Feeling selfish (and deserving) of this Mother's Day.

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Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455
Feeling selfish (and deserving) of this Mother's Day.

This is the only Mother's Day that I've ever wanted to spend on myself. I got a text message from MIL (whom I love very dearly) that really pissed me off. It's hard to read inflections in text messages. The text read: "I have pink summer dresses, but you guys have to come for mother's day to get them." WTF?!! I she trying to bribe us?!!

Mind you, we haven't yet discussed Mother's Day plans with her, but usually we drive the hour to go see her and go out to dinner to celebrate with her and great grandma. But this year, I'm feeling like I want to celebrate alone with my completed family. Is that selfish? I just feel like this is my last Mother's Day with a "new" baby and I want to cherish it. I want it all to myself. Not to mention how depressed I get whenever there's talk about going out to eat anywhere. This last fall, I went off dairy for Evie, completely. MIL lives in a small town and there are NO allergy friendly restaurants there, so it's anyone's guess if they have dairy free items or not. It's too stressful. And we took our 3 year old off dairy back then as well and going out to eat with him is hell cause he won't eat what I order for him and they ALWAYS give HIM the kids menu (not me) so he sees the pictures and... he just doesn't understand still.

Anyway.. just wanting to cry a little cause I feel like she's trying to steal my special day from me (even though she has no idea how I feel and was probably not intending to hurt my feelings in anyway.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I completely understand and I was just complaining to DH about the same thing. I hate how EVERY mothers day, my mother and my MIL try to make it about them and get mad when I suggest that I would rather spend it with just our immediate family. Its like they forget that Im a mother now. They've had 30 years of mothers days and I still feel like they expect us to hand over my mothers days to them. Actually, my first Mothers day with DD1 was ruined because of MIL so I already said that we are staying here and doing something as a family. I don't think you're being selfish at all, I;m right there with you!

Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 113

I completely understand. I have already told my husband that Andrew and I are staying home Mothers Day. I am seeing my mom on Saturday and if he wants to see his mom on Saturday or Sunday that is fine but on Sunday Andrew and I will be home and I don't want anyone coming over. I feel like every holiday we run around making sure that everyone is happy and everyone gets to see Andrew but Sunday is my day and I don't care who gets mad about it, they will get over it. We deserve a day to do what we want!

jonibug's picture
Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 781

My vent is about dh. Last year he barely did anything for me on mother's day and when he saw the effort I put forth on father's day he felt bad. Well, for the last month I've been reminding him that the day is coming up and each time he looks disgruntled over it. On Sunday I finally said that it looks like I'm getting nothing for the day. He finally asked what I wanted. I hate that I have to tell him, that he can't just thinks something nice up. I told him I want dd1 to pick out a present for me (anything, as long as it is from her) and I don't want to make a single meal that day. He has yet to take dd1 out. I am going out with friends tonight and Thursday night (bible study groups) and unless I take dd2 with me he won't go out. I guess I'll take dd2 with me tonight but I know it'll be painful b/c I won't be home til 9:30.

I hate how mothers day ends up being more stress than fun and relaxation.

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

We live an 8+hour flight away from our moms. We just send flowers.

However, this year both my SILs are staying with us this weekend so we won't be doing anything special. I'm ok with that. Since DD2 was born, DH and I have made an effort for regular quality family time and date time so I find that helps me a lot.

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

Mother's Day is always a bigger family event on both sides of our families. The last four years we've been up in the Bay Area with my family for our annual Mother's Day Brunch and Brandon's birthday party. Now that Brandon is in school it's just not going to be feasible to go up there anymore for Mother's Day as we can't take a long weekend, so I told my family we were staying here in LA this year and that we would come up for Memorial Day at the end of the month for the long weekend. My extended family were upset but I kind of didn't care because the last FOUR years we've made that trip, which means that we haven't spent the day with MIL, and now we have TWO kids instead of one. This is also a special year because Brandon's birthday falls on Mother's Day this year and I don't want to make him travel that day so I told Chris I wanted to spend the day here at home. We invited both of our families and my parents and MIL and FIL are coming out for brunch and then to celebrate Brandon's birthday. I really feel like it's all about compromise. We try to rotate holidays as much as possible. I love my family and in-laws sooooo very much but sometimes I just want to be at home and not travelling. Our parents are very understanding of that though which helps a lot.

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