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Thread: Not really scrapping related, but need opinions

  1. #1
    Posting Addict Honey3.14's Avatar
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    Default Not really scrapping related, but need opinions

    So this is the inside of Patricks invite for the birthday party

    What do you think?


    January’s weather can be fun
    But it’s also hard to get things done
    So this year we invite you our friends
    To celebrate in July instead!
    Come one! Come All!
    It’s Patricks Half Birthday Carnival!!!!

    Patricks 2nd (and a half) Birthday Party
    Sunday, July 19, 2009
    2:00-5:00
    Central Park – San Ramon

    We feel so incredibly blessed to have
    Patrick in our lives, and we have so much.
    This year, we in lieu of presents, we are asking
    People to make a donation to
    George Marks Childrens Residence
    For terminally ill children in Patricks name.

    We will have a donation box at the party
    Or if you prefer, we can give you an envelope.

    Please call Erin to RSVP
    555-555-5555








    ___________________________________

    Okay if you can think of ANY corrections or better wording or anything at alll.....

    Please let me know. Thanks!!!
    Erin~Mommy to Patrick and Sean.





  2. #2
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    That is such a fun idea! I wanna come to your carnival!

    As far as corrections, "Patricks" should be "Patrick's" (you have it in three different spots and they should all have an apostrophe). I also think you might have an extra "we" in the donation paragraph. It might sound better to say "this year, in lieu of presents" instead of "this year, we in lieu of presents." That's all I noticed. I think it sounds great! And like I said, I wish I could come! LOL
    Katie

    DS Evan 2/06
    DD Lindsay 2/08
    DS Noah 12/11




  3. #3
    Posting Addict coolmama72's Avatar
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    very cute! in addition to Katie's suggestions, I think you should add a comma after "you" and before "our friends" so it reads "you, our friends"


    Natalie's half birthday is July 19th. We'll be having half of a cake that day.
    Gwen, Mommy to Andrew, Jordan, Natalie & Jack




    My blog - all things family, photography and crafty

  4. #4
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    great job
    Karen, dh Wayne
    November '07
    September '09

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  5. #5
    Posting Addict scrapangel's Avatar
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    Very cute. It sounds like a lot of fun.
    Missy



    Check out my Etsy Store at www.meadowrosedesigns.etsy.com

  6. #6
    Contributor Amy and kids3's Avatar
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    Very cute idea!

    Carson's half birthday is July 18.

  7. #7
    Posting Addict Andy1784's Avatar
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    Sounds like you already got some good spell/grammar checkers there. What a fun idea, I can imagine its harder to do someting fun in the middle of winter. The wording is very cute too.
    -Andy

    DS -
    Kaelan April 2009
    DD -
    Hailey September 2010 (my VBAC baby)
    Expecting #3 forChristmas!!!

  8. #8
    Posting Addict K9Trainer's Avatar
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    Very good!!
    Carrie
    Married to my best friend 10-16-1993
    DS #1 08-16-1999
    DS#2 10-31-2006
    DD#1 11-14-2007

  9. #9
    Posting Addict Honey3.14's Avatar
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    Okay new updated version. Check it over. Make sure its all okay.

    And you're all invited if youre going to be in the San Francisco Bay Area that day.

    January’s weather can be fun
    But it’s also hard to get things done
    So this year we invite you, our friends
    To celebrate in July instead!
    Come one! Come All!
    It’s Patrick's Half Birthday Carnival!!!!

    Patrick's 2nd (and a half) Birthday Party
    Sunday, July 19, 2009
    2:00-5:00
    Central Park – San Ramon

    We feel so incredibly blessed to have
    Patrick in our lives, and we have so much.
    This year, we in lieu of presents, we are asking
    People to make a donation to
    George Marks Childrens Residence
    For terminally ill children in Patrick's name.

    We will have a donation box at the party
    Or if you prefer, we can give you an envelope.

    Please call Erin to RSVP
    555-555-5555
    Last edited by Honey3.14; 06-25-2009 at 12:13 PM.
    Erin~Mommy to Patrick and Sean.





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