So I'm sorry to keep bringing this up and venting about it but I had a total meltdown this weekend at the hospital tour.
We toured the hospital I was originally planning on delivering at, the one that has a ban on VBACs. The L&D rooms were beautiful but if we go there I won't get to use them. The post-partum rooms were ok and there is a small chance that they might double up but I'm guessing they won't double me up if I'm a c-section patient. Their NICU is awesome but obviously I hope we don't need it. We went ahead and pre-registered anyway.
Katie asked me last week what it was about c-sections that I was so against and I couldn't quite articulate it but I know what it is now. If you deliver vaginally and the baby is doing ok it goes straight from your body to you for bonding. They don't even do the Vit K and all the testing until later, and even then it's all done in the L&D room...they don't take the baby at all unless it's a problem. If you have a c-section they let you look at the baby and then they take the baby to the nursery. The only good thing is that Chris can stay with the baby the entire time he's in the nursery. With Brandon I was the last one to hold him. My mom, my MIL, everyone held him before me. I couldn't even touch him after he was born because my hands were strapped down. I could barely see him because they made me take my contacts out. I wanted that bonding time with him and I didn't get it. I didn't see him for hours. I was also completely out of it from the meds they gave me in the OR so I feel like his birth day was a complete blur. It was hard to hear what a wonderful experience it is for the vaginal birth moms when I know if I go there I won't get to experience it...especially when it's not by my choice.
I have an NST today with MY OB so I'm going to talk to him a lot about this situation more. I'm worried about what happens if I try for the VBAC at the other hospital and Dr. Holliman (the one I don't like) isn't available. I think I would just get whatever OB is on call at the hospital, a complete stranger. That bothers me a lot. Chris is like I'm sure he's competent, but he's a guy so he doesn't know. I also read some reviews about the hospital that bothered me so I'm really hesitant about going with the VBAC right now.
If I do choose a c-section I need to find a way to be ok with it and I'm definitely not there yet but realize I need to make a decision soon (as other girls on our tour due after me already had c-section dates). Any thoughts on how I can do that? Wish me luck at my NST today and hopefully the doctor will be able to help me make a decision.