I know, I know, weird title for a journal... but this pregnancy has turned out to be so different from my last one when I had twins. It's like a whole new experience!! So here we go...
16 Weeks 5 days
My name is Melissa. DH (Rick) and I have been married for almost 2 years now. We found out we were pregnant (unexpectedly) in August of 2002, only months after our wedding. We were very excited about the new baby... we both wanted a fairly large family, and though we had planned to wait a while, it was a blessing that we were pregnant. Then, 20 weeks into my pregnancy, we had an US and found out we were having two!
I love having twins, but I am not sure that I was entirely ready for two children right off the bat. Financially it killed us. And I find myself wishing for the days when I could get some sleep... and I sometimes feel like my girls have been cheated of having that special one on one bonding with DH and I... they have to share our attention all the time and sometimes I feel bad. but they are beautiful children, and I count my blessings every day for having such wonderful little pumpkins!!
In September of last year, we began talking about when we would have another child. We wanted 4 all together, and we would like for them to be close in age so they can grow up together. I wanted to be pregnant again very badly for some reason, and though we knew we should wait, we decided to begin trying in January to have another. But life suprised us once again when we got pregnant a few months before even trying. Though I had stopped using my birth control, we were using condoms... except for one night. So, I can tell this child exactly where and when he or she was conceived if they ever want to know!
At first I was excited. Then, unexpectedly, I became depressed about the pregnancy. I am sure it has to do with hormonal changes and stuff like that, but I felt so incredibly guilty about being depressed. I wanted to be happy for our new little life. But so much was going on, the girls were so demanding, and the pregnancy was making me so sick and tired that I couldn't imagine ever having the energy or desire to care for a third child!
Thankfully, as I have entered the second trimester and am feeling better, I have gotten excited and happy about this pregnancy once again. I also attribute the attitude change to the fact that I decided to go back to work... staying at home with the girls was rewarding, but also exhausting and stressful. I now look forward to the day he or she is born and can't wait to find out if we will be blessed with yet another girl, or a beautiful boy! We have decided not to find out in the US so we can be suprised, so it will be a while.
My mom is so excited for the new baby, you wouldn't believe it. She loves the girls so much and can't wait for another! About a month ago, doctors found a large tumor in her brain. 3 weeks ago she had it surgically removed, and pathology reports let us know that the tumor was lung cancer that had spread to her brain. She is only 43 years old! The docs at the hospital gave her less than a year to live. Her current doctor has given us much more hope and is treating her aggresively with radiation and chemotherapy. We are hoping that she will be around for many many years to come. Whether she is able to stay with us here on earth or goes to heaven, we have decided to name the baby after her if we have a girl. One of the twins already carried her middle name, but this girl would have her first name. This is all kind of an offside, but very much a large part of what is going on in our lives at the moment.
Anyway, now that I have written a novel and gotten caught up on this pregnancy, I will go for now.