Once again...

24 posts / 0 new
Last post
sewgirly's picture
Joined: 01/01/06
Posts: 1496
Once again...

I'm reminded that adoption is not for the faintest of hearts. We let Malachi go yesterday and he was returned to his birthmother. It's really a long story involving legal stuff I don't understand but the birthfather is contesting the adoption and petitioning for custody of him and threatening to continue on unless she parents. She is young and scared and I think she is making the best decision she can with what she is faced with.

I really don't know how I'm going to move past this. We understood all the risks with Isaiah all along and just prepared for that but with this we were just blindsided. I NEVER, EVER held this child and thought for a second he wasn't mine to hold. I don't even know where to start other than just ask for your prayers.

mommys's picture
Joined: 05/08/06
Posts: 6264

Kelly, I will pray for you and continue to do so. I'm so very sorry. I'll pray for his mother and father too.

How awful for you! My heart breaks! :bigarmhug:

May God bless you with lots of love in the coming weeks.

StateChick's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 3629

Oh no Sad

So very, very sorry and heartbroken for you.

Joined: 10/26/01
Posts: 3413

my heart truly breaks for you. You both will be in our thoughts and prayers.

GiGi

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

I am also heartbroken. That's not fair for the birth father to do. Is he going to be a parent to Malachi? A true loving father? If not, then he has NO RIGHT to do what he has done, robbed a deserving pair of parents of their sweet baby boy. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm bitter, I'm really mad. I wish there was something I could do. I will pray, because that's all I CAN do. I am praying that this man's heart turns, and that he realizes the good life his son has with you and Greg.

Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 807

I can't believe that this is happening to you once again. I am so heartbroken for you and Greg! My prayers are with you, God knows the situation and he has a perfect plan. It is sooo hard to remember that when you are going through something so awful. I pray that God's will is that this boy is to be your's!

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

Kelly, I am so sorry. I am heartbroken for you and Greg. I can't even imagine what you are going through, yet again. I have been thinking of you both nonstop. I know you have been through a LOT - but I hope you have plans to try to adopt again someday? You two deserve a child and there's got to be one out there for you, I just know it. I will continue to pray for you. Please take time for yourself during this time.

Mommy2007's picture
Joined: 12/13/06
Posts: 1203

Kelly,
I am so so so very sorry. I really can't imagine what you are going through. Big Hugs!! Will be sending prayers up for you all.

jd6405's picture
Joined: 09/17/06
Posts: 1278

So sorry Kelly.

Kayla1981's picture
Joined: 01/04/07
Posts: 1529

(*lurker*)

I am so sorry to hear that you had to let your baby go. I cannot even imagine the heartache you have endured and are facing once again. I pray that you find peace with the situation and that your heart will be filled with joy in the future. I hope your arms are not empty for long.

K9Trainer's picture
Joined: 09/25/06
Posts: 4065

Kelly, I am so, so saddened to hear this news. I can not even imagine the feelings you are going through. I am sending up prayers now and will continue to pray for you guys.

Breen31806's picture
Joined: 09/05/06
Posts: 1172

Kelly I'm truly heartbroken for you. I can't believe this birthfather. We were talking with out SW about this type of situation in our home visit. She was saying if something like this happened they would go to court and prove that the father wasn't involved with the BM during the pregnancy and therefore probably wouldn't be there for the child. I will pray that God's will be done and I hope he gives you peace.

MommyCB's picture
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 7623

I'm at a total loss for words. My heart is crushed. Kelly, I will just pray.

sewgirly's picture
Joined: 01/01/06
Posts: 1496

"Breen31806" wrote:

Kelly I'm truly heartbroken for you. I can't believe this birthfather. We were talking with out SW about this type of situation in our home visit. She was saying if something like this happened they would go to court and prove that the father wasn't involved with the BM during the pregnancy and therefore probably wouldn't be there for the child. I will pray that God's will be done and I hope he gives you peace.

Unfortunately Kebrina, that is really not accurate. What they probably meant was that they can petition to terminate based on pre-birth abandonment. It varies from state to state but in TN they have to wait 30 days after birth if birthmother can "prove" the birthfather knew about the pregnancy prior to birth. If not the statute is that they have to wait 4 months after birth. That's here and the time frame may vary from state to state b/c adoption laws change when you cross state lines.

IRREGARDLESS, if a birthfather steps up (even after birth and in this case he denied it the whole 9 months, he still can establish paternity, petition for custody, or what not so long as his rights have not been terminated yet. He filed a petition on day 29 and we had to wait til day 30 to file. Even if we filed first he still would have to be served, constitutional right, and could defend and not consent. It is what it is, and unfortunately a birthfather can do nothing and then still ask for rights later. I guess in many situations if the birthfather is nonexistent throughout you would assume that he wouldn't step up after, we sure thought that too. I'm making a generalization here and excuse me for that but "most" adoption scenarios deal with young people that don't always have the maturity to make the best decisions. Not trying to judge but Lord knows I've seen it. Sometimes that "Baby Bliss" stops everything in its tracks. Ask your counselor how many failed adoptions (%) that they have in all and then how many of those are POST birth. If they can give you that statistic I guarantee its shocking!! It all just changes and becomes "real" once the baby arrives.

Too bad I don't make a lawyer's salary b/c I sure do feel like I could keep up in the legal arena.

Thanks girls for your words, my heart hurts and I feel completely lost and overwhelmed but I'm just trying not to question God. The last thing I want to have is a bitter heart. There just isn't a place in my world for that.

BTW Gwen, quit chasing post deleting siggies, I love ya girl, but that doesn't bother me!

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

You have a very strong faith, and I admire that in you. I continue to pray. Is there any chance at all that this could work out for you or is it hopeless? You've been on my mind constantly since I first read your post. I did see your FB status, and it seems like the birth mother is protecting the baby by taking him back - is that what I should be reading into?

sewgirly's picture
Joined: 01/01/06
Posts: 1496

"coolmama72" wrote:

You have a very strong faith, and I admire that in you. I continue to pray. Is there any chance at all that this could work out for you or is it hopeless? You've been on my mind constantly since I first read your post. I did see your FB status, and it seems like the birth mother is protecting the baby by taking him back - is that what I should be reading into?

Thanks Gwen, I'm not really feeling hopeful that he would be returned. I guess I've learned to never say never, but I think the birthfather will in fact establish and envoke his parental rights. His birthmother did take him to protect her rights b/c he's asking for full custody. That is not likely but I'm sure he will get partial/joint custody. It would require a judge to terminate his rights in order for us to file adoption and finalize. Its really risky b/c if she goes in asking to terminate his and her rights and allow adoption, the judge could side with him and terminate hers and allow him since he is asking to "parent". I know really confusing, its just a huge risk and NONE of us want him to have him, KWIM? So, yes, although his birthmother really wants us to adopt and really is not ready to parent, she feels she has to in order to keep him out of the birthfathers hands. Just sad! The legal system protects the wrong people sometimes.

StateChick's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 3629

Kelly, you've been on my heart today, too, and every time I come back and read I am reminded that "joy comes in the morning."

I hope the morning is soon for you.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

coolmama72's picture
Joined: 10/20/01
Posts: 8185

"sewgirly" wrote:

So, yes, although his birthmother really wants us to adopt and really is not ready to parent, she feels she has to in order to keep him out of the birthfathers hands. Just sad! The legal system protects the wrong people sometimes.

This is what really gets me. It's just wrong. If he denied the pregnancy, then what right does he have to take this baby away from anyone? What makes him think he should be a parent? There's gotta be more going on here. And it's just so sad. I'm so sorry that your heart has to be broken because of the birth father's issues. He just sounds vindictive from what I'm reading between the lines.

slurpeegirl13's picture
Joined: 02/26/07
Posts: 4125

Kelly, I have absolutely no words to say. I cannot imagine having to give up my child, which is what you had to do. My heart and thoughts go out to you both and I'm trying to send positive thoughts your way so you can heal from this, but I can't help but want to curse and carry on on your behalf because it's simply not fair.

I cried when I saw you post on FB and I am crying again now reading the reason why. Your whole experience with adoption has made us think twice about adopting ourselves, I couldn't go thru half of what you have - you are truly a strong woman. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 10/26/01
Posts: 3413

"sewgirly" wrote:

Thanks girls for your words, my heart hurts and I feel completely lost and overwhelmed but I'm just trying not to question God. The last thing I want to have is a bitter heart. There just isn't a place in my world for that.

This attitude shows, again, your incredible strength.

I hope and pray for you and your DH. May your hearts heal and be made ready for the incredible blessings that just HAVE to be coming to you.

(((hugs)))
GiGi

MommyCB's picture
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 7623

"acarbo99" wrote:

This attitude shows, again, your incredible strength.

I hope and pray for you and your DH. May your hearts heal and be made ready for the incredible blessings that just HAVE to be coming to you.

(((hugs)))
GiGi

So very true!!!

captainswife's picture
Joined: 11/25/07
Posts: 2687

oh Kelly...I just cannot believe this is happening to you guys again Sad I am crying with you. You are always in my prayers. You and Greg have got to be one of the strongest couples I know, though you may not feel like it right now. I have so much admiration for you guys and I hope and pray everything works out perfectly for you. You so deserve it. Giant hugs to you both and I will of course pray for Malachi and his birth family too. :bigarmhug:

sadieruth's picture
Joined: 06/09/05
Posts: 6178

Oh my. I know I don't post on here often, but please know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I am mad to say the least at the moment. My heart is aching for you and Malachi. I will be praying even more for you all. :bigarmhug: I so wish there was more that we could do for you. Prayer is the best though right? I totally agree with GiGi. You are an amazing woman.

Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 807

What a horrible situation for everyone involved! I can't believe that the birthfather has the right to come in and demand to get full custody. It does sound like the birthmom is trying to do the right thing, if you aren't meant to have him then he is best with her and not some father who denied him the whole time.

Your attitude over the situation is amazing. I am so sorry you having to go through all this!