Dare I say it? (OT & long)

30 posts / 0 new
Last post
sewgirly's picture
Joined: 01/01/06
Posts: 1496
Dare I say it? (OT & long)

My palms are sweaty just typing this but today our profile was sent out for a possible adoption. My SW called yesterday(we still had not had our profile reactivated) and said "Kelly, you just need to take the plunge and put your faith into your fears." She said that she wanted us to have a happy ending and just wouldn't give up on us. We had what ended up being a tearful conversation but in the end I said ok. I'm still rattled a bit by telling her to do it and don't really feel ready again but I understand what she means when she ask if I will ever be ready to potentially go through what we went through.

So... then the real drive behind her push became clear. She wanted to send our profile out for a situation that she became aware of. It's a little fellow that is 3. That worries me a great deal b/c I wonder if I'm just saying yes to take the place of this 3 year old that just swept into our world and left my arms empty. I truly question if I'm ready to do this but I know that God won't give me what I'm not willing to carry, I think.

And just to make matters worse, I snooped around today!!! I have a way of locating things that maybe I'm not supposed to know and I found information about him and a picture. Now my heart melts b/c he's precious!!! Dang it why did I do that to myself?

So, for now I just wait to see what unfolds. I'm kinda at peace about it just b/c I'm not sure I'm even ready for this at all and so if it doesn't work out, I think I already know I'm ok with that. If that makes sense.

The only thing that makes me feel at ease is that rights have been terminated, no bio family is petitioning the adoption, and the fosters have already been ruled out as a potential family for him for reasons I won't say here, so it appears, I'm NOT saying its certain, that the foster family could not step in at the last moment like Isaiah's were allowed to.

If you are still reading all this junk... GOD HELP YOU!!!!! Lol But please, don't mention anything on FB. We would NEVER again bring our families into a situation that was not for sure which means they probably won't know anything about an adoption until we sign papers if God were to ever see fit.

And a serious question: Do ya'll ever just wish I would shut up? I mean I feel like I always have something dramatic, traumatic, to share with ya'll. I'm sorry about that! It's so easy to just let things out here and its so complicated when we involve family and coworkers and even friends sometimes. They are all just too "close" to the situation IYKWIM.

Of course I'll let you all know when we hear anything else. I actually feel much better than I did when I even started this post. I've always gone into a profiling BEGGING that it be our time and I guess this time I'm kinda feeling like I'm hoping its not. If it is, I guess I'll get on board and press on.

Thanks for listening!

Joined: 09/01/04
Posts: 1436

I am glad for that you put yourself out there again. Without a doubt, I believe you would make a terrific mother. I truly hope you get your chance very soon. I will sending every positive thought your way that you find the peace that you so richly deserve. Good luck.

Andy1784's picture
Joined: 09/18/08
Posts: 1372

I'm going to go ahead and answer your question right away and say NO WAY do I get sick of hearing your story Kelly. You are an inspirational person and I keep praying that soon you will have that happy ending you so deserve. I completely understand that you don't always share since things can be iffy and extremely emotional but I feel honored when you do.

You have always been in my prayers and when it does work out that you get that child of yours he//she will be the luckiest kid in the world to have such amazing parents.

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

I am so glad that you DO share with us. Please don't ever stop talking about it. I pray for you, and when it's time, it's time. So regardless of whether YOU think it's time, I'll pray for whatever God is going to do for you. I had to chuckle at your snooping, that's so something I would do. It sounds like a good situation, and my fingers are crossed for you. I personally want this to work out, you have so much love to give, and I'm anxious for you to start giving it to a little person in your home.

:bigarmhug:

LMCH's picture
Joined: 02/05/07
Posts: 2031

I don't ever get tired of hearing this stuff from you. I am glad you feel comfortable with all of us to share these things, and I am glad you have an outlet here since you won't be able to share with friends and family yet. I will keep praying for you all and your adoption journey. :bighug:

MommyMish's picture
Joined: 05/30/07
Posts: 1889

nak

PLEASE keep talking to us!!!!

Joined: 03/17/08
Posts: 1391

"coolmama72" wrote:

I am so glad that you DO share with us. Please don't ever stop talking about it. I pray for you, and when it's time, it's time. So regardless of whether YOU think it's time, I'll pray for whatever God is going to do for you. I had to chuckle at your snooping, that's so something I would do. It sounds like a good situation, and my fingers are crossed for you. I personally want this to work out, you have so much love to give, and I'm anxious for you to start giving it to a little person in your home.

:bigarmhug:

Big fat ditto to everything Gwen said! I will be praying for you.

wiltedrose314's picture
Joined: 07/24/07
Posts: 1500

Love, we are here to listen. We are all a little family in a way, and we want the best for our sisters!!! You will be in my thoughts from here on... i hope hope hope it all works out for the best for you!! Like everyone else has said I am so glad that you decided to put yourself back out there. You deserve a beautiful scrumptious bundle of joy, even if he's 3!!! Keep is posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I just wanted to say that you are in our hearts and thoughts here. I can't even imagine what you have gone through, but I admire your resolve to never give up hope. You are such a strong woman.

tialee's picture
Joined: 10/29/07
Posts: 2779

Kelly, whatever way it works out I am just so happy you are on the list again. You would make such a great mother. I NEVER get sick of hearing your story. :openarms:

K9Trainer's picture
Joined: 09/25/06
Posts: 4065

Ditto to what EVERYONE said. Especially the one who said you are an inspiration, cause that is sooo true for me. You really say how you feel, even if it's not the "norm", and you inspire me to be true to myself. I know God has big plans for you Kelly and that you will do Him proud. :bigarmhug:

scrapangel's picture
Joined: 10/05/07
Posts: 807

I agree that I am never going to tire of hearing your story. YOu have shown so much strength throughout all you have been through. And I continue to pray that God will indeed deliver. You and your husband deserve to share your love with a child.

Please continue to keep us updated.

Madisonsmom07's picture
Joined: 08/15/07
Posts: 445

Kelly, I know I don't post here anymore because I never have time to scrapbook, but I do check in periodically to see if you have gotten any good news yet (and to get ideas for when I do get to scrapbook again). I'm still praying for you and I hope that everything will work out in your favor this time.

sadieruth's picture
Joined: 06/09/05
Posts: 6175

Kelly- I started to reply to this then work needed me, sorry. First off, you were right when you said He won't give you more than you can handle. I know it's hard to remember that, but you have to hon. He's there for you, you just have to have the faith, and I believe in you. You are a wonderful woman, and you DESERVE a child you can call your own! :bigarmhug: I don't want you to stop letting us in on your journey, unless you don't want us to know. We want to know, so that we can pray for you. Lean on us. I can't imagine how you feel or what you are going through, but I do want to say that I think it's great that you are being honest with yourself. I pray that you are able to have a sweet child soon. Love ya!

Cherrykitten's picture
Joined: 07/03/08
Posts: 700

Said a prayer for you and your family this morning at my womens group, actually we all did, so you have the prayers of 29 crazy ladies behind you!!

Mommy2007's picture
Joined: 12/13/06
Posts: 1203

Ditto to everything everyone said. You are have accomplished the magnificent task of being a mother without even having a child yet. That is truly remarkable. Any child would be truly blessed to have you both as parents. I NEVER GET TIRED OF READING YOUR POSTS!!!

Yes lean on all of us we'll always be here to listen and say prayers and anything else you may need. I will continue to pray that things continue to go well for you and that your faith keeps you strong. Hoping God finally has found the right time to make you official parents and bless a child with you.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The other ladies have said it so nicely, but I'll repeat. I never get tired of hearing from you. You are an amazing woman and will be an awesome mother! Your in my prayers!

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

Kelly, I will send a prayer up for you. I agree, we love hearing from you, please don't stop sharing. I really hope this ends how it's supposed to!
:bighug:

MommyCB's picture
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 7623

I've sat down a few times wanting to reply to this. First, please always include us in your journey to be parents. I want you to know we are always here for prayers, love and support. I'm going to keep this in my constant prayers. You are an inspiration to me. You have such a strong faith. Much love!!

auret's picture
Joined: 08/23/06
Posts: 1558

I've sat down to write a reply a few times, trying to say the perfect thing to encourage you. But what I've mostly got to offer is more (((HUGS))).

I trust that God is at work! God's will will never lead you where God's grace cannot sustain you. Our family and our church have been praying for you.

Thank you for keeping us updated. We love to pray for you and support you, even if we're just some crazy internet friends!

:bigarmhug:

captainswife's picture
Joined: 11/25/07
Posts: 2687

Kelly I will never get tired of hearing your story either. In fact, when you don't post about it I only feel like asking you anyway but obviously that might be out of line Wink We all love you to bits here. What happens in your life is important to us. I can hardly wait to see you as a mother, so I can only imagine how you feel! I will continue to pray for you and your hubby. :bigarmhug:

sewgirly's picture
Joined: 01/01/06
Posts: 1496

Thanks girls!!! I mean really thank you for your words and care.

So its too late to turn back now. The agency that this little guy is affiliated with received or homestudy today. All up to the big man now!!! And, I'm feeling pretty ok with it. I let you know when I know. Probably looking at a few weeks before a decision is made.

StateChick's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 3629

I'll keep praying for you, Kelly. I hope this is it.

MommyCB's picture
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 7623

{{{{praying}}}}

Joined: 03/08/06
Posts: 183

I'm new here and don't know your whole story, but you definately have my prayers also.

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

"sewgirly" wrote:

Thanks girls!!! I mean really thank you for your words and care.

So its too late to turn back now. The agency that this little guy is affiliated with received or homestudy today. All up to the big man now!!! And, I'm feeling pretty ok with it. I let you know when I know. Probably looking at a few weeks before a decision is made.

Fingers crossed, prayers being said!

slurpeegirl13's picture
Joined: 02/26/07
Posts: 4125

Oh Kelly, you are in my thoughts and I'm sending all the positive thoughts I can your way. I hope God sees it for you to be a mom, you would truly be a great one!!! And don't you dare stop sharing! That's what we are here for - to support you, cry with you (hopefully not again!) and be here for you!

:bigarmhug:

Breen31806's picture
Joined: 09/05/06
Posts: 1172

Apparently I missed this post the other day. But yes Please keep sharing with us. I'm so glad you got yourself back out there. Please keep us posted and I'll say a prayer that God will reveal his plan quickly.

MommyMish's picture
Joined: 05/30/07
Posts: 1889

Hugs and prayers being sent your way.

mommys's picture
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

Kelly, I still pray for you all of the time. I'm very happy to hear that you are putting it in God's hands again. Thank you for including us in your fears, sadness and hope... Don't ever feel bad about sharing.

I hope it works out with this little boy. More than that, I hope everything is much simpler this time around.