Check in time for those dealing with PPD (post partum depression). PPD doesn't have to show up right away. It can show up any time in the first 2 years after having a baby.
Please, speak up if you are struggling and support those that are choosing to speak up.
Personally, I've been struggling on and off since the middle of the pregnancy. But lately, it's gotten slightly worse again.
My Grandfather passed away in the beginning of June. I wasn't very close to him the last couple of years, though I loved him deeply. I backed away from him the last year and a half especially, because his death was a long time coming. I'm thankful he's no longer suffering, but I miss him deeply. I was VERY close to him up til he got ill and started to lose his mental capacities. I know he forgives me, but I feel guilty. It's not that he didn't have any support whatsoever.... I just ... I'm sure you all get what I'm trying to say.
Since his death, I've been dealing with post-vasectomy buyer's remorse. That's the best way to put it. DH had his vasectomy in March and I had a small remorse but was combating it fairly easily. But now, it's SOO much harder. I finally had to admit this to DH while he was attempting to get me in the mood. I struggle with lack of libido and (thanks to the damned depo that is still messing with me even though I was due for the last shot in May and didn't get it) I also suffer from lack of proper lube. Thanks to the frequent UTI's since December, I also have the very honest and legitimate fear that sex will end in another UTI for me. But the "what if God wasn't done giving us kids" thought really brings me down and makes me REALLY not interested in him.
This is the main contributor to my depression at the moment. I thought we were so done having kids.. but now I'm not so sure anymore. I also know this is normal for taking such permanent measures against having kids.
DH assured me that if God truly wasn't done giving us kids, that he'd find a way. But that doesn't help me much, sadly.
Janelle and Brad 8-25-01
Mine started at about 6 months PP. I'm currently in counseling for it, not taking any meds. I get angry, frustrated, moody and don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to do housework, I don't want to take care of the girls. Some days are harder than others.
I found out in counseling that the trigger is from my childhood, my mom ingrained in me that it is up to me to hold my family together. When I fail at that I fall into a depression. So at 6 months pp, I couldn't handle trying to keep everything going anymore. I was constantly trying to keep alice from crying b/c she was giving dh migraines. I was trying to still be an attentive and engaging mom to Stella. I was trying to give dh the attention he needs. I was taking care of everyone but me. I was still bleeding, Alice started refusing my left breast, making me hideously lopsided (still sore about that), and I was quickly losing sleep.
Now is not much better from 3 months ago. My house is still a disaster, but Stella and Alice are getting more attention and more of happy mommy. I try to get out by myself at least once every couple weeks.
to both of you, and to anyone else who hasn't chosen to share
Depression loses some of its power when it is exposed to the light and talked about.
Mine hit a few weeks after Kyla was born. I had it with DD1 so I expected it with with this one! I understood what was happening (I kept wanting to leave the house and leave my kids) so I was on medication within days. I bump up my dosage when things get stressful and then wean back down to he lower dose in 2weeks. I expect to be on the drug for years and I am fine with it!
Otherwise doing well!
I've got a little PPD developing now. I just feel very overwhelmed and stressed out all the time. I'm going to make an appt. with my doctor now that I'm weaning off the pump. I have taken medication for anxiety in the past so she'll probably want to put me back on something. I've been trying to deal with it myself but I think at this point I need a little help.
Lenora & Chris 01.16.10
DS Brandon 05.13.07
DS CJ 10.06.11
*Co-moderator of January-June '07 and September '11*
I had a breakdown on Friday.
I had been at MIL's for a week and had to return to home for a couple of days for appointments. We returned Wednesday and DH and I got to see each other for one evening (he couldn't come to MIL's cause of work). Then DH left directly work on Thursday to go down to his Gramma's house (the town next to where MIL is) cause his Dad was there visiting from Montana and they were to go fishing on Friday. So Thursday I was alone with the kids and thursday night Evie got a fever and in the middle of the night I had a panic attack. We are talking instant bathroom trips for diahrea and vomiting. I knew this was not the same thing that Evie had but my stress presenting itself in the way it usually does when I get suddenly overwhelmed. Friday I had a check up for my back. I have been having pain and the location seemed to be kidneys to me. Considering that I've had 7 UTI's since the beginning of January (that's 1 every month), I was very concerned. My doc agrees with me and I got a switch on antibiotics and they scheduled me for an u/s on my kidneys and bladder.
So Friday evening I was supposed to take the kids back down to MIL's house so they could have a big day with Grandpa in the town next door......... I couldn't. I found myself not able to leave town. Evie still had a fever and that was her only symptom, so I couldn't find the source of what was ailing her. I didn't think it was teething, but MIL thought it was and told us to come down anyway. I got 20 minutes out of town and Evie started moaning in her sleep. I realized I forgot the thermometer and fever meds. I quickly turned around and headed back home for them. Then I got this overwhelming sensation that something bad was gonna happen. I asked DS (8 ) if he would be okay with us staying home one more night. He started to cry and said he wanted to go then. So I tried again. We got 3 blocks away before I decided that I'M the mom and he doesn't get to make the decisions. I mean, what if there is gonna be an accident on the road and I'm somehow being warned about it and I ignore that?
So we get home again and I'm in tears and shaking and sobbing and stuttering and .... then I called DH to say we weren't coming cause I was wiggin out and I couldn't drive. I started sobbing like mad over the phone. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to ask him to leave his dad time to come take care of me. Well. I didn't have to ask. He stepped up and told me he was coming home ASAP cause I clearly needed help. I love him.
He got home (2 hours later.. it's not a long drive, really) and put the kids to bed and just sat with me while I sobbed more. I realized how much I really miss my grandpa and that I hadn't just sat and mourned him yet. My responsibilities are too much for me to handle right now, so I was running away from them by living at his mom's house and calling it summer vacation.
I'm starting to feel a little better, but still a little overwhelmed by all the responsibilities having 3 kids, 2 pets and a garden includes. DH and the kids and I went back down the next day (Saturday) and spent the day with his Dad and returned on Sunday after lunch.
I realized that I need to quit running and start facing my depression. One day at a time.
You all are beautiful women, and competent moms. I love you and thank you for helping me (and each other) through our rough patches.
Janelle and Brad 8-25-01
hugs to all of of you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I had the baby blues for a couple of months after DD1 was born so I was frighten that with the twins that it would turn into PPD but I have been extremely lucky. Yes I was and can still be extremely overwhelmed but I handling it well. My hearts go out to all of you. Your amazing women and incredible moms
When Ronan was six months old I started dealing with depression. It was a new experience for me, so it took me awhile to figure out what was going on. I didn't know if PPD could start that long after giving birth, so I talked to my father-in-law (he's an OB/GYN) when he came to visit. He suggested that it might be either caused by or exacerbated by the type of birth control I was on (progesterone only pill for breastfeeding). DH had just had his vasectomy at that point, and needed one more check before the doctor could confirm that it had worked, but he was due for that check about two days later, so I just went ahead and discontinued the pill.
In about 48 hours, I felt so much better. I guess it wasn't true PPD, but it was still an incredibly tough few months. I still occasionally have a couple of days here and there that aren't good, but for the for the most part I feel normal. Getting time to myself always helps tremendously. Even if it's only 30 minutes or an hour. It's easy to get overwhelmed when someone needs something from you/is touching you all the time! I'm an introvert, so getting some time to myself helps me recharge. Hugs to everyone who has been dealing with PPD, or any form of depression!