this will be kinda long, i know i know, but i just can never manage to tell a short story or explain myself in brief sentences. sorry! LOL
So i work full time. i love my job but i HATE going to work. i really want to be home with my little girl that isnt possible, so we leave her with my SIL. i have a friend as a back up who is known as the local "daycare" in our area, she's been watching babies for years and does a great job!!
My SIL and i have had bad blood between us stemming from a situation that happened a few years ago. its a long story, i wont bore you will the details. In the last 2 years we have buried the hatchett for the most part and are in a much better place. i dont know why, i cant explain it, cant quite put my finger on it, but i just dont like taking her to my SILs. Dont get me wrong, she takes care of her. i know she does. she loves her. My niece, BIL, and FIL are all there so Kendra get alot of time with her family, which is great! Call it momma's intuition? i was starting to think i was just being silly until...
one day last week she had a busy day so my FIL apparently used the opportunity to sneak in some extra time with her . at one point baby got fussy and FIL was calming her down. When i got there to pick her up, she was telling me about how she was fussy and made the comment that kendra didnt want to be held by FIL, that she was "used to being with HER all day every day" and that she was fussy cause SIL was busy all day and didnt get time with SIL (dr appointment). With me so far? She might as well have slapped me across the face! i left there so upset. like i said, i am struggling with the idea of working anyways. she left me feeling like sh*t. Am i exaggerating this? would this upset any of you other working mommies??
DH keeps asking me i dont quit pumping boob milk since i am so sick and tired of pumping (i pump at work). the reality is, i feel like right now the only thing that seperates me from SIL is that fact that i have the bond from breastfeeding. she doesnt. i know its rediculous to feel that way but i cant help it.
my friend has kendra for the next two weeks (SIL is on vacation) and i am thrilled! the idea of my friend having her puts me 150% at ease. She has watched her a few times and i love the way she interacts with Kendra. She is a natual "teacher", she puts her on the counter when she cooks and tells her what she doing, what utensil she is using, etc etc. she plays word games ont he computer and tells kenda the letters she is using. she is big time into early eduation. I know my friend would really want to watch her full time if the opportunity arose, and at this point i would love that too.
if i go that route, i KNOW for a fact it will cause another issue with the family. after everything that we have been through, we dont want that.
Dilemmas are great! :rolleyes:
I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening! at this point, you ladies are all i have to vent too. Dh doesnt understand, friends are busy and my mom, well, im not gonna go there.