I got back a little while ago from my second u/s. Everything is great! We got to see - and hear!!! - the heartbeat (which was just pounding away at 184 bpm). We saw little legs and arm buds and our little beanie wiggle around a bit, too. Just amazing.
So I still have a huge cyst on my right ovary (6 cm! ) but it's starting to go down a bit, thankfully. I've officially been released to a regular OB. Yay!!! Now I just have to get on the ball and find one...
It (temporarily) makes the m/s seem worth it. But I have trouble with delayed gratification and the m/s is just wearing me down. I'm just trying to focus on the fact that these icky feelings will go away and it'll all be worth it.
I am so hungry today. I brought a sandwich, graham crackers, carrots, and a protein bar with me today. So far I just have the protein bar (which I'm saving for after school) and just a few graham crackers left. I'm starting to panic a bit about the food situation. I guess I can eat the protein bar and then drive through somewhere right after school.
In other news (is there other news besides food? ), my m/s isn't as bad today. And I have some energy, too!
We shared the big news with our church choir Thursday night. Al made the announcement and said something along the lines of taking choir recruitment seriously and that we were going to be adding a new choir member in April. It was great! Everyone was so happy for us (especially the ones that know about our m/c).
I realized when we left the rehearsal that there is joy in this whole act of procreation after all. It took us so long to get pregnant, then the loss, then waiting longer, etc. I didn't realize it until I felt the happiness everyone in our choir had for us, but I've had such deep sadness about this whole process and now I'm finally able to feel the joy that a new life is supposed to bring. It was like a tremendous weight lifted.
Of course, it's a bittersweet joy because I just found out that Sarah (uropachild) just lost her baby again late in her pregnancy. I'm so sad for her. Who can understand the workings of God? I hope someday she knows and understands why she has had so much pain and sorrow...
I met my new OB on Friday. She's nice and I like her staff, too. They're really upbeat and high energy, which I am not right now. But hopefully I'll be able to keep up with them in a few weeks.
SO ready for the m/s to go away. I really shouldn't complain, but it really takes its toll when you're in a constant state of feeling crappy...
Anyway, here's a 9 week belly shot:
I really don't notice much difference at all. I talked to my mom earlier this weekend and she said she always carried really small - she never wore maternity clothes until her 6th month! I have a feeling I may not be so lucky... we're both smaller framed, but she's definitely smaller and has more self-control with eating than I do.
I'm really thankful we told the people at church. Al had to play prelude and on the anthem for all three services today, and I was feeling SO awful that I had to leave during the sermon at the first service... I'm glad people know that there are good reasons for 1) me not singing in the choir and 2) leaving in the middle of the service and not returning. We did teach our baby choir during the third service and thankfully I was feeling a bit better by then. Then we came home and slept the entire afternoon!
I started throwing up last night and again this morning and again this afternoon... yuck. Last night was the worst. We had a tomato penne pasta and the cream sauce burned my stomach and esophagus on its way back up (sorry TMI). I was miserable with that burning feeling most of the night and when I vomited again this morning, I decided to stay home from work.
I'm finally feeling better for the first time today (at 6pm). I'm really starting to feel overwhelmed, though. I have a big performance in just over a month and I've only looked through the music once - and I didn't even read through the whole thing. It's one of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsodies (some of you might remember Bugs Bunny playing it in a cartoon ) and even though we're playing the four-hand arrangement, it's no small feat to play. And I'm playing the Primo part because the other person playing just had surgery on her hand. We're a mess, but her surgery definitely wins over my m/s.
I also have a lot to do with school - I need to write a syllabus and two weeks worth of lesson plans, and it should have been done today. I also need to record grades on a gradebook I still need to make up. Yikes.
This would all be quite manageable if I had energy and didn't feel so sick. But I look at all this on my plate and really fight panic. Al is always telling me my #1 priority right now is to grow a baby and everything else comes second. When I start to freak out, he just asks, 'what's your top priority right now?' It actually helps. He's just the best.
Well, I'm definitely going to take advantage of this gift of good feelings and go practice!!
I can't believe I made it to 10 weeks! After Monday, the rest of the week has been much better as far as m/s goes. I'm so thankful there have only been a few queasy moments and it's usually because I need to eat.
Speaking of food, I'm so sick of it! I feel like I'm always hungry, always thinking about and in search of my next meal. Food has generally taken a backseat to the rest of my life, so I hate this high priority it's taking all of a sudden. I mean, I've always tried to be healthy but I've just never had to eat this much before just to not feel constantly hungry!
Anyway, I was sad to hear a few days ago that Kelly lost one of her triplets. And it scares me a little that I might lose this one and not know it. I'm trying so hard not to worry, not to think about it, that I'll be so relieved when we hear the heartbeat again in a few weeks. But now I know that this relief is only temporary. And the fact is that something can go wrong at any time, as we've been learning so painfully here on the boards lately. I just have to trust that God ordains things exactly how they should be and if we aren't meant to have a baby from this pregnancy, it will be for a reason and it will eventually be okay.
Onto happier news: it's Friday!
We're going to do some serious cleaning of our house this weekend. Between the m/s, lack of energy, and performances pressing on us, our house is in terrible shape and parts of it even smell bad to me. Yuck! I can't wait to be home full time and have the house the way I want it.
One of my colleagues was telling me as we were walking to our cars last night that we're at the end of the first four weeks of school, and that we only have to do this 8 more times. Thinking of it from that perspective, reaching 10 weeks of pregnancy means that I only have to do 'this' 3 more times. No problem, when you look at it that way.
I swear, I'm going to stop posting when I feel better, because I always seem to go back to m/s when I do.
I know, I know, fast food is evil. I swear I normally stay away from it anyway, but I was STARVING and Sonic was right there and I didn't want to drive the extra mile to a healthier option. Big mistake. The pregnancy gods have been smiling upon me since Tuesday, but no longer.
The worst part is that I left school knowing it was going to come up, but desperately (and foolishly) hoping I'd make it the 30-minute drive home. Right. So 4 blocks later I pulled off onto a side street, but of course there was no bathroom, no friendly, cool toilet. Just a grocery bag. Ugh.
So the moral of the story: tater tots are bad. They're bad for you and they're bad in reverse. And my stomach is still unhappy with me, eight hours later. Learn, my friends, learn from my errors.
I am so tired today. Since I wake up at 5am, I try really hard to get to bed during the 9pm hour at night. I was in bed last night at 9 o'clock sharp, and yet I'm just exhausted today. I seem to fluctuate between nausea and exhaustion. I have to admit I'll take the exhaustion, even though it's hard to drag myself around.
It's been a roller coaster of a week so far. I had to leave during second period on Monday because I had a sudden wave of severe nausea. Of course, I got home and had a few dry heaves, ate and then was basically fine. So I'm trying to just fight through the nausea and keep working. I don't want to call in sick or leave early all the time. The mornings this week have really been the worst, though. I've tried everything... eating some crackers before I get out of bed, eating other foods, etc. They all lead to really icky feelings and I've vomited every morning this week so far. But if this means baby is getting big and strong, then it's all worth it.
Wow, what a rough morning. I ate a few saltines before I got out of bed, then went downstairs and started the oatmeal. I was SO thirsty, so I drank some water even though I knew my stomach wouldn't like it. Anyway, got in the shower and was SO happy that I didn't have any dry heaves for the first time this week!! Oatmeal was done so I woke Al up and shared the good (no dry heaves) news with him.
Well, it all changed in a blink of an eye. I put the toppings on the oatmeal and suddenly didn't feel so good. We sat down to eat and Al got up to pour his coffee while I just sat there looking at the oatmeal. Then I started heaving and just barely made it to the toilet. No dry heaves, all the saltines and water came up. But then I felt better so I sat back down to the oatmeal. Had a few bites of it and started feeling bad again. I should preface this next part by saying that we've had oatmeal every morning - without exception - since I got pregnant. We've had it just about every day for at least two years, probably longer. I've always been able to keep it down. Until today. As soon as I threw up, I started crying because it just felt like such a defeat. I know that's silly, but blame my hormones.
Here's the best part: my knight in shining armor heard me crying and came rushing into the bathroom while I was still over the toilet. He just rubbed my back and said it would all be okay, this was normal, etc.
I grew up hearing stories from my father about how my mother 'ruined' his breakfasts because she cooked for him and the smell would make her vomit. He always said it ruined his appetite hearing her puke. Well, whose fault is it that she was in that position? Grrr.
I don't know if it's a generational thing or if my dad was just a jerk (maybe a little both), but I'm thankful I have Al.