3weeks and 4days
Well, I got a BFP today... It was faint but definately there!!!
I knew at the beginning of this cycle that I would... I don't know why. We discussed TTC last cycle as we really wanted baby #4 to be a December baby, but for some reason I just knew we needed to wait until this cycle cos we'd have more luck with a New Years baby... I don't know why.
I have had awful symptoms for at least the last week or so... Feeling sick, tired (I now have to nap during the day), sore boobs, spots, tender and bloated stomach... The whole lot, even down to heartburn, constantly needing the loo, feeling like I've got a stuffed nose, over-eating and leg cramps and sore back.
I have never had a BFP this early... So am quite nervous, especially as it's only 12DPO and the test was faint. And especially considering my history of MC. But I just knew the last month or so that we are meant to have a December 2005 baby. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I knew we'd get our wish too.
So today I have been playing on a ton of websites about pregnancy! I did this online pregnancy predictor thingie at http://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/read/articles/736.htm which said;
It did make me laugh out loud. That'd be the longest labour I've ever had! I'd like a girl but not overly bothered and am leaning more towards feeling Boy vibes this time around (although with the boys I felt girl vibes so who knows!). And it'd be very strange if our baby had green eyes, as noone in either of our families has green eyes so far as I'm aware!The day you deliver, outside will be foggy. Your baby will arrive in the evening.
After a labor lasting approximately 7 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and will be 21 inches long. This child will have green eyes and be almost bald.
I also did one sex predictor thingie which was spot on for all the boys but again predicted a girl this time around...
We don't plan on finding out though. I want to be the one to look at our Christmas miracles "bits" and announce what sex we've got!
Our current plans regarding the labour and birth are to go largely unassisted, with just a midwife present in the case of an emergency... Although I want no examinations, and I don't want any help. I want a natural birth, between just me and Martin. Not to say that I don't want others present. I am going to have a home water birth, Martin will be in the pool with me. MIL, and hopefully my Mum will be there. The boys will obviousely be present in the house (upstairs with FIL)... Might even let me little sister be there if she really wants! :P Full house, woohoo!
The only thing that is important to me is that I am in control of my body for once. I want to birth my baby, naturally... And if I'm allowed I want to catch him/her too...
However, I am high risk... So no-one will agree with this decision... But that won't stop me. If they don't agree they won't be invited. Simple. I planned homebirths with my 3 DSs and was always foiled at the end... I'm not letting them do that too me this time!
Anyway... I really wanted to get a BFP for Tristan's 4th birthday tomorrow... And I did! This pregnancy has good omens all over it I reckon and I intend to enjoy every minute of it!
Next thing to think about, is when and who are we going to tell....
3 weeks and 5 days
Took another HPT and got a BFP again! So I think that's probably enough convincing for me for now... I'll go to the Drs next week and get another urine based test done there, just so they've got it on their records and I can then make my booking in appointment with the Midwife.
We were talking girls names last night... If we're having another boy we've already got a first name, but for a girl we've got nothing and I'm sure it'll be a huge debate throughout this pregnancy. Names we've sort of put on a long list that really stood out were Guinevere, Allanah, Brooke, Bronwyn, Anya, Comfort, Scarlett and Willow... But I doubt we'll actually ever decide on a girls name unless our baby bean comes out without the required boy bits!!!
Am still feeling pretty crappy today... I don't know how I'm going to cope if it gets much worse, with Martin at work....
It's Tristan's birthday today... I caved in and told him cos he's been talking about a new baby for ages now! He's excited but I think he's forgotten already! :P
To my Baby Bean:
I'm so glad to finally be able to write to you. Daddy and I have waited for what seems like ages for this time to come around and you are our Christmas dream come true. We told your big Brothers, Tristan and Jaeven today. They were excited, they've been talking about your arrival for the last 2-3 months now. We're all really looking forward to getting to know you better and finally meeting you in December... You'll be the best Christmas present anyone could ever wish for!
3weeks and 6days
Well, my Mum found out yesterday. She didn't sound too pleased and hasn't mentioned it again so far. She's been quie verbal in her disagreeing with us TTC #4 before this time next year though, so I'm not really surprised.
Next we've go to tell Martin's parents. I think his Dad will be really pleased. That's one of the reasons we bought it all forward, so his Dad would hopefully still be around to meet what will probably be his last Grandchild.
I am actually feeling a bit better now. I think because I now KNOW it's morning sickness and pregnancy symptoms I've been feeling I can use my mind over matter techniques to help block it all out (ah the joys of being a qualified hypnotherapist!)... So today I am feeling quite a bit better sickness wise. However I can't blot out the tiredness or the hot flushes I seem to be getting.
I am determined that this pregnancy will be my healthiest. I don't care what "they" say, I am going to be damned healthy this time around. I have suffered throughout all my other pregnancies in one way or another and this time it is NOT going to happen. If other women can have healthy pregnancies then so can I!
I was a bit pissed a couple of days ago when we found out. I sort of made a joke to Martin saying about going out for dinner and celebrating and he indicated that we would... Next thing I know I'm in a car full of bloody smells of MacDonalds (which really makes me feel sick right now!), despite the fact that before he ordered it he'd asked me and I said it made me feel sick.... Grrrrr... It must be nice for all these women who have romantic husbands that actually get excited and want to celebrate. Frankly I wouldn't know. For all his telling people how romantic he is, I've never bloody seen it. I just get to hear about what he had planned but OMG something came up at the last minute or I ruined it in some way so he's not going to bother.... Grrrr. So far all he's done is go round and tell the odd person it's a "possibility" and not a definate. Including me! As if I don't know what it feels like to be pregnant!!!
He is REALLY pissing me off at the moment. He doesn't even have to DO anything, just the way he breathes pisses me off.
Ah the joys of early pregnancy hormones!
It will be interesting being a doula AND being pregnant at the same time!!!
To my little Baby Bean:
Hang in there! Stay strong and don't give up! It's very, very quickly approaching the time that most of your brothers or sisters have decided to depart, but you stay strong for us and we promise to love and cherish you forever!
Well, I told the GhostHuntersUK team last night... They really need to know because of GhostFest and when we're out investigating I can't lift the equipment.
I also got a call from SMH asking me if I could do some shifts on the wards... I explained the situation to them too and they were fine. Apparently if I do a fair bit of work in the run up I can claim some sort of maternity leave payment. Sounds good to me, but I am ONLY working nights from now on.
I am feeling OK today... Extremely tired though as I woke up at 3am and didn't get back to sleep until gove 5:30am... And woke up again at something like 7:30am to look after the boys whilst Martin went to work. So whilst I feel OK, I can barely keep my eyes open and have a smashing headache. I think it's going to turn to a migraine.
I am just about to call my GP and arrange for one of his crappy tests. I don't know why he insists on doing these as they're so hit and miss as to their results... I'd much prefer a blood test but we don't seem to get those very often in the UK.
To My Baby Bean:
Hang in there, you're doing great. We're all so excited that you will be joining us soon! You must be growing so much now... I can't believe it'll only be approx a week before your heart starts beating, 8 weeks until we see you for the first time, and about 12 weeks before I start to feel you moving... How exciting!!!!
EDITED TO ADD:
I think I got my EDD wrong... I think I'm due on the 28th and not the 29th.
At any rate here is my 4week bely pic, taken a few minutes ago!
4weeks and 1day!
Ok, I am officially in a no sleep zone. I am having really, REALLY vivid nightmares EVERY NIGHT.... Last night I dreamed that I started bleeding really heavily today in front of the boys, it was literally just pouring out of me! The night before I dreamed about a plane crash and zombies... I am seriousely scared of zombies... And even worse, these zombies had zombies coming out of them!!!!!!!
Sigh... Am having my normal stomach cramps, which are really painful... I don't think it's gas because I get this everytime and it's not the same sort of pain as gas. Probably just my uterus stretching or something... Thankfully not feeling too sick now, but my legs are constantly needing to move especially at night or the pain and aching is horrendous. Am still dog tired. Can't seem to get over it except by having a nap during the day and that is impossible with the boys the way they are right now... Might try and get them into some sort of afternoon rest thing.
Tristan and JJ were so cute this morning. I could hear them talking from upstairs, just as I was getting up. They were telling Martin that they'd be good boys for me today because they didn't want the baby to "come out" yet!!!!
Oh, I started an expectnet game yesterday, even the boys have had a go! It's at http://www.expectnet.com and our game is called hosierbaby4.
Anyway, I won't be able to do updates tomorrow or over the weekend until Monday as I am away on my doula training course.... But will update off line and post it all up here!
4weeks and 5days
Well, my morning sickness has pretty much disappeared except for on certain occasions when it jumps at me again.
I keep meaning to go to the Dr and get my tests confirmed but to be honest AF is late, I had two BFPs and I feel and look pregnant, so I am in NO DOUBT whatsoever and don't really feel the need to stress myself out with having to deal with my really bad and really annoying Drs... I'll probs just give them a call around 10weeks and say "hey, I'm 10weeks pregnant, I need to see a midwife!" and then blast the Hell out of them if they say no or get difficult with me again.
Besides, from my experiences, despite being classed as high risk throughout all of my pregnancies, they won't actually DO anything anyway.... So yeah, I'll get in touch with them IF and WHEN I can be bothered. If I get to 10weeks and still can't be bothered, then I probably won't bother then either. Likewise, if I wake up tomorrow and think "OMG, I must get to the Drs and get this sorted" then I will.
LOL Both Tristan and JJ are now saying they reckon I'm having a boy... I swear it changes with them everyday now! And they both remember that there is a baby in my tummy... I thought it'd be like when I was pregnant with Raistlin and I sort of had to remind them all the time cos they just didn't get it!
My Mum was talking to me a bit about the pregnancy a few days ago... I was really surprised, but tried not to say too much. It's a shame cos I really want to talk to everyone and anyone about how excited I am and yet I can't cos nobody is very happy for us or wants to share in our excitement. My brother completely cut me down the other day, I was so upset I spent an hour crying... But my Mum was at least positive when she spoke to me the other day. She was talking about what I wanted to do in the labour and stuff. She's worried about me having a homebirth because she had dangerous PPHs afterwards that would have killed her if she hadn't been in hospital. I did listen, and I do care, but I really want a home birth this time.... I've never had complications during labour or birth before, so I really don't see that the chances are above normal for me to have a bad experience.... I can't wait to tell Martins parents. I know they'll be excited for us as they have already been asking when we intend to have baby #4!
To our Baby Bean;
Hang in there! You're being so good already and your brothers can't wait to meet you and neither can I. I think Daddy and I have just about decided on a name for you depending on whether you're a girl or a boy and we can't wait until we finally get to meet you!!!
Everyone else seems to be fairly excited about you too... And talking more and more about you in a positive light. Not that they ever spoke of you in a negative way, they just weren't overly pleased that we decided to have you quite so quickly. But Daddy and I just knew now was the right time, for you and for us as a family. We can't wait to meet you!
4weeks and 6days
I can't believe I'm almost 5 weeks pregnant!!! How funky is that?!!!!
It just feels like time has flown by and yet is going soooo sloooowlllyyyyy!!!! I am hungry ALL the time right now! And can't get anough of any kind of meat!
I don't really know what to talk about... Everything seems to be going well. I know in my heart it is. I still have felt no compulsion to see a Dr or tell any of my healthcare providers... I still have no bad symptoms. Just feeling fine, thinking of my ever enlarging family, making plans for the future... Trying to kick start Martin into doing the house up... That's an ever lasting battle I can tell you!!!
To my beautiful Baby Bean:
We are loving you so much already. Tristan and JJ talk about you constantly and I'm hoping they will be there when you arrive! I just can't wait for you to join our family in person! I seems so unreal right now. We can't wait to see you making Mummy fat, to feel you kicking against your big brother's eager hands, to see your piccy on the ultrasound, to hear your heartbeat on our doppler... We just can't wait! Your big brothers found our doppler machine yesterday and bought it over and asked if we could listen to you... Unfortunately I had to say you were too small, but you were growing quickly and we'd be able to hear you soon!
Hang in there baby, we all love you sooo much already!!!!!
Well, today JJ is saying we're having a Girl baby... And Tristan is still sticking with Boy baby!!!
I have some major gripes with Martin. But he's upset me so much I can't even be bothered to talk to him. It's like he's ignoring my current pregnant status because he's having his own private pity party... In all my last pregnancies he used to rub my back everyday because I get serious backache due to an old injury... This time I'm lucky if I get a minutes worth. He's pointedly ignoring my pregnancy or the fact that I am supposed to be resting and trying my best to make it past the "danger zone" (Once I get to 7weeks I'll be happy!). In truth I think he WANTS me to miscarry cos he's suddenly decided he's got more important things to think about.
He never brings up the pregnancy subject, he sighs whenever I want to talk about it, I am currently expected to do everything I used to do with no opportunity to rest. Every two minutes he's asking me what work I'm doing. He's insisting I work a shift at the hospital this week (right smack bam in the middle of the time I normally lose my babies)....
I seriousely think he's trying to kill my baby. I think he wanted a month of "sack" free sex and didn't really believe I would become pregnant. I am so disgusted with him I can barely bring myself to talk to him or touch him right now. I doubt he even reads this, despite the fact he normally trawls through my emails....
On a lighter note I don't know how Raistlin is going to take to being a big brother. He is so clingy towards me, he's my little man!!! Tristan and JJ know that there's a new baby coming soon... But you can't really explain it to a 1 year old. I am hoping they can all be there for the birth so they can really see how a baby comes out of Mummy's tummy... And maybe being there for the birth will be better then just waking up one morning to find another baby in the house. I mean let's face it, that must be a shock and a half!!!!
Anyway, I will be updating this post later on (tonight) with a 5week belly pic!
EDITED TO ADD:
5week belly pic as promised!
5weeks and 1day
I am so worried. For the first time this pregnancy, I am really really worried. I am booked in to do a night shift tonight. On a heavy duty ward with lots of lifting, dementia (last time I dealt with dementia patients I got slapped in the face and kicked in the stomach) and a high percentage of deaths. Not only that but I've been sort of hinted at that at the moment they're a "closed" ward because of an infectious illness (I do know which one, it's of no real harm to me)....
For the first time this whole pregnancy I have a really bad feeling about this. I am so scared this is going to be the end of my pregnancy...
I can't cancel it now though, it's too late. They didn't really give me enough notice to be able to cancel. I don't even think my uniform will fit me to be honest... Which is going to be a major problem for me sickness wise, cos I can't stand anything tight around my stomach right now...
If you're listening, and I'm sure you are... Please hang in there. I will try my goddamned best to avoid any real work, but even if I can't please don't leave me... I won't be doing another shift for awhile, just hang in there for this one....
5weeks and 2days
Not really much to talk about today. I didn't do my shift yesterday, Martin called and cancelled it for me after harrassing me into telling him why I wasn't talking to him! :P He spent quite awhile last night rubbing my back on and off which relieved the pain a bit...
Today I am suffering from really bad stomach cramps.... I don't really know what to do with myself, just staying bent double really. I have these cramps in each of my pregnancies up until 12weeks, sometimes even further....
Anyway, am feeling tired today and headachey... And crampy... And generally achey, so I'm going to go for now!