Jessica - It's really hard to trust when you've been hurt before, even if your mind knows that your current guy is a good guy and would never actually do anything to hurt you. I don't know what the site was (and you definitely don't have to say - that's none of my business) but if it was something like a dating site, I can DEFINITELY see why you would have a problem with it even if he didn't actually contact anyone. I would feel the same way if DH was looking at a site like that. And I agree with Lynn that pregnancy hormones applify everything, so I'm sure that isn't helping. I hope that you guys are able to work through everything and come out even stronger for it. The downs suck, but sometimes I think the downs (if you handle them and work through them) make you even stronger than the ups. It's easy to stay with someone when everything is happy and good, but it's what you do with the hard times that really define your relationship IMO.
Ouch about buring your arm on the oven! Just what you needed on top of everything else, right?
Lynn - That is so sweet that you and your DH were high school sweethearts. That seems so rare in this day and age, but lovely when it happens. One of my coworkers has been "with" her husband since they were in middle school and they have one of the strongest relationships I know of. So freaking sweet.
Jina - Hope that you are feeling better today! Being that active definitely takes it out of you when you are pregnant! I'm glad that you were able to find a solution to your storage problems, even though it was more money than you wanted to spend. Just think about the time and inconvenience and cost of a storage unit (or the sadness of having to get rid of stuff you like! ) I'm sure these things practically pay for themselves! (Can you tell I'm an old pro at justifying spending money?) LMAO Definitely post a pic! I love Ikea's stuff.
AFM - Ooooh, I overdid it yesterday too! Since I had the day off work, I decided to really work on my house, so I spent the entire afternoon re-organizing and deep cleaning and putting away laundry upstairs (our upstairs is always the most neglected part of the house because it's the least public - LOL! Anyone visiting usually stays downstairs in the living room/dining room/kitchen, so I make sure that part is tidy, but the bedrooms upstairs tend to collect detritus. LOL Anyway, I re-organized, dusted, vaccumed, put all of our laundry away, changed the sheets, et cetera. By the time T and DH got home, the only thing I had left to do were the two bathrooms upstairs, but then I started getting these kind of cramping shooting pains in my...er....ladyparts....so I decided my body was saying "Sit the heck down, crazy!" But now I am obsessed with the idea of having a completely clean house for once, so I think I'm going to clean the bathrooms tonight while I've still got the momentum going.
By the way, Jina, I made your Mexican Beef Soup last night. HUGE hit, especially with T! DH and I definitely liked it, but I couldn't get over T's reaction. He ate a huge bowl, and kept saying "This is so good...can we have this again sometime....I love this soup....can we have it again?" He is NEVER that excited about food, so you know it was good. Thanks for the recipe!
Ugh! I wrote a loooong response and accidentally deleted it!!! Grrrr....~sigh~
Just quick replies....I have to get going in a few minutes!
Jessica, ditto to everything Alissa wrote. Just HUGE HUGS!!!! I'm sure it is really hard to work through trust issues but it really sounds like your DH loves you. I once accidentally typed in enay.com or something like that instead of ebay.com and it was a dating website. M saw it and was like WTF?! Anyway, it was a totally accident and maybe that's what happened with your DH? Have you guys thought about couples counseling to help him understand your fears and where you're coming from? I really do believe that you guys can work through this and come out even stronger. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Alissa, Wow! Sounds like you're nesting already! lol I'm glad the soup was a hit. Bonus points for it being a crock pot meal, right?
AFM, It's my birthday today. I've decided to turn 27 instead of 29. I'm going to age backwards until I hit 25 then forward again until I'm 28 then back again.
Anyhoo....I have to get going but I hope you ladies have a good day today!!!
DS - 1/31/13 - My IVF Miracle and the love of my life!!
MC 8/24/10 @ 12w
MC 1/31/11 @ 11w6d
MC 8/18/11 @ 8w1d - ID Twins!
Jina - Happy Birthday!!!!!! I like the counting back to 25 and then back up again, what a good idea! LOL
Jina - couples counseling is something I'm not ready to consider. To me, it seems like counseling just brings all the hurt and anger out and puts it at your feet...and that could cause more harm than good. It definitely wasn't a mistake, he admitted to going to the site and hunting around. Thanks for the hugs.
Alissa - Thank you. It was Craigslist under the casual encounters. The pics there are definitely pornographic. But casual encounters? Those are just people looking to have sex and it drives me NUTS that he was on there. I don't know if you've ever used craigslist before, but you have to click a link and it emails those people and then they can email you back. So, I know there was nothing sent by him or to him. I want to believe so bad that it was just something he was looking at, but I don't want to turn a blind eye to it and realize down the road that I've been an idiot. Plus since I have low self esteem and have been a pessimist for all my life, things just don't look too good. Do I really and truly believe he didn't cheat. Yes, I believe that. I, however, don't know if he was close to it or if he was just really looking. Anyway, I've said my piece to him (about 3000 times) and .. I'm going to get through this. I love him and he loves me and I'm going to just..believe that nothing happened. Down the road I might feel really stupid, but.. he didn't "actually" do anything, so ...I gave him a warning and that's that.
Since you're right there with me time frame - I've been feeling...weird down there. Like when I bend over, my body is like NOPE NOPE GET BACK UP. It feels like something is there. The doctor told me that my uterus would be making it's journey very shortly from behind my pubic bone... is it moving? Is that why it feels weird and "full" down there? I mean it's cool if it is, just ..wondering. And you're 13 weeks!
AFM, got word today I'm being sent back to the other store for ANOTHER two weeks. They have found someone and apparently they are going to start training soon. THANK YOU. I'm back at my store for a couple days and I've missed it! That's okay though, I'll deal with it because I know they are training someone and the end is in sight. I'm off tomorrow, a friend asked me to hang out, but I think I'll stay at home. If I start to get too bummed at home by myself Ill just go to Walmart or something...haha. Or maybe rent a movie. I'm SO HUNGRY all the time! But then I eat and I'm like..ughhh... and I only eat a little bit, my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach.
Ladies, than you for being so supportive and helping me out through this difficult time. I know you are only online, but you seriously have helped me through so much, more than just DH. Thank you so much. ((((HUGS)))))
Jessica - If it makes you feel any better, I will admit something embarrassing...I (very occasionally) read the "Casual Encounters" section of Craig's List. *shamefaced* Not because I'm "looking"; not at all! It's just entertainment, like some of the ads out there are so bizarre and weird....I think it's an offshoot of my general nosiness, like I don't even need to know the people to be interested and scandalized and entertained by the shennanigans that people get up to. I'm not saying you DH is the same, but I will attest that not everyone who reads the "Casual Encounters" section actually has any interest in hooking up with anyone. For some of us, it's just kind of a guilty pleasure to see what scandalous thing other people are into.
Anyway, I hope that you guys are working through it, and that this is the last time he gives you cause to worry.
Mmmmm....I don't really have a full feeling per se, but I do get all sorts of weird sensations, so that's probably next. LOL
You're welcome for being supportive. Right back atcha! That is what this board is here for, and I love the friends I have made here. (((HUGS))))
PS - Jina, I meant to ask you earlier, did you get anything fun for your birthday, or do anything fun? Hope you are having a great one!!!
Jessica, yes! I totally agree with Alissa (again!). I've perused (though, I haven't in a while) the casual encounters section on Craigslist for pure entertainment. I know I'm not the only one either. I know my BIL looks and (SIL totally knows) bunch of my friends, guys and girls, look on there just for entertainment as well. I hope and bet that that was the case with your DH.
When I was around 12/13 weeks I couldn't really bend over anymore and it was starting to get uncomfortable to lie on my stomach. Your uterus is moving up and out of your pelvic cavity! Yay! You're almost out of the 1st trimester!
Woohoo! I'm so glad they finally found someone to hire and train over there!
Alissa, thank you! I did have a pretty awesome 27th birthday! Hubby took the entire night off and spent quality time with me. We went out to dinner and he spoiled me with presents. Maybe I'll post a pic of the present he surprised me with later. I also got the usual cash and GCs from friends and family. Anyway, I had a good day.
AFM, How are you guys doing today? I have some cleaning and organizing to do today so I drank some half-caf coffee. I feel somewhat normal now. lol I also have to run up to the grocery store to pick up a few things so I can make creamy chicken and wild rice soup for dinner.
Anyway, I freaking pigged out last night. I had a 9 oz filet mignon, loaded baked potato, salad, bread and butter, crazy rich chocolate cake with raspberry sauce, half of a giant symphony bar, apple, pistachios, baked chips and some goldfish crackers! I thought for sure the scale was going to break this morning but nope...I somehow managed to lose weight! WTH?! LOL I'm not complaining! I'm going back to eating like a normal person today, though. Don't wanna push my luck! haha!
DS - 1/31/13 - My IVF Miracle and the love of my life!!
MC 8/24/10 @ 12w
MC 1/31/11 @ 11w6d
MC 8/18/11 @ 8w1d - ID Twins!
Jina - YUM! I'm glad you a great birthday. Sounds like you had a nice night eating LOL. HAPPY 21 WEEKS!!!!! Thanks for saying that about Craigslist. I talked to DH last night about it (AGAIN) and ... I know he's not looking at it for pure entertainment like you or I would. But I think I understand a little bit more (not all the way) that to him, it's just *another* porn site. That sounds horrible any way you put it.
Alissa - Like I told Jina, I'm glad that others are looking at that website, but .. he wasn't on it to laugh at it. However, I've come to the point of this: He did NOT cheat, I know he didn't respond to any of those ads. And whatever was going through his head while he was looking, the end result is: he didn't cheat. I need to accept that and move on. I guess because I've gotten hurt so many times before, that all I can think is he DID cheat and it's hard for me to accept that he didn't. Which is stupid, I should be able to accept what I want to hear. Regardless, I'm okay. I appreciate you both helping me out.
Jina - Ooooh, it sounds like your 27th birthday was lots of fun! I was giggling at all of your food. You are sooo pregnant, girl! LOL I think it's just fine to go wild on your birthday though. I am excited to see a picture of your surprise! You should def post a picture.
Jessica - Well, I am glad that you are doing okay, and that you and your DH have come to a little bit of an understanding about why he was on there in the first place. I bet he doesn't do that again! It's hard to move on after someone has damaged your trust, even if it was fairly innocent, so I don't blame you for still being a little upset about it, but I think it's good that you're trying to put it behind you.
AFM - I'm good. I am feeling super proud of myself at the mo. I went home last night and cleaned the bathrooms and did a little bit more tidying, and now my house looks awesome for once. I kind of want someone to drop by unexpectedly, just so I can say, all innocently, "don't mind the mess...."
On the downside, I came to a shocking realization last night! I already do pretty close to a load of laundry every night, and I'm still behind on laundry half the time (I have about 6 loads waiting for me at home even as we speak. 6!!!) I don't even know how that's possible - I don't think the three of us wear a load of laundry a day, and yet there it is, I'm constantly fighting to stay on top of it. Then I realized that new babies are like dirty laundry factories with a siren attached. I am going to be sooooo far behind once we have her laundry added to the frey. Eeeeeeee! So that's it. I'm going to have to start laying down the law and setting a maximum amount of clothing that can be worn per day or something.
Alissa... good luck Mrs. Laundry Police. Seriously though, I'm always behind on laundry. I actually just went in the laundry room and peeked in the washer. There are clothes in there, of course...but I just closed the lid and walked away. I wear the same thing EVERY DAY. I have a uniform to wear to work. (I mean, not the same shirt everyday, but ...you know ...I never wear "street clothes"). DH's clothes have to be washed sep. from everyone else's because they're always disgusting because he works in the shipyard. So theoretically, I should have a load of his clothes, a load of my clothes and maybe a load of towels... A WEEK. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Right. Sure. I do laundry everyday. I actually saw a Tide thing on FB that said the "average" family does 5? loads of laundry a week. I was like..yeah, okay. And I don't even wash my brothers clothes, so I don't count those. WTG on getting your house clean. Mine next! Everything in my house is dirty..lol. Except the bedroom, my asthma was acting up so DH cleaned the bedroom and makes the dogs sleep on the couch now. (I know, what abuse! LOL)
AFM, I took out dinner from the freezer and have been staring at it all day. In a perfect world, I'd go to the store to get what I need to make what I was gonna make, but ... I'm not going to the store so I've been really trying to figure out what else to make LOL. DH called me, said he's working 'til 6, he usually gets off at 330 so now I'm thinking I can probably get away with giving him pizza. My friend called me, asking me should she leave her boyfriend... I think she calls me and asks me that like everyday. I found out DH was working late so I called and offered to let her come over (I ALWAYS go over her house) and she said she just wanted to stay home, BUT that I could go over there. I'm like..nah.. I'm good. I think she was surprised but I was trying to do HER a favor. UGH I'm so sick of being taken advantage of. Anywho, my dog is staring at me so it must be potty time.
Jessica - Haha, nice to know that I'm not the only one that is perpetually behind on laundry. I do not know how it's possible that the average family does 5 loads of laundry a week. I swear I do at least 6 a week and I'm always behind. LOL Oh well, that's what the weekends are for, I suppose.
What did you end up doing for dinner?
Good for you for setting down some reasonable boundaries with your friend. It's totally reasonable that she come to you if she needs to talk something out, especially if you often go to her house. There is no reason why your friendship shouldn't be give and take, and it sounds like this girl is usually on the take.
AFM - Speaking of cleaning houses, can I just vent for a second? Good, because I'm going to. LOL DH is a freaking slob, and some days I get so freaking sick of it!!! Like, I always tell myself that I'm not going to pick up after him because he's a grown freaking man, and I do like 95% of the housework anyway even though we both work full time jobs. I do all of the laundry, all of the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, clean all of the bathrooms, most of dishes, most of the cooking (Tuesdays and Thursdays are supposed to be "his" cooking days, but we usually seem to eat take out those days....) And the thing is, for some reason, I really don't care that much. I don't love cleaning bathrooms, but I don't mind it either. The only thing I truly mind is picking up after him, like he'll leave his socks just randomly downstairs on the couch, and cereal bowl sitting out on the coffee table, and he'll move the CD player into the bathroom so he can listen to CDs while he takes a shower, but he never moves it back (we do NOT have the counter space in our bathroom to just leave it there permanently.) When I ask him to pick up after himself, he acts like I'm being a nag, and then he'll pick up whatever it is that I'm asking it about, and then go right back to not picking up after himself the next day. I vow that I'm not going to do it, and those things can sit there until he picks them up, but then I can't take it because having an untidy house makes me feel nuts and I always end up picking the stuff up anyway. Add to that my pregnancy hormones (which seem to have made me a lot more angry and a lot less patient than I remember being when I was prg with T) and I am seriously ready to kill him if I have to pick up one more pair of socks or put one more of his bowls in the dishwasher. Am I crazy for thinking that a grown a$$ man should be able to pick up after himself? If you have dealt with this with your hubby, do you have any tricks for me that don't involve throttling him with his own socks? LOL