October 28 09
16 weeks and 6 days
weight 91.5 kg (down 0.2 from 4 weeks!)
your heart beat 150
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i am giggling because i could feel you move before the doc explained that this is what the static was!
so appt was good and bad; i don't get a water birth but i can have lots of shower time, this was the biggy for me, the other is that i don't want to lie on my back to deliver (i hate this at the best of times) but the bed folds up into a chair and if my legs hold me i can squat, THIS is a very biggy! she isn't very knowledgeable with herbs but is willing to work with me on this one so that's something, has some but not much experience with bipolar moms but is willing to work with me and my support team, good. and for the most part i was happy with the rapport, since my options were very limited i am happy enough for now!
so far we are enjoying the time with you as you grow and blossom into our baby! movements are getting stronger all the time and sometimes you really take me off guard, which usually makes daddy laugh because i jump! i am going to start calling you cupid soon! everything is love for me, even when i'm crying it's usually because i love someone and or miss that someone because i love them! you are too cute! it dawned on me yest that we are almost 17 weeks and it's time to start moving forward with planning. need to start a birth plan, and book for prenatal classes (apparently they fill up fast, i tried to find them but it's proving difficult/expensive), i was able to find the local la leche group site and there is one on the west end (so when the time comes i have that info), big u/s is coming up and we hopefully will get a good pic for gender determination. aunty anna is going to take me to register for the baby shower after that, and mommy's good friends are having us a shower end of jan so i can be ready for you and just have to focus on you and not worry as much about the bipolar issues. well i think that's about it for now, lots of love always my little one! love mom!
October 29 09
good morning little one. i would really appreciate it if you could assist in stopping the nose bleeds. these are causing some bad morning sickness as well as contributing to stuffy head and general soreness all over. thank you! i love you lots and am so happy to be almost halfway through all this. my control freak nature is interfering with truly enjoying myself at the moment though, there are too many variables to the whole labor and delivery issue. i need to relax and really decide what's important and what i can be 'go with the flow' about. so far it feels like everything that i wanted has been taken away and i am being forced into the hospital regime of child birth. BUT i need to focus on the things that i can have some say in, i should be allowed to labor free moving and find my own happy place for delivery, i should be allowed to shower as much as i need to relax in the hot beating water (mommies preference for pain management anyway! hot shower as long and hot as i can stand it, i miss that with you being here as it puts you in danger!! but i still love you!), as long as i discuss it first with the doc she will be supportive of herbals and natural methods as a first line, with medical treatments as the back up in emergencies. i should be allowed to at least attempt to breast feed as long as i agree to supplement with formula as needed (i can live with that) after the breast reduction we know this might be an issue and i am happy to have support in at least trying. other than that i just find myself feeling very alone in all this sometimes, i wish i had a face to face, go for coffee and chat mommy-to-be here that i could talk with. i love my support people but they are either not here or haven't btdt. thinking it's time to look into a mommy group. need to start looking into lamaze stuff too, everything says that you should start around 16 weeks since stuff fills up so fast and i have barely even started looking, at least i have the la leche group bookmarked for reference when needed. i am probably repeating myself from last post but these are things that seem to be weighing on my mind. i love you and am trying to go with the flow and remind myself that i know my body pretty well, my body is genetically designed to know what to do for you and that i just need to relax and listen, we are in the hospital setting for things just in case but it's still my show and chances are i wont see much of the doc anyway, it'll be a case of keeping the nurses on my side! mommy's life moto, "Life sucks, Sh*t happens, Deal with it!!" dealing is how we make things ours. anyway, love always, mom!
Nov 8 09
wow you have turned into quite the little squirmer! not that i am complaining! i love to feel you moving around in there, it's very comforting! hopefully soon you will be strong enough for daddy to feel, he's so excited for this to happen!
so we bought a new bed two days ago so that mommy and daddy can get a good nights sleep. we got a tempur pedic 10" deluxe with the adjustable base, figured yes it's a ton of money but soon enough all the extra will be getting relocated to your needs so one last big need of ours got to be met! no more headaches when i wake up, only got up to pee twice last night and daddy's hips don't hurt anymore! we also got the pillows that match the bed and are custom to each of us, and the nice lady at the store gave us a tempur pedic teddy bear for you! it's your first 'gift' since we found out you were here!! very soft and fluffy and squishy but all in a good way! still getting the morning sickness but it's not too bad most days, the dry heaves are the worst, have gotten to the point where i will eat what i can knowing it's coming back up just to have something to come up. i love you anyway! and i know that most of it is my sinuses, this city is just too dry for this island gal! hopefully being born here you won't have nearly as many issues with this as i do. well other than all that i'm doing pretty good, we see you again on tuesday for the big U/S and should find out if you are a boy or a girl! very excited for that, as are most of the wonderful people in our lives! feeling the need to lie down now so... love always, mom!!
Nov 11 09
welcome Jade Alexandra Dawn Elizabeth C. (yes you are getting daddy's last name) you were quite the little diva yest for your photo shoot, daddy saw you sucking on your fingers and swears that you flipped the tech the bird! the tech was laughing because you were playing tag with her, and after all that you apparently didn't give a good enough kissy face! they want us back in two weeks to check again, they need the stomach and the lips shots this time. we will also be discussing this thyroid issue some more, since know one seems to want to confirm anything, hopefully the endocrinologist will have more info when i see her on the 18th. you have been squiggling up a storm since yest and i am anxious for daddy to feel you, i find myself daydreaming starring at my tummy watching to see if you make that next step! i love you so much and we are only half way there, it'll be all i can do to stop myself from smothering you with kisses when you get here! i am very hopeful that we can breastfeed when you get here. last night nipples were doing their thing and produced a little more goop than normal. daddy is sick and we are hoping that i don't get it. i am confident that it's not the h1n1 flu but just the regular one, in the meantime it means that he is on the couch for his whole three days off :( he is not a happy camper right now as he was supposed to go hunting yest with granddad, although that worked out well since kukum helen is in the hospital with h1n1 and pneumonia and an allergic reaction to the meds for the pneumonia. so granddad wasn't going anywhere anyway, and if things had gone as planned would have been out of the city when she needed to go to the hospital. what a week! i got to see the stroller that i wanted from sears, it's a monster truck of a stroller and i love it! may be a little out of the price range since it comes as a travel system and we can get a car seat for you for $10 from the neighbor, the other stroller isn't quite what i thought but will do and is half the price (no car seat). we shall see what happens when the time comes to buy these things, we are waiting till after the baby shower (should be end of jan sometime) also saw a really nice crib, the new ones really convert all the way, they end being head and foot boards for a twin size bed! talk about longevity of product! well i think that's about it for today, morning sickness has been gone since sunday night (two days) but woke up with major nose bleed this morning so not sure if that will last! love always, mom!
nov 12 09
so mommy is sick :( not impressed or happy about it. so far it's just chest cough and congestion which means i can take benylin just being careful about how much, unfortunately i was supposed to go out and get blood work done... not wanting to bus in this weather and sit at the lab for this now and not sure if the cold and meds will affect results (thyroid testing) will have to call the doc later and see what she says. either way i got two days off the puking and now it's back, cough related this time. it's been a long time since i've been sick like this and i am not happy but at least we will both have some immune for whatever i have! love always, mom!
Nov 20 09
20 weeks and 1 day!
so mommy is finally starting to feel better. still haven't made it to the lab for my stuff and have rescheduled the thyroid follow up twice. missed a much needed chiro appt, oh and did i mention that i spent two nights in the hospital? no, well, one of the joys of being preg! daddy is doing great, a little bit of a dry cough still but other than that back to normal. he has been the best nurse of all time, filling fluids and cleaning out the puke bucket and trying to make me food that i will eat and hopefully keep down. let's back up a little... so wed i didn't eat or drink anything, then thur i drank like a fish, then fri i started getting hot and cold flashes, by sat i couldn't even lean back without the wheezing turning into a coughing fit that usually ended in puking. sunday temp spiked 37.6 so i called granddad and said that this is enough, take me in. by the time i got to the emerg i looked so bad that three ppl moved so i could go first and then they blanched even more when they heard that i was preg! was put on saline drip after the third attempt to get the iv in, they gave me two bags. after they checked on you and you were doing fine, moving around and strong steady heartbeat. at 6:30pm i was admitted to isolation in the e.r. with seasonal flu AND bilateral pneumonia, put on tamiflu and azithromycin. not thinking i would be there long, the cell phone was dead, graddad was long gone home, daddy still wasn't sure what was going on and i didn't know if anyone had called him (i left him a note when i left that was it) i had no clean clothes, nothing to do and i was in isolation for two nights. the nurses tried, they were at least nice to me but they had to come in dressed in full pandemic gear! monday one of the nurses printed me off a couple word searches! by tues morn i was doing better, my temp had been bouncing between 36.2 and 38.8 and had finally stabilized and i was sleeping on my side again for more then an hour at a time so the doc said i could go home. still dizzy, and coughing a bit, will be coughing and sore for a while still. we have another u/s for you next week anyway so i'm not to worried, i will try to remember to mention what happened so that they check up on you really well. based on your squirming around though i think you're fine and glad to be home! and now back to the biggest complaint... morning sickness and bleeding sinuses! they seem so miniscule now by comparison! lol! love you lots, hope this is the last of the nasty surprises! love always, mom!
Nov 26 09
good morning Jade! well we had quite a day yest, started out at 8am with a walk to the bus stop where you started to squirm and make it known that you like walking around in the cold! we got to the ultrasound and you continued to squirm and put on quite a show for the tech and daddy. your heart beat is 142 and you are measuring right on time for April 9 2010. you were rather active most of the day, it was cute and annoying at the same time! lol! apparently you are stronger than i thought, i kept thinking certain feelings were light kicks but it turns out that you are punching too! daddy and i went window shopping at sears to check out cribs and strollers again since there was no time limit this time. we found the stroller that i want (as mentioned in an earlier post, the quinny) and we spent some time taking it a part and playing with it and others to get a feel and make sure that it's the one we want, it's rather expensive but i know it will get a lot of use and be worth it in the end. we discussed things that we are looking for in a crib, safety of course being the first thing. we also looked at the conversion, how easy it is to change, and the overall style of the railings since it can be used for your head and foot boards when you get a big girl bed. we looked at some clothes and accessories. afterwards we went into the disney store to buy something just for you since we haven't really done that yet. as daddy is nicknamed piglet and i got dubbed tigger, you are now pooh bear! so we got you a little stuffed pooh bear and a penguin from the disney store! daddy also spent some time looking at the snow globes and dress up stuff. i got some new clothes since you are getting bigger and i need some warm stuff for the winter, i got some really nice black cords and nice long sleeve shirt (luckily i usually look better in mat shirts since mommy has a big chest to start with so it will last a while!) after getting home and having a nap you gave me yet another wonderful craving, roast beef and perogies! and well the only place to get that combo is buffet!!! Mmmm we took papa to bonanza for dinner and i ate way too much but for the first time in ages i kept it all down! daddy is really enjoying the cravings so far since you seem to pick the perfect food at just the right time! as for me, the belly is starting to be more D than B especially when i wear the lower undies (grannies still make me look like a B since they dig right at the belly button!) and although i am very sore from such an active day after all the rest and being sick, i am doing pretty well. papa got me a copy of the prenatal yoga dvd so i hope to start that today, my poor hips and back are starting to protest. also picked up some lanolin cream for my nipples as they have started to chap and i although i have gotten some fluid already it's no where near enough to be helpful! well i think that's about it for now, i'm getting scared and nervous and really excited all at the same time. love always, mom!
Nov 27 09
just wanted to add a little funny that we found yest, apparently you have mommy's sense of hearing! daddy sometimes gets this monotone, droll tone of voice when he's talking, he has been using it when he talks to you. this is the tone of voice that makes me ask him to stop talking because it gives me a headache after a while! well, made him talk to you normally yest and you responded again! you did at first and then you stopped for a while and it dawned on me that when he talks normally you react, when he uses that weird voice you seem to run to my back! just thought that was pretty funny and that i would share while i remember! love always, mom!
Dec 3 09
wow what a week. had a freak out on tues night, cried so hard that i got a bloody nose and puked. just everything kind of got to me, grandad not really being there and aunty anna wanting to back out on a bunch of things that she said she'd help with. i realize now that they both have good reasons for these things but it still hurts that they were so gung ho in the beginning and now they are both stepping back. oh well, moving on! saw the ob and things are looking good, i am measuring 23 inches and your heartbeat was 139. weight is 88.6 kg but the doc isn't worried since i was sick and we know why i lost the weight, she will just be keeping an eye on it. thyroid levels were all good and we are very happy about that! yest i got the new camera! it's sooo cool! and the best part of the week.... daddy finally felt you kick! last night you were kicking up a storm and felt a bump on my hand so i called daddy over and he felt a bump and just looked at me and asked if i was doing it! lol, um no that was your daughter! he had the cutest goofy grin on his face! i have been doing a lot of thinking lately and have come to a few conclusions and realizations. i need to start being more aware of just how selfish and selfinvolved i am getting with this whole pregnancy thing. i am starting to take it for granted that people will follow through with things that they have said, when they say they will do it. you are daddy and i's plan and want and it's not fair of me to expect others to be so excited and involved. if i don't expect things of others then the things that they do are nice little surprises. so many thoughts and feelings with all this, everyone has good reasons to be involved in their own lives (that sounds bad but i'm not sure how else to put it) and i can't be the center of everyone's world. however, at the same time, these are the same ppl who were so excited and there with us getting to this point that i have been taking it for granted that they would continue to be involved like they said they would and is one of the reasons that i have made some of the decisions that i have (like taking an ob that it is out of town because i was promised rides if i did, things that were discussed before the action was taken) but i need to remember that this was my choice and i need to make concessions to be as self reliant as possible with these choices so that i can avoid putting expectations on others and getting dissapointed and upset when things don't go the way i want them too. i cannot control everything and must learn to be myself, pregnancy has sort of taken over me and i think that is part of the problem, i have lost some of 'me' in the process. on the flip side i am very proud of myself for realizing this stuff without any major issues arising first! should be going to do the baby registry today if aunty anna isn't too sick (she has been sick a lot lately and it has me a little concerned) and i am so excited! well that would be you telling me that it's time to get off the computer (you kick me when i am here too long!) so... Love always, mom!!
Dec 9 09
good morning sweet heart! so it's been one of those weeks again, but not as bad as it has been! daddy is getting more and more into the swing of things. i was watching bringing home baby (a tv show) and daddy started to say something, then the baby was shown and he stopped mid sentence to look and say 'aw, we're having one of those soon!' it was so cute, and the other day at walmart he kept noticing all the little ones around us at dinner (mcd's!) it's really heart warming to see him doing all the stuff that i was doing for the last couple years! we had our first PDH (public display of hormones) shopping was getting late and i dragged daddy out the second he got home so he was not in the best mood to start with, then after we ate i got a little cranky and started snapping at him and by the time we got to the check out he was in a bad mood, well he made the mistake of telling me this and that it was my fault because i was snapping at him. i tried hard not to, but he looked at me and smirked 'quit pouting it's all good' but before he could finish i was already crying. it's funny now that it's over but it sucked at the time, there we are in the check out line with granddad there too and i'm bawling! daddy immediately gave me a hug and i calmed down quickly but then everyone was looking and daddy and granddad looked at me with this 'aw' smile and told me i was cute, my response (rather too loudly) 'i'm not cute i'm pregnant' well that had everyone chuckling! so it was all good! i was all set to do christmas this year and then the tired hit again and i think we are just going to sit and do nothing, i don't have the energy for all the baking and cooking (i do a big turkey every year) so we are going to do nothing and then next year we can really have some fun with you! but it's okay because daddy and i are horrible for dates since it feels like christmas all the time here, i finally realized that the other day, we do b'day stuff early and valentines and all that because it's tradition to do it but we really don't feel the need to do that stuff since we do things like that for each other all year long, little presents and good will and happy feelings of love and joy! for the most part this house is a little sweet with all the gooey feelings! it's sounds so cliche, don't get me wrong we both have our bad days but the good ones outnumber and outweigh the bad ones. after all these years of wanting you here and waiting for the right timing, i feel so blessed to be bringing you into our lives where you will be surrounded with love and caring and ppl that truly want you around! okay mommy is getting sappy so i will stop now! love always, mom!