I agree with Lizzy. It's clear how much you love those little babies, and how much you want to be a part of their life. Maybe if you moved home it would be possible to raise them easier?
Huge hugs, Sweetie.
Oh Nadine - I am so sorry. I think about you a lot and often wonder how your doing, it's rough being pregnant with twins - I remember my bedrest days but I was nearly full term, so I can't imagine what you must be going through.
*~*Trying to solve this puzzle called life...missing my dad*~*
sweetie so very much, and I apologize for saying that you need to come home, considering your boyfriend lives there etc....I just have this overwhelming feeling you need to come home....of course this could be the fact I have always wanted to meet you IRL and I would come and see you all the time!!!
I've gotta add my love too... I wish you lived near me, Nadine- hell, I'd give ya Bubba's room and I'd pamper ya until those babes came. I am so sorry the BF is turning out to be a bum- ugh. I was so hoping he'd be 'the one' and take good care of you and Monty and the babes!!!
Thanks girls. I sort of thought he'd be "the one" too.. I have this belief that men of single moms are better men, because they've seen their moms go through hell. Obviously not, so far I'm 2 for 2 on that one (dom's mom was a single mom too)
I tried older, younger and everything in between. I suppose I should have realized I was much happier on my own. I really was, I mean the money situation sucked bad, but monty and I were happy together, we got along better, my house was exactly the way *I* wanted it and I never felt like I had to choose between spending time with my son and another person.
Wish I lived closer to you too love. I'd come cuddle your bubba and finally get to spend some time with you.
Dew you're always good for an ego boost, lol. I'm focusing on the positive and that cooking these little ones a little longer will be worth it in the long run when they're not spending months in the NICU where I can't hold them. I'd rather have them in me, kicking my bladder and stomach simultaniously so I can feel close to them.
Lizzy my darlin I love you too, and you're right I *do* need to come home. I keep thinking that this is going to get better here, but it doesn't seem to be. I'm now of course, twice as (three times??) tied down to living in this damn country, in this damn state. I'd be taking three kids away from their daddies. If I could convince them to move to canada I'd be set! Either way,I *was* planning on visiting home with the babies after they were born. My being on bedrest has sort of dampened that but hey I'll still try. If I succeed I best be seeing you too lady.
Chims you do enough, because I know that little you managed two big healthy babies. Thanks sweetie you rock!
Tracy you're never far from my mind really though I admit it's mostly because of scrapping. I've been wanting to start scrapping and of course I think of you whenever it pops up in my head. Your albums are always amazing.
Anyway the thoughts and well wishes I get are almost overwhelmingly wonderful. Those more than anything help me get through every day of having to bake these babies and to be able to manage my situation. you ladies are better than anti depressants.. lol
I dropped off monty to his dad's till wednesday. I desperately needed him to be gone, he's developed an "I can do whatever I want" attitude and he mouths off, and gets rather rude to me. I realize it's probably mostly because he knows I won't get up to deal with it. Surprise to him, I have a few times. Lately I've been up more than I should be. I do it more when I have Monty than when I don't but even then I'm up making food for myself or whatever.
Despite the fact that I very much needed him to be gone I miss him so much. When he's not being a smart mouth he's one of the sweetest most awesome kids, and my favorite thing ever to do with him is to snuggle.
I've been avoiding thinking about the adoption idea, and the LDS family services guy hasn't called me to make an appointment so I've been able to ignore it for now. I Realize that ignoring the situation doesn't make it better, but it is helping me get through for now. That's kind of what I'm shooting for these days. I just get through one day at a time while I can.
I've been having a lot of odd sensations this week, and I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with all my moving around, plus I find myself on my back more often than not, even sleeping.
I'm struggling with the Hypnobabies kit this time around, I think it has to do with the stress. With Matthew I had no fear whatsoever of childbirth and I had rather little stress. Money, of course but what mom doesn't? Other than that, I had my own place and it was just me, I wasn't bedridden and even if I was I had a bed I could have been ridden to. Things were good. I walked a lot, I had 3 flights of stairs to climb and laundry, cleaning, garbage, whatever. I was self sufficient and I was motivated and I was happy! I think this time I have pretty much everything holding me back and I can't relax and focus. I also have an amazing amount of fear regarding the birth.
Anyway, I mostly just miss my kid and I guess that's what brought me on here. I'll be on a bit longer before I retire to my horizontal position again.
I miss my son, and it's getting late. I'd love to go to bed but the whole family is in the living room (my bedroom) watching a movie.
I realize it's their right seeing as it is their house. I have no right to get upset about it. That's why I'm venting on here.
I was exactly halfway through the season finale of Flavor of Love 2, he hadn't even finished his date yet, and in comes M's brother to watch a movie, in tow is the whole family. I asked if he could wait another 20 minutes for me to finish my show and he pouted and *****ed and left. His little sister proclaimed she wasn't going to watch it then if she had to wait, M says "oh, well now you've pissed him off. He's been waiting days to see this movie and it's not like you didn't know he was going to watch it at 8:30"
Fine, obviously I'm outnumbered. Watch the damn movie. I'll go have a bath so I can pout and whine and cry without them knowing.
When I come out, everyone (except the little sister who wasn't going to watch it no matter what I said, I guess) is in the living room, leaving no room for me to lay down. I suppose it's a good time as any for me to hop online even though I should be laying down. Fine. So I'm here, on the computer instead of laying down like I want to be/should be.
I feel like I'm following the steps of my last marriage, except that the ex had a better job and a bit more work ethic and more life experience (slightly) and, well, everything. I was so glad to get out of that, and get my own home. I was tired of living with his mom.. at least there though, I had my own space I could retreat to when things got hard. Here, I have no space of my own at all.
I just want to take my boy and go home.
I miss him, and when I get like this I think of all the hard times him and I have had. He's put up with way more than any child should have to. Why can't he have his own room, or a stable life, or a mother who can't provide for him properly. I think of the time back home when I ran out of diapers. I don't think you can ever feel like more of a failure as a parent when you can't supply basic necessities for your child. Had I not breastfed, I'm sure he'd have starved a lot of the time.
I wonder when I'm going to get my **** together enough to stop struggling to do *everything* for my kids and myself, and stop uprooting my children every few months.