Thank you girls. I truly appreciate your kind words and think a lot of each and every one of you girls!
It is what it is. No return call, nothing. I wish I knew what changed but I don't. I don't really know anything at this point. I guess I would feel better if I knew why. I'm beating myself up worrying if I said something wrong, didn't say what she wanted me to say, I just can't really make sense of it. I feel like its all my fault and I blew it for my sake but more importantly I've ruined it for DH too. I find myself back with those same feelings of failure that I felt when we were dealing with infertility.
I've left her a message to get off my chest the words I needed to say to make peace. I don't know if she will extend the courtesy of acknowledging what I said or if it really evens matter but I needed her to know how I felt so that I could begin to heal my aching heart.
I had to tell my grandmother which is just another heart break on top of my already broken heart. She has been so excited for us and I hated to even call her. She reminded me that I DEMANDED the she have open heart surgery last year so that she could be around to hold our baby and that she made a deal with God that day that if she went through it he would hold up his side of the deal. I'm brokenhearted to have disappointed her. I regret ever even telling her that we had gotten the call. I wish I would have waited longer to make sure things were alright. But I can't change what is already done. She is so angry with K and she told me this morning on the phone that she hated her. I know she doesn't mean that. The hurt is new and it will fade.
I know this may sound shocking but I'm not angry. I'm not bitter. I've prayed all along for God's will, I can't turn back now. I know that this woman was facing a decision that is probably without a doubt the hardest decision one can make. I don't fault her and wish her peace.
So, I'll ask you ladies just one last time for some prayers. Not for me, for her. I'll move on and be just fine. I know I will. Greg and I have been in the midst of disappointment before and we always find some way to move past it. Just pray for her. I think she made need your prayers right now. Pray that she finds peace with whatever decision she is making. Maybe she has decided to parent, maybe she found a couple better than Greg and I, maybe someone in her family will care for the baby. I don't know the circumstance, but I know that it must be a difficult decision for her. Maybe that's why she can't face me, who knows. I forgive her for that. A bitter heart only suffers. So, if you would just say a prayer for her and her child that all will be well.
I may just take a break for a while from the boards. I know you all are here and I really appreciate that. I'll be back when I can. God bless you all!
Oh sweetheart i am sobbing for you! You are being so strong and reasonable about it all and i really admire you for that. I just don't know what to say, i really don't.
Is that how it works? Can the birth mum just drop you like that without letting you know? I can't believe there's not some legality that states she has to at least tell you!
I am hoping that perhaps she is just having a time of being unsure, but that after having some time away from you she decides that the adoption is the right thing to do after all. I kind of feel bad for hoping that because it is her baby, but she had her reasons for starting on this path and you guys have been waiting a long time for this!
Last edited by Uropachild; 06-21-2009 at 03:40 PM.
oh Kelly. My heart breaks for you. I'm truly so sorry and your attitude of love and forgiveness is just amazing. I don't even know how to put my sadness into words for you. We love you. Take as much time off as you need to. We will always be here for you. We'll be praying.
Kelly, my heart is breaking too. I've been praying harder for you than I have for anyone else this year, or maybe ever. I will continue to pray, for you, for your family, for your grandmother. But you can't blame yourself, not at all. And especially for your grandmother, you can't take the blame for a decision that wasn't yours. You were excited, you had every right to me, and you did the right thing by telling your grandma about the call. Not telling her would have been withholding a large part of you.
I will also pray for the birth mom. I could not imagine having the strength to give up my child. Yet I watched one of my friends do it, as she knew that her baby would have a much better life with another family. And I admire her so much, even to this day (almost 17 years later). It's a beautiful thing to give a child to a family that has so much love to give that child.
Anyhow, you will have a baby, I feel it in my heart. I'm sorry that this time wasn't the right time, even though it seemed and felt so right. So I will do what I can for you, and pray pray pray.
Kelly, I am so sorry. My heart just aches for you, Greg, your grandmother. I will continue to pray for you. I know there is a baby out there for you. I hope he or she finds you very soon, you are going to be a wonderful mother.
Kelly, my heart just hurts for you. What a wonderfull woman you are to not be mad at her. I can not say that I could be that stong if I were you. I pray for you daily and I also pray for her. Maybe she is just taking some time to really be 100% sure beforwe she meets you. If not then I think her choice would be to keep her. I do not think at all that she would pick another family. I know you loved that little girl with all your heart even before you met her. I am sure she could hear that in your voice and WHO would not want to pick a person like that! I am so very sorry!!!! I pmed you
Last edited by coolmama72; 06-24-2009 at 03:52 PM.