Third Trimester Ramblings...EDD May 16

We did get out to the store, but not til yesterday. I got a few onesies, a new monitor, some mat clothes, a ridiculous talking doll that Violet wouldn't put down (thankfully it was only $4) and a tutu for the girl that she is currently wearing over her outfit.

I've been nesting a lot more lately. Keeping things clean, gutting out dusty corners and whatnot. It feels so good. If this babe comes when V did, there is only 7 weeks left. Only a month left til my homebirth green light date (April 25). I can't wait to make it to there. That's when I begin my prep with EPO, extra DTD and my birthing scripts for Hypnobabies. It's getting so close. So the cleaning has to get done now.

I've been thinking about a few things regarding the pics of birth. I'm picky. For while I labour and during the birth I would like to request of my birth attendants that pics only be taken with my two cameras. There will be quite a few people here, if everyone makes it, and I'd rather be aware of every pic that is taken of me during that time and have access to the originals. Being a wee bit self conscious, pics that someone might see as nice, I might be horrified by. :lol: Also, that gives me the only say in what goes up on facebook and other public forums.

I would also like to get a pic of the new baby up as soon as possible. But (more pickiness) I want to be able to choose which pic that is. AND (hehe there's more) if anyone is going to post any pics on fb after that (once I'm cleaned up after the birth I don't care who's camera is flashing) I'd like to be tagged in them, so I can see the comments.

So, now to go about relaying this to my team...

I just did a TON of rearranging, purging and organizing upstairs. I feel so good!!! Now, dinner is in the oven, the dishwasher is going and I'm enjoying a Dr. Pepper while the kidlet watches Hairspray (again).

On another note, I think I'm getting a cold. Blech. That is all.

I realized this morning that I look like crap again. I got so swollen with V's pregnancy and I was just so hideous by the end of it. And it's happened again. I was hoping to have an attractive pregnancy this time. They say you're not supposed to swell as much with a subsequent baby. Well, 'they' can kiss my arse. My Quasimodo arse.

My nose is spread all over my damn face. I am splotchy and my eyes look like they've sunk within the depths of waterlogged skin. My ankles have the same 'rubberband' effect that chubby babies have.

It's totally vain and I don't care. I skyped with my MIL this morning and wanted to barf just looking at myself on the screen.

And *this* is why I want the baby out before my EDD. My mom is getting married on May 16 (my EDD) and I don't want to look like a beached manatee. I'd like to look half decent in the pictures. Even if other people honestly disagree about how I look, I can't help how I feel about it.

Ah. Well. I'm in a self pity mood this morning. Perhaps after a nap and a shower and a full face of makeup I'll feel better.

Having a rough day altogether.

I'm starting to wonder if my sunshiney attitude about pregnancy is just cause I hate whiners so much and I couldn't stand it if I were to become one. But to be completely honest, it's not easy. My emotions alone make me feel crazy. Far more so than post partum. I feel like I alienate people. I feel like I annoy people. I know I'm a lot b!tchier than I should be, and I have a hard time apologizing for it.

The anxiety this time is out of this world. My fear of being alone is crippling when DH is working nights. And I am terrified it's not going to go away once the baby is born. The thoughts that run through my head when I'm lying in the dark aren't ones that I would feel comfortable posting here, they are so very morbid.

Then physically it's difficult. My ribs are constantly throbbing. And there are spurts throughout the day when it's stabbing. The pelvic separation this time is awful! And I guess it's to be expected in any more pregnancies as well. And then, there is the heartburn. I complained about this on my bb the other day. I suffer from hiatus hernia, a few esophageal ulcers and nearly constant heartburn that rips through me like honest-to-god flames. I have few options right now to heal anything properly so I just have to writhe in pain when I have an attack.

Then of course, there's the exhaustion. And raising a toddler at the same time makes that even more so.

This is all making me wonder how many kids I really want. I always wanted 4-5. I still do. I just don't know if I can do 2-3 more pregnancies. Of course, when I have baby fever again when this pirate is 6 months old we'll see how much of this I remember. lol.

Off to have a bath and a good cry I think. Hopefully tomorrow is less stupid.

I'm feeling better this morning. Still have the same thoughts, but I'm not overly emotional about it now- for now. DH wanted to talk about it last night cause he knew I was upset, but I just couldn't. I'd already bawled my eyes out by myself and didn't want to do it again. So, we'll probably have a chat tonight.

On a better note:

It's one month today that I get my green light for a homebirth!!!! I'll be 37 weeks pregnant and midwives in Ontario are allowed to attend births from then on to 43 weeks. I'm so excited! The end is drawing near. I don't have much to do really. Just clean and organize. I don't even have much to buy. I got a bouncy chair from kijiji for $5. Other than that, all I really need is a few more receiving blankets, possibly some blue clothes for if it's a boy (but that can wait til after the birth), a gift for Violet, our double stroller (which my IL's are buying for us) and I have to set up the birth tub. That's not necessary til I'm 37 weeks though, since we wouldn't be using it before that.

Today I finish organizing Violet's room. (also where I sleep and where the new baby will sleep, too).

Talked to DH yesterday...we're gonna take it slow after this baby is born. If we have one more it wont be for awhile. When the time comes, send me twin vibes. Cause I want lots of kids...just not lots of pregnancies.

DH scrubbed the entire kitchen yesterday. I was sick and spent most of it in bed. So when I came down to him sweeping behind the oven, I was floored! Ah, I love a man who nests as much as his pregnant wife. :love1:

Ah, I'm so excited! My MIL gave me a brand new hot stone massage kit (just the home Conair version) and I hope I have enough time to use it during labour. How amazing would a hot stone massage be while in labour? SO AMAZING!!!

Here's a bit of a rant. Ladies-- when your husband (or whomever the father of the child is) is the one pushing the baby out of his vagina, *then* he can have a say in where and how he does it.

It just baffles me that women are pressured into making choices they are uncomfortable with simply because their 'DH' had a preference. When I started dating my now-hubbs I made it crystal clear where and how I was planning on birthing our future children.

End rant.

Little bairn has been very strongly active past few days. I love it. (well not so much when I had a queasy tummy) I think this baby is stretching out the same way my little Violet did. The movement is really something I cherish. I missed it so much after I birthed V. And I did right up until I could feel this one moving. lol. I know I will miss it again once the pirate is here.

Speaking of which, there is less than 4 weeks until I can safely deliver at home. I do have very strong feelings that babe will be here before my EDD, once again. Whether I help things along or not. Though I do plan to help things along. hehehe. I begin my EPO in 2.5 weeks. I did the same with V. 36 weeks saw me taking 2 capsules orally. 37 I combined that with 2 vaginally. So that's what I'll do this time too.

I have an electric pump that my darling friend loaned me. I might pull that out around 38 weeks, but Violet still nurses twice a day and I might just up her nunnies intake a bit. :) I tend to get strong BH while she's nursing. They always fade once she's done, so they don't worry me.

I have an appt tomorrow. Very excited to see Lisa again. I love her. And I love Carolynn, my other midwife. I will update again after my appt. 2:15pmEST.

Had my appt today. My midwife Lisa is awesome. BP is 94/42. lol. She was laughing before the cuff came off and I asked, "alright, how low is it this time?" She just shook her head and wondered how I'm still conscious.

She asked today if we would be interested in doing a documentary for David Suzuki on waterbirth. I am totally pumped about it. But DH not so much. I can see his concern. We already have at least 7 people not including myself, DH and Violet for the birth. And he's not sure he wants his wife's goodies on film. I would be okay with it since it would be for educational purposes, and I know that Suzuki does things from a respectful and educational standpoint.

But, I know DH is a private person and it would stress him out. I am going to talk to the producer to see what exactly it would entail, and go from there, so I'm not ruling it out just yet. We'll see.

Baby is doing well. I've been having quite a few stronger BH lately. Three times in 30min at Em's house today I had to stop and breathe through them. They tapered off as the baby stopped moving and I relaxed with some water. So, I'm not worried, but it is a nice reminder of what is to come.

I'm exhausted today. Going to bed early and hopefully getting some sleep on my sore, old body.

The weather was GORGEOUS today!! The fam took a walk around the block. Well, DH and DD walked and I waddled behind. It felt so good to get out in a t-shirt and let the wind and sun just cover me. It made me feel so great. It gave me a bit of a relief from my woes lately. Made me feel happy that I get to be pregnant for a few more weeks during nice weather. I can enjoy my DD for a little longer outside together before our world is turned upside down.

Baby was posterior all night and day today, but turned back to ROA a few hours ago. I really think my pelvis is shaped so that my babies like that position best. I love my pelvis. :) I also gotta throw mad props to my cervix and belly skin. My ovaries are awesome for producing a great and wonderful amount of relaxin for me, too. WTG team!!! I love working together with each of you to prepare for a really awesome birth. I can't wait.

So, I heard from the Association of Ontario Midwives. It is a radio documentary. So it would be sound recordings, not video. I haven't talked to DH about this update yet, but this would at least take care of one of his concerns. lol. It will be part of a series of radio shows that go into the human connection to the elements. The sounds of the birth would be the opening sounds to the 'water' episode.

A cool concept for sure, though not what I was expecting. But still, it would be neat to be a part of.