I know, I know, weird title for a journal... but this pregnancy has turned out to be so different from my last one when I had twins. It's like a whole new experience!! So here we go...
16 Weeks 5 days
My name is Melissa. DH (Rick) and I have been married for almost 2 years now. We found out we were pregnant (unexpectedly) in August of 2002, only months after our wedding. We were very excited about the new baby... we both wanted a fairly large family, and though we had planned to wait a while, it was a blessing that we were pregnant. Then, 20 weeks into my pregnancy, we had an US and found out we were having two!
I love having twins, but I am not sure that I was entirely ready for two children right off the bat. Financially it killed us. And I find myself wishing for the days when I could get some sleep... and I sometimes feel like my girls have been cheated of having that special one on one bonding with DH and I... they have to share our attention all the time and sometimes I feel bad. but they are beautiful children, and I count my blessings every day for having such wonderful little pumpkins!!
In September of last year, we began talking about when we would have another child. We wanted 4 all together, and we would like for them to be close in age so they can grow up together. I wanted to be pregnant again very badly for some reason, and though we knew we should wait, we decided to begin trying in January to have another. But life suprised us once again when we got pregnant a few months before even trying. Though I had stopped using my birth control, we were using condoms... except for one night. So, I can tell this child exactly where and when he or she was conceived if they ever want to know!
At first I was excited. Then, unexpectedly, I became depressed about the pregnancy. I am sure it has to do with hormonal changes and stuff like that, but I felt so incredibly guilty about being depressed. I wanted to be happy for our new little life. But so much was going on, the girls were so demanding, and the pregnancy was making me so sick and tired that I couldn't imagine ever having the energy or desire to care for a third child!
Thankfully, as I have entered the second trimester and am feeling better, I have gotten excited and happy about this pregnancy once again. I also attribute the attitude change to the fact that I decided to go back to work... staying at home with the girls was rewarding, but also exhausting and stressful. I now look forward to the day he or she is born and can't wait to find out if we will be blessed with yet another girl, or a beautiful boy! We have decided not to find out in the US so we can be suprised, so it will be a while.
My mom is so excited for the new baby, you wouldn't believe it. She loves the girls so much and can't wait for another! About a month ago, doctors found a large tumor in her brain. 3 weeks ago she had it surgically removed, and pathology reports let us know that the tumor was lung cancer that had spread to her brain. She is only 43 years old! The docs at the hospital gave her less than a year to live. Her current doctor has given us much more hope and is treating her aggresively with radiation and chemotherapy. We are hoping that she will be around for many many years to come. Whether she is able to stay with us here on earth or goes to heaven, we have decided to name the baby after her if we have a girl. One of the twins already carried her middle name, but this girl would have her first name. This is all kind of an offside, but very much a large part of what is going on in our lives at the moment.
Anyway, now that I have written a novel and gotten caught up on this pregnancy, I will go for now.
I have been having some BH contrax, I think... the last couple of days I have felt kind of crampy... not sure if this is what it is, but I am guessing. It's sorta uncomfortable, but I'll live. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a head cold today, too, so I am just generally miserable.
I definately need to buy some more maternity clothes. Today I am wearing a pair of my regular pants and they are so tight I just unbuttoned the top-- and I am at work! I think my shirt is long enough, though, that no one will notice. I hope anyway! It's weird to me that I am starting to show... it seems early, but I seemto have a mental block that thinks that this pregnancy is not as far along as it is. Maybe it's because I wished it away for the first couple of months!!
Today has been the most quiet, dead day at work I have had so far... and it's making me tired cuz I have nothing to do!!
Baby and I are fine today-- still have my head cold, but the Sudafed wore off hours ago and I still feel okay, so I may just live after all. DH and I had lunch together and spent some time talking about the baby and how it's amazing that I am already so far along-- I guess that I am not the only one who thinks that this pregnancy is going fast!
We also discussed names again and decided that when we come up with a boy's name, we will be making sure that it is not in the top 25 names according to the social security administration... we already know our girls name is not, so er are safe. The only reason that we care is that when we picked the twins' names, we thought we ewre being original... I didn't know anyone wiht a child named Isabella-- now I hear it all the time! Well, it turns out that Isabella was the 14th most popular name in 2002, so I am only assuming that number has gone up since then. I wanted my girls to be original but not weird... Gabriella is okay, though... her name was like 76th. The girls name we have picked out for this baby was 557th most popular in 2002, so we are good to go with that!
Anyway, enough of names. It is kind of scary to me that sice we have decided not to find out that we will have to have both genders names picked out when the baby is born!! Yikes! Now how will we ever come up with a boys name??
Argh, I said enough of names!!
As I laid in bed last night I tried to be still and see if I could feel the little pumpkin move... I don't think that I suceeded. I will try again tonight. I think until I start feeling some of that it still will not feel real to me. I keep thinking that there must be something wrong since I don't feel this baby, but I guess that's because the last half of my last pregnancy there was so much movement and stuff since there was two-- it was crazy! I must remember that I didn't feel much this early last time, either! I have never been a worrier... I rarely ever thougth of-- let alone worried about-- a miscarriage or anything like that, so it's weird that I would suddenly be having these worries. I am sure that once I have my 20 wk U/S on the 30th that I will feel much better.
It's hard ot believe that we didn't find out about the twins until 20 weeks last time... at least this time I know there is only one thanks to an 8 wk. U/S. I hope anyway...
Well today has been just crappy. Can I say that??? of course I can, this is my journal...
The weather here sucks. We have gotten approximately 8-9 inches of snow since early morning. The drive is going to be horrible and I have a physical therapy appointment at 5pm. I am thinking I am going to have to leave work early to make it.
I look like crap. The snow was so heavy and wet this morning that it plastered all of my hair to my head when I was out getting the van cleaned off and the girls loaded up and then into daycare. So when I got to work, I threw it all up in a headband, bangs and all. And because I look like crap, I feel like crap.
My headcold is letting up, however, which is good news. But I am simply exhausted... I can't seem to beat the exhaustion lately... I think it may have something to do with the fact that we haven't had any sun this week. Then again, since I got pregnant I am always exhausted... so I guess I don't need the lack of sun as an excuse.
I am excited for my PT appointment today. I went for the first time on Tuesday and I left feeling wonderful. I have been suffering from extreme back and pelvic pain which began last time I was pregnant. It got a little better once the girls were born, but never completely went away. It came back full force this time around, so my OB referred me to this PT doc who works with a lot of pregnant women. Turns out that my pelvic bones do not come together correctly... one side is tilted. It is a direct result of being pregnant and I caused further injury to everything when I gave birth vaginally. I have not been able to lay flat on a hard surface such as a floor without being in extreme pain since it all started. When we got done with the last appointment, I was laying on his hard table, flat, and felt no pain! It was fabulous!! I have also been able to move my legs without having terrible groin pain, now, too. It has come back a little, though, which is I am sure why he wants to see me twice a week for a couple of weeks till it all gets straightened out. He also gave me some exercises to do at home, which, of course, I have had NO time to do-- the life of having twins. So I will have to admit that to him today.
I am getting excited about the girls' first birthday. I am going to start planning thier party this weekend. Their Bday is during the week, on a Thursday, so I was going to have the party the Saturday after, but the Sunday after is Easter... so I guess I will have to do the Saturday before. I can't believe my girls will be one soon!!!!!!!
I am also getting excited for my anniversary in May! DH got us tickets to the Opera to see The Magic Flute. And yesterday, I made us reservations at the Grand Hotel which is a luxury hotel... we got a suite and it includes free room service for breakfast... I am so excited! Now we just have to find a babysitter for that night.
Anyway, enough rambling on... still haven't felt much movement in the last few days. I tried feeling last night in bed again and no luck. I am getting worried, especially since I was feeling movement about 2 weeks ago, and now-- nothing! I sure hope my little pumpkin is okay in there... Stay strong little one!
I have been thinking more and more about finding out the sex of this baby now, too. DH and I had decided not to find out, but I am starting to think that maybe it would be good to at least have an option to find out later on... my mom is sick and though I am confident that she will still be around when this baby is born, there is still the chance that she won't be. She wants to know so bad... so I thought that maybe we should have the US tech write it down for us and put it in a sealed envelope so that if things get bad, or somethign comes up, we have the option of finding out at a later date... I am just not sure that I would have the strength not to open it just for fun! I am not sure that I could handle knowing that the answer is just sitting there in an envelope, waiting for us to read it! Argh! What to do????
Well, I need to get back to work and my crappy day. I hope the weekend goes better and that this icky snow melts fast!
Well, the weekend was beautiful, weather-wise... and now it's snowing again. There was a huge 20 car pile up on 94 today... remind me why I live in Minnesota again???
Anyway, today is definately a Monday. I am annoyed by people I work with and feel kinda icky. I have been eating like a pig today. Well, as much as I can while I'm at work. I had cereal for breakfast, cookies and juice later, then for lunch I had a tuna sub from Subway and an order or 6 cream cheese puffs from the chinese place next door to it. The perils of working downtown are that there are food places everywhere in the skyways... now I am craving a cookie... but I am gonna be good and not go down and get one!
I have been crampy again today. It HAS to be BH contrax... I don't know what else it could be. Sleeping on my stomach is getting very uncomfortable, now. I tried getting comfy last night, but couldn't-- the sucky thing is that I am a stomach sleeper. It's one of the things I hate about being pregnant!
This weekend was fun. We took the girls to Chuck E Cheese's and they got to play games and ride the little rides. It was there first trip to someplace like that. Though they were a little young to really get into anything... I am so excited for when they really have fun!! I think it was a little overstimulating for them after a while, but in general, they were VERY good!
Anyway, I have to pee, so today's je is short. I hope you all have a wonderful day!!
Ugh, I am sick of feeling crampy. And I can't take anything that will make it feel better... am I gonna have to deal with this until the baby is born?? I hope not. I think my body is just irritated at me for being pregnant again so soon.
I was in a ton of pain relating to my back and groin yesterday... had trouble even walking. I was looking so forward to my PT appointment in the afternoon. Well, I got there and told the therapist about it, and he felt my bone locations and said "wow, you are way off today!". I told him that I had tried adjusting myself at home like he told me and that it just seemed to make things worse. He said to try again and let him know what happens next itme I go in. I was also disappointed in leaving yesterday, because I usually feel pretty good once I leave, but the pain wasn't gone when I left... it seems to be getting worse each day. It's frustrating, but there is not a whole lot more that can be done. The therapist told me that I can learn do do some things to help, but that the issue probably would not be completely resolved until after I have this baby and continue the PT. Figures. He said that if we can't make the pain and discomfort bearable within a couple more weeks, he will fit me for a hip bind which will go around my hips under my clothing and I will wear that until after the baby is born. I am actually at this point excited to try it and see if it works.
So, I found out yesterday that my PT and OB are friends. The PT was telling me that he had been over to Dr. Chow's house with his kids, etc... I thought that was kind of funny. He said that they talked about me and how I was crazy to be having another child so soon after the birth of my twins. My OB has 3 yr. old twins and knows what it is like. The PT also told me that nearly 90% of people who have twins in their first pregnancy never have another child. That says something about how hard it is to have twins!!
Other than all of that, I am feeling okay. Tired as usual, but no major probs that I know of. Work was very busy this morning, but it has slowed down a LOT. I have had to go to the rest room like 5 times today and it is on the other end of my floor! ARGH! That is ONE LONG WALK, BABY!! On the other hand, I took a nice liesurly lunch and had like three glasses of caffienated soda, and I never drink that much, and I hardly ever drink caffeine, so that may be part of the reason! Shame on me!
DH and I have decided for sure that we will have the baby's sex sealed up in an envelope for us so that we can find out if we need to for my mom or something. I just have to figure out what to do with it so we don't give in and open it! I thought about giving it to someone to hold for us, but I don't trust ANY of our family to not open it so they know! How pitiful is that?? Everyone is just way too excited about it! And I refuse to let anyone else know what we are having if WE don't know!
We are also in the middle of plannign for the girls' first birthday party. We ahve it planned for April 3rd. I wanted to have it the Saturday after their B-day so that it was closer to the actual day, but that is Easter weekend and my family always celebrates Easter on that day. Oh well. I found a really cute party theme online that I think we will use. It's a Sesame Street 1st Birthday set... very adorable. A little expensive, but I want their first b-day party to be memorable! Well, THEY won't remember it, but WE will!
Anyway, hpoe everyone is having a fabulous day... I will have a great day if it ever stops snowing!!!!!
Well, we woke up this morning to 6 degrees and wind chills of -15 degrees. I thought we were done with the hard winter stuff-- I guess i was wrong. It's days like this when I wish DH and I had gone ahead and moved to Florida when we were talking about it last year!!
Well, I am 18 weeks tomorrow. I am starting to get a little nervous about the rest of this pregnancy. Last night I was cramping so bad that I couldn't sleep. Now if it is BH, isn't it bad to be having pain that bad this early on?? It makes me scared that I will have problems with pre-term labor or something. DH is very worried about me, always asking if I am sure that everything is okay. I am NOT sure, but I have to tell him that I am to calm him down. I have had no spotting, or anything else that would lead me to believe that something is wrong, but the cramping is so awful! It's like some of the worst menstral cramps I get when I am not pregnant-- and I get BAD cramps... so bad that I have been given prescription Naproxin Sodium to help deal with the pain! SO, obviously I can't take anything like that, and I have not taken anything... but I wonder how I will deal with this. I want to call my doctor to ask, but I feel stupid... I know I shouldn't, but I should know how to deal with things-- for heaven's sake, I was just pregnant 11 moths ago! It's not like I'm new to this! It's just that my last pregnancy was so problem free! I mean, I never felt a contraction until they started my Pitocin the day my water broke! So this is so weird to me...
I am still feeling cramping on and off today, but not as bad. Last night in order to try to get it to stop I guzzled down a bottle of water and tried to ignore the pain as I tried to fall asleep. It worked eventually. But it didn't help that our dog kept freaking out and barking his head off, and then we heard the back door squeak open, and then part of our power was gone! We both got alittle freaked out-- so much so that DH gave me the cordless phone to hold on to before he left our room to check things out just in case something terrible happened! Turns out, the switch on the power strip that our lamp, alarm clock, etc. are plugged into had been switched off. I am thinking the cat stepped on it. The door could easily have been swung open by the fierce wind, seeing as it doesn't latch correctly when it is very cold out like it was last night, and our dog barks at everything! So we ended up feeling kind of silly for being freaked out, but when you live in a neighborhood like ours, somethimes it doesn't take much to freak you out. Once we got all settled again, that's when I guzzled down the water and tried to sleep...
Beyond that, nothing much is going on... I guess that I will break down and call the OBs office, but I will have to wait until I go on lunch. I don't want to do it from my desk because there are too many male ears around... I work in a cube and sound travels very well in our quiet office. So I will call from my cell phone on lunch.
Baby, just want to remind you after all of this, that mommy and daddy are getting quite excited about you, and daddy worries about both you and I all the time lately... so hang in there!!
Well, the triage nurse at the clinic finally called me back about my cramping. She asked me a whole bunch of questions, and also asked me if I think that it could be a UTI, and I told her I had no other problems or symptoms. She said basically that she was just trying to rule stuff out, but that she could not really tell me what was going on. She gave me a few suggestions such as trying a warm bath before bed, etc. to see if that alleves the cramping, and asked me to call her back again tomorrow. If I am still having cramping, especially if it is as bad as it was last night, she will want me to come in and see an OB to make sure everything is okay.
She told me that I am probably going through a growth spurt right now and that could be ligament pain, but I told her that I knew what that felt like and it was very different. I told her that I am having ligament pain and stretching, but this is an entirely different thing all together. So, that is it. I guess I will see what happens tomorrow. She said that there could be something wrong, but that we shouldn't panic about it unless the cramping continues to be painful and severe. Also, she asked me if it was regular pain that came on and off like contractions and ho often it occurred in an hour... I told her really that it wasn't and that it wasn't on and off... anyway, that's it. I will let you know what happens tonight and tomorrow, I guess!
Well, TGIF!! YAY! I am sort of excited about the weekend, and tonight I get a baby-free night! SIL is taking the kids for the night so I can get the house cleaned for a decorating party I am having tomorrow. I don't know how many people will show up, but at least it will be an excuse to clean my house!
My cramping seemed to stop yesterday late afternoon... when I went to my PT appointment I asked the therapist if he thought that there would be any reason that my PT was causing the cramping (since the nurse asked me yesterday) and he said that there should be no connection at all... I didn't think so, but at least I asked him! I hope that I can continue to be cramp-free... I don't need any more pain added to the back and pelvic pain I am already dealing with!! I thought that yesterday may be my last PT appointment, but I was wrong. He asked me when I got there how I was feeling and I said "great! I am having almost no back and pelvic pain!" So he checked my joint locations and told me that I was almost right on, which is great! But this morning, I can fell how terribly my pelvic bones are off again... I am limping when I walk it hurts so bad... and I don't go back until next Thursday! He told me that if it gets bad, though, that I should call him and he'd get me in sooner.
Anyway, enough of that. While I was laying in bed last night I tried valiantly to feel the baby move. Everytime I try, all I can feel is my very strong pulse. So I guess I keep just waiting...
We finally get our new couch tomorrow! YAY! but we have no one to take our old set. We have to find a home ofr our couch, loveseat and chair. They are very good furniture, only a few years old, and extremely comfy. They are jsut kinda...well, stained. I had them covered with slipcovers and they were great, but no one has any room for them. I just can't see throwing them away... oh well, I guess that I will call up ARC or something and see if they want to come and get them. Anyway, onto the new set... I was hoping it would all show up before my party tomorrow, but no luck. It is coming later in the afternoon. Oh well...
Well, that's enough rambling for today.
Dayna-- start feeling better, girl! And I will be praying for your brother...
Nicky-- Hey, want some furniture for your new place?? Hang in there girl, and I think your friend is right-- you need to quit letting Earl have all the control! I know, easier said than done...
To everyone-- I hope you all have a great weekend!
Wow, I have been very busy lately and have not been able to journal. I am feeling better lately. The cramping seemed to stop on Friday and has not returned, thank god! Now I am just dealing with the usual round ligament pain which has been very, VERY noticable lately (read: painful!) and the back and groin pain that I have been seeing the therapist for. The groin and back pain has been getting progressively worse since late last week. I have been limping around in a LOT of pain the last few days. I don't go back to see the therapist until Thursday, and I am afraid that he is going to tell me that I need to wear a pressure belt around my hips. UGH. Oh well-- if it helps this darnned pain, then I will do anything!!!!!!! It is really getting frustrating because it basically totally shuts down my ability to feel good and I HATE that! I am supposed to be able to adjust the bone location at home myself with some resistence exercises that the therapist taught me, but for some reason, I cannot get it to work which is majorly making me mad! Anyway, I will talk to him about all of this on Thursday.
Otherwise I am feeling okay. I find myself hungry all day duringthe day lately (like I could eat ALL the time during work) and then at night when I get home, I feed the girls, feed my husband, but I have no desire to eat! It's weird. Last night I ate some spagetti just because I thought that I should eat dinner. I enjoyed it, but it just wasn't the same since I was not really hungry. But it is only 10:34 and I have already had some yogurt, a bowl of cottage cheese and a can of pineapple. At least I am trying to eat healthy if I am gonna snack all day!
I think that I have felt the baby move around a little over the last few days. Mainly when I am lying in bed at night. I also have gotten this tight, internal pain a lot that reminds me of when the girls would stretch out and plant their feet against the inside of my uterus... it's not realy painful but it is definately uncomfortable. I can't see the baby doing this to me already, though... it can't possibly be big enough to be trying to push out against my uterus, can it????
I find myself looking more and more forward to my upcoming US. I just want the 30th to get here! YAY! Now, if I can make it through the appointment without yelling "I wanna know what I'm having, tell me, tell me, tell me!!!"
This weekend was pretty good. The girls stayed overnight at MIL's house so DH and I spent the night clening the house-- it needed it SO BAD! I have never lived in the kind of filth I am living in now... but there is just no time ot clean with these kids!! ANyway, we cleaned, and then I cleaned the carpets... the water in the cleaner was BLACK when I emptied it... EWWWW! I can't believe my kids have been playing on the carpet and it has been so dirty!
Then my new couch arrived... hooray! It is beautiful and very very comfy! Soon after, everyone arrived for the decorating party I was hosting. Then on Saturday night the girls and I spent the night together since DH went to the high school boys hockey tourney with his siblings. His high school ended up taking the state trophy, so he had fun. On Sunday we laid around the *clean* house and watched racing. Then my SIL Angela and I went to a Wild hockey game. It was nice to get out with no kids and the Wild won! YAY! So, that was my short weekend. Then Monday came and sucked, so I am hoping that today continues to go well.
Anyway, I hope you all have a great day... oh, and listen to this-- Kathleen from the April 2003 board found it and we all recorded ourselves. Kind of cool!