiences, and the beach, we became closer than sisters! We've been each other's confidant, leaning post, thump on the head to bring you to your senses, friends since then. She supported me through 6yrs of TTCing before moving to England in 1996. When I became pg in 1998, I had to share the news with her over the phone. She now lives in South Carolina and is coming up next week to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us and her family (who live in the area), so she will also be told before Thanksgiving!!
If my numbers are good from Monday's test, I will probably move to a pg journal. All I can do is pray and try to remain positive! I just wish time would move a little quicker...you know?!
I got my wish! Time moved faster!
When I was TTCing I'd planned to write from the day I got my BFP. I didn't keep any sort of journel with Nathan and, while I remember a huge majority of that time, I still want to remember more! So, this is going to be a journel about little bit, but knowing me I'll also have some Nathan memories too!
Which brings me to the first one! We called Nathan 'Spot' from the first time we saw him on ultrasound. I didn't want to call this little one by Nathan's 'name' so I've started calling him/her - Little Bit.
As you can see, I didn't manage to do that. The past month has been a rollercoaster to say the least! So...let's go back to just before Thanksgiving!
It started with a head cold and evolved into some kind of mad plague! By Thanksgiving I was still feeling horrible - Ears that felt like ice picks were being driven into them, a throat so raw swallowing was something I dreaded doing, headaches, stuffy/runny nose, horrible cough...everything BUT a fever it seemed! So, I hauled myself to the doc and got a prescription for Amoxicilian (apparently the only thing they could prescribe me at just 5wks pg!).
My second bloodtest came back perfect! They doubled nicely so we decided to go ahead and tell the family! My friend Ann found out without me having to say a word! She came into town on Tues before Thanksgiving - while I was anxiously waiting for a call back with the results. The office called while I was outside helping her get her bags in so when I played back the phone message it said 'Mrs Bailey, this is ____ from Dr. B's office calling you with the results of your blood test. Please give me a call tomorrow when the office is open...and don't worry...the news is good!' Ann knew immediately what that was because she knew who Dr. B is!
That night we told Nathan. He's very big into secrets right now, so DH called him over saying he had a secret to tell him. So Nathan came over, leaned close and Earl whispered that he was going to be a big brother. Nathan pulled back, looked at his dad like he'd lost his mind, and said 'You're CRAZY!' It wasn't until I nodded and said it was true that he believed! He was absolutely over the top excited! That did lead to a 'sniff' moment later that night. When he went to bed and said his prayers he prayed for a baby brother/sister again. Earl kind of interrupted and said 'Don't you want to thank God for the baby he's given you?' So Nathan cracked his eye open and said 'Uhhh...don't you remember what happened LAST time?' He was talking about the m/c I had in 2004!
That Thanksgiving we told the family...or Nathan did. That was his job! He went up to everyone and whispered in their ear that he was going to be a big brother! Everyone on both sides was happy for us, but you could tell when they found out I was only 5wks it kind of tempered their enthusiasm. I guess everyone remembered the last m/c!!
The best reaction though came at the ladies tea my Aunt Bet throws for the women in my family as her Christmas present. My mom and SIL kept waiting for me to bring it up, but I hate being the center of attention so I was procrastinating! So, they started dropping hints about how Garrett (my SIL's youngest child) wasn't going to be the baby anymore and so on until the Aunts caught on! You should have heard the noise! It was really sweet how excited they were!
To be honest, the time from Thanksgiving until Christmas has been a bit of blur with some memorable highlights...thanks to the plague that still haunted me and a horrendous work schedule because of it being the holiday season in a retail setting!
The amoxicillan knocked out the worst of the cold but it was still hanging around and had left behind an interesting side effect. It took my voice! I sounded like a frog dying on the highway everytime I opened my mouth! The fact I was STILL so bad led me to telling my boss earlier than I'd planned because she was questioning why I didn't just get stronger drugs to knock it out once and for all! She was so excited when I told her that she gave me a big hug...then she asked when I planned to let everyone else know! Apparently it's hard to sit on news that good! I finally did start telling people, one at a time, and it was very sweet to see how much people care about me and my family!
My friend Angie (who works the food court and is Nathan's particular buddy) got tears in her eyes and was dancing around she was so excited! Carolyn (one of the demo ladies who's become the unofficial 'mama' of the store and who is currently on sick leave from a surgery) found out from someone calling her at home and called me specifically to congratulate me and tell me she better not hear of me doing anything 'stupid' out there! Basically, once everyone heard I've started being molly coddled throughout the store! I can't even walk outside without the front door person asking me where my coat is!
The best part came though on 12/13 when we had our first appt. We got to see little bit! Dr. B found the heartbeat right off but had to point it out to me. DH said he still couldn't see it but that he'd take our word for it! And, we got pictures!! Nathan couldn't stop staring at it when we showed him.
Since then things have gone by in a haze of morning/noon/night sickness and still feeling bad from this thing I've had since Novemember. I finally went back to the doc and he basically said that since I was only 10wks pg all he could really do was pat me on the back, tell me congratulations and that he hoped I'd feel better soon because they couldn't prescribe me anything heavier than the amoxicillan they'd already given me!! Then he started looking back in my chart and realized that this wasn't something I'd been suffering with a few days but was actually going on 6wks! So, he prescribed me another round of antibiotics and told me to talk as little as possible! Yeah right...you might as well tell me not to breathe!
I thought I was prepared for morning sickness because of how sick I was with Nathan...but nothing prepared me for what started happening in the days before and immediately following Christmas! The week before Christmas I started not being able to eat at all without throwing up over half of what I'd eaten...every time I ate something! Before that I'd at least been able to keep down one meal or snack a day. It got worse in that even when I didn't have food in my stomach I was dry heaving until I peed on myself every 20-30 minutes...regardless of where I was! Target, work, the grocery store...it didn't matter!
So, the day after Christmas I stepped on the scale for the first time in weeks and found I'd lost 6lbs and by that Wednesday the m/s was completely uncontrollable! I broke down and called my doc and he called in a prescription of Zofran for me.
It's like night and day! I told my DH that if wasn't against my religious beliefs I'd worship that little pill! Within minutes of letting it dissolve on my tongue I could feel the nausea slip away and within an hour I could eat something bland and actually keep it down! I'm so excited because this morning I ate an apple, a piece of peanut butter toast, and a huge glass of milk and haven't thrown up once!
I honestly can't believe I'm almost 11wks pg! It seems like a dream sometimes. I loved my doc giving me weekly blood tests all the way up to 7wks because it gave me some comfort that my baby was growing, and seeing the heartbeat at 8wks was thrilling. Now, I'm just anxiously awaiting my next appt on 1/10. This time I'm hoping we'll get to hear the heartbeat!
What a week! You'd think it'd been not very hectic because of having a couple of days off in a row, but that's not what happened. I had a chore day on Tuesday with my son who was out of school and yesterday I had to take a long car trip to fetch a friend of mine up from SC...which led to two revelations.
1. Little Bit does NOT like car trips!
2. Even Zofran has it's limits!
I was nauseous and dizzy even while taking the Zofran so driving was VERY interesting! It was so bad, when I got to my destination I sought out a Walgreens and bought a pair of Sea Bands (those things you wear on your wrists to prevent nausea) hoping they would help me get home without tossing my cookies! Believe it or not, they do work so I plan to keep using them!
Today wasn't much better though, so I'm wondering if I'm developing a tolerance to the Zofran. I haven't thrown up yet and am still keeping down food but my stomach's been roiling all day and I've started gagging again. The directions to the drug say if you're still experiencing nausea to let the doc know, so I'm going to see how I feel tomorrow. It may just be leftovers from yesterday's 9hr car trip and if so I don't want to be an alarmist!
Other than the still lingering sickness, things are going along quietly! I'm beginning to get anxious about our next appt! I'm not exactly 'worried' that something is 'wrong' with the baby, but I'm still so early, still in the first trimester and all and am anxious to make sure everything is alright...you know!
On a happy note, my friend Ann is back in town and is planning to help me shift my son's playroom and spare bedroom and start getting the baby's room sorted! I know it's early still but I don't want to wait until I'm so big moving's uncomfortable like I did with Nathan! I had all his decorations and bedding and 'stuff' early on but waited until November (I was due mid december) to do the painting/staining and building of his furniture. Needless to say I was HUGE so moving was interesting and at times very uncomfortable!! This time I want to get all the heavy stuff done first and take my time 'nesting' and decorating and such!
Okay, I've got to go back to work tomorrow...booooooo....so I need to get myself into bed! It's taking me no time to fall asleep but I'm still waking often during the night to use the bathroom and toss and turn because I'm having difficulty getting comfortable...already! Makes me wonder how much fun the last trimester's going to be!
I'm over 13wks already! It just amazes me how fast this pregnancy is going Of course, when I'm walking around nauseous and dizzy it seems like it's going on forever!
Okay, here's a small update on what's going on with me and Little Bit.
We had our 12wk appt last Tuesday (1/10) and it went fairly well. I didn't get a chance to talk to the doc about a lot of things because our appt was weird! They did bp (fine) and weight (up 1lb) then put me and DH in a room saying we were going to hear the heartbeat! Yeah!
Well, about 10min later the doc comes in, says to the nurse to put me in a 'procedure room' instead and leaves. It takes about 20min to get into one of those rooms, but when the doc got there he told me that he wanted to do an ultrasound first so that he could see the heartbeat, just in case the doppler didn't pick one up!!! Yippee!! If I can find one good reason for being overweight and pg that would be it! He was afraid my 'real stomach' wouldn't prevent him from hearing the heartbeat.
So...he's taking a long time, switching angles, and moving the wand around on my belly for a good while....and he wasn't saying anything. So, you know me, the longer that happened the more worried I became. At one point, he pressed the wand down but didn't seem to be moving it and I saw the image onscreen moved so I asked him if that was him moving. He smiled and said, 'No that's the baby. That's why I can't get a good image of the heart!' About that time half the image flew upward and he laughed, saying, 'Those are the legs!'
Needless to say, he found the heartbeat and we also got to hear it so I was very, very happy!
Since that appt, things have been a little strange. I'm still feeling very dizzy and nauseous (although praise the Lord the actual m/s has started tapering off to where I only throw up once/twice a day!) and muzzy headed. My friend Ann suggested I test my blood sugars using her glucometer and I'm soooo glad she did!
I tested for 4 days and while they've never gone dangerously high, they are ALL over the place! There's no rhyme nor reason to them! Sometimes they're higher before eating than after, sometimes they dip so low before eating and rise impossibly high afterwards, sometimes there's no difference in them at all!! So....yesterday I called my doc.
Let's just say for now, that he's not very happy with my sugars and is sending me to an endocrinologist today to see if we can get this under control before it becomes a problem. As you can guess, I'm a little freaked out by all of this! I've been taking Metformin for years for high insulin, but my sugars have always remained steady (between 95-105) no matter what, how much, or when I ate. Now however they're flying from a low of 86 to a high of 179 (see...not really high numbers) at any given time during the day. All of these weird numbers, plus the way I've been feeling is not making me feel very confident!
I guess I'll know something more later though. Which reminds me...I should get ready! I've got to leave in 30min!