I can't believe I'm posting over here! I have a fairly lengthy TTC journal, which I have bittersweet feelings about leaving. But we have a new beginning and here I am!
My name is Ruth (31) and DH is Al (almost 29). We've been married for the best five years of my life. You could say we were college sweethearts, but we were really just friends. We met when he was a freshman and I was a senior and he just felt like my little brother for a long time. I stuck around after graduation and we continued our friendship. We got a lot closer during his senior year and finally realized (although several of our friends figured it out before we did) that our feelings went deeper than friendship. Long story short, we were married about a year after he graduated and I feel like I am absolutely the most fortunate woman in the world. I have no idea how I got this lucky, but I'm just grateful and try not to question it.
We really enjoyed our time pre-children and I was even reluctant to want to start a family and "ruin" our relationship. Al was ready before me, believe it or not. So we decided to give it a shot the day I graduated with my masters. I knew my mother and sister both had terrible, terrible m/s and I wanted to finish school first. I've always had extremely regular cycles and we both come from a very fertile bunch - 5 unplanned pregnancies between my parents and Al's parents. I was shocked when we got a BFN. Then another. Then another one. Convinced that something was wrong, I finally booked an appointment with an RE and went through the gamut of tests. A few mild issues came up with me (slight blockage in my right tube and one slightly elevated hormone) but nothing that would really explain the infertility. So I did a cycle of clomid and we did an IUI. BFP! I was so excited. Alas, the pregnancy was ectopic and it was a nightmare. We had a forced 3 month break and tried one natural cycle. Then we did clomid and the IUI again. BFP! This time I'm pretty sure we have a keeper. HCG levels were great and our first u/s at 6 weeks showed a singleton (thank God!) in the RIGHT place, with a beating heart. I cried.
I was 7 weeks yesterday. The m/s hit pretty hard right around 6 weeks. I only vomited once, but that was actually right before AF was due and I think it was probably my body adjusting to being pregnant. I'm exhausted. It's comparable to mono. It's Saturday and I've taken two naps and haven't done one productive thing today. Shocking, if you know my personality and usual energy level. My house is a disaster and I MUST do laundry today or we'll be wearing formals to work next week.
I have blood sugar issues (low blood sugar) and this pregnancy thing is making things more difficult to deal with. I need to eat about every 1/2 hour or I feel like I haven't eaten in weeks. But I have to be careful what I eat and how much or I'll feel sick. Despite the almost constant nausea, starvation feelings and much more frequent eating, I've lost three pounds. I'm sure I'll put it back on and then some, though.
I'm trying REALLY hard not to complain. I have so many friends who struggle with infertility and we also waited a really long time for this. I know that this is a gift - a miracle, no less - and that this nausea, starvation and exhastion will pass (soon, I hope!). I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy and be grateful for this gift from God.
We decided to skip church this morning and go to the evening service instead. We're both really involved in our church (we both sing in the choir and lead a children's choir of K-1st grade) and things will be very busy for a long time after Labor Day... so right now it feels good to play hooky.
We have had the most unbearable heat this summer. June and some of July was actually pleasant, but August has been one of the hottest on record. And we were already WAY below average for the year with rain. It seems like the entire country is suffering with flooding and we can't get a sprinkle. Anyway, we got some kind of front last night and it got down to 60 degrees!! When I saw that it was 71 on our outside thermometer this morning, we decided that we just had to take a walk. I can't tell you how good it felt to go outside and feel the fresh air and cool breeze on my face. It was like how you feel after recovering from a long illness. I just feel so much better today. Amazing how a little thing like a cooler temperature can change your whole outlook.
Here are some belly pics. 6 weeks/7 weeks. I think I see a tiny difference, but it could also be the camera angle. It looks like my butt grew more than my tummy.
Back to work today. I guess I should mention that Al and I are both musicians who teach for a living. We teach in the same district but in different schools. I was moved up to high school this year, so we have the same schedule. Yay! I love these hours, too, although my m/s has issues with them so far - 7am-2pm. I try to get up around 4:45am so I have an extra half hour to moan and groan and try to not feel sick. It's been working pretty well so far. Usually by the time I get to school, I'm okay.
So I teach 5 sections of piano and 1 section of intro to voice. I'm SO like a fish out of water teaching voice. I've sung for years and had a little voice training when I was in college, but a good singer I am not. Even though I teach that little children's choir at church, it's VERY different working with little kids compared to high school students. It's okay, though. Lord willing, this is my last year teaching full-time. I've been teaching private piano lessons for more than 10 years now, and will be able to continue that after the baby comes. It actually seems almost too good to be true... Al teaches during the day while I watch the baby, then gets home and watches the baby while I teach a few nights a week. As long as we make sure we get some together time, we'll both be able to earn somewhat of an income without needing daycare. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with daycare (people have to do what they have to do), but we just don't make enough $$ to justify the expense of constant sitters.
Anyway, I have a bittersweet relationship with teaching this year. I absolutely loathe getting up so early and feeling so sick, and I don't want to come to school (our bed is SO inviting) but once I get here I'm usually okay. Our school is huge so the students have 6 minutes between classes. Since all teachers have hall duty between classes, I try to take some crackers or something to munch on between classes to keep food in my system. I just hope I never have to puke while I'm teaching. No one knows I'm pregnant yet, either...
I had the WEIRDEST dream ever last night. I've heard that women will sometimes have different kinds of dreams when pregnant, but I was just astonished at how real and odd it was.
As I mentioned before, I'm not really singer but play piano. In my dream, I got a call for a gig to do a musical. So far, pretty normal. The director told me I didn't have to come to any of the rehearsals except for a dress the morning of opening night (this part of the dream is out of the ordinary because there would never be a dress on the morning of a show). So I get to the dress, thinking I'm going to be playing piano down in the pit, and the director informs me that I have the lead! We were doing The Wiz and I had to learn all my lines and solos and stage directions that morning. I kept looking around for Candid Camera or something. It was terrifying and so real!
So when I told my DH about it this morning, he thought it was probably my apprehension about teaching voice this year. I bet he's right. I feel SO uncomfortable teaching voice when I don't really know how to sing correctly myself.
Anyway, the m/s is okay today. I waited too long to eat before breakfast, but once I forced it down I was okay. Same with lunch. It sucks to have such a rigid schedule. I try to eat snacks between classes, but it doesn't always work out...
So even though we've seen the heartbeat and I have all kinds of pregnancy symptoms, I can't help but worry sometimes. Did the baby stop growing? Is it okay? Is it still alive? Are these feelings normal? I hope so.
My second u/s is one week from today. Fingers crossed that everything is okay!!
I have felt SO good for the past two days. I was worried about it yesterday, but today I'm just really thankful and happy! I'm still exhausted, have no energy, and have the sore boobs, but I'm not nauseated. I figured it might come back today because I had a few nauseated moments last night, but so far so good.
Tomorrow's Friday! I can't wait to sleep this weekend. I wish I could quit work right now. If I didn't have to work full-time, maybe I'd find the time/energy to clean my house. Alas, we need the $$ and especially the benefits. The good news is that it's a 3-day weekend! Life is good.
Wow, I can't believe I'd made it all the way to 8 weeks! I'm just so happy and thankful that we're going to have a baby. One thing I learned through my struggles with infertility is that even though it appears that getting pregnant is easy, it's NOT (at least for me) and I now truly regard this as a special gift that not all women will experience. I know I keep getting back to the thankful part of things, but it's absolutely how I feel.
So I was doing okay this morning. I was in the process of scooping oatmeal into bowls for us to eat and all of a sudden I got hit with a wave of nausea like a freight train. It was all I could do to keep from throwing up, but I knew that 1) there was nothing to come up but bile, and 2) I really just needed to eat. It's so funny, because when I feel sick like that, I don't want to eat but I know it's the solution.
Here's my 8 week shot. Since the m/s made me lose weight, I am just now getting back to my starting weight. Thus, I see absolutely no difference from two weeks ago. It'll be interesting to see if I really pop out or not. I'm small-framed so I'm hoping I'm not going to look TOO huge.
Oh man, today has been such a roller coaster. I started out great and was even working in the yard with Al. Then I guess I waited too long to eat or ate something that didn't agree with me - or who knows? - but I felt SO crappy and really haven't felt better for the rest of the day. I took two naps, tried eating different foods, nothing has worked. It's just going to be one of those days, I guess.
I'm about to go to bed. Sleep seems to be my only break from this ickiness sometimes. I feel so sorry for the women who can't sleep. It must be terrible. So far, I've had just one sleepless night but that's because I was starting school and had lesson plans on my mind.
Just a few minutes ago, I did something unusual (for me). Al always asks me to play the piano when he's not feeling good, so I wondered if it might help me feel better. I knew I couldn't play anything that really required mental effort, so I just played a few verses from different hymns and then the slow movement of a Haydn Sonata I played last year. I played the hymns by ear and the Haydn is memorized so I sat in total darkness and relaxed and enjoyed the music. I swear, it's the best I've felt all day. And I realized I almost never really let myself enjoy playing piano because I'm concentrating so hard. I need to do this more often, especially when I know the baby can hear. I wonder what kind of effect music will have on him/her?
I am a bottomless pit today. I wonder if I can even remember everything I've eaten; it's certainly more than I've ever consumed in a single day before (and the day isn't over yet!). I really hope I'm not going to get humongous, but if I don't eat I feel sick. I'm trying to be healthy, but sometimes I just feel like I need to eat whatever sounds good. Looking over what I've eaten today, I don't think it's been too bad.
bowl of oatmeal (we eat this every morning and it used to hold me over until lunch)
banana with peanut butter
fruit bar (like a fruit roll-up but without the extra sugar)
foot-long turkey sub (heated to steaming and divided into two little meals)
baby carrots dipped in ranch
some trail mix
a lean cuisine pizza
And I'm about to hunt down some more food.
The other thing that is amazing to me is how quickly I can start crying. It's insane. Especially over nothing. For example, Al had also gotten a footlong sub and when he went to eat the second half (my sub was long gone) I asked him what he was thinking about dinner and he said that this would probably do it for him for the night. The thought of no dinner - a ridiculous thought, anyway, because since when am I only allowed to eat when he's eating? - made me immediately start crying. This was at least the second time I've lost it today over absolutely nothing. Fortunately, Al has a good sense of humor about it and helps me see how hormonal I am...
Thankfully, only a few minor nausea spells today. Is it overly optimistic to think the worst is over?