those were my first thoughts and words when i looked down at the pregnancy test about four weeks ago. i hadn't been feeling well for weeks before...all the signs were there, the nausea, the swollen sore boobs, implantation bleeding. i thought they were all signs of a real bad period coming on since those are all period symptoms for me anyway. but i should have known better because all the symptoms were exaggerated now. nope...i was pregnant. very, very pregnant.
my boyfriend, to say the least, was shocked. i didn't know what to do so i called my mom right away. she was happy. she told me to make an appointment with the doctor right away which i did. nine million blood tests, urine tests, and an ultrasound later, i have a healthy little "mushroom" that is growing inside my belly.
i didn't know what to think. am i ready for this? i just got out of an icky marriage less than two years ago. don't get me wrong, now i'm with the man of my dreams and i wanted to have children with him anyway....but i'm broke. shouldn't we have planned this 'cause this baby was definitely NOT planned. i need to move back home to chicago. i'm stuck at a job i can't stand because i need the insurance. i want to feel happy and excited but i can't because i'm knackered all the time.
i want this baby...we both want this baby. we already love it. i'm happy, yet i'm not. does that even make any sense?