Checking in...

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Checking in...

Hello everyone,

Sorry I disappeared. I'm completely devastated. I wish I could say I'm doing better and realize that I'll be okay. But I just can't right now. Her death was such a huge shock to us and to everyone around that it just made it that much harder.

She died of NEC. Part of prematurity but they never detected it. I miss her SOOOOOO incredibly bad! Sad :( Sad

I've been very busy planning her funeral. Can you believe an infants funeral costs 4800!? they knocked it down to a thousand but that was money we didn't have. Sad anyway, her funeral was on Thursday and she touched so many lives in two weeks. It was really touching. I've never hurt so much in my life though.

I really love you girls and all your support. I really do.

Disneykat's picture
Joined: 01/02/07
Posts: 486


Scilla's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 259

Sending all the love I can. *hugs*

cherylfhorn's picture
Joined: 08/24/08
Posts: 600

We love you and my.heart continues to go out to you. :bigarmhug: please take all.the time you need. I'm I can speak for everyone that we understand. I can't imagine what ur going thru

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377


I think any of us would still be a mess right now. It was a huge loss for you and your family.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

:bigarmhug: I don't think there is a right or wrong way to grieve, you just have to feel what you are feeling and I don't think anyone could possibly blame you for being completely devestated.

Joined: 02/01/11
Posts: 67

I'm so sorry mama. I have beening thinking and praying for you. Big hugs.

LizzyLaw06's picture
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 497

Hugs mama. I could not fathom how you are feeling. I'm sure I would still be a mess. Take all the time you need. We are here for you.

SoniaNoemi138's picture
Joined: 01/24/11
Posts: 569

Thank you for checking in. Take all the time you need. I can't imagine what you are going through at the moment. Everyone experiences things differently. We're here when you need us. Thinking of you always.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

jonibug's picture
Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 781

Thank you for checking in with us. We are all thinking of you and our hearts are breaking for your loss. Grieving is such an unknown - you never know how long each phase will take and how you will react. Just try to take it all in stride and remember to think about what YOU need. ::hugs::

Starflyr's picture
Joined: 10/20/07
Posts: 428


Oh man, NEC is such a terrible thing, and it comes on so fast. Im so sorry.

YOu take however much time you need to take. There is no right way for someone to grieve. Be gentle on yourself, ok?

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587


Thank you for checking in. Know that i am keeping you and your family in prayer.

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455


bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

Nicole it takes time to grieve, no one here can ever blame you for stepping away. I am still thinking of you and praying for you daily. (((HUGS)))

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

:bigarmhug: Thanks for checking in Nicole. I can't even begin to imagine what a difficult time this has been for you. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

heatherliz2002's picture
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

:bigarmhug: Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

skylersmomma's picture
Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 927

:bigarmhug: big hugs to you mama, you are still in my thoughts and daily prayers

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

You are never far from my thoughts - love you my friend. :bighug:

Joined: 07/12/06
Posts: 831

Thanks for coming to say "hi". I cannot imagine what all you are going through. Please give yourself time to grieve and heal. It's a process... that needs to take time. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine what you're feeling right now. Sad :bighug:

babydreamer11's picture
Joined: 01/23/11
Posts: 155



Kate83's picture
Joined: 01/04/11
Posts: 587

I am so so sorry

Newlywed630's picture
Joined: 07/20/07
Posts: 770


I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

I can only imagine what you have and are going through. I am keeping you and yours in my thoughts xxxx

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

Thinking about you and your family!

mom22sofar's picture
Joined: 02/20/09
Posts: 306

I really just don't have the words to convey enough sympathy for your loss. Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you are, I hope you have much support around you to help you cope, we are thinking of you often

BloomingRose's picture
Joined: 12/03/08
Posts: 992


First, DON"T be sorry for 'disappearing'. You have, and will continue to go through one of the worst things any parent can experience. We all truely understand why you haven't been around, and it would be rude, selfish etc for any of us on this site to think otherwise!

Next, thanks for taking the time to stop in and say hi and update us on things. You are right when you say that her passing was such an unexpected thing. It's rough for everyone who knew you both online and offline.

As a few other's have said, you will deal with this in however way you can - we all deal with lifes experiences differently and it may take alot of time to get to a point where you are able to deal a little bit smoothly.

I'm sure in time, we all hope you check in again, whether it be here, or another part of the site. We do understand it will be incredibly hard to come back to the board for some time to say hi or whatever. Don't be too hard on yourself and take time to look after YOU and your family.

We are all thinking of you. :openarms:

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Nicole, I've been following your story and I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you. I lost my 6 month old niece to SIDS just 9 months ago and I know I don't know exactly what you are feeling or going through, but I have seen the pain of losing a child can bring. There are no amount of words that can make you feel better, but just know that you will get through this even though it may not seem like it today. The strength that your little angel will give you to get through the day will amaze you as I know it still amazes my sister to this day. My sister has met so many wonderful angel mommies since her loss and has found comfort in the fact that she is not alone in this. Once you are ready, reach out to anyone you know who has lost a child and find comfort in each other. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers everyday!

indianajones's picture
Joined: 01/21/07
Posts: 1486

Thinking of you, Nicole, thank you for checking in. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to plan and have Kailey's funeral. Big hugs to you, momma!