my poor little one i am doing my best and crossing my fingers and trying not to stress. i saw the endocrinologist yest. and it seems that things are not good. i have graves disease (disorder not sure) it looks like it was a hard diagnosis as my levels are fluctuating which although it happens is not the norm. my chemicals are good but there are antibodies pressing on the thyroid that is causing intermittent hormone production and now i don't have enough of the hormone... this means that you aren't getting enough either. they told me nicely the risk factors (miscarriage, stillbirth, major brain and thyroid development issues for you) first and then promptly went into what they are going to do to make sure you are safe, so it wasn't too bad to hear. i will be starting something called cynthroid (still have to look it up so spelling may be wrong) and do blood work every month. i have to make sure that the hospital has a really good neonatal care team in place otherwise i will have to deliver at the icky hospital (however being high risk and all that i can count on much higher level of care from them so it's not so bad) i get a special u/s at 20 wks where they will check to make sure that you are developing a thyroid of your own and that there are no goiters forming, as well as check for a few other important things. they say that the hormone is really safe, it's just a supplement for what i already make and is generally healthier than over the counter supplements! we shall see! had blood pressure and stuff checked so i asked her to write it down for the prenatal records: weight 91.7kg (202lbs), 166.5cm (5.46 feet) and bp is 121/77 pulse 81
not sure if these are good yet but i am not looking into it as i don't need anymore stress right now. doctors are so annoying with this, don't stress but quit smoking, don't stress but you have to take your meds or you could loose the baby, don't stress but take these hormones or you could loose the baby, don't stress but this means you're on meds the rest of your life (like i needed anymore damn meds), don't stress but quit smoking. sorry guys, off my back, i don't drink, i'm going to my appt's, i'm chasing down proper care for me and baby, i'm switching to decaf, i'm getting lots of rest, i'm eating healthier, i'm taking the meds, i'm trying to stay calm, i'm trying to walk a little at least every day, i'm doing the chiropractic exercises, and i am trying to cut back on the smoking and doing all this while trying to stay calm and dreading morning sickness creeping upon me and dealing with mood swings, while unmedicated for the bipolar, THE NEXT PERSON TO ***** ABOUT MY SMOKING IS GETTING DECKED! okay that's my rant for now! wow it really didn't feel like that much but when it's all written out like that it really quite a lot to deal with! oh well, long shower, little trip to the store and veg out for the day! love always, mom!
so i see the gp AGAIN today as it turns out that i need a new ob, the one i wanted at the hospital i wanted is not going to work as it seems that i need to deliver where there will be a nicu available 'just in case' yest i found out that i have graves (or ha****moto's they aren't 100% yet) and that there are anti bodies pressing on the thyroid causing low hormone levels. this means that i get to take more meds (at least they are really small this time!) and that we are both in danger of a few things that i will not go into here as it's upsetting, the up side is that i can look forward to much better care at the nasty hospital since i'm high risk on multiple levels and i won't have to rely on others to get around as everything should now be with in easy bus routes. the endocrinologist said that it may be okay as we have caught everything relatively early and the pills are safe and beneficial to both of us and should get levels up enough to get you started on your own. trying to look at the positive sides of things and dreaming about lining all the docs up with the lawyers! i was tested for this 4 years ago and told that the results were to indeterminate to properly diagnose, had i been and been taking the meds all along we would probably be fine (actual risk wise) but would still probably have to go the route that we are as pregnancy does weird things to the body! so at least there is a little comfort in the bed of nails that has been laid! as i have had one stress after another after another this week i am very very happy to report that daddy did dishes for me and i will be resting all weekend, no cramping, no spotting and extremely mild and only occasional nausea! (this is a great sign for the thyroid thing too as it can cause excessive nausea and vomiting, looks like we caught it REALLY early on!) nausea meals include, cantaloupe, cheese, crackers and turkey (just slices rolled) accompanied by lots of water. breakfast seems to have settled into decaf coffee, apple cinnamon oatmeal and a danactive yogurt drink. had lasagna last night too and yum! also have rediscovered Vietnamese spring rolls with sweet and sour sauce, the take out place across the street smelled too good to just walk past! well, will kup on the doc situation, love you lots, mom!
saw gp, he really has no clue about this whole baby issue! i asked if he could recommend someone who wasn't pro induction and all that and he looked at me like i had grown horns! so it looks like we are crossing our fingers and waiting, he is away next week so i have no idea if or when i will hear or who i will hear from. emotions are not bad though as i have come to the conclusion that the human brain can only handle so much before life becomes one big musical number "i can't help this feelin' running over me, smile and the whole world smiles with you, it's a beautiful day!" and yes sometimes it does seem that bad!!! but honestly i have come to terms with the fact that you are still quite a few months away so i have lots of time to assert myself and my plans so the things that are not going according to plan right now are fine, you are here, healthy (as far as i know) i'm well, daddy's happy and things are happening regardless! grin and nod! it's been a VERY long and stressful week and it's high time i start learning to let go of some of my control issues, i can't be in charge of every situation all day everyday, things just happen that are out of my abilities. go with the flow and enjoy the ride, deal with the rocks and the falls when you get there! as i'm sure you can tell by now it's been a good day so far! did the dishes and read my book and am looking to play on the computer a little. just wanted to let you know how things are going, crossing fingers for a good ob that will conform to my wishes!! love you always, mom!
so this is becoming quite the daily entry journal! oh well i guess it's to be expected with so much going on! i am very excited to see the u/s on thurs. so far it's not hard to convince myself that you are there and safe and happy but until i see it for myself it's still not 'real' yet. if we get to see you and that happy little heartbeat i am sure i will be able to relax a little bit. it's also nice knowing what i know at this stage, i don't freak out over cramps and not 'feeling it' or anything like that i know that these things are normal for this point and that i am on track (okay the cramps part is done but i knew to expect them so it didn't totally freak me out!) nausea seems to be confined to empty stomach (or really full) so i am doing really good at nibbling all day long, carrots, cantaloupe, cheese and then have three small. but good, meals as well. can't wait to hear from the ob and get to finally see someone who knows what is going on with the pregnancy, so far no one i've seen has a clue! therapist should be calling at some point this week (she has two) so i may talk with her a bit about what's been going on. i am coming to grips with letting go of preconceived notions about how this is going to proceed, no midwife, i can deal, health issues, i can deal, and as long as your healthy i think i should be okay, i am letting go now while still remaining firm about the things that i can have a say in, if water birth and no intervention is a feasible option then i will push for it. yest was so nice, i did almost nothing all day! finished dishes, finished my book, played warcraft for a bit and had a nap! hoping to repeat today (still have the pots and pans to wash) and maybe put away the clean laundry that daddy did the other day, it's nice to be able to veg out for a while! love always, mom!
7 weeks! (by fdlmp!)
so the u/s is today!!!!! hoping to hear the heartbeat but not holding my breath, it seems sort of hit or miss at this stage. still not 'feeling it' nausea is non existent unless i have an empty stomach, bowels hate me, sleep is hit or miss, i tire easily during the day, appetite has gone back to non existent (unless it's a craving!), food cravings and aversions are nothing really new, basically i feel like i tend to after ovulation. if it weren't for the test and the beta's i might be questioning your existence but i know in my heart that you are there and doing well. hoping to see an ob soon, still no word on who will be taking me, should hear about that within the next week. daddy is wonderful as usual, so helpful and understanding, really should look into doing something super special just for him soon as he has been soooo patient with me! had an ookie day yest as bowels were in full force and strictly liquid. thinking it may be an electrolyte issue when that happens as that is usually the case if it's the stomach flu. picked up some ginger ale yest and it seems to be helping a bit. well that's about it for now, will post later when i have pics and stuff of you, for you! love always, mom!
so we saw you today and mommy was right on the money! your due date is now confirmed (so they say!) at April 9 2010, you are doing well, the doc didn't want to come in as there was nothing to do or say, life is good! heartbeat was 136!
good morning my little one! well still so far so good here on the home front. no morning sickness (i can hear the other woman groaning as i type this! sorry ladies!) have had diarrhea really bad though, going to cut the metformin down to one a day as recommended by the prescribing docs nurse (she said if things get bad it's more about taking it than how much at this point). have the next u/s booked for sept 30? (although no pics this time it's to look for down syndrome and stuff) and there is a consult on sept 14 with the perinatal specialist for high risk, this is not going to be my doc but someone who will consult with me and my doc and help things along when the time comes, if there is a problem. i think this is more than likely a standard procedure meeting since i am high risk. still waiting to see who the gp finds for me as an ob, fertility docs office said to call them when we know and they may be able to speed things up a bit if the appt is a long way off. so basically, aside from my guts hurting like heck from the bm, i feel pretty normal these days, moods have settled out, appetite is back to normal (for me) which basically means that i have almost no appetite and when i am hungry i'm picky! still eating healthy when i do though (lunch yest was a turkey salad; turkey bits, cheese, croutons, salad, and dressing) we had smokies for dinner, with mozzarella and oregano. having odd dreams, so is daddy! nothing really note worthy but a little off from the normal i remember that much! it seems that daddy's m/s is also bowel stuff and hits him until about 9 am (remember he's up at 4 so that's a long time!) and we have agreed that he is having these issues because it's his bodies/minds way of being a part of all this and at the same time coming to terms with the fact that life is about to change, big time!! well nothing else really exciting going on, just relaxing and trying to keep up with some house work. love you always, mom!
good morning my darling! i'm still waiting for this all to be real. i've seen the numbers, i've seen you live on the monitor, but it's still so surreal. i waited for you for so long that i guess i had all this anticipation of what it would be like and now that you are here... well it's definitely not what i expected! thinking i'll be spared some of the nastier stuff as there is still nothing really to alert me to your presence. i almost wish i had morning sickness just so that something would click, the 'oh this is here now so it has to be real' although i suspect that i will follow in the foot steps of women all over and not really get it until i hold you in my arms! so far so good you are holding on strong, still no spotting or cramping (even post coital which is great!) i have had to cut back on the metformin (doc office said if side effects get too bad then to cut back to one a day instead of two, so that's what i have done) the bowel movements issue was getting a little out of hand. i don't know what to do with myself these days, i have no appetite and i have to be very aware of my eating habits to make sure that i do eat and that it's good stuff. i am doing pretty good so far but i know i could be doing better if i just had the stomach for anything else. my thoughts are a jumble and every so often i get that mild panic attack of 'omg i'm going to be a parent and have to actually practice all that crap i'm always preaching on how to raise a healthy child!' okay well i don't actually preach stuff (so i've been told) i'm just very opinionated about somethings (like children should NOT be dragged into adult fights) and i have some strong feelings about how we are going to raise you (stuff like home schooling and rules about chores) it's just a lot of info and ideas and opinions that all seem easier said than done when the reality of it hits you in the face. for the most part i am just going with the flow and if things change, well the only constant in life is change so it's not a bad thing! it's just really hard some days knowing that it's me this time and i get to live everyday of this, no fast forwarding, no take backs. 9 months seems to go a lot faster when it's someone else that's living it! with that said it's hard to believe that i am almost 8 weeks already! anyway i've babbled enough for today, love always, mom!
so far so good things are moving along here. starting to feel little flutters in your general region! probably just muscle and uterus expansion but it's fun to pretend! went through all the baby bags yest and started sorting things out, the maternity stuff was all in there too so it was for me as well! we have A LOT of stuff already! pants and shirts and sets, ut the sleepers and onesies blew my mind! i have been collecting off and on for about 4 years now for you and have collected 20 onsies between 0-12 month sizes (mostly 0-9 month) and have 11 sleepers in the smaller sizes (sm-med) and 10 in the med-large sizes! also have a TON of socks but they are all small (nb-3 month) and some hoodies and sweaters and hats and caps. need more blankets and not sure how many receiving ones we have as some are in a spot that i haven't gotten to yet (no maternity in there so daddy told me to wait so i have something to do later!) i started an inventory so that i can see what we still need as there are a few shop a holics that are chomping at the bit to start buying for you and i want to make sure that the money goes to good places (things we need and not a bunch of doubles).
on the craving front... turkey is still good but deep fried chicken has been added (i use canola oil so it's not too bad and so far have only made it once) cantaloupe is out but yogurt and blueberries is in! other than that i am hungry but don't want anything not helpful. if there is something you need you really need to give me a craving so i can eat it!! looking forward to seeing you again at the end of next month. and still working on daddy about getting an in home doppler (for heartbeat). love you lots, mom!
thought for the day: personal limitations, knowing and rediscovering what your limits are.
as we go through life we are constantly having to discover and rediscover what are personal limitations are regarding what we can handle, physical vs mental vs emotional lines. it may be how much you can drink or what your stomach can handle as far as quantity or how spicy you can handle your food. as we get older we rediscover what our physical limitations are, we can no longer run all day long on only two hours sleep, or walk all day without having to rest for three days after! pregnancy is no exception. as the pregnancy progresses i find myself trying to do things that i normally could and i am paying the price! trying to do dishes, and laundry and vacuum and grocery shopping is no longer an energy option for one day, and now needs to be spread out throughout the week. my immune system takes more out of me to fight off the lightest of colds and drains my reserves a lot faster. naps are more needed than ever and food intake has to be smaller and more frequent. i am slowly learning these limits and trying to re-adjust as i go without causing too much stress on myself or on daddy. so far things are working themselves out, however there have been a few days where i've done too much and had to take some down time and by the time i'm recovered all the work i've done is now waiting for me again! daddy helps as much as he can with a smile on his face and no complaints but i know that at times i am taxing him too. he is currently sick with a head cold that is moving into his chest and although i think i am getting sick too i am trying hard not to get it. he helps do the dishes and laundry and empties the bucket for the vacuum when i ask, he is forever refilling my water for me to help make sure i am drinking enough and doesn't argue if a meal needs preparing or at least a little help! limits are things that keep us from wearing ourselves down and can be very useful for getting it all done, as long as we learn our limits and try not to push them too far! off for a down time day! love you lots, mom!