A Surpise Blessing...
Well, well, well....I wasn't expecting to be here so soon! I am so blessed to be experiencing this journey one more time, but I still cannot believe that it happened so quickly. After the heartache and the journey that we went through to conceive our little boy, I wasn't sure I could ever go through this process again. A few months after he was born, we quickly realized that our family wasn't yet complete, and we decided that we would try for one more baby. I went off BC in March and we were preparing to start trying in June. Well, imagine my surprise when I was late. I took a test, and poof! You're on your way. I'm so excited.
I don't have much in the way of symptoms currently. I have tender breats, occassional cramping (ligament pains), and brief waves of nauseus. I've also developed a cold, which I've had at the beginning of every pregnancy. I'm hoping for stronger symptoms in a few weeks, but will take the ones I have now. I'm trying to remain very positive and upbeat this time around, but we'll see. Hopefully my fear doesn't get the best of me.
Alright, I'm off for tonight. I just wanted to get this started....and say that I'm beyond thrilled that we are going to have one more little blessing!
5 weeks 4 days
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I still do not have many symptoms, and I'm trying to remain positive. With my last pregnancy, I freaked out constantly, and it did nothing for me except stress me out. I've come to realize that there is nothing I can do. If you are not meant to be with me, then that is what God wants, and I can't do anything to change it. I'm trying to enjoy every second of this pregnancy because I know that in an instant it could be over. I'm praying that you grow big and strong, and we get to bring you home, but it isn't up to me. I'll just continue to do what I am capable of doing: eating the right things, taking my vitamins, relaxing and not over-doing it, and the rest is up to him.
I started rereading What to Expect When You're Expecting. In there it says that most symptoms don't start until around week 6, so I've got a few days. I'm still only dealing with frequent bathroom trips, sore breasts, and occasional cramps. I'm hoping that I only get brief waves of nauseus, but would welcome the other too, as I suppose that means the baby is doing fine.
We've started talking about baby names. Daddy doesn't like to discuss them because he thinks I change my mind too often, but I can't help it if I like to discuss baby names :) If you are a little princess, we're pretty set on your name. You will be Emerson Frances. Emerson is a name that we both like and Frances is after your Great-Grandma. She's always been there for both me and Daddy, and we want to honor her by naming you after her. Boy names are a bit harder for us. I have always loved the name Kyler,but Daddy does not. Also, your sisters and brother have names ending with an 'n,' so we felt that we should honor that tradition. Currently, on the top of my list are Colin and Bryson (leaning more towards Colin). I also like Benjamin, Jackson, and Logan. On the top of Daddy's list is Mason. For middle name choices, we are either going to use Andrew, which is Daddy's middle name, or Martin, which is after your Great-Grandpa who passed away last summer from cancer. He had always been good to us, and he was the only Grandpa that I ever truly had. We have decided to keep your gender a surprise until delivery day, so we've got a while to settle on names, although I hope we have something set before we go to the hospital :)
Alright....lots to do over the next few days. Addison, your oldest big sister, is turning 6 tomorrow!! We are getting ready for her birthday party. She is having a carnival theme, and I'm super excited!! We are having two parties on Saturday: one with friends from school and then one with family later that night. Nearly all of the games are done, but there are a few last minute things I need to finish up. I've also got to back about 50 cupcake cookies tomorrow and clean the house. Today we're running errands. We're going to Great-Grandma's to pick up some tables and get a few little things that I need to finish up the games. Hopefully everything will work out :)
6 weeks 1 day
Still no major symptoms and as hard as I'm trying to be calm, I'm really starting to worry. Today I'm experiencing a headache, but I'm doubting that is related to the pregnancy. I keep reading on my birth board about all of these women with such horrible morning sickness that it's really starting to make me question if the baby is growing like it should be. I've been rereading my pregnancy journal with Cameron, and I never really experienced any m/s with him, so I'm trying as hard as I can to remain calm, but it's so hard. My first appointment is next Friday (6.15.12) and it CANNOT come fast enough. I just want to make sure everything is okay.
The birthday party this weekend went really well. All of her friends from school that came seemed to have a great time and then family came over later that evening. Everyone had fun, except for one of her cousins. He was upset because he was the only boy and he wanted to open up one of Addison's presents. My mom and step-dad went in w/Daddy and me to buy her a Nintendo DS, and he wanted to open it. I didn't want any presents open until everyone had left, so a massive meltdown insued. Thankfully, he calmed down a bit and everything else went really well!
Alright....off t do some reading for school. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I'm not stressing over the lack of symptoms. Easier said than done ;)
6 weeks 3 days
I'm so frustrated this morning. Every time Daddy doesn't get something that he wants, he instantly goes and whines on Facebook and it seriously frustrates me. I know he has needs too, but he doesn't understand how hard it is for a woman to go through a pregnancy after losing a baby. And I'm starting to get really nervous anyway because I still don't have any massive symptoms. I'm worried now :( I just get so frustrated with him!!
On the bright side, I got him to look at baby names yesterday. I thought we were set on a girls name, and surprise, surprise ;) Daddy has changed his mind. He's more picky than I am. His new favorites for a girl are Lily, Mykenzie, and Morgan. I'm still wanting to continue the 'n' tradition, but Daddy says it isn't important. I'd hate for you to be the only one who doesn't have a name that ends with an 'n'. Daddy made it clear that he wants a name that can't be shorted. I asked about Lilian and just calling you Lily, but he said no. I've always liked Morgan, so I think that is our new front runner for now.
I also said something about the middle name, which we have been set on for almost a year, and he said no. I'm so angry. I'm going to keep pushing for it, but we'll see what happens.
I had to laugh at his list of boy names. The only name he liked on my long list was Kellen. He likes Mason, Dillon, and Cole. I think he's leaning towards Cole because he kept asking if I liked it...again, I do, but I don't want you to be the only monkey w/out an 'n' on the end of your name. I laughed when I saw Dillon on there. Your sister Lauryn would have been Dylan if she had been a boy and Daddy wasn't too keen on it at that time. Now he likes the name, but with the different spelling. He's such a dork sometimes!! We'll get it narrowed down at some point, but we're keeping your gender a surprise this time, so I've got some time to figure it out!
Daddy and I have been texting back and forth today. He must be pretty slow at work. I think we've chosen names for you :yahoo: Little Miss Morgan Anne or Little Mister Kellen Andrew. I love both names, but am a wee bit bummed that Daddy will not budge on Frances. We'll just find another way to honor Great-Grandma because she means the world to me! Anyway, just wanted to share my excitement over choosing names for you. Yay!
6 weeks 4 days
Bad idea....I started rereading my pregnancy journal from my m/c and it brought up all of those painful memories again. It has also stirred up a lot of stress in me. I'm still not having a lot of symptoms and I'm REALLY starting to freak myself out. I know it's completely out of my hands, but gosh darn it! It's so hard not knowing. I wish I could just close my eyes and fast forward through the next 6 weeks. I don't know if I can handle another loss.....
6 weeks 5 days
Well, my fear is really getting the best of me this morning. I still don't have any symptoms and I'm really, really starting to freak out about it. I'm going to put a call in to my OB this morning for either some reassurance or to see if they can get me in. I doubt they can get me in, and the nurse will try to reassure me on the phone, but I've got to do something, I hate not knowing what's going on.
I looked up some pictures of ultrasound images at 6 weeks gestation and they vary greatly. I'm close to 7 weeks, so hopefully you'd see something in there, but you never know. I also did some reading on the gestational heartbeat at this stage of the game too....some scary statistics depending on how many bpm it was, but it's out of my control. Argh! I'll update later after I talk with the nurse.
Just got a call back from the nurse. I explained my concerns to her, and she is going to talk to a doctor and give me a call back. I just want some reassurance here...that's all!
Doctor finally called me back and they're going to squeeze me in for an early u/s. I'm excited and nervous :confused:
Well, that was not the reassuring appointment I was hoping for :( I'm more confused than ever, and scared out of my mind...
The OB didn't see me, but managed to get me in for an ultrasound. I knew I wasn't too far along, and I knew I wasn't as far along as what the nurse thought I was. I'm a late ovulator....ever since Lauryn was born, I have been. Anyway, she started and instantly I freaked. She found the gestational sac easy enough, but at first there didn't appear to be anything in there. She moved around a bit, and finally, we saw the yolk sac and the baby, but the peanut was much smaller than I had imagined. I did notice right away that there was a flicker, so that made me feel a bit better, but her measurements are off by almost a week from the dates that I had.
I know that I ovulated between CD16-19, and I've been using CD16 for my dates....but even if I go by CD19, her measurements are still off by 3-4 days. I'm really worried. She measured little peanut at 5 weeks 6 days, which would make me due Feb. 2. I can handle that, but I'm worried that there is something wrong with the baby. This is how my last m/c started, and look how that situation ended up. I'm really, really worried.
The tech said, "Well, there's only one baby." I expressed my concern, and she said, "At this point, your baby has a beating heart, and that's what matters." I know that, but I also know that a beating heart doesn't get me out of the first trimester successfully either. Lovebug had a hearbeat at the first u/s, too, and his/her hb stopped right after that u/s. I need all the positive thoughts, energy, and prayers that can be mustered right now. I do not, cannot go through another m/c again....please, Lord, let this baby grow nice and strong!
Here's my peanut @ 5w6d
Well, the weekend is over. I tried to keep a low profile over the weekend while I thought about everything that's going on. Saturday I went to work, and I was convinced it was all over. I hardly had to go to the bathroom, but I soon realized I was nonstop busy. I didn't have time to think about going to the bathroom, and once I did go the first time, then my bladder seemed to wake up. When I got home, it was more like normal with frequent trips to the bathroom.
Both Saturday night and on and off yesterday I felt funky. I wouldn't necessarily say it was m/s, but I didn't feel good at all. I'm hoping it is m/s, but will have to wait and see what happens over the week. I've come to thre realization that if the tech was right, or close on her dates, this little peanut is most likely a girl. Girls live longer, and I ovulated 3-4 days later, it's most likely got to be a girl. Daddy refuses to believe it....so we'll see :)
I'm still hanging on to hope. A lot of people sent encouraging words via Facebook, so I'm hoping that the appointment on Friday will show that you're either growing on track w/her measurements, or you are right on track w/mine and just started out a little small. It's going to be a long week waiting for my appointment on Friday, but it'll get here eventually :) I've just got to try to remain calm and find things to do to keep me busy!
Around noon today, the OB office called. I didn't catch the phone in time, so I called them back. The nurse was just calling to tell me that one of the OBs had a chance to look at my u/s and said everything looked good and that baby was measuring 5w6d, so that puts me with a due date of Feb. 2. She also confirmed that I had a follow-up appointment scheduled w/my OB, so I'm hoping to talk to him on Friday about my concerns with my dates.
I have been looking again at all possible scenarios for ovulation dates. To be honest, I don't know when I ovulated. I know what symptoms I had, and I looked at what Fertility Friend predicted as far as ovulation. According to Fertility Friend, the last possible day of ovulation was May 9, so if that was indeed the day, than baby was only measuring 3 days smaller. I still don't know what to make of it.
I mentioned it earlier, too, but I've felt funny on and off again ALL day. It's not like the previous bouts of m/s I had with the girls, but I'm really starting to think this is it. I'm also prone to thinking it's a girl if this is m/s because I had only one or two days w/waves of nauseus with Cameron. This is on and off for the past three days. I'm one day closer to my appointment and hopefully scheduling another u/s to check on peanut.
I feel awful today. I'm 99% sure this is morning sickness that has settled. I haven't gotten sick....but I feel sick to my tummy. I just feel off. I've found that if I eat something it curbs the feeling for a little while, but it comes back pretty quickly. I'm pretty sure this is morning sickness, which makes me feel a bit better, but still anxiously awaiting Friday's appointment. Blah!
It's been nearly a week since I wrote in here. I guess that's what happens when you feel sick all the time. I haven't actually gotten sick, but I just feel gross! Today has been awful, and the smells are overwhelming as well. Daddy didn't take the garbage out, and I can hardly stand to open the pantry, let alone change it myself. Yuck!
Daddy has decided that he can't wait until delivery day to find out whether your a prince or a princess. I'm really bummed. I want that surprise, so I'm hoping I can convince him otherwise, but he's pretty stubborn. We've got some time though....our ultrasound won't be until October.
I had my appointment on Friday and it went pretty well. I did not get another peak at you, but we did decide on a due date. The OB said since I knew of the date of conception, we would go between the two dates that were in question. My due date is Jan. 26, but the c/s will be Jan. 21 unless you choose to make your debut sooner than that. I'm excited, but bummed that it will be on a Monday. All of Daddy's vacation will be eaten up while I'm in the hospital. Oh well....I'll just be happy when you're here and it won't matter at that point I guess!
I've also fallen in love with a new girls name. This is why your Daddy hates discussing names with me. I had a dream last night that I had a baby girl named Aubree. I've always loved this name, and even though it doesn't fit the pattern of your siblings names, I can't get it out of my head. Daddy says "we'll discuss it," so we'll see how that goes :)
9 weeks 1 day
Oh my lord....I feel awful. Yesterday I could hardly get out of bed, and today I had a hard time dragging myself out of bed, too. I feel severaly nauseus...and nothing helps curb it. I tried eating some greasy food, I tried drinking water, I took a nap...nothing is helping. The good thing is that I guess peanut is growing, but I'm looking forward to the second trimester when I feel good again! It's so hard to feel like this when I've got three little ones to take care. I'm thankful though that I'm home on summer vacation right now. There's no way I could get any work done if I were at school.