Not really scrapping related, but need opinions

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
Honey3.14's picture
Joined: 04/07/12
Posts: 2094
Not really scrapping related, but need opinions

So this is the inside of Patricks invite for the birthday party

What do you think?

January’s weather can be fun
But it’s also hard to get things done
So this year we invite you our friends
To celebrate in July instead!
Come one! Come All!
It’s Patricks Half Birthday Carnival!!!!

Patricks 2nd (and a half) Birthday Party
Sunday, July 19, 2009
2:00-5:00
Central Park – San Ramon

We feel so incredibly blessed to have
Patrick in our lives, and we have so much.
This year, we in lieu of presents, we are asking
People to make a donation to
George Marks Childrens Residence
For terminally ill children in Patricks name.

We will have a donation box at the party
Or if you prefer, we can give you an envelope.

Please call Erin to RSVP
555-555-5555

___________________________________

Okay if you can think of ANY corrections or better wording or anything at alll.....

Please let me know. Thanks!!!

Joined: 03/17/08
Posts: 1391

That is such a fun idea! I wanna come to your carnival! Biggrin

As far as corrections, "Patricks" should be "Patrick's" (you have it in three different spots and they should all have an apostrophe). I also think you might have an extra "we" in the donation paragraph. It might sound better to say "this year, in lieu of presents" instead of "this year, we in lieu of presents." That's all I noticed. I think it sounds great! And like I said, I wish I could come! LOL

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

very cute! in addition to Katie's suggestions, I think you should add a comma after "you" and before "our friends" so it reads "you, our friends"

Natalie's half birthday is July 19th. Wink We'll be having half of a cake that day.

captainswife's picture
Joined: 11/25/07
Posts: 2687

great job Biggrin

scrapangel's picture
Joined: 10/05/07
Posts: 807

Very cute. It sounds like a lot of fun.

Amy and kids3's picture
Joined: 04/22/09
Posts: 41

Very cute idea!

Carson's half birthday is July 18.

Andy1784's picture
Joined: 09/18/08
Posts: 1372

Sounds like you already got some good spell/grammar checkers there. What a fun idea, I can imagine its harder to do someting fun in the middle of winter. The wording is very cute too.

K9Trainer's picture
Joined: 09/25/06
Posts: 4065

Very good!!

Honey3.14's picture
Joined: 04/07/12
Posts: 2094

Okay new updated version. Check it over. Make sure its all okay.

And you're all invited if youre going to be in the San Francisco Bay Area that day.

January’s weather can be fun
But it’s also hard to get things done
So this year we invite you, our friends
To celebrate in July instead!
Come one! Come All!
It’s Patrick's Half Birthday Carnival!!!!

Patrick's 2nd (and a half) Birthday Party
Sunday, July 19, 2009
2:00-5:00
Central Park – San Ramon

We feel so incredibly blessed to have
Patrick in our lives, and we have so much.
This year, we in lieu of presents, we are asking
People to make a donation to
George Marks Childrens Residence
For terminally ill children in Patrick's name.

We will have a donation box at the party
Or if you prefer, we can give you an envelope.

Please call Erin to RSVP
555-555-5555