From wife to mother...continued

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From wife to mother...continued

The link to my FEBRUARY Space is here....chart, belly pics, u/s, tons of stuff...

June 10th, 4 weeks

WE'RE PREGNANT! Got a blazing positive last night!

Still not having any symptoms...I did have some cramping this morning on my walk but went away and I also had a very small amount of brown spotting. Heard that was normal...FIRST ULTRASOUND is scheduled for JULY 9th! I'll be 8 weeks!

DH is soo excited! I can not wait to start telling people..I hope the time flies!

I'm not sure what I plan on keeping track of here but I love online journaling/blogging so I'm rolling with it!

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4 weeks 1 day, June 11th

POAS again this equate +/- test and the + started showing up within 30 seconds of me putting the test down...not SUPER dark lines but a clear and obvious I am 14dpo.

DH and I plan on doing a digital test this weekend..I was worried that my hcg levels wouldn't be high enough to trigger it to say pregnant...I'm not too worried after todays test though.

So today still haven't felt very pregnant....I did eat alot but I thinks its because the food was there, not because the "baby needed it". No cramping or spotting today so thats good.

Just can't wait to see the lil bean on our first u/s July 9th and hear the heartbeat...its gonna be so amazing.

DH is going to be an amazing father...I can picture him holding our baby in his arms for hours and hours....Awwww *sigh*....I just can't wait!

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If we have a boy the name will be Hayden Not sure on middle name still

Girls names-
Dion likes:

I like:

I really like all of DH's name EXCEPT Kirsten, Devin and Jaidyn

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5 weeks, 1 day~June 16th

OMG...I was moody this weekend....seriously like cranky for an hour at a time and I could randomly fall into that foul mood at any time.

My nipples are really fairly sore to the touch...although showering isn't an issue or anything yet.

I noticed some fatigue as well...took several 1/2 hour naps this energy level is good when I'm up and doing stuff but I do get tired pretty easily when sitting around.

Im gassy and bloated also!

I ate like CRAP this weekend. I need to really watch myself throughout this first trimester because there is really no reason to gain much weight at this early stage as long as I'm eating lots of nutritious foods.

Today I brought
Eggs, yogurt and toast for Breakfast
Chicken salad wraps, sugar snap peas and strawberries for lunch
We'll have shrimp, steamed veggies and rice for dinner

I think as long as I continue to eat like that and still try to work out 4-5 nights a week, but not as much cardio...I should be able to *hopefully* maintain through the first tri.

First doc appt is July 9th...only 23 more days!

OMG we hung out with all our racing friends last week for June bdays...and DH and I both really wanted to spit out our news but want to see our lil bean and tell our family member's first.

Then we hung out with DH sister, hubby and friend and also DH's parents for Fathers day and AGAIN couldn't say a this secret stuff is tough!

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June 17th, 5 weeks 2 days

Nothing new to report. I've been eating alot but did get back to the gym yesterday at least.

Today is Dion's bday so were going out to a nice dinner and we'll pig out, then start again watching what we eat. I have been still trying to eat lots of fruits and veggies though.

1 thing I wanted to mention in case my moods go bad for an extended period of time....Dion has been the most attentive wonderful loving and nurturing person through all this. The day after we found out we were prego he stopped signing all of his emails with I love you baby and started signing them with "love you babies". He's kept the dog quiet while I've been sleeping (since I've been napping a lot more than usual). Started the nursery and wouldn't let me help paint because of the fumes. He lays his head and hands on my tummy all the time and he bought a book of baby names so we could decide on a girls name. He is just so excited about every little process and thing we get to do.

Oh we even went to Babies R Us and we played with strollers so he could see how they worked. He said he didn't want to miss 1 doctor appt and that I had to tell him about everything I was feeling.

Ohh he's just been great! Other than boobs hurt alot less today than before, I'm bloated still but most other symptoms have faded..other than getting tired pretty early at night.

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June 18th, 5 weeks 3 days

Oh man I'm moody today...not even moody, its more like going from really really really irritated to just being generally ticked at the world.

I know it's mostly because I'm at work and pretty much nobody here can do anything on their do you even run a business when you can't use a computer, I'm not sure how that's possible.


No other symptoms still. I POAS again this morning just to make sure my lines were dark.....and boy oh boy are they ever! So I'm not worried...I'll do my other digital in about a week or so and then the week after that we go to my FIRST ACTUAL EVER OBGYN appt and get my ultrasound so we can start telling people that were pregnant.

Nobody seems to suspect anything so far (other than Laurie, which is strange since we aren't even around her anymore other than at races) totally weird! We are both just soo excited to start sharing our news with everyone and posting pics of all the stuff we have for the baby already....were looking at nursery furniture probably today. Looked at strollers, playpens, rockers, swings, highchairs etc last weekend and did all the painting last weekend as well...I'd say we've got things well under way. Were both just soo excited that we need to be doing baby things since we can't TALK to anyone else about baby things. Smile

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Oh one weird thing (not sure if its pg related or not) the front 1/3 of my tongue feels kind of like a burned it on something hot. A little tingly and has a kind of weird taste. I've seen the word "metalic" written in the books I've been reading, so that's kind of a good description for it. Strange huh?

I hope I get some morning sickness soon...this LOVING food thing is killing me...I'm going to be GIGANTIC if I'm not careful.

I'm back on track today...hitting the gym again and ate really well....

Breakfast-yogurt, toast, eggs, decaf coffee
Lunch-ham wraps, string cheese, carrots/sugar snap peas, strawberries
Dinner- tuscan shrimp with steamed veggies and long grain rice! Smile

When I'm at the gym I only do 30 minutes of cardio and at a much slower pace than usual so that my heart rate doesn't get above 140, SIDE NOTE: I bought a heart rate monitor so that I know at all times where my heart rate is at. It will ROCK for working out since the ones on the machines aren't that reliable. I also still hav been doing crunches...cut back from 400-500 to 200-300. I'll will continue with them all through the 1st tri after that NO LYING ON MY BACK. Also leg toning...using much lighter weights than previous but trying to add a few reps, 1 set of 30 instead of one set of 20-25.

Hopefully it will help me maintain through the first trimester...after that I'm not sure what I'll do. Play it by ear

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6 weeks, 1 day June 23, 2008

I slept like CRAP last night, in fact...I barely slept at know that feeling when your sort of thinking about things before you fall asleep and you cant remember the next morning when you actually fell asleep....that's what I felt last night. ALL NIGHT except I never got the chance to actually fall asleep...I kept tossing and turning and thinking about random things. I think I might have gotten about 2-3 hours of total sleep but I can't be sure. I was up at 12:30 and 4:00 to pee though. I'm working 10 hour days this week to take Friday off so let's hope I can get through the day...I'm exhausted. I've heard something about pregnancy insomnia...but I'n not sure that's what this is or if I just didn't sleep well.

I'm constantly worried that I'm not pregnant.....I'm not having many symptoms, no nausea, no morning sickness, my boobs aren't even all that sore (my nipples are occasionally but not to the extent I thought they would be), I am sleepy ALOT and need naps but that could be for any reason and I am very moody but again...could be for anything. Im mainly worried that I'm stil prego but when we go to the doc at 8 weeks they will tell me my baby stopped growing or has no heartbeat or something and thats why I'm not having any symptoms...I'm actually DEATHLY afraid of this.

I gained a TON of weight over the last 2 weeks...Its all about my poor eating habits and lack of working out though...I need to keep an eye on this or I'm going to find myself in a place I don't want to be. For this first trimester especially I need to do what I can to work out even if its for 20 mins each day and reallly watch my food intake. Here's a covered belly pic from 6 weeks 1 day.....( the naked belly shots are in my feb space)

we also have almost completed the nursery.... we bought a whole new set from someone on craigslist and bought a new glider....the top portion of the wall above the chair rail will be painted either a light pink or a light blue (obviously depending) and the bottom is a chocolate brown. Dion and I just LOVE the room, the light wood make its look bright and cheery. Only 6 weeks in and were getting organized already!

with the bedding and pictures in there it will be amazing...I think this is our top choice for bedding sets...

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Scratch that whole not feeling sick thing....

I'm getting a few short waves of it this morning...could be just because I'm exhausted but water seems to intice it and a few pretzel sticks at a time seem to help. I'll keep you posted.

I thought the title of this picture would be sooo cute since my friend Jess is alos prego (obviously) so technically there are 6 of us in this pic.

"Look how cute the 6 of us are"

Wouldn't that be cute? I won't but I do think it would be cute as a way to see if anyone was paying attn. Smile I want to come up with a cutsie way to tell everyone but I'm at a loss still...I'll be thinking about it!

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6 weeks, 2 days June 24th

So this is what morning sickness feels like. Sad

I really regret ever asking for it...Its really horrible...I feel dizzy, like I can't concentrate and even the computer screen scrolling is making me want to throw up.

It feels like you've got the flu, even swallowing saliva might make you yak...I haven't yet...I just feel like it. Like a queasy, gross, uncomfortable, headachy, dizzy, totally nauseas feeling...YUCK.

I need to go research remedies...These small pretzels I'm eating don't seem to be doing the trick Sad

Slept a lil better last night, went to bed about 8:00p woke up at 3:00a from a bad dream and couldn't go back to sleep. Alarm went off at 4:30....and I have a SUPER long day ahead of me again....I'm not sure this is going to work, I need to lay down or something.

Not much else going on with my body.

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oh and coffee (decaf of course) is out the picture...its usually the thing in the morning that gets me going, the taste, the smell.....*GAG* :puke2:

I ate a piece of bread this morning and have been snacking 1 at a time on pretzel sticks...that seems to be the only thing that's helping... I did get my prenatal vitamin down so hopefully B6 kicks in gear....

Ugh...why would I have ever wished for this horrible m/s

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June 25th 6 weeks 3 days

So I think my body is preparing me for seems like almost every 2 hours my morning sickness flares up if I don't eat. I woke up this morning feeling crappy, ate some toast, took my prenatal and I was good to go till I got to work...then I had all my dry cheerios I brought at about 7, was fine until 9:30 had my egg sandwich, feeling good till 1130, had a bowl of cheerios. So i'm hoping I wont start feeling gaggy and nauseas until about 1:30 or 2. again...then Dion will be here about 4 and I'll eat some crackers on the way home.

The funny thing is that whatever I eat, has to be starchy...tried to eat my carrots and cucumber yesterday...I could have thrown up just looking at them...took one bite and spit them out...maybe its in my head that I need to absorb all the access stomach acids, but whatever it is...its working.

This is only day 2 of feeling this way and I could have 6 more weeks of it...OMG!

Slept better last night, got to bed about 8:00, woke up twice but was able to fall back to sleep then got up at 4:30 to get ready. ugh

So many people here at work are talking about their seems everywhere I go its all baby all the time...I can't WAIT until we can spill.

I think were telling D's parents right after our first appt on July 9th, then I'll make my sis have lunch with me the next day, I'll call my dad and tell him. Were telling friends in Hastings all together, then my mom's side of the family is having our big family reunion Sunday the 13th, so I'll tell all of them then. Perfect timing...I'll be around 9 weeks at that time but won't be able to hold it in till the 12 week mark. I think I'll try to hold out for a week or two to tell work closer to my 12 week mark...unless morning sickness makes that impossible in which long as family and friends know...I'll be ok to spill the beans!

We found a couple of great strollers already..I think we'll pick one up and not register for it. We'll register for a lot of the smaller more inexpensive things and "try" to handle the bigger stuff on our own.

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June 30th, 7 weeks 1 day

When oh god when will this miserable feeling end. I know women have had m/s before and they are constantly going through it but its horrible. Whoever named it morning sickness was stupid....its more appropriately called "the all day, non stop, gaggy, nauseas, dizzy, tired, throw up in your mouth sickness". Food was helping me before...but now if I don't eat I feel totally disgusting like I'm seriously going to vomit all over at any given moment and if I do nauseasness subisdes for up to 15 minutes and I feel "almost" normal again. HORRIBLE. Ok I'm done whining for the day

My only other symptom is being extremely exhausted all the time, during the day sitting at my desk it feels like I need at least a 3 hour nap each afternoon. Coming home from work, I put pj's on and head directly to bed (its also helps the nausea if I'm relaxed and laying down). I haven't worked out in days and I honestly couldn't care less, I can barely walk to the bathroom let alone spend 20 minutes on a treadmill *BARF*

I am so so soo hoping that this doesn't last for the next 6 weeks, please dear god let me get over these horrible feelings before the 1st tri is over.

I'm going to talk to my doc next weds to see any suggestions she has so far eating lemon or chewing gum is the only thing other than food that helps for again about 15 minutes.

I'm not getting up to pee during the night anymore and my boobs aren't sore...I am gettting fat but I'm sure that's not baby at all, its just because of the massive amoutn of calories ive had to eat over the last few weeks...I'm going to try not to worry over weight gain..I know women who have gained alot during pregnancy ans were still able to lose it afterwards. When I'm feeling better and fruits and veggies sound good again I will absolutely start munching on them but for now....if I can't stomach it, it does me no good.

After we tell family and friends, I'm going to tell a few close girlfriends at work ( one of them being my boss) about my pg early so that hopefully they will understand why I have been the way I have for the last several weeks.

Still super excited to start telling everyone, I went up to my mom's grave on Sunday and "told" her felt right and knowing that she was the first person I got to tell, made me feel better. Its definitely going to be challenging during the pregnancy and afterwards without her guidance. I've already had so many questions I wished I could ask her, How long was she in labor with all of us, did she get m/s, things she would have done differently, stretch marks and all sorts of random questions. I do have Dion's mom and she will be a HUGE help, but its just not the same as hearing it from your own mother. Sad

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July 1st, 7 weeks 2 days

So today I'm doing something different. I'm keeping a time journal of all the time throughout the day I feel well and sick and what I do to help or thats not helping. I think i'll do it a couple days in a row to see if there are any patterns.

FYI, our first appt is 1 week and 1 day away! exciting! I hope I get to see our lol blob and hear the heartbeat! keeping my fingers crossed

This morning I woke up feeling normal and all the way until I got to work was the same made me very nervous but early/mid morning started feeling crappy again. Here's the hour by hour play.

I'm rating my feelings on a scale of 1 to 10 1 being "kill me now, throwing up or hunched over in deathly pain, crying etc. 10 being, normal or fairly close to it. a 5 being pretty uncomfortable, unable to concentrate, almost the flu like symptoms I talked frequently before about. here we go

6:00-7:00am feeling=9 getting ready for work, ate a bagel before I left
7:00-7:30 feeling =8 driving to work, still pretty good though
7:30-9:30 feeling=6ish, eating some crackers throughout this time
10:00-feeling=8/9ish, crackers took awhile to help but apparently did
10:35 feeling=4 UGH, need to eat, had some cereal
11:00 feeling 3/4, still very bad, try chewing gum now
11:05 feeling=7/8 gum helped
11:40 feeling 6ish, sipping on ice cold water
noon feeling=5 try to eat some pretzel sticks
12:55 feeling=8, just ate lunch (ckn, rice tv dinner) feeling much better
(longest feeling good period from 12:55 to 3:00 I've had in WEEKS)
3:00 feeling=6ish, I'll try a peppermint candy, it works fairly well I'm at about a feeling=8.

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July 7th (8 weeks, 1 day)

Well yesterday my morning sickness went from nausea and dizzyness all day to actually throwing up. I threw up 4 times yesterday and then first thing this morning after only a few sips of water it happened again.

One of the only benefits to throwing up?.....I actually feel better for about 30 minutes right after I do it. Its like the tiniest bit of relief.

This weekend was the worst weekend I've had since m/s first kicked in. I could barely get out of bed without the room, spinning and going dark. Food did not help the nausea as I felt constantly sick all weekend. I must have slept like 10-12 hours each day but didn't get out of bed hardly at all.

My god I can not wait until these next few weeks are over. I honestly don't know how anyone has 2 children if the experience is the same each time. Its only been 2 weeks so far but its been 2 straight weeks of absolute miserableness. I guess its good that we haven't told anyone that we are prego yet...part of my goal was that friends and family only got to experience that FUN part of my pregnancy and this is most definitely not it.

Enough complaining...I'm soo happy that our appt is this week. I hope everything is ok with our little one and I can't wait to see it or at least hear its heartbeat...i think it will put my mind at ease a bit as I've been feeling very nervous about this whole pregnancy. So many things cna go wrong in these early stages and I just want to know we have a live, healthy, strong baby in there. Smile
2 more days!! Woot woot

Dion has continued to be SUPER about everything, he didn't care a bit that I barely got out of bed or couldn't drive anywhere with him while he was doing TONS of yardwork this weekend. He's been very helpful and supportive and is constantly telling me, he wishes he could help make me feel better. XOXOX

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8 weeks, 4 days July 10th

Yesterday Dion and I went to our very first ob appt! It was such an amazing experience.

I peed in a cup, weighed in (at 138 according to the doc scale), they asked a bunch of family history questions, took my blood pressure ( 126 over 76, If I remember right) then it was off to the ultrasound room.

Got a big bag of new mom goodies, met our doctor ( Doctor Moeller) she did a vaginal exam on me and, talked alot about my mornign sickness, she said it sounded bad enough that she gave me a presciption for Zofran, which is ABSOLUTELY amazing...I can't believe I have gone through the past 2.5 weeks so sick and with 2-3 lil pills a day, I feel sick for about an hour total, MY god its sooo great! I feel like I can enjoy the pregnancy. Anyways, then we had our vaginal ultrasound ( they do vaginal ones before 12 weeks) heres the very first picture of our lil bean!

I went from my doctors office, which is Avista Womens care and I'll be delivering at Avista Adventist hospital in Louisville to get blood drawn, they did a prenatal work up and HIV ( 4 vials of blood) and then we were off.

It was an overall AMAZING day. To see our little ones heart blipping away on the screen, brought us both to tears. The most magical, overwhelming experience I've had to date.

We FINALLY got to start telling people last night, family first of course, then a TON of friends today, well finish telling peeps in person this weekend at the track and thenI'm posting it up on myspace and sending out to my long distance friends by email. OMG...this is such an amazing experience. I still can't believe it.

Oh best reaction award...definitely goes to Miss Ashli, Jess and Victoria who brought the whole restauarant to a dead silence with the eruption of OMG's and WOW' felt great to have friends care so much. Thanks girls! love you!

Also my Estimated Due date was changed from what I thought was February 18th to the 16th. The baby was measuring at only 7 weeks 6 days but said it was perfectly normal and probably due to ultrasound error. I'm not worried at all.

Next appointment is August 5th at 2:30...12 weeks! Woot!

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8 weeks 5 days, july 11

heres my latest covered belly pic...I think I look thinner in this one that in the last...probably because I was throwing up for a few days before this one was taken.

and my latest digital..obviously you can't see any lines, but its still cool to see I'm prego...HA HA

Well we're off to Hastings this weekend for a race and then to tell my mom's side of the family our good news!

the Zofran, while not quite the miracle I originally thought...does take the edge of the morning sickness off for several hours during the its been a couple of great days. Still get bouts of nausea but they usually only last 30 minutes or so and its only a couple times a day instead of constant.

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July 14th, 9 weeks 1 day!

woot, according to SOME websites our embryo is now a fetus. At nine weeks! (some other websites say not until 10 weeks) whatever.

Most everyone on the face of the planet now knows were pregnant. My dad and lil Joshie doesn't know and my brother Jon also doesn't know but I will tell them, My dad probably in person and Jon the next time he calls. Smile

We had a great weekend getting to share our news with everyone, my family was obviously very receptive, tons of congrats and hugs and tears, it was awesome!

I haven't felt really all that great today, the Zofran while usually very good, does have its lower points, I get a lot of headaches with it and sometimes, it feels like its just dulling the morning sickness. Today is one of those days, where its been a constant gaggin feeling ( even dry heaving 2 times this morning) , not really feeling horrible but not great either. very weird.

So yesterday was the first time in like 3 weeks, that I've done ANY sort of physical activity, we played wiffle ball and kick ball with the lil kids and boy oh boy do my buns and legs feel it today. I haven't been soar in quite sometime...It just tells me I need to get to feeling better and loosen up those muscles again. I'm actually looking forward to being active again, if I wasn't SO freaking exhausted all the time or sick, I would be working out.

Come on 2nd trimester. Dirol

Oh so also I looked at the Chinese gender prediction chart and it guesses a BOY for us, which Dion would be thrilled with. So we'll see! I plan on taking my at home, intelligender pee test at about 13 weeks. It may or may not be accurate but it will be something else fun for me to pee on! HA HA

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9 weeks 3 days July 16th

BLAH....I really thought Zofran would be awesome...Monday, yesterday and this morning have all been I'm not even on a prescription. Still constantly nauseas...this week its sort of moved from my stomach and it feels like the vomit is just sitting around in my esophogus and throat...waiting for the perfect time to spew...So gross I know! I really wish I would start throwing up least then I get a bit of relief.

Talking with my friend Julene I started sucking on lemons again and long as I have one in my mouth..I'm far less nauseas...all the enamal might be eaten off my teeth but I'm going to try to stick with it for a bit since the Zofran isn't really helping.

I also ordered some preggie pops...found here ...might be a crock...or they might help...either way they were cheap and its worth a shot.

I have found myself now getting up to pee at least once during the night, next symptom!
maybe it will replace the m/s??? HA HA

Other than that...I'm still sleeping like 10+ hours a night and feeling exhausted when I wake up...but I know all of this will pass eventually and it will all have been SO worth it!

I'm trying to add some fruits back into my diet instead of ALL carbs all the time since not even food helps me feel better anymore, I figure I should try to get some healthy things in my body too, had a delicious peach this was a bit on the sour side and almost made me feel better. Smile

Oh come Sunday...its belly pic time again!! I'll be 10 weeks! woo hoo! For those that are already moms....when did you start to notice getting a lil rounder with a baby bump?

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Same day as above

Dill pickles...may also be helping...I'm probably going to get sick of them pretty easily but like the lemons...if there is one in my mouth...I feel a bit better.

Had an egg salad sandwich today also that rocked my world...I miss sandwiches...I thought since Deli meat and tuna were basically out, I'd have to give them up but grilled cheese or egg salad....totally still good! YIPEE!

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9 weeks, 4 days July 17th

I've now crossed the bridge from puking in the comfort of my own home to doing it at my desk at work. Sad
I should have known it would happen, I've been dry heaving all morning (seriously on like 7 different occasions already this morning but then at our 10:00 meeting, on the way up the stairs...I sensed the feeling...the hot flash that hits right before, when your mouth starts salivating for no reason and you can feel it... :puke2: I did make it to my desk and thankfully most people were downstairs still (since nobody except my boss and one other gal know's I'm prego here) but its still embarrassing none the less.

I think I'm calling it a half day today, the unfortunate part is that I know tomorrow, the day after and the next day will bring the same discomforts so going home really does nothing but allow me to aly down and puke in my own toilet...for today. Sad

I called my doc but the nurse practitioner isn't in on I'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear from her at least. I did some reading and found that my prescription is pretty typical ( not a low dosage like I had assumed) and that you can become immune to the treatment...although I would have thought it would have taken more than 4 days for that to happen.

Oh least I was able to throw up and I do feel better, for at least a short time.

I can't wait for this part to be over, I've said it before and I'll say it again but this is WAY WAY WAY worse than I ever could have imagined or heard about.

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July 21st, 10 weeks 1 day

OMG I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take. I had to take off work on Friday because I couldn't even SIT up without gagging and dry heaving.... drank a few sips of water and right back up it came. :puke2:

I threw up at work, I threw up on my car ride HOME from work on Thursday and did no get out of bed at ALL on Friday, Saturday or Sunday except to throw up or pee. I'm not kidding...I have had ZERO up this morning KNOWING I had to get my *** into work...ate a piece of toast...woot stayed down and kept me feeling so so enough to only dry heave on the way to work a few times. So I'm here at work.....dizzy and nauseated and my doctor STILL hasn't called me back.

I tried taking the Zofran again and :puke2: yep....puked it back up. Great!

I know it sounds like I'm being a baby about all of this but I haven't felt even decent in over 5 weeks and it seems to be getting worse...not better, and I could have to endure this for up to another 3 weeks....I don't think I can do it. Sad Its only 8:30 in the morning and I've been crying and gagging since I got to work how am I supposed to walk around and talk to people on the phone.

Oh not to mention that whole "smell" thing where you can smell things from like a mile away has also kicked in, so ANYTHING that doesn't smell normal also makes me dry heave. opening the refridgerator door, a man walking by with cologne, someone heating up breakfast....ALL OF IT... GAGGING!

I'm down in weight also obviously because of the throwing up so I'm sure that can't be too healthy for the baby although they say 1-2 lbs in your first tri is good enough.....

anyways...gonna call the doc again today....see if I can get anyone to call me back or offer any sort of help at all. Sad

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The nurse practitioner finally called me back today after leaving 2 voicmails and a message with their answering service....what she suggeste....a RECTAL suppository called Phenergan or something....only lasts 8 hours so I'd get to do "that" twice a day oh and makes a lot of women REALLY sleepy. I tell her I'd still need to be able to work and she tells me "well it looks like were going to see you again in a couple weeks" hopefully you start to feel better by then anyways.

UH you know how FREAKING long 2 weeks is when you feel like VOMITING 20 hours out of the day? When you can't stand up in fear of getting dizzy and passing out? when sitting at your desk makes you nauseas and hearing the phone rings makes you hunch over the trash can at your desk? Its REALLY hard to lay in bed for 3 days straight and STILL feel nauseas that whole time.

Ugh...I'm just really frustrated and feeling like crap still. Unfortunatly I'm not willing to stick my finger up my A$$ twice a day to still possibly feel this way AND even more totally exhausted and out of it on top of that.

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10 weeks 2 days July 22

Didn't sleep very well last night was up for about an hour at 2pm and felt nauseas right up until the point when my alarm went off this morning...yucky.

Reading up on my baby's progress the placenta is starting to form this week and "SHOULD" start taking over some of the hormones which mainly causes m/s so pray and keep your fingers crossed that the symptoms start to diminish. Our baby weighs about 1/4 of an ounce and is about the size of a small strawberry. Eek Biggrin

Had a pretty rough morning as well, threw up on the way to work...yes in my car,thankfully I always have a barf bag with me these days....feeling hungry now and trying to eat a granny smith apple sicne they are kind of sour...but I think its not helping much.

Oh my sister in law Shannon is prego right now too, about 21 weeks, they had their "big" ultrasound on Friday when your supposed to be able to find out the sex.....yah well baby's legs were crossed so now it'll be a surprise when the baby is born. My brother is hoping for a boy since he has 2 girls already but I don't think he really cares. Just interesting to know that they won't probably find out what they are having till delivery. Smile

Updated my Feb space with weight and 10 week belly's the ccovered one....I'm getting "fatter" but not bumpish yet....maybe in a few more weeks...

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10 weeks, 5 days July 25th

what a difference a few days make? ever heard that expression? It couldn't be more true in pregnancy I've come to dicover. if its from feeling fine to puking every day or the opposite, a day is all it takes sometimes.

My m/s definitely got worse at the beginning of the week...Friday-Tuesday was the worst few days of this whole pregnancy. So much so I was determined to prove to my doctor that SOMETHING else must be going on...could it be twins or some other pregnancy disease...I just never though m/s could be as bad as it was.

Onto the positive news...Weds morning woke up, feeling pretty good. Thursday, a bit better, this morning even better. I haven't taken any zofran yet today. Instead of a constant nauseas feeling these last few days its definitely come more in waves, which for now it TOTALLY managable!!!

As the day goes on they seem to get a bit closer together and more intense but still nothing like the last week ( or 6 weeks for that matter) have been. I can only hope that this is the beginning of the "blissfullness".

So a few other things that have crept up on me while I'm not constantly thinking and trying not to yak..

Some lower back, hip and butt pain. I've read that it can be because there is more pressure on your psyiatic (sp) nerve, I'll talk to my doc about it at my next appt.

Also had a few leg cramps this week....sleeping with a pillow between my legs and making sure I keep my leg straight has helped a bit.

constipation (what its my journal I can talk about whatever I want) has set almost brings me to tears now to think about childbirth. Enough said.

and of course still going to be at like 7:00 each night and definitely feeling like I need a nap each afternoon.

Right now more than anything....I'm getting exciting....getting excited for my next appt where hopefully they do a doppler so I can HEAR the baby's heartbeating and just learn more stuff about everything at each visit. Getting excited about feeling better and hopefully being able to eat some better, more nourishing foods, go outside and enjoy life again instead of being dead tired all the time. getting excited that ALMOST everyone knows I'm pregnant...still got my dad, lil Joshie Janine and family etc but we have a trip out there planned for August 16th. Smile Excited about moving onto the 2nd trimester in 3 more weeks and even jsut hitting the 11 and 12 week marks will be awesome!

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11 weeks, 2 days July 29th

Well hmmm...I haven't had a great couple of days but overall it has been better then the last several weeks. I threw up only once this weekend and 1 time yesterday afternoon so at least that is becoming more sparadic. The nauseas feeling also now is coming in waves....mornings seem to be a bit better and get worse as the day progresses. Still feeling sick about 8 hours a day but definitely better than constant.

my stomach is starting to round out, I'm sure mostly because I have to eat like 7-8 times a day or I feel sick and now that I'm not throwing up as much it actually staying in there. I'll take a pic on Sunday for my 12 week! Woo hoo!

2nd appt is next Tuesday...can't stinking wait! I hope I get to hear the heartbeat or see it on an ultrasound again, at 12 weeks they really look like lil babies and not just a blob I'm stoked!

No other symptoms really to mention...still pretty tired each night and just the sickness is kicking my butt still. no news is good news I suppose right?

I can't believe in 2 weeks I'll be out of the first trimester (13 weeks)! Ohhh and I'll take my intelligender home test too! FUN!

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July 31st, 11 weeks 4 days

Threw up at work again this afternoon...I can't tell you how embarrassing that is. Sad nobody was even around at first but then someone always walks in and asks "are you ok"? LOL

Going to Elitch's god its going to be hot and miserable...maybe now that I've thrown up I'll feel better the whole night though? *keep your fingers crossed*

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12 weeks 1 day, August 4th

BIG appt tomorrow...well ok its not a BIG one but I am hoping to see our little one again or hear the heartbeat! I'm sure they'll do one or the other! Eek! I'm so excited!

Were passed the 12 week mark also...which means my chances of miscarriage are significantly reduced. Smile Still 2 more weeks until I'm out of the first trimester!

Had a really good weekend, only threw up on Saturday morning and was feeling overall pretty good. Went to a BBQ and out to lunch with my in-laws, even went to a movie....there were some definite waves of not feeling well but they passed! Smile

Woke up this morning unfortunately and threw up right away again, even after I ate a cracker which I thought was going to be the key to my success. Today havent' felt great but not baaad either so maybe my m/s is just going to start fading away.

I gained a BUNCH of weight over the last 2 weeks, its crazy, especially for as much as I've still been throwing up. I know its because I'm having to snack on a bowl of cereal or "carb-y" foods like every 2 hours (even through the night now) so I've got to try to make a conscious effort to at least TRY to eat leaner foods and intorduce some more fruits, veggies and meats in. if I have the energy I'll run to the grocery on the way home and try to pick up a few things.

Ok well I updated my "feb space" with naked belly pics and here is the covered...definitely rounding out...again because of the food, probably not the baby yet. Sad Although cute lil tidbit of info, our baby is now 3 inches from crown (head) to rump (butt)...3 inches thats the size of my middle finger... which means, a real baby is in there and if I could open up my stomach...Id be able to see it in there. neat huh? Maybe its just me....but I think its neat!

No other symptoms really to mention. I'm sure I'll update after our appt tomorrow! YAY!

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12 weeks, 4 days Aug 7th

Had our 2nd appt on Tuesday...sorry I didn't update right away....

First of all the appt was to hear our lil baby's heart beating away in my body.....163bpm...obviously way faster then adult hearts but perfectly normal. Doc said between 120-160 was average.

So first I met with the billing person...which BTW is weird...I'm not sure why I never knew this before (ok yes I do, this is my first baby) but its expensive. If I didn't have insurance my delivery fee alone would be $2550..YIKES...thankfully my portion of that is $510....which does not include drugs at the hospital, pediatrics, or blood/lab work. Eek. Anyways...ok so after that I peed in a cup as always...weighed in @ 141, sick...that's a gain of 3 lbs since my last doc appt. Right now though...I just don't care...I eat what I can keep down and I'm having to eat like every 2 hours to help keep the nausea managable. Ok so then...talked with the nurse practitioner....took my blood was like 120 over 60 or something...which is fine.
Then my doc came in.....laid me back on the table....

I was kind of nervous because she was moving the doppler all around for what felt like 5 minutes (it was really only 1 or 2) and couldn't find anything except for my heart beat. Then she moved over to the left side a bit and right away...swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh swoosh....dion and I just looked at eachother and smiled....I actually did not cry at this one...maybe it was nerves or something but I was just overjoyed to be hearing it and didn't want her to stop listening....we got to hear it for a minute or 2. Then appt was over. I'm amazed that the baby is so low in my body....its like right above my pubic bone still...not sure why I thought it would be higher by now. As soon as we got out of the door Dion started texted everyone about it and you could tell he was excited. Its soo neat, to know, to see and to hear that something really is ALIVE inside you. I was much less nervous that something bad would be found at this appt, since I've been vomitting still and clearly that just wouldn't be happening if something was wrong.

I did just read in "what to expect" and saw a diagram of where your uterus is at each month so now it makes sense....mine is right about where it should be and I should be able to start feeling it, its a bit harder than my normal stomach tissues and from each month now forward it will move up and up into my "tummy" area.

Ok so my next appt is scheduled for Sept 2nd. I didn't want Dion to have to take off work if this one was just going to be blood work or something but I found out that they will do a doppler again and I think do the blood tests for a few of the diseases. I'll be 16 weeks.

Then we also scheduled our BIG ultrasound for October 1st....I'll be almost spot on 20 weeks and we'll god willing be able to find out if we're having a lil boy or a lil girl! OMG....the time can not come soon enough! I'm soo excited!

I sent out a mass text after the appt about the baby's heartbeat and stuff and it seems most of my friends think its a little girl. Drea, Jen Tafoya, Beth and Michelle at work all think its a girl....I think Jess is the only one so far that has announced she thinks its a boy...maybe when the time gets closer I'll post a poll to see who was right! That will be fun1

Ok so onto the sickness....its back with vengance....had a couple of great days...thought it was passing. yesterday and especially today,have been horrible...thrown up multiple times already this morning, even onece being woken up from a dead sleep again at 2:30am....which just as an FYI....reallllllllly sucks! and I just can't seem to get any relief today....throwing up usually provides temporary satisfaction but not right now. I hope this is it getting worse, before it gets better. This HAS TO STOP...I'm nearly crying everyday I don't feel well because I just want it to stop.

Oh I take the fun intelligender test next week I think...I'm holding off as long as possible so that "maybe" just maybe the results will be accurate...of course..we still won't know until October 1st for sure...but this will be a fun experiment.

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13 weeks, 3 days August 13th

off and on, off and on....So I've got a routine down...I don't like it but I've at least figured it out. I now am throwing up religiously every other can happen at any time during the day but it happens! Usually only once or twice again totally randomly throughout the day but it happens. Today was a throw up day, tomorrow will not be. lol....I guess the only thing I can do is laugh, seriously, I'm sooooo over this whole sickness, I think its making me go crazy. On the days I don't throw up I usually seem to gag a lot more throughout the day and sometimes feel worse but really I'm just not feeling all that great any day still.

Next week...Sunday actually I will officially be out of the first trimester. Do I think the sickness is magically going to disappear on this day? I hope that it REALLY REALLY REALLLY fades by then and maybe I only throw up once a week or feel sick for a few minutes each morning or whatever...GOD PLEASE HELP ME YES! lol

I am really stoked to be getting out of the first tri though. It's like a turning point in pregnancy, its perfectly safe to tell everyone your news (even though everyone we know will already know by then), your baby start rapidly growing and you get your baby bump ( what I have now, is called gross, muffin top, having to eat every 45 minutes to not throw up bump, and is most definitely not associated with baby in any way shape or form) most get energy back and stop feeling nauseas most of the time and of course we get another u/s in the 2nd trimester the big one I'm reallly looking forward to everything it has to offer.

Let's see..nothing really new to report on, going to Glenwood this weekend to tell Joshie and my dad the good news! I miss lil Joshie so much so it will be awesome to see him and get his reaction. Also Jess's baby shower is Sunday so it will be like baby central and I'm reallllly excited for it!

Not sleeping all that great....I've become a very light sleeper and even Zeus waking up to pee wakes me up, which in turn means I need to get up and eat cereal so I don't barf so I'm usually awake for a few hours each night, randomly....good thing I'm still going to bed at like 8:00 so I'm getting enough sleep.

oh pics to come on Monday as well...I can't believe its been 2 weeks already..I'm really not looking forward to weighing in. I'm sure I'll be the girl that gains like 10 lbs in her first trimester....blah! I am definitely rounder and it doesn't go away in the mornings although by evening time I swear I look 4 months prego already. lol

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13 weeks 4 days August 14th 2008

Ohhh I am renting a fetal heart rate monitor for the next 3 months. :o) I just ordered it this morning and it should be here tomorrow. It gives you the bpm digitally also so you don't have to count them yourself. Dion and I can now lay in bed whenever we want and listen to our lil peanuts heart beating away. I wish they made an at home ultrasound machine....that would stinking ROCK!

Anyways I am renting it for 3 months, by then I will be 24 weeks and able to feel baby's movements. Here is the one I ordered....
I swear I'm bringing it with me everywhere I go so anyone can listen to our baby.

Ended up throwing up 3 times yesterday, and felt really crappy most of the day. Today is better already. obviously on my every other day cycle...tomorrow may suck again but for now I'm basking in the glory that is....feeling "almost" good. Still a bit nauseas but nothing I can't ignore. LOL

Oh D and I decided to do our intelligender on Sunday morning when we get up. I don't really trust its results at all but it will be fun to maybe think about a specific gender for once. Can't wait still for Oct 1st.

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One more quick thing too..I read in a book about your tongue feeling "hairy" sometimes as a symptom....

its doesn't feel hairy necessarily but it almost constantly feels like a have a piece of hair on the very back of my if I randomly am sticking my tongue out or clearing my throat its because I'm trying to get rid of this totally random and annoying situation! LOL

Pregnancy creeps me out! ha ha

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14 weeks 2 days, August 9th!

here I am, officially in the 2nd trimester! Wooo hoo! This should be the fun part coming up here pretty quick! Smile baby bumps and gender ultrasounds, maternity clothes, cravings and energy! :o)

We finally got to tell my dad, Janine and Joshie the good dad immediately started crying and told dion and I both thank you for making him a grandpa, kinda cute. Josh was excited and wanted to see it right away to which I told him, he'd have to wait. but he stayed the night with us in the hotel and we let him listen to his own heartbeat and the baby's and he was totally amazed by it. I wish we would have videotaped it....he just kept saying "I'm so excited"! awwww.....

Anyways so from Thursday all the way to Sunday...I didn't throw up once...I totally thought I was done. I felt really pretty good those days also with jsut a few waves of nausea throughout each day. then yesterday on the way home *barf* DANG! I kind of knew it was coming, I had a sort of crappy afternoon of not feeling well but I was trying to fight it off.

Anyways I've been eating like a cow still to try to not feel nauseas so I'm sure my weight gain isn't going to be haulting anytime soon. boo...but I have been eating "better" foods more fruits and veggies along with my normal carbs but at least I can now mix it up without getting sick.

Dion and I did our intelligender test this weekend, I'm not posting what its results were until next week though because we have a gender guessing game going right now and I don't want to sway anyone's opinion. Again, D and I aren't really putting much into the intelligender results anyways...the field studies haven't been all that accurate and we don't want to get our hopes up one way or the other and then be crushed. Soo..maybe next week after a few more peeps have voted I'll post results of the test.

I think that's about it, everything else seems to be the same, i did buy a few pair of maternity pants that I found that fit alright, mainly because I'm tired of having a muffin top and being so uncomfortable at the end of each day that I can't breathe....I have to admit, although ugly, the pants are COMFY! Smile I also bought a tummy sleeve (basically its like a bella band) it goes over your pants so you can leave them undone and still hold them up and also helps smooth the transfer between pants/shirt, I think it makes me look more pregnant for some reason, maybe just more round. who knows.

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15 weeks, 1 day August 25

Still not feeling very 2nd trimester-ish, no energy, still throwing up ( and back to my typical every other day routine) and even when I'm not throwing up I'm still getting fairly nauseas randomly throughout the day. I REALLY need this to go away, does anyone have any idea how it feels to throw up consistantly every day for almost 6 weeks and every other day consistantly for the next 3 weeks, not only am I really sick of throwing up I'm generally just sick of feeling sick. I can't drink plain water because it makes me gag, the only 'water' type substance I can do is eat ice throughout the day and I've been drinking lots of decaf iced tea, I constantly have to have a bag of pretzels or crackers with me STILL, my stomach is so full all the time but yet I have to snack. I am really not enjoying this at all. The most relief I have gotten since I was 6 weeks, 2 days along was the 4 days I was in glenwood in which I didn't throw up but I still had my moments. Everyone keeps telling me, it should be gone/going away but it just doesn't feel like it. I'm still taking zofran to try to help. I guess I just thought being pregnant would be this joyous, exciting occasion but I feel like I can't even enjoy it because I feel like I've had the flu for 9 weeks.

Enough complaining...Alot of my friends recently have or will be having their kids and that IS exciting, I've gotten to hold baby Marcus and baby Jenna and baby Logan will be on his way in the next few weeks. Its making me want to be so much further along than I am, feels like its forever away until I'll get to hold our little one.

Ive noticed the congested and dry feeling a lot of pregnancy books talk about so I got a humidifier for our bedroom, hopefully that helps me to not feel so "hungover" when I wake up in the morning.

I have also given into the "bloat" and bought a pair of maternity pants for work, the "rubber band" trick was just no longer cutting it and mid afternoon I felt like I coudl barely breath in my jeans. I still have several regular pants that fit fine but I had to break down and buy 1 pair. They are so ridiculous looking. The maternity shirts at least these days are cute and have been mostly just wearing empire waist and babydoll type shirts which will do for now.

Starting this week through week 20 the baby will almost double in size and quadruple in weight, that is also exciting news, other than I've already gained a ton of weight, to which I feel I honestly have no choice in. our baby this week is about 4.5-5 inches and is about the size of a peach (mmm peaches) from crown to rump. I can not stinking wait to start feeling the fluttering movements, usually these are felt between 16-20 weeks. Smile

here's some pics from this morning:
Shirt on and shirt off

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15 weeks 3 days, Aug 27

Oh my friend Jess gave me a ton of maternity clothes yesterday. Haven't tried any of them on yet but I'm sure I can make most of them work. I'm really thankful for the overalls....who doesn't LOVE a good pair of comfy overalls, seriously! :o)
Oh and she got me some lil onesies, hats and booties and washclothes....SO adorable!

I can't wait to start shopping, HURRY up october 1...I NEED to know what my bebe is! Smile

Well I haven't thrown up in a few days again, pretty exciting news. I still don't feel "normal" or even "good" feel like I need to constantly snack and am getting nauseas several ( like 5-10) times a day but I'm just hoping it really dwindles now.

Ok well its also been long enough that I guess I'll post the results of our intelligender...results predicted a BOY. Although we are still not putting any stake on these test results, it was fun to see it change to a dark color.

I will say also that upon doing some research the majority of the predictions of intelligender are boy, its when it predicts a GIRL that the odds that it is in fact a girl are VERY likely.

Apparently boy results really mean, it could be either but a girl result means its probably a girl sooo we still really have no idea but it was a fun experiment.

I keep telling myself over and over that I don't care what it is...and I really don't....but I will say I keep having the overall impression that its a girl...maybe that's just because of the dream I had or the fact that most of my girlfriends THINK it is a girl, I'm just not sure. The other funny thing is, whenever I talk about "it" or think about future stuff its a Boy.....seriously I think I have the worst mommy intuition ever. LOL Either way I just wish time would zoom right by and we'd know already. I'm so anxious!

I am currently finding it hard to believe that on Sunday I will be 4 months pregnant. 4 months sounds so much further along than 3 months in my head. weird huh? 16 weeks sounds like I have forever to go still but saying it 4 months makes me feel like I'm almost halfway there. lol

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16 weeks 3 days, Sept 3rd

Had our 16 week appt yesterday. Very routine....pee in a cup, weigh in (my god at an awful 148 lbs already) which mean I've gained 12 lbs since the beginning of this ALREADY.....I'll get back to the weight thing in a bit, Doc asked me if I'm feeling any movements yet, which I'm not Sad but hopefully soon. We heard our lil peanuts heartbeat again and it was 156bpm, still fast and strong, then because I'm having alot of discharge I got a pap and vaginal exam where they took a culture to make sure it wasn't an urinary tract infection or something worse. Those tests came back normal so no infection. Then it was off to the blood lab to get our first screenings done, took 1 vial of blood for our quad test which checks for signs of spina bifida, down syndrome and any other chromosome or genetic abnormalities. They will call in a few days if anything turns up in them.

Its a very unsettling feeling waiting to see if the child inside of you is healthy but I'm trying not to worry about it too much because at this point I can't do anything about it anyways.

I started getting headaches last week and also some ab's cramping. Doc said both are perfectly normal, the headaches are caused probably by the body producing more hormones and to combat them with low dose tylenol and the cramping is my uterus expanding or could be round ligament pains, which is a pulling or sharp pain in your side, which I've also been experiencing. Also about my uterus, I can totally feel it now, its much harder than my normal stomach, its more sensitive to touch and sort of "poofs" out, you can totally see it, which is amazing. It only comes up to about 2-3 inches below my belly button.

I'm getting realllllly excited to start feeling movement from our little one. usually first time mom's don't feel it until 18-22 weeks and that's if the placenta hasn't placed itself on the front of your stomach but I'm hoping I start feeling something soon. Sometimes I think I feel things like flutters but I think I'm reading too much into them and its probably just gas and digestive system stuff, hopefully I'll know when its the real thing. Smile

Weight: Well we talked about my weight with the doc and she seemed like it was pretty normal. I told her all about me STILL being nauseas on a daily basis and throwing up in the mornings several times a week. She reccommended I try unisom (a pregnancy safe sleep aid) since I'm not sleeping well anyways and one of the side effects is actually to combat nausea, so I'll give that a try. I do seem to be mostly throwing up in the wee hours of the morning (between 3-6am) and then again usually an hour or two after that, so its not a lot of food that I'm getting rid of in my belly. its mostly stomach acids and grossness, not helping with the weight gain, LOL. Anyways, I'm not going to beat myself up on the weight issue, I'll still keep track of it but clearly I'm going to be slightly over the reccommended weight gain. my hope is to not gain more than 35lbs total which is totally do-able especially if I start walking.

I'd really like to start swimming once a week for about 30-45 minutes, I hear its the best prego workout because it keeps you cool, it low impact and burns lots of calories all over. I just need to get my energy back enough to actually come home and get out of bed again, which is my main issue along with I still feel nauseas so working out is the last thing I want to do.

I can't believe the next time we go to the doctor, we'll be finding out FINALLY what our lil bean is. I CAN NOT STINKING WAIT!! I think its going to feel so real at that time and I can really dive into clothes, registry, nursery and getting everything ready for our little one. Woo hoo only 28 days to go! Here's my latest belly pic for 16 weeks....

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17 weeks, 1 day Sept 8th from Friday all the way through Sunday night are the FIRST 3 days that I have actually felt NORMAL since I was 6 weeks and 2 days along. I've had a few good days before then of course but during those times I was still getting waves of nauseas or was exhausted etc.These last couple of days, were amazing. I got up and ate normal amounts of food at normal times of the day with little to no need to snack, I was able to get up and walk around and chit chat with people again. I can only hope that this is just the beginning of what everyone keeps telling me about. Yahoo

I will say that when I woke up this morning, I threw up. BUT I'm not going to dwell on it, I'm sure its because I didn't get up until about 6:30am and the last thing I ate was at 7:00 the night let's just assume it was because my tummy was empty and I should have known better. I took a 1/2 a zofran with breakfast and am feeling much better already!

I think I've decided to start taking weekly belly pics because during this 2nd tri is when I will gain the majority of my weight and the baby will grow and change the most and I think week by week to see a diff might be cool.

Well only 3 weeks and 2 days until our big ultrasound, I'm still anxiously waiting to find out what our lil baby is. Also still waiting on any movement from him/her. I hope its SOON!

Our baby is growing so fast already, right now at 17 weeks he/she weighs about 7 oz and is ALMOST a half a foot long. OMG! Biggrin Also this week its ears are becoming functional which means, I can finally start talking and reading and playing music for our little one without it being just for me. They will actually begin to recongnize voices and will be able to react to them! flipping exciting is that? Seriously!

here's a 17 week belly shot:

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Sept 12th- 17 weeks 5 days here we go! This is going to be long, so get ready to settle in for a few minutes.

At our 16 week appt, we had our quad screen bloodwork done, very routine, previously mentioned it tests for common genetic and chromosonal disorders.

On Monday Sept 8th our doc called and told us that the results came back abnormal and we had an increased risk for downs syndrome. Stats: a woman who has normal results from this test have a 1 in 900 chance of having a baby with downs. My abnormal results increased our chances to 1 in 100. My OB gave us two options:

#1- make an appt to do an amniocentesis, which is pretty invasive. They will stick a needle into my belly to take a sample of amniotic fluid from around the baby. The risk for miscarriage is greater if you have an amnio done (about 1 in 400 women). With the amnio, results will come back either 100% baby does or does not have downs or any other chromosone disorder.

#2- She can refer me to see a specialist for a detailed ultrasound and someone who is trained to look for developement of hands, feet, facial features, growth, movement, etc. using just a detailed ultrasound. Seeing the specialist they will be able to either reduce or increase your odds of having a downs baby. (example, right now my odds are 1 in 100, but if the doc notices good growth, movement, facial feature etc, she might be able to tell me my chances are more like 1 in 500)

So Dion and I decided to go with Option # 2 for now and see what the ultrasound revealed. First appt that was available was yesterday Sept 11 at 2:00. We went to the Platte River Perinatal Center to see our specialist, a perintologist.

So all week Dion and I have been freaking out, very nervous and anxious not really wanting to discuss any details with anyone...we wanted to get some info first I guess so we've just been in this sort of devastating state of mind, not really sure what to think.

So yesterday, They looked for several things in the ultrasound, the nuchal fold at the back of baby's neck, arm and leg bone lengths, hand and feet measurements, heart and spine, nasal cavity, head and brain measurements, I think a few other things Im just spacing out. The ultrasound lasted about half an hour and we got to see our little one A LOT, moving around (even though I still can't feel it), changing positions, saw its lil foot, lil hand, profile shot, 3D and 4D images all sorts of stuff, it was neat.

Baby wasn't really cooperating with positions so it was hard for the nurse to get a few of the measurements. She stepped outside and talked with the doc. Doc came in and went over everything with us. Basically the nuchal fold (a big downs indicator) and "most" other measurements seemed about average for a healthy 17 week old baby but a few things they did note, hands and feet pictures weren't conclusive but there was still an elevated risk for downs as well as other defects.

Also apparantly one of my two uterin arteries is abnormal (those are the arteries that supply blood and stuff to the baby and placenta) and could very well be the reason why my tests came back abnormal in the first place. Also unfortunately an abnormal uterin artery is also some concern for having preeclampsia during pregnancy. Which is a very high risk situation for both mother and fetus and has to be monitored, the only cure is delivery of baby. Ugh...not even going to get into that right now, I'll talk to my OB about it at the 20 week appt.

So we talked to the specialist awhile, remember when we went in our chances of having a child with downs was 1 in 100. He was only able to decrease our chances to 1 in 200 with his findings.Those results DID NOT calm my nerves as much as one might think. He suggested our next options:

#1-do an amniocentesis and be 100% positive, either way what exactly if anything the baby has.

#2- go home, talk it over and if we decide we want to know later, do the amnio within a few weeks.

#3-do nothing, take your 1 in 200 odds and you'll probably have a healthy baby.

Dion and I took about 1/2 hour talking it over and decided we wanted to know without a doubt what we were going to be faced with, so we did the amniocentesis yesterday at the specialists office...

A very scary procedure obviously in where they stick a 6 inch needle into your stomach, uterus and amniotic sac and draw out amniotic fluid from around the baby. The process was uncomfortable especially the needle coming in and out of my skin and a lil "weird" feeling but not nearly as bad as I would have thought, it took about 2 minutes total time and thats because the baby's arm was fairly close to the needle so doc had to be very careful. Doc took 2 vials of amniotic fluid and said we would have basic results back on Monday, then more detailed results about a week to 10 days later. I immediately broke down in tears the second the needle was out of my body and couldn't quit crying for several minutes. It felt like a culmination of the entire weeks events and the realization of what was happening. Also I should mention that the reason the amniocentesis is risky is because there is an increased risk for miscarriage, infection in the amniotic sac or impropoer closure of the punture site on the amniotic sac. Right now, no bending over, lifting anything over 10 lbs, no stress, no trauma to belly region, basically just supposed to be taking it easy and looking for any signs.

So anyways.... still I guess we know nothing for certain but on Monday we will have most questions answered. On Monday we will know 100% gender of our child (FYI, we pretty much already know but I'm not giving away any hints, since specialist and doc, said it was still early to tell for sure but they test chromosones with the amniotic fluid and would be able to tell us for sure), whether or not the baby has any of the 4 major chromosone disorders (downs, trisomy 13, trisomy 18 or spina bifida). Then about a week later we will get the detailed results for any rare genetic or chromosone disorders (which is HIGHLY unlikely) and all their other findings.

I'm feeling pretty positive at this point and just am trying to take it easy for the next few days to keep our baby safe inside me, pray and hope for the best. The next 3 days are when the risk is the highest for miscarriage, then it decreases over the following week I probably won't feel totally secure until we go to our 20 week appt and get to see our lil one again.

So that's what's been happening.

For anyone who has EVER said" I don't care what we have (gender), I just want a healthy baby" I hope you can understand the stress and constant worry we are being faced with right now because all we do want is a healthy baby, nothing else on the face of the earth seems to matter right now besides finding out that our baby, our miracle is healthy.

On a totally unrelated side note, I've been feeling much more normal this week (other than the obvious stresses), less nauseas throughout the day, less need to eat every 30 minutes, still no boost in energy but I don't care about that right now.

here are some crappy photos since our scanner is broken we had to take pics of the
This is one of the 3D images we got, baby's hands were moving all around, but you can see lips and its hands in front of its face, during the ultrasound it looked like it was playing peek-a-boo, so cute!

here's a typical ultrasound profile shot of our little one at 17 weeks, 4 days...its hand looks like its waving hi also but you can't really see it in this pic. Sad

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

September 15th, 18 weeks 1 day

So at 3:00 on the dot when the doc hadn't called yet....I called them and just asked if they had gotten my results from my amnio in yet. She went to go look then apologized profusely because they had just recorded them at 2:37. So I had perfect timing!

She looked over the charts and said..............
"alright well I won't beat around the bush with this, there are absolutely no signs of Trisomy 13, 18 or 21 and trisomy 21 is the main cause for downs syndrome in a baby".

Soooooo....we're fine and everything so far with our precious angel is fine!
I can not tell you the feeling of relief I have right now. I started crying on the phone with her and felt like an idiot but I couldn't hold back the tears, it has just been the most stressful like week and a half of my life and I am just overwhelmed with relief right now. I know in about 10 days the detailed tests will come back but I'm not worried about those right now and will not stress about them. I know that right now our baby is healthy inside of me right now.

She also asked me if I would like to know the sex of our child, to which I replied through my tears "Yes" without further ado...our precious miracle, our healthy, happy, loving, adorable fetus.......

I feel like I have so much more to say, but I'm about to leave work. I want to put all my thoughts together and I'll post up tomorrow.

Also a quick note....yesterday I felt our baby girl move for the first time ever....I'll give details again tomorrow....but also today for about 10 minutes....I felt little "rolling" feelings in my belly (gotta find a better way to describe that) and it is the most amazing feeling in the scares the crap outta me because its so unexpected but its still awesome!

Ok I gotta go shout to the world.......

Thanks for everyones thoughts and prayers.

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

Sept 16th, 18 weeks 2 days

UGH....I totally just wrote up this whole long report on everything and then apparently took too long to post so it signed me out and LOST it heres a recap version...probably not quite as sentimental but will get all my info down that I need to remember for the future!

Yesterday was a huge stress relief, a huge weight was lifted from my heart and my chest and I feel so blessed and thankful for everything I have just been given. A healthy happy little girl. Smile

Dion wanted and still does eventually want a boy but after these last few weeks, he is just overjoyed and ecstatic that his daughter is healthy. I can not wait to see him holding her in his arms, see the special bond that only a father and daughter can have, its going to be utterly amazing!!

Our little girl is now almost 1/2 a pound and 6 inches crown to rump, thats like the size of my hand and fingers, so neat! She can start to hear this week even thogh she wont repond to sounds for several more weeks. Dion and I have been talking to her non stop! Smile

I also finally (as quickly previously mentioned) felt her move. on exactly my 18 week mark, I felt a rolling sensation twice in the same area and knew it was her. Then yesterday while sitting at my desk sort of hunched over, she "nudged" me several times. it was AWESOME like she was telling me I was squishing her or something. I don't quite feel flutters they are stronger than that already so maybe I wasn't paying close enough attn to her movements before but this definitely feels like something "rolling" on the inside of my skin. Its a weird sensation and very hard to explain but the most amazing thing in the world. I can't wait till its more consistant and other people can feel it from the outside. Smile

I also HAD To stop on my way home from work yesterday and buy a few things....knowing that our little girl is safe and is in fact a little girl makes it really real (I know everyone says that) but it REALLY does. You can plan futures, think about boyfriends, prom, hair color, first steps, weddings..just so many things and it feels.....just.....REAL. Anyways I bought some onesies, some SUPER cute booties, an I LOVE DADDY bib and a sleeper.

Oh her name....I almost forgot to tell you our little angels name....
KYLIE ANGELA (Angela was my mom's middle name so it obviously has major sentimental value).

So also a quick OB called this morning to make sure I got the results from the amnio. She also said that because of my 1 abnormal uterin artery that she needs me to start taking 81 mg of baby aspirin a day. baby aspirin thins your blood just slightly. I also need to make a follow up detailed ultrasound with the perinatalogist for 4 weeks so they can make sure the baby aspirin is doing the trick and helping the placenta get all it needs, if by chance it isn't, we'll go from there but I have no reason to suspect otherwise at this point. ALSO she noted that Kylie had a few cysts on her brain and was quick to say that it is very common and will more than likely shrink and disappear as she grows but would like the perinatal center to check them again while we are there with the ultrasound. That appt is scheduled for October 16th. So sticking with my positive frame of mind at least we will get to see our lil girl a lot more than other people would, at my 20 week appt on Oct 1 with my OB and then again on the 16th with the detailed u/s! Smile

And to end here is my 18 week belly pics...

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

hee hee....ordered our entire nursery set like bedding and window treatment, diaper stacker....all of it. Its gonna match perfectly! I'll spruce it up a bit to try be dramatic
heres the link...

Dion and I are going to babies r us today to look at travel systems and matching set up like pack and plays and highchairs, bouncy chairs etc. Even though we won't be able to buy most of that on our own, we can still find out what we want to register for! Smile

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

18 weeks 4 days, Sept 18th

I don't have much new to report on.

Dion and I bought Kylie a travel system when we went to babies r us...Its very neutral for when/if we have a 2nd child, we won't have to buy everything all new in case its a boy.

We also started our registries at babies r us and Target, although for now its more like a list of things we need to compare in person first.

Dion got the paint for the nursery and will paint this weekend and hopefully our bedding comes next week so the nursery will be pretty much put together and done by the time I'm 20 weeks! HALFWAY! Almost there!

Its amazing how much change just a week can make..I have definititely "popped" and now have random strangers asking me "when I'm due" which since I am prego and not just fat, is PLEASURE and a JOY to answer!

I got a TON of maternity clothes from Alicia, Laurie and Jess so thankfully I don't have to spend any money on any more maternity clothes, the amount I have now will def last through the end of my pregnancy, I think! Smile

Some new feelings that I've been feeling lately are whenever I eat, my stomach gets really tight and full and I get very uncomfortable. I'm trying to eat small portions of food throughout the day instead of 3 big meals because its quite painful and I almost can't breath when my stomach gets too full.

I'm turning over a new leaf today and tracking what I eat, so I can hopefully put a HUGE slowdown on the massive amount of weight I've been gaining. I'm trying to get lots of veggies and proteins now instead of carbs and fruits. I also fully plan on walking with Dion every single day after work for 15-20 minutes to just try to get some motivation started and I think I previously mentioned I'd love to start swimming once or a few times a week to try to combat the weight gain and stay active and healthy for our baby also, so I'll keep ya posted on that.

Other than that, I'm just excited to be almost halfway and feeling better, although still randomly throwing up, which is strange to me.

The appt with the perinatalogist was changed from Oct 16th to the 14th, which is fine by me as I started taking my daily dose of baby aspirin on Tuesday, so hopefully its doing what it needs to be doing!

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

This is the worst thing I have ever had to write in my life its basically the birth story of my angel baby Kylie. There is a ton of information in it, some for me so in the years to come I can look back on it and some for those of you who read my blog.

September 21, 2008 @ 3:15pm our beautiful baby girl, Kylie Angela Eads, was brought into this world and taken to heaven at age 19 weeks, weighing 7.8 oz and 9 inches long. She was born too early into this earth and will be an angel forever.

The details
Saturday September 20th-
I had been feeling fine all day, we were at the track for Dion’s race in Pueblo. We had gotten up about 2:30am, to get on the road. After making a few pit stops for ice and gas, and having me throw up breakfast (which was nothing new at this point, and immediately after I threw up I was feeling fine again).
I had felt Kylie move a lot that day, several kicks or jabs that had me giggle because I knew they were getting stronger and in no time other people would be able to feel them. We get to the track and have a very uneventful day of me lounging around in my hammock and napping on and off most of the day.
Somewhere around 3:00-3:30pm, a friend of ours Jason comes back into the pits and asks if we can help get him ready to go back out onto the track as his race was red flagged. I sat up, got out of them hammock, walked over to his pits, knelt down and put on his tire warmer to help out. When I stood up and started walking back to our pit area, I felt a “gush” of warmness between my legs, thinking to myself for ½ second, ugh…I have so much cervical mucus right now, I started walking to the vehicle to “clean up” with a few napkins before heading to the bathroom. As I was walking towards our vehicle, the warm liquid soaking my underwear and when I checked, the napkin was very wet. At this point I wasn’t sure what was going on, I wasn’t in any pain, nothing out of the ordinary had happened other than this. As I’m walking to the bathroom I can feel the liquid running down my legs and became immediately embarrassed for possibly thinking I was urinating on myself and becoming incontinent so early in my pregnancy. *although I did have the thought, that this feeling has been described when talking about other women’s water breaking and I was nervous.
I get to the bathroom, urinate normally and I have control over my flow, as I sit there for a few minutes, checking things out, I notice everything is really wet, my undies, and pants even and every few seconds I am getting a trickle of clear liquid coming out. A few minutes later when I believe it has slowed or stopped, I head back to the pits to tell Dion.

I find Dion and tell him not to freak out, but I just had a lot of leaking of a liquid. He has me come over and lay down in the hammock and try to relax for a few minutes. We’re talking over things, he’s kind of freaking out and we decide that after this race, we’ll head out to Pueblo hospital to be safe and get me checked out. Just before Dion goes to race (which he has decided he is only doing 2 laps in which, took only about 5 minutes total time) I call my doctors office and the on call doctor Dr. Winn calls me back. As Dion is out on the track we discuss what was happening. She tries to calm my nerves some and reassure me that this shouldn’t have anything to do with my amnio 9 days earlier and if complications were going to happen with it, they would have happened within the first 24-72 hours afterwards. She thinks it “could” be a very thin mucus some women get but does tell me that if it is amniotic fluid, and the leak doesn’t heal itself that at 19 weeks gestational age, the baby would have to be delivered and no amount of medical intervention would be able to save her and I would miscarry. She also doesn’t want me to go to an ER unless the leakage starts to get worse, I start to get the chills or fever or if I start cramping or bleeding. An ER is only equipped to deal with emergencies and wouldn’t have the proper equipment, specific knowledge or details of my prenatal records to be able to help me. She called the labor and delivery floor at Avista hospital where she and my docs office is located) and they agreed to send over all my records and admit as soon as I got there to check me out. I told her it would be about 2 hours until we could arrive and she would meet us there.

Dion is back by this time, I give him the scoop and he, Jason and his parents pack up the truck and trailer in record time, while I continue to just lay in the hammock and sip on water to try to replenish what I had lost. Within 15 minutes, we are on the road to Louisville (about a 2 hour and 15-20 minute trip from where we are at) to Avista Adventist hospital. I’m laying the passenger seat back so as to help with gravity, I try not to talk to much as when I talk I can sometime feel little spurts of fluid, Dion has mapped out every hospital on the route home, just in case we need to stop at an ER.

I know I am continuing to leak some fluid but the entire ride to the hospital it was definitely a slow leak and I kept telling myself, that I had plenty of fluid in there for Kylie and was just hoping I was making this up and was possibly urinating, as embarrassing as that would be, at least it would have been something I could fix.

We roll into Avista’s parking lot in record time, just less than 2 hours and as I get out of the car and start walking towards the main entrance, I feel another and larger than the first “gush” of fluid, its running down both legs and Dion RUNS inside and grabs a wheelchair. We head up to the 2nd floor of the hospital, Labor and Delivery. The doctor had called and told the nurses I was coming and when I rolled in, with my frantic husband pushing me in a wheelchair, I tell them if I stand up, I’m going to drip all over your floor, so they find my room, help me into the bathroom very quickly and give me pads, a gown, some new undies etc and have me lay down.

The next 5-10 minutes is very routine, they are gathering info and hooking me up to monitors, asking tons of questions. It wasn’t a panic but things moved very quickly, swiftly and efficiently. Im laying in the hospital bed and they place the fetal heart rate monitor on my belly, they finally find her heartbeat and tell me it sounds good, but I can tell its faint and not as strong as it should be even if it was beating at around 140bpm like it should because I had a Doppler at home and knew what a strong heart my little girl had. I knew something was wrong right then and that something bad was happening but did not break down.

Dr. Winn arrives and tells me what they are going to do, as she is speaking to me in a very soft, comforting tone I can somehow feel that she knows as well as I do that this is not a mucus and not urination. She begins to do the ultrasound. When they find my placenta, it looks normal and they find her I can tell right away, there isn’t anything surrounding her. In a normal ultrasound your baby is surrounded by black but this entire screen is fuzzy and grainy and there is hardly any blackness around her. In fact, she keeps pointing out, heres the profile, heres a foot etc… and I’m usually REALLY good at seeing those kinds of things even if the ultrasound is weird and I can’t make out 1 single thing, except, I can see her heart beating still. She starts a vaginal exam to see if she can see where the leak is coming from and also is going to swab me and look at the fluid on a microscope, as well as use some sort of special paper to find out what the fluid is. if the paper turns blue, its amniotic fluid, if not its something else and that’s a good thing. It hurts when she’s doing it, even a little worse than a normal pap smear and it’s taking longer also. When she does the paper test, Dion said it turned blue, all of it, the whole swab and immediately. I think this is the point when both of us knew something was wrong, although for some reason in my head I just wasn’t thinking that my baby wasn’t going to make it, I assumed in the medical age we were in that something was going to be able to help me and Kylie and that even though the remainder of my pregnancy may be tough and I might have some issues that everything would be alright. I’ve been reading about twins that had to be born at 25 weeks and they are both alive today, a girl on my forums has been leaking small amounts of amniotic fluid and contracting since like 16 weeks, SOMETHING will be able to save my daughter, right?!

When Dr. Winn starts to talk she tells us that Kylie looks fine for right now, she is not in distress, her heart is beating well, she’s moving around, she’s head down but that the problem is that there is only one small pocket of amniotic fluid surrounding her, she guessed around 3 oz left and typically a 19 week old would be surrounded in at least 15-20 oz and that the measurements she took, showed Kylies gestational age at only about 17 weeks, she says “I’m very sorry, I know this is the worst possible thing that could be happening” and until she said that, I kind of thought there was hope but when a doctor looks at you the way she looked at me, waiting for me to freak out, telling me (without having to tell me) that there is nothing they can do and the possibilities she had so casually mentioned on the phone earlier were happening. Dion asked what we going to do and what our options were. She said:
# 1- You may go home and while she is very large you will eventually start to contract and dilate, miscarry at home. She had to tell us this is NOT a good option for us and would definitely be against medical advice because I had some amniotic fluid pooling in my vagina and I would probably develop an infection and I could die or get sepsis and die if I wasn’t under watch and antibiotics.
# 2- wait and see what happens here in the hospital, wait for me to develop an infection and for my body to start the labor and delivery process on its own.
#3- induce labor, to keep me as healthy as possible and make the labor and delivery as quick and painless as possible. While monitoring me for any signs of infection.

With all the of our options resulting in nothing but the death of our little girl, Dion and I asked a million questions and finally through our sobs and to help try to keep me healthy and safe decided to induce my 19 week old pregnancy and give birth to our little girl. Knowing that when she was born, there would be nothing medically that would be or could be done to save her life and we would lose her.

Around 11:30pm that night the process started, after answering a million questions, being told things I never thought I would be asked and watching the process a hundred times on a Baby Story, I received an epidural. The numbing shot hurts, a fairly painful stinging sensation, up and down my back for about 20 seconds. After that I began to throw up, probably from nerves and being overwhelmed and being hunched over in a weird position. So the next 2-3 minutes I don’t quite remember what the epidural was like, other than just feeling some pressure and weird sensations not painful, just weird) I was more concentrated on vomiting into the cup. The epidural started to take affect first in my toes, then feet, legs and butt. It’s a constant tingling sensation, just like when you foot or leg goes to sleep and eventually I lost the ability to move my legs much without help, they felt very heavy and weak and wobbly and tingly.
Then they placed the catheter since I was being fed several bags of fluid already and would continue on through the night but are not allowed to get out of bed, I didn’t feel the catheter being inserted at all but it’s a long tube inserted into your vagina and fed all the way up to your bladder where its inflated like a balloon and will empty your bladder for you without having to urinate, obviously since I can’t feel my legs, it would be impossible to stand up and walk to a bathroom. The nurse then inserted the sepitak (or sefatak or seditak) I can’t remember the name of it exactly but it’s the medicine that will help my contractions start and will help my cervix dilate. The nurse will continue to check on my progress every 4 hours and will insert a new pill into my vagina each time until I am ready to give birth.

Sunday September 21

At around 3:30am I am checked again and told I am at 1 cm dilated and the baby is coming down. It will probably be a long road from the point to get to where I need to be. My labwork had come back now also and infection has set in. I will need to be monitored every hour for oxygen levels, blood pressure and body temperature as well as start on intravenous antibiotics. My white blood cell counts were around 20 (a healthy person’s is around 7) so obviously my body has been fighting off some infection, even if I don’t feel any signs of sickness yet. Dr. Winn and my nurses reiterate how thankful they are that I stayed in the hospital and didn’t go home to try this alone as well as not waiting until I showed signs of sickness since I have probably already been sick for some time.

Every 4 hours I am checked (temps, blood pressure oxygen and dilation, contractions, effacing etc) from this point on and given more antibiotics, Tylenol, my catheter is emptied, more sepitek is inserted and I can have a few ice chips (no food or drink). Dion is exhausted and is finally able to get a few hours of sleep here and there. For most of this night, I lay in the hospital bed, trying to feel Kylie move, exhausted and weeping most of the time. Thinking about the future that has been lost, my little girl who never will have a chance to see any of the things we have planned for her, having to tell everyone in my life the news, having to deal with normal issues, face work and laundry, holidays and other peoples pregnancies. I lay in that hospital bed for several hours, just sobbing until I was checked next. I remember being able to fall asleep for 20-30 minutes at a time, thinking I should try to rest because eventually, no matter what I would be giving birth… birth and going home without my baby. I remember someone saying to my grandmother when my mom died, that a parent should never have to bury their child, I now know how true a statement that is.
Around 1:30 Sunday afternoon, I am checked as usual and still only about 2cm dilated. My doctor decides that since I have not had much change they will change my induction method to pitocin into my IV, it’s a stronger approach to help delivery come since I have been there for 18 hours and laboring for 14 hours.
At 2:00 the pitocin is started. Contraction start coming sporadically but stronger since I can feel them a bit now, like a ache in my lower back every 5-10 minutes. Dion started monitoring my contractions and could tell by the monitors that they were stronger then before. We had a false alarm about 30 minutes into it and my nurse Kathy had the doctor come in because she thought I was ready to go. I was only about 3ish cm and said sorry for the false alarm but she would come back around 4:00. I found out at that point that since Kylie would be so small they wouldn’t make me dilate all the way to 10 cm. I fell asleep and when I woke up again, it was about a half an hour later. My contractions are strong, like menstrual cramps coming every 1-3 minutes. They start in my back and then circle around to my stomach and get crampy, tight and make my stomach hard. Not painful, but they just kind of hurt and make me tense up for about 1 minute while they are happening.
Kathy went to check my bleeding and said the Kylie was partially here and she would need to go get the doctor immediately. The doctor came in and looked and began preparing immediately, got dressed, washed her hands, got the tray of equipment etc. She said try to remain calm, the room was much more quiet and calm than I had imagined it would have been just Dion and I, Dr. Winn and my nurse Kathy were there. Dr. Winn asked me to give her a slight push…..then stop. Asked for one more push and I felt a very small “exiting” feeling and knew she was out. I saw Dr. Winn check for her heartbeat and then shake her head “no”.She was born at 3:15pm. She placed Kylie on my stomach in a small blanket, with Dion holding my hand and our family as one, we cried together for quite some time. She looked just like a baby, tiny little sealed eyes, teeny tiny little lips, nose and ears. She had my chin and Dion’s nose, the beginnings of eyebrows, the smallest fingers and toe nails I’ve ever seen, like lil slivers. We got to hold her for about 20-30 minutes in our arms, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. While we had her the doctor injected pitocin directly into the umbilical cord to start my uterus to try to contract. Her concern was that because it was giving birth so early in the pregnancy that my placenta wouldn’t want to detach itself from the uterin walls and if it wouldn’t then we may have to have D& C done. Which is a surgery in which they would scrape away the placenta from my uterus but it can cause some scarring and more bleeding and is a longer recovery. Thankfully, after about 6-8 minutes she asked me to push again, I pushed 6 or 7 times and she told me the placenta had come out on its own, so I was relieved about that.

Our nurse took Kylie to bathe weigh and measure her. She brought her back about 30 minutes later in a tiny pink bunting. She weighed 7.8oz and was 9 inches long, her head circumference was 6 inches. We got to spend about another 30-45 minutes with her and it was time in my life that I will never forget and cherish forever.

They took the catheter out at the time I was giving birth, then some time after I gave birth they took the epidural out and none of that hurt. I was able to eat for the first time in about 18 hours. We had my sister and Darren, Dion’s sister and his mom come up after I had showered and brushed my teeth and tried to gather my composure. They were all able to hold our little girl also. I think it meant a lot to me and to them to have my sister, Kylies aunt get to hold her in her arms and cry for her. It will help me mourn and grieve knowing that other people got to see her, feel her and love her.

Monday September 22-

Before we left the nurses gave us a memory box of Kylies things. Since she didn’t take a breath or have a heartbeat at birth, we didn’t get a birth or death certificate but they created a certificate with the same info and tiny little foot prints on them. Also they created ceramic molds of her hands and feet, a little pink embroidered cross, the tiniest booties I have ever seen in which her feet were to small still to hold on, the bunting she was wrapped in, the blanket she was in, a tiny pink bear, the card that would have been placed in the nursery with all her information written on it and her hospital bands that never had to be placed on her wrists. They gave us a small teddy bear with a great history behind it to families who have to leave the hospital without a baby. I think in the future it will be comforting.

I was discharged from the hospital after they monitored my bleeding for several hours and told me it would probably continue like this for a couple weeks then start to taper off.

We will be making burial arrangements for our daughter this week and next and decided to have her cremated, it is our intention to plant a tree in the cemetery where my mom is and spread her ashes at the roots so we can watch the tree grow as our precious baby girl never got the chance to do. I think I would like to have a small memorial service but that is to be determined, I may just want it to be us and Kylie with a minister to say a prayer for her.

I am an absolute emotional disaster but I think Dion and I will try to seek out some support groups and/or counseling and he has been an amazing father and husband through this entire process and will continue to be my main support system, if anything this has made our bond and our relationship even stronger than I once imagined it could be. I make myself be very strong around family and friends to that I can tell them as much info and detail as possible to help them understand the situation but when strangers ask me anything I immediately break down. I think it may continue like this for some time. I feel lost. I don’t want to ignore what has happened or forget any of it but it is hard to dwell in the sadness and emotion constantly. I feel like I need to do some laundry, clean the house, journal etc to keep my mind off of everything and at the same time I want to mourn and grieve and cry at every waking moment, I just feel torn. My heart is broken and I am lost. As the days keep coming and nothing is getting better, how am I supposed to move on?

One thing I am not looking forward to over the coming days (besides the obvious) is that I will start to get my milk in and I may leak and even have to pump to alleviate the engorgement,. My boobs are very swollen and very painful, I’m having to contact a lactation consultant to help with my pain and issues today. I will have no baby to nurse in my arms but as with everything else in this ordeal, I will be a mother…..without a child.

mikaseyez's picture
Joined: 05/14/07
Posts: 1

I have been reading your journal since the beginning and I am so, so very sorry for your loss. The strength that you have to even be able to write this entry is amazing. I can not even begin to imagine the pain, suffering, and loss you and your DH are experiencing. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Baby Kylie is in my thoughts and prayers.

XplatinumXpixeyX's picture
Joined: 06/28/05
Posts: 324

Jen I am so sorry to hear about what had happened. I wish there was more they could have done for you to save your baby girl. I'm very shocked they didn't do an emergancy c section. I hope you and Dion are ok. Your a strong person.

Michelleey's picture
Joined: 06/05/06
Posts: 113

I am so sorry you are going through this, i am really glad that you have such a great support system with your DH. Please know you are not alone, there are lots of wonderful people here to support you as well, you should check out the pregnancy and Infant loss board, the ladies are amazing over there, they really helped me when i was going through my loss. If you ever need to talk i am only a PM away...
I will keep you and Dion and little baby Kylie in my prayers.

horselvr7's picture
Joined: 07/18/07
Posts: 8

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. (((((((((hugs)))))))) hang in there, and know that everyone is here for you.

jenners319617's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 236

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

In my time off work and as a way to remember my Kylie, I've created a slideshow of her very short but real "life"....Although it makes me cry each and every time I watch it, I know in time, I will be able to remember her without tears.

babyJtime's picture
Joined: 05/23/05
Posts: 682


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. The montage is beautiful. Please take care.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I too have followed our journal from the very beginning. When I read your post the other day, I cried as if she were my own. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words can not express how I feel right now, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and that you were my in prayers.

You did an amazing job on the slideshow.