Daycare LONG

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LauraMae78's picture
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969
Daycare LONG

this will be kinda long, i know i know, but i just can never manage to tell a short story or explain myself in brief sentences. sorry! LOL

So i work full time. i love my job but i HATE going to work. i really want to be home with my little girl Sad that isnt possible, so we leave her with my SIL. i have a friend as a back up who is known as the local "daycare" in our area, she's been watching babies for years and does a great job!!

My SIL and i have had bad blood between us stemming from a situation that happened a few years ago. its a long story, i wont bore you will the details. In the last 2 years we have buried the hatchett for the most part and are in a much better place. i dont know why, i cant explain it, cant quite put my finger on it, but i just dont like taking her to my SILs. Dont get me wrong, she takes care of her. i know she does. she loves her. My niece, BIL, and FIL are all there so Kendra get alot of time with her family, which is great! Call it momma's intuition? i was starting to think i was just being silly until...

one day last week she had a busy day so my FIL apparently used the opportunity to sneak in some extra time with her Biggrin . at one point baby got fussy and FIL was calming her down. When i got there to pick her up, she was telling me about how she was fussy and made the comment that kendra didnt want to be held by FIL, that she was "used to being with HER all day every day" and that she was fussy cause SIL was busy all day and didnt get time with SIL (dr appointment). With me so far? She might as well have slapped me across the face! i left there so upset. like i said, i am struggling with the idea of working anyways. she left me feeling like sh*t. Am i exaggerating this? would this upset any of you other working mommies??

DH keeps asking me i dont quit pumping boob milk since i am so sick and tired of pumping (i pump at work). the reality is, i feel like right now the only thing that seperates me from SIL is that fact that i have the bond from breastfeeding. she doesnt. i know its rediculous to feel that way but i cant help it.

my friend has kendra for the next two weeks (SIL is on vacation) and i am thrilled! the idea of my friend having her puts me 150% at ease. She has watched her a few times and i love the way she interacts with Kendra. She is a natual "teacher", she puts her on the counter when she cooks and tells her what she doing, what utensil she is using, etc etc. she plays word games ont he computer and tells kenda the letters she is using. she is big time into early eduation. I know my friend would really want to watch her full time if the opportunity arose, and at this point i would love that too.

if i go that route, i KNOW for a fact it will cause another issue with the family. after everything that we have been through, we dont want that.

Dilemmas are great! :rolleyes:

I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening! at this point, you ladies are all i have to vent too. Dh doesnt understand, friends are busy and my mom, well, im not gonna go there.

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

sorry that you are going through this. I can understand why you would be upset. But know that Kendra has a much deeper bond with you and needs YOU not your SIL. Maybe it would be best if you sent her to your friend instead.

jonibug's picture
Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 781

I totally understand how that would make you feel awful! It was an inconsiderate thing to say. I hope you can get into a better arrangement for Kendra w/o causing family issues.

indianajones's picture
Joined: 01/21/07
Posts: 1486

It didn't hit me the wrong way till I reread it, then I totally got what you are saying. ((hugs)) On the plus side, it's nice that Kendra can spend the days with someone she trusts, right?

I am bummed that I'll be missing so much of this first year, when babies seem to change from week to week. I'm just hoping she'll save all her "firsts" for me, and never forget who momma is!

Sounds like your friend is a good option. Let us know how it goes!

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455


I am always worried about offending my lil sis. She works full time and I have the "luxury" of going crazy at home and almost wishing I had a job for the adult interaction. But I can't really complain cause I know I'm super blessed and most women would absolutely LOVE to be in my place.


I'd see how you feel at the end of the week before you make any rash decisions, but I agree. Trust your gut, too.

When I was back to work after having Jacob, I just didn't have a good feeling about the day care he was at. A few times I'd go to drop him off in the morning (as scheduled) and I'd find the kids unattended (don't know how long and they were elementary students waiting for their bus) but I went to find them and I was turning on the TiVo to a cartoon and noticed some porn titles. I don't know if he had it password protected or not, but for that to be on there with kids that can read being in the home. It just irked me. But I had NO other options for Jacob. Then I lost my job and I couldn't get a hold of the guy all week long to say that he wasn't going back and to please total my bill for me. Turns out, his power got shut off for non-payment. I turned him in to the local Daycare authorities real quick like.

You've GOT to trust your mommy instincts.


LauraMae78's picture
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969

Thanks ladies! This working mommy thing is much harder than i thought it would be. i tend to doubt myself alot lately, and i never know if what i am feeling is valid or hormonal. i am back into my bummy phase, so maybe that is part of it too.

i am upset about missing so much as well. sometimes i look at her and im shocked by how big she is. only spending a few hours a day with her is hard. Sad

oh well, as i said before, if i win that winning lottery ticket.... LOL

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

I totally know understand what you are talking about. I don't work but almost every other mom I know does so I can tell you that it is normal for kids to have a bond with their daycare provider BUT that does not affect her bond with you, you are her mommy and she knows it!
I don't really have any advice for you, it sounds like a tough situation!

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244


I am sorry that you SIL made you feel this way. What I will say is that children know who their primary caregivers are and do not get confused about that, even in infancy. All of my children have had to be in daycare. I remember worrying about this with my first, but the bond I have with my son cannot compare to the bond he has with anyone else. The same goes for my twins. I just wanted to try and set your mind at ease a little bit. It is normal to feel guilty about leaving your child to go to work. It is very hard. I still struggle with it a lot. There is a lot of positive research out there. For years it seemed like our society was really trying to make women feel bad about working outside the home. Now, there is a lot that shows that children who attend daycare or preschool, either part- or full-time, tend to be more resilient to illness in K. In addition, they tend to do well socially.

As for the childcare situation, I will hope that a solution presents itself. It sounds like you feel your friend would be a better caregiver and that would provide more peace for you. I know not everyone has such an option, but I have always felt that keeping family out of daycare type situations is important. It helps to prevent awkward situations that can happen.


nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

Hugs. I know it must be hard on you to leave Kendra every day and your sil was pretty insensitive. She'll never have the bond with your sil that she has with're her mommy. I hope you are able to find a way to justify sending her to your friend' sounds like it's a much better fit.