Pregnant and alone~the life of an Army wife.

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Pregnant and alone~the life of an Army wife.

Ok, so I'm not totally alone because I have the boys, and Jessica is staying with me, but you all know what I mean. I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago. I'm due Jan 29th, and I'm really hoping for a girl. This will be our last child, so its my last chance to have a girl.
So anyway, Josh left for Germany on Sunday. I'm still waiting to hear if he got there ok. This year is going to go by so slow. I hope he'll at least be able to come home for the birth, but we aren't sure yet. There is a chance that I may be joining him in Germany if his company is back from Iraq, so keep your fingers crossed for me!
So my pregnancy gripes right now are:
My stomach is that of a woman who is four months along
There is not a clear spot on my face
My boobs hurt
I need at least 13 hours of sleep to fucntion, yet I remain tired all day
These cravings are driving me nuts!!!!

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Day 3
I talked to Josh today, and there is no way that I can go out there. His company is just getting back from _____ and in a month or so, they are going to _______. He more than likely wont be able to be there for the delivery. Deployments are usually at least six months, and seeing how they aren't leaving for a couple of months, that puts him still there when I give birth. This really sucks. He wont even be home until the baby is five months old.......I'm so depressed right now.

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Day 4
Well, I got to talk to Josh today. He's at his base and setteling in. The poor guy only has twent euro's to last him until the end of the month, and he has to spend 10 of it getting his license.
I started to spot lastnight. I was also having some mild cramps. Luckily the spotting went away. I didn't tell Josh about it though because I didn't want him to worry. My stomach is really upset today. I feel like total crap. I wonder if I'm getting sick for as how bad it hurts.
Tomorrow we have to go pick up Ashley. Sad I'm so not looking forward to that!

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Day 5
Well, we picked up Ashley today. So far things are going ok. She quit smoking so thats one less thing to worry about. She did however in her brillance packed her pipe, and got it confiscated at the airport.
I still feel like crap. I ended up running a temp yesterday. My stomach still hurts, but I managed to eat today. I'm going to make brownies in a bit, although what I'm really craving is peas. :shock: Who would have thought that I would pick ANYTHING over chocolate. Lol
I haven't heard from Josh today. He did say that he wouldn't call for a few days, but I was kind of hoping he would. I was watching special delivery on the discovery channel earlier and crying because as I was watching the deliveries, I started thinking about how Josh wasn't going to be there. I hope that we get lucky and they don't end up going, or they have to come back early.

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Wow, its been a bit since I wrote in my journal. With Ashley being here and all her drama, I just didn't have the time. That and I was reading the new Harry Potter book. I miss Josh so much. It sucks to never know when he'll be able to call again. He has sent me three emails though. This one was really sweet:
I know honey, I just miss you so much. With you gone, it feels like a part
of me is missing. I am so depressed today. I couldn't sleep at all last
night. I just kept thinking about how much I miss you, and how I wish I
could be with you. You are all in the world that is important to me. I
miss cuddling with you. I miss talking to you. I miss just being with you.
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, baby, especially since I
joined this stupid Army. If I could go back and do it over again, I don't
know if I would. I don't know if it's worth this. I miss you too much. I
can't bear the thought of the next minute of my day being without you. I
just wish I could hold you again. God, I miss you. I miss my little guys
too. I just miss us being a family. Sometimes it seems like we're never
actually going to be able to be a family. Why do I do this to you? I don't
mean to hurt you honey. I love you more than anything. Anyway, I guess
I've rambled on enough for now. I'll let you go. I love you baby, and I'll
call you as soon as I can.

Yours, forever and always,
Josh

So far being pregnant has been going well. My face is still broken out, but at least my breasts don't hurt as much anymore. I'm really hoping that this is a girl. Its my last chance, and I want one really badly. Keep you fingers and toes crossed for me.

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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Looks like I may only be pregnant and alone for two more months. Josh and I really really miss each other. I will be having this baby in Germany. Smile
Josh sent me another email:
Hi baby!

So, whatcha up to? I'm really bored. I'm not as depressed as I was
yesterday, probably because I got to talk to you for like an hour an half
today. I still miss you a whole lot. I hope you decide to come out. I
think you would really like it here. The weather is like Michigan, but it's
so nice other than that. I think we could have alot of fun here together,
when you actually got to see me. I mean, sure I'll be gone alot, but you'll
get to see me more than you do now. And since we're not going to get family
separation, there's no monetary advantage to you staying there. There's
lots of people here who're willing to help out, and, I dunno, I just miss
you so much I don't think I could stand another year away from you. Even if
I got to only see you at night, or once every couple weeks, it'd be better
than this. Don't worry about friends; it seems like it's alot easier to
make friends here than in the States. Even the Germans are really nice, and
like 90% of them speak English. I dunno baby. I miss you. I miss holding
you, touching you, kissing you, caressing you... (I'm in a library so I'm
going to leave it at that for now) I miss being able to talk to you. I
miss laughing with you and playing around. I miss everything. I'm so
lonely here. I need you baby. Anyway dooders, I guess that's it for now.
I'll call you again as soon as I can. I LOVE YOU!!!

All my love, forever and always,
Josh

I miss and love him sooooooooooo much!
I can't handle this without him. My roomate isn't turning out to be much help at all. Its pretty much more of a headache. My face is still breaking out real bad, and I have been having cramps and round ligment pains lately. I'm kind of nervous sbout having a German doctor do my pregnancy for me. Not because I don't think they are competent, but because I don't know how they do things over there. I guess I'll find out soon.

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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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I have been really bad about writting in this. Josh and I are still working at getting me out there. Its turning out to take longer than I thought. I'm 14 weeks pregnant, and so far have no complications. Its been a good first trimester. I'm starting to get really tired again though.