I didn't realize that I hadn't written in here for so long!
On Tues Jan 8th the baby surprised me by moving completely over to one side of my stomach. I could see him sticking out right there and could cup my hand around it. He usually does that about once a day now. I had a pretty uneventful appointment with the midwife on wednesday the 9th. She measured my fundal height and said I was measuring 26 weeks! I was only 24 weeks at the time, which is pretty cool. I weighed in at 155 at my appt. I should probably gain another 16 pounds by the time I reach 40 weeks, which puts me at a grand total of 171!! I started out at about 130-135.. so this is pretty shocking to me. I have never weighed that much.
I can't believe we are getting this close!! It's so cute when Alex goes baby clothes shopping.
The weeks just fly by.
Baby likes to scare me, he won't kick for a day or two, and then for a day or two he has a kick-fest.
I was supposed to have an appointment for an ultrasound on Monday, but had to call and reschedule it for friday. I don't have insurance anymore under my dad, and I have to wait until Feb for insurance from work to kick in. It kind of sucks. I wish mom and dad would be more understanding, but they haven't spoken to me or seen me since they found out I was pregnant. I want my son so badly to have grandparents, but maybe the grandparents just don't deserve it. It gets really stressing to think about, and I don't wanna stress my baby so I guess I better just leave it at that.
Next things next. NAMES! Still haven't got one. I think I'm gonna suggest Noah for a name. In arabic, it would be Nuh, but I like the way Noah sounds better, plus its a lot easier to say. We'll see, it's so hard to find a name that we can both agree on. What Alex has given me so far is Vidal and Jaseppee.
I texted him, and he said he thinks he likes Noah. We may actually be close to having a name for this little man.
So we went to Babies R' Us yesterday and bought our swing. The only other things I can think of right now that we need are a travel system stroller, and some small things like pacifiers, a baby tub, some more burp clothes and towels, a sling, and some bottles for later when I pump. I may also want a play mat or walker type thing.. but I think we can wait a little while for that. We may need a high chair too, but we can wait on that as well. Our apartment is too small right now to be stuffing all these things in it. Hopefully we can move into a bigger place within the next 2 years. Either way, we will make do.
I ripped 2 pairs of non maternity pants. I guess thats what I get for wearing them. I don't wanna be spending all this money on maternity clothes though when I could be buying essentials for baby with it!!
Can't wait for my appointments to start getting 2 weeks apart - that will be so exciting and make it soooo real!!!!!!
Mental note - talk to HR about insurance card and get form to apply for senior job.
He's gotten so high! He's practically in my ribs and I can't bend very well at all. It actually hurts to bend over. He's definitely an active baby though, I wish I knew if he was head up or head down though. He's still got plenty of time to turn though.
One of my worries has been the possibility of needing a c-section if the doctors think im not progressing, or that the baby is too large for my birth canal. I really really don't want a c-section, but in the end it's all in Gods hands, right?
Another thing that's kinda been annoying me, but idk if its just my pregnancy hormones or what, is that me and Alex seem to spend less and less time together. He gets up and goes to school from like 8 am to 3 usually, and then works from 3 to around 10. I work from 10-7 so we're apart the entire day. That's totally understandable, I realize that it's out of both of our control. The part that annoys me is when we both do have time off, it seems like we still don't get to spend quality time together. Like for instance, last night he got out of work and he wanted to go bowling with a bunch of his friends, and wanted me to go too, but HELLO, I have work at 9 am. I don't understand how he can expect me to go bowling with his friends and him till 2 am when I'm pregnant, and have to be up early to work 8 hours the next day. I was upset that he wouldn't drop his plans to spend time with me, but I don't know if thats being unfair or unreasonable of me. He doesn't get time to himself all week, and I understand that he needs time to relax and have fun too, but I'm in the same boat. I went to bed at like 10 pm and he got him somewhere between 1 and 2 am. At least we have tonight and the day tomorrow to hang out (hopefully, unless he comes up with other plans). I don't mean to be needy, but I wish we had more intimate and personal time. I think it's just pregnancy hormones. Sometimes I wish he'd want to do something nice and thoughtful like give me a nice back massage without me having to ask, or cook a nice dinner for me, or take me out somewhere. We'll see how the rest of this weekend goes.
Noah, mommy loves you.
I think I just got my first stretch marks on my tummy on Sunday. And they havent slowed down at all, I think I'm gonna be getting alot of them, probably because I started out pretty thin. It makes me mad when I walk into the grocery store and theres Christina Aguilera with a perfect pregnant body all showing it off and I feel like a house! grrrr
I'm all anxious about my baby shower and if I'm even gonna have one! I don't know many ppl around here since I didnt go to school here. I wouldn't mind having a small one at like the ILs house or something. If it was summer, I would just want it at the park. I feel bad recieving gifts and not giving anything though. We'll see, I'm fine with a small gathering.
Speaking of summer - I can't freaking wait!!!!!!!!!! I wanna take Noah to the park in his stroller and just have an awesome family time with him. It's going to be wonderful. I want Alex to take him fishing and swimming and camping. OMG this is all so exciting.
I took next saturday off, giving me a three day weekend since my normal days off are friday and sunday. I can't wait! I haven't told Alex about it, I wanna surprise him but I just hope he doesnt make plans to do anything else that day. I'm gonna clean out and vaccuum his car for him. I kinda wanna get a jacuzzi hotel suite for a night next too. And during the day go skiing, or atleast accompany Alex and his friends skiing. There probably wouldn't be much for a pregnant woman to do. Maybe I'll look into ice fishing, at least Alex would enjoy it even if I didn't. Maybe then go have a nice dinner at Olive Garden or something. I complain about winter, but I think we should make the best of it while it's here. Plus, we arent going to get too many chances for "us" time once baby is here. I'll get him some of his favorite candy or think of something small and inexpensive that he needs. I love you Alex!
Oh, and to update from last weeks rant about him lol, turns out he had planned to take me out to Red Lobster on saturday night. I had told his mom that we would come over for a game night though, since his sister was home from school with her boyfriend too. It felt nice, the ILs, Alex and Sarah (SIL), and me and Sarahs boyfriend. I won the scrabble game, woot! We had a great time, and I realized I can be a clingy person lol. Actually, I think I've always known that I'm a clingy person haha. It's the price he pays for falling in love with me!
It was really cute, this morning as he covered me up with blanket when he was leaving for class he told me how comfy I was to cuddle with and then kissed my tummy and told me to take care of Noah. I'm so happy and grateful to have both of them in my life.
So, I had an ultrasound on Feb 1st. It was really really nice to see Noah again. He was really active and still a boy . The only thing that threw me off about the ultrasound was that I was 27 weeks and 3 days, but he was measuring 25 weeks and 1 day. That's a whole 16 days off. It really worries me and gets me thinking that maybe he's not developing or progressing as he should be. That's the scariest feeling in the world as a mother (I can't believe I'm gonna be a mother!!!). Either way, he will be my life and joy, it would just break my heart if he wasn't able to lead a normal life though. At my appt with my midwife yesterday we talked about it and she didn't seem terribly concerned because she said my uterus was measuring 30 weeks for 28 and that alot of times the position of the baby and the way the tech measuring could have alot to do with it too. She said she would have me go for another ultrasound though if theres still a concern about it in a few weeks. If I was to go by the stretch marks I've been getting, I would say he is growing just fine!!
I just hope the brain and kidneys and heart and everything else is developing as it should. Oh, and he has hair too, we saw it in the ultrasound.
I did the glucose testing yesterday, the drink wasn't that bad. The first sip was actually kinda good, but near the end it felt like it was burning my throat and just really gross. I hope I passed - I ate a bowl of sweetened cereal like an hour before my appt !
I am getting nervous about being a mother. I hope I'm good at it, because if I'm not, not only am I letting myself down, but I am letting Alex down. And worst of all, I am letting Noah down. I know I am probably not going to do everything right, but I sure as hell will try. I want to raise him to be respectful, smart, god fearing/loving, successful, and loving. I want him to have all the great qualities his father has, the patience, the caring, the thoughtfulness, the talent. I want him to have all of my best qualities too. Cannot wait to meet him!
So my midwife Joyce Wilder called me on Monday. Wasn't very positive news. She said that Noah was in the 3rd percentile and that he had poor weight gain according to the ultrasound. She kept telling me not to worry though until there is a for sure reason to worry. I don't know what I would do without Alex, because he has been there to pick me up when I break down. I can tell that he was shocked and surprised and hurt as well, but he put himself back together quickly for my sake. I couldnt have picked a better man to be the father of my children.
I'm anxiously waiting my ultrasound on the 29th of feb!
Holy moly! I'm shocked everytime I think theres a baby in me, and looks like pretty soon he'll be OUTSIDE me!!!
A girl at work was like "Maham I knew you'd still be rockin 4" heels and workin it this late into your pregnancy!"
I admit, I am starting to choose comfort over beauty. Poor Alex only ever gets to see me in his PJs. By the time he gets home from work I've got my hair in a bun, no make up on, and big baggy pjs. Then I lift up my shirt and show him all my new stretch marks. God bless him. And all men for that matter, for putting up with our crazy hormonal attention needy beings when we are pregnant. I can't speak for everyone, but lately I have been extra emotional. Crying at little things and such, wanting to be baby-ed and comforted by Alex. So yesterday I started kind of broke down to Alex (which is hard to do because then he feels like he isnt being a good partner), but he understood. So while I was taking a hot shower to relax my back, he jumped in too and massaged it for me. Can't complain about that (except for when he tried to put the moves on me - my achy back takes priority over everything lol).
So Noah has been pretty active, I have a feeling he's still butt down though. I feel a lotta wiggly movements down below, kinda like squirming little feet. How cute is that? I hope he's head down by the time I have my ultrasound next week. And I hope they don't find anything to worry me about, I am praying for healthy normal results.
Ok, something gross I have to mention. So much CM! I feel like I must smell bad by the end of the day even though I just showered in the morning. I go home and take another shower. It's one of the most embarrassing symptoms for me, just cuz it makes me paranoid that other people can tell even though I'm sure they can't.
So MIL's bday is on sunday, and we're going over and having cake at her house on Saturday. I really wanna get her something, since she is always there for me when I need her and has always made me feel like I fit right in to the family. I love her. (i hope i don't jinx myself.. i hope throwing a baby into the mix doesnt mess things up). I'm gonna go to the mall on thursday after work and find something for the gift exchange here, and for MIL.
For now, I'm venturing down to the cafeteria to see if theres anything good to eat.
I have an ultrasound today, at 3:00pm. I'm pretty nervous about it. I hope that Noah shows some nice growth so I can put that worry out of my mind. I wonder what the next steps would be if he isnt growing as he should. Insh'allah(god-willing) I won't have to find out.
He's been super-active, which has been absolutely thrilling. I love love love watching and feeling him kick.
Poor Alex has been pretty sick, I feel horrible when he's sick because theres not much I can do to make him feel better besides comfort him and be there for him. On sunday I was gonna go grocery shopping while he went to Urgent Care to see a doctor and get a prescription for strep, but then he asked me to go to the Dr with him. So we sat in the waiting room for about 3 hours (how frustrating) and then finally saw the doctor. It was nice though, we don't usually get too much time to just sit and talk with NOTHING else to do or nothing to distract us. Noah enjoyed it too, my tummy looked like an earthquake!
Oh, Alex got some Orlando Magic shoes for Noah!! Theyre soooooo cute. I wanna get him a jersey or something to go with it, and maybe a Florida Marlins outfit, and definitely some pakistani clothes.
So at the ultrasound on tuesday, Noah was head down!! And let me tell you, his head was wayy down, the technician couldnt get clear images of it because it was really low and he kept trying to look up or something she said. We did get to watch him with his mouth open and drinking some fluid though, which was really neat. Alex didnt know they did that in there and I think was kinda grossed out by it. The technician was like "you did it and I did and we both made it okay" haha. We saw a big foot, and then another big foot. It was so cool to see the little toes!!! I can't wait to kiss them.
I'm not sure what my midwife and the radiologist will say, but I was pretty pleased by his growth. He measured an average of about 29 weeks for me being at 31. 14 days small, compared to being 16 days small at the last ultrasound.
That means that in 3 weeks and 4 days, he achieved 3 weeks and 6 days worth of growth. Woohoooooo!!!! I know ultrasounds are just an estimate, but it still makes me happier than hearing his growth lagged behind even more. She said the levels of fluid look great, but that there isnt as much blood flow in the placenta from me to him as their should be. I wonder if thats what caused the slowed growth in the first place. I want to know what there is that I can do to change that, if anything.
I get out of work today at 2:30, and Alex is going to pick me up at about 3, and I'll ask him to drop me off at the mall or something so I can do a little shopping. I neeeeeeed to go get my gift exchange gift and send it out - I just can't find the perfect thing yet!! yikes, I'm cutting it close on time.
Alright, I'm gonna set a couple goals in here for myself.
1) Do kegels everyday!!
2) Cut down on the junk and add in the good stuff (foodwise).
Everytime I post i'll try to write about how I'm doing concerning those goals, and hopefully that will keep me motivated lol. Man, if anyone reads this they probably think I'm lame and weird . I know thats what I'll be thinking about myself when I go back and read this someday.
I wonder how long it will take for me to lose this baby weight. I really really want to go shopping for pretty spring and summer clothes, but don't think I can on this budget. I'll just have to go shopping more often to look for good deals .
I cannot wait to get this family started!!
Wow I haven't posted in here in a long time!
There's not really too much new stuff to report. The main thing would probably just be that they want me to have another ultrasound on wednesday (34weeks,1day). That would be the 7th one this pregnancy.
I really don't want to go unless its necessary, because it's $150 a pop for these ultrasounds. I'll have to call and speak with my midwife about it today and see what she says.
Kinda OT, wajeeha and mom have been writing to me a little. Even though they aren't becoming more accepting of Alex or the situation, it feels good to have some communication with them. My mom is so hurt, and she said my dad is a broken man. I feel really guilty that I basically just left home, especially since my parents always raised me with the values that family is the most important thing, but I really really hope we can just put all this behind us and be a family together again. Hopefully they will open the doors for Noah even if they dont open for me. My mom tells me that she loves me, and that she can't stop crying everytime she thinks of me, and that even a happy occasion is never happy because they dont have me there to enjoy it with them. It kills me to think I did this to my family.. but really I don't think I had too much of a choice. It was either escape or get married to someone you don't know. I know my parents had my best interest at heart when they picked a man for me to marry, he was an MD, from a good family, and very respectful, but the love just wasn't there. Culturally, marriage comes first, then love. Perhaps I would have been fine with it had Alex not stepped into my life at the same time. Alex feels kind of down on himself about it sometimes, he'll say stuff like "im no doctor, i dont have alot of money, im not from the greatest family, people in my family smoke and drink and swear.. just little old alex dickinson... BUT, no one will love you like i love you"
And I know I'm with the person I'm supposed to be with. I can pray and hope and pray some more that my parents come around, because now being away from home and family, I know that truly a parents love is TRUE love and nothing can replace it. Sigh, sorry for the ramble, I've been dealing with alot lately.
Oh, one weird symptom, right by my left shoulder blade is a little patch of skin that looks no different from all the skin around it, feels no different to the touch, BUT it gets tingly! I've noticed the tinglyness alot more while I'm sitting or standing than if I'm laying down.. its really weird and really annoying.. it kind of feels like the spot is going numb or like I have a shirt tag rubbing against it constantly. Aghh! I wonder if this is pregnancy related