Woohoo! I can't believe I'm pregnant again, I mean, I figured it wouldn't take long, but it's still a bit of a shocker for me. Having to wait since September was new to us too... of course, we had never tried to get pregnant this soon after giving birth, so I guess it shouldnt have been. I just thought I would be terrified to be pregnant again after losing Peter, but strangely, I am pretty calm. Now dont get me wrong, I have moments when I start to "what if", but for the most part, I;m okay.
I'm having trouble naming my journal, but I guess that's no surprise. I may change it.
Right now, I'm naming it "Roarings of a Lioness" because of a devotional study by Nancy Campbell at http://www.aboverubies.org/frameset.asp?w=1024 Above Rubies. Ever since I read it this summer in Gatekeepers Of The Home, that phrase has stuck in my head, like God put some crazy glue on it before smacking it onto my forehead or something.
I know God doesn't want me to be afraid of what might happen in the future- whether I'm able to hang on to this baby till he/she is full term or whether he/she will survive labor or go Home like Peter did. I can't be afraid of that, because that's exactly what my enemy would want. It's like my midwife (MW) said- I can't cower in the corner and be afraid, I can't give up and have my tubes tied because I'm too scared to lose another pregnancy and I can't lie down and have my baby cut out of me for no reason just because I've been intimidated. He will not win. I've gone through too much to give up and give in now.
I think God showed Patrick the angel that came to take Peter home for a reason. I think God showed my sister the vision of Peter as a grown man worshipping God for a reason too. He's no longer the beautiful baby boy that we left at Eastside Cemetery in his baby blue casket. He;s a warrior for the Lord. Already I think he;s helped make people think about God and their own mortality. God knew just when my mind would be able to accept the fact that Peter has grown spiritually way beyond me and I'm going to have to start running to catch up.
So I've got to start this journal off with words to encourage me. Words that I can go back and read if I'm ever feeling bad or losing hope again, then I can get on with my ramblings for this pregnancy journal. I'm sure I'm going to have to add encouragement for myself as time goes on too.
Here are some words from Nancy Campbell..."I love the words that Balaam prophesied over God's people. 'These people rise up like a lioness: like a majestic lion they stand. They refuse to rest until they have feasted on prey, drinking the blood of the slaughtered.' (Numbers 23:24 NLT) Remember, the Lion of the tribe of Judah now lives in you. In the power of Christ, you are the lioness, not the prey. You are the head, not the tail. You are the victor, not the victim.
As a child of God, and especially as a mother, you need this same lion-like attitude against any attack against your marriage or family. Look upon the enemy as a foe to be defeated and utterly routed. Do not give up until you feast on the prey of your enemy. God calls His people 'My battle axe and weapons of war.' (Jeremiah 51:20)"
Hmmm, I don't know if I like being called a battle axe :lol:, but I don't mind being called a weapon of war. After all, my children are arrows.
Okay, so that's enough of the enouragement thread for now. I'm going to post again with pregnancy symptoms and other thoughts.