Sorry I haven't been around much- I've been lurking ect but spending lots of time sleeping
Friday we had our NT scan and the doctor said results were excellent. I'll be 13 wks Monday- so excited and relieved to make it this far. He also spent 20-25 min on each baby, counting fingers, toes, eyes, ears, mouths, noses, limbs and even organs. It was wonderful to see 3 perfectly healthy babies developing and growing.
He even gave us an early gender prediction... While he said he won't "confirm" until our next appt in 3 weeks, he is fairly confident it's 3 girls. Amazing.
I also met with a dietician to discuss my meal plans. I have major food aversions and was worried I was eating too many carbs and not enough protein. But she assured I was doing fine at the point and my weight gain is good. She gave me tricks to get extra portions of protein without eating meat and I think it's all doable.
So that's my report. I finally felt good enough to join a birth board. And the ladies were incredibly welcoming. I also think having triplets is a bit of a novelty. One member, though I'm sure very innocently, had a response like- "wow congrats! Was it natural or did you take fertility meds?" I guess I have to get used to that sort of question but was a bit surprised by the directness. Even our friends, who we have been sharing the news with, haven't asked that. Oh well. Small price to pay I guess for my 3 little miracles!
Hope everyone is well! xo Nicole
This is fabulous news! Yay!
As for the question, yes you will hear it a lot. A lot of women here have some good comebacks for that question. Maybe they will share with you. I have never been asked that, amazingly. People just ask me if twins run in the family. It is an indirect way of trying to figure out if we used fertility meds or not. It gets really annoying. I wish people could just not ask, kwim? As far as natural goes, those babies are as natural as can be. I don't think they are plastic!
That's true, I get the fertility question all the time, too.
When it's asked directly, some people prefer to answer, "Why do you ask?" because that will either shut them up if they think they're being rude or they might tell you about their own struggles and just want news from a real-life person that ART can work. If that's the case, you can choose then what to share or not.
The round-about question "Do twins run in your family?" doesn't really answer the ART question, either. Something along they lines of, "They were a big surprise/blessing!" can be a true response no matter what the circumstances of their conception.
I had one other VERY awkward question from a parent at the school where I teach. I wish I could remember the exact wording, but she essentially asked if they were planned and expected. I responded, "Well, we definitely weren't expecting twins!" True ... but our reality is we forgot the condom and got the random two-for-one deal despite no family history of twins. Our friends know because I find it pretty hilarious.
With random twins, I felt like an outsider at an "expecting multiples" class at the hospital because literally everyone else had done fertility meds and seemed so much more at ease with multiples, never experienced the shock that they were having two or even three, and were prepared financially for full-time help. Maybe it's a Los Angeles thing, but I definitely feel like the oddball and find a camaraderie with the very few other people I have met who got the big surprise without fertility meds.
I'm reading a book now that explains how some parents of multiples through fertility meds feel more guilt over negative feelings or feelings of being overwhelmed because they're expected to feel nothing more than gratitude at having babies. Of course every parent of multiples should be allowed to feel overwhelmed and I think that makes sense why parents through fertility meds can have that extra struggle and to me seems a good argument for not necessarily sharing the circumstances with everyone who asks.
As for the direct IF questions... Yes, I can def see someone asking because they, too, are struggling with IF. But then again, as someone who has personally gone through that, I feel like I "know better" than to be so nebbie.
As for the "do twins run in your family?" well that's kind of tricky for us. Twins, both identical and fraternal, and triplets (fraternal) do run in the family. We know that identical twins isn't genetic, it just happens, but DH (who has identical twin sisters) is convinced that he inherited supersperm from his dad, ha! So when ppl ask, my response is yes. Most ppl don't realize how twin genes are passed along. And I'm pregnant with a subset of identical twins within fraternal triplets. I guess I can leave my answer at yes, but then feel weird afterward.
As for the couple pregnant after IF, yes I would agree, at least in my situation, that I tend to feel ashamed at any feelings re my pregnancy other than bliss and gratitude. And for the most part, that is how feel. But I'm not going to lie, being pregnant with 3 is not the pregnancy that I have been praying for the last 5 yrs. It is difficult and scary and I never thought I'd feel so tired or sick. I miss intense physical activity. I miss my bra size 2 bra sizes ago. And I'm disappointed that my dreams of a natural water birth will not be realized, but most likely will be replaced with major abdominal surgery. Then of course, and most importantly, will my body hold up and nurture these babies until they are ready for the world? Will my babies be born with any of those increased risks of birth defects? Ect. Ect.
Which brings me back to neb nose questions... In general, they come from a place of ignorance. If they knew, or experienced any of the above or other IF related struggles, they wouldn't ask. Because, let's face it, who wants some crazy overly pregnant woman (or woman with 3screaming babies) breaking down in the grocery store singing the blues to them about their hardships?
Congrats on 3 probably girls! KUP on that one! And yes, you will get sooo many questions, I imagine even more so than twins. I have been asked at least a handful of times whether we used "that fertility stuff"... those are the ones that obviously have no knowledge and are NOT struggling with fertility. And at least once a month, if not much more if twins run in the family, and they do, both sides, (though obviously dh's history is irrelevant) but not for a few generations, and only one set... so yeah, not really. lol. So sometimes I say, "Yes, but the clomid helped." and I have had many women tell me they used clomid also, but got a single. And when ppl give me the "ohhhhh" comment or look, I say, "You know the rate of twins with clomid? Less than 10%." That usually shuts them up. I struggled with m/c and infertility for a few years and both of those subjects seem to be sooo taboo that it is annoying, so I am pretty open, you ask, I have no problem making you feel uncomfortable. lol I am nice, but also pretty good at putting ppl back in their place as needed.
Rachel, momma to 4
dd 9, ds 7, twin boys Dec 09
I nursed my twins for 2years and 2 weeks! A little sad to be all done now.