18 weeks 6 days -- Ultrasound today!
So in FIVE hours I will be at the perinatal center filling out forms and getting ready for our genetic counseling -- again. But the we get the ultrasound and hopefully find out if this is a boy or a girl.
Dang I am exhausted though. Normally I have been waking up at 5ish in the am and not getting back to sleep, not today, I was still fast asleep when DH woke me up.
But I kept dreaming about the ultrasound. In one dream I was seeing one of the docs at the office and she was doing it but she was mad about something so it was a 1 minute "quickie" and I couldn't see anything, she started fussing at me for eating baloney (which I don't eat) and then left so I didn't even get to find out the sex. I told DH in the dream fine, I didn't cancel my one on Friday so I guess I will go do that one. but I was so upset and mad.
The second dream the ultrasound was more detailed by a bit but something was wrong, they couldn't tell me if it was with the baby or the machine and were trying to figure it out when I woke up.
The third dream I was at this strange house like a bed and breakfast with my dad and my family waiting to go to the ultrasound. It was snowing although kids were running around in swim suits. Finally it was time to go but I had to go upstairs to get my suitcase before we left. I was in a hurry cause I wanted to go to the ultrasound but as I was going up the stairs all these old ladies on canes (like 50) started coming down the stairs.
Weird dreams huh? I guess I am anxious about this ultrasound.
I so hope it will be a little boy but if it is a girl, we will love her just as much. (we just have SO many girls in this family already LOL)
So 1pm I will have the counseling, hopefully within 30 minutes or so we will have the ultrasound. I just so want to know this baby is healthy and everything is okay.
19 weeks 0 days and VENTING
Sometimes being a mom really sucks.
I love my daughter to death but I am over her right now. I sent her an email I think I referenced in an earlier entry and I received not a single response. She didn't respond either to my email or text yesterday to tell her that the baby is a boy.
Instead she emails her step sis and starts whining and going on about the baby. She said that she has never felt adopted until now and now I am so excited and so happy about the baby that I obviously don't want her in my life any more. She went on that I have "abandoned her" and thrown her to the proverbial wolves, that I refuse to help her and would be happy if she never came home again.
I am like d*a*m*n*i*t Tiff, get a clue. The baby has NOTHING to do with this and you are NOT going to make me feel guilty or upset about this beautiful child growing inside of me. We never made a secret that we were going to have a child, we waited until Tiff was done with high school and in college intentionally so she wouldn't feel misplaced. That waiting effected our fertility and even potentially the health of the baby but we waited any way.
The reason I am taking the steps with Tiff now is BECAUSE I love her, not because of the baby or me trying to get her out of my life. But she refuses to get a job, refuses to take responsibility, lies and manipulates everyone to get her way and essentially refuses to grow up. I am done. Its tough love, I cannot keep giving her money and bailing her out so she can hang out with her friends and get drunk and stoned, that has NOTHING to do with the baby. She is the one who left, got on a plane, went to Chicago over my objection, didn't bother to get a job the entire summer and is now stressing over how she will pay her room and board next term. She is mad I won't pay it even though I specifically said I would not.
And yet here she is with this guilt trip that if it wasn't for the baby, I wouldn't be taking this position. GRRRRRRR
The baby has nothing to do with it. I have really gone out of my way with Tiff to make sure I evaluated every choice for that reason.
20 weeks 4 days -TOO MUCH STRESS
So its been a rough few weeks.
My niece and nephew have came to visit for two weeks, Katie is 9 and Ronnie is 13. I haven't seen them for three years so they have grown a lot. It has been a trying time and they are here for another week. Don't get me wrong, they are pretty good kids, just so much energy, very clingy and its just been a lot to handle.
Then last Friday, I was at a deposition in Temecula when I get a call from the camp they are in, the kids were at the beach and Ronnie had gone out too far and went under. Lifeguards rescued him but they put him in an ambulance and took him to the hospital. Thank God Charley was able to get off and go meet him while I drive like nuts from 1.5 hours away. He was fine, they decided he just swallowed too much water and we needed to watch him.
Sat we took the kids to the zoo which was fun, but in regular 13 year old style, Ronnie was "bored" cause there were not any rides around. Sigh.
So its Monday now and I am at work and the kids are at camp. At 1030 my office manager comes running in yelling something about the phones and where my phone was? She said we need to figure out why the phones don't work and kept trying to use my phone to all 911, (we apparently have Internet phone service which doesn't call 911?) I was like what? do you need to call 911? Our receptionist may be having a heart attack.
I was apparently the only person who had any first aid training who was present so suddenly I am helping her while Linda is calling the paramedics. She was breathing, barely, but still okay, her chest hurt really bad and she kept dry heaving. FINALLY the paramedics got there but it was not a pretty scene. Our receptionist is a very large lady like 300 lbs plus and we are on the second floor with no elevator. They were able to finally get her down after stabilizing her.
So since then, the baby has been kinda upset I think, probably all the adrenaline, cause he wont settle down and keeps kicking. Guess I woke him up!
And to add all that, Tiffany is apparently coming home Wednesday. She has apparently decided she is NOT going back to school since she didn't work but will just play around or be an idiot. IDK, I just am not ready to deal with her on top of everything else. So all three girls will now be living under our roof again.
I would really like everyone to go away for ONE week and let me and DH have our house to ourselves and some peace and quiet, just ONE week? is that too much?