So I'm sorry to keep bringing this up and venting about it but I had a total meltdown this weekend at the hospital tour.
We toured the hospital I was originally planning on delivering at, the one that has a ban on VBACs. The L&D rooms were beautiful but if we go there I won't get to use them. The post-partum rooms were ok and there is a small chance that they might double up but I'm guessing they won't double me up if I'm a c-section patient. Their NICU is awesome but obviously I hope we don't need it. We went ahead and pre-registered anyway.
Katie asked me last week what it was about c-sections that I was so against and I couldn't quite articulate it but I know what it is now. If you deliver vaginally and the baby is doing ok it goes straight from your body to you for bonding. They don't even do the Vit K and all the testing until later, and even then it's all done in the L&D room...they don't take the baby at all unless it's a problem. If you have a c-section they let you look at the baby and then they take the baby to the nursery. The only good thing is that Chris can stay with the baby the entire time he's in the nursery. With Brandon I was the last one to hold him. My mom, my MIL, everyone held him before me. I couldn't even touch him after he was born because my hands were strapped down. I could barely see him because they made me take my contacts out. I wanted that bonding time with him and I didn't get it. I didn't see him for hours. I was also completely out of it from the meds they gave me in the OR so I feel like his birth day was a complete blur. It was hard to hear what a wonderful experience it is for the vaginal birth moms when I know if I go there I won't get to experience it...especially when it's not by my choice.
I have an NST today with MY OB so I'm going to talk to him a lot about this situation more. I'm worried about what happens if I try for the VBAC at the other hospital and Dr. Holliman (the one I don't like) isn't available. I think I would just get whatever OB is on call at the hospital, a complete stranger. That bothers me a lot. Chris is like I'm sure he's competent, but he's a guy so he doesn't know. I also read some reviews about the hospital that bothered me so I'm really hesitant about going with the VBAC right now.
If I do choose a c-section I need to find a way to be ok with it and I'm definitely not there yet but realize I need to make a decision soon (as other girls on our tour due after me already had c-section dates). Any thoughts on how I can do that? Wish me luck at my NST today and hopefully the doctor will be able to help me make a decision.
Last edited by nori_garsi; 08-16-2011 at 11:58 AM.
Lenora & Chris 01.16.10
DS Brandon 05.13.07
DS CJ 10.06.11
*Co-moderator of January-June '07 and September '11*
My suggestion would be to talk with your OB about your cesearean options. Are there things that are optional, like having them undo one arm so you can touch your baby. also, ask your husband that no one besides him hold the baby until you do. at the hospital I intern at we ask that no family/friends come into the recovery room or postpartum until mom and baby have had time to bond, at least an hour after mom feels better. Some people decide not to do it that way because the family wants to see the baby, but in my opinion it is totally rude to sit around in a patients room 20 mintues after having surgery and not letting mom start to feel better! I actually recommend asking family to wait 4-8 hours after the time of surgery to even come to the hospital when i teach prenatal classes. that way everyone knows ahead of time there is no reason to come!
Oh and talk with your dr about the options for medications during the surgery. Are there any alternatives that can be used to decrease the amount of time you feel groggy or sick.
I know you really want to VBAC and i'm pulling for you!! But I think if you have a back up plan in place then you can atleast make sure that you don't have the same negatives as last time.
IBCLC Intern, Almost there!!!!
Wyatt Rett 2-27-09
Reagan Jean 9-15-11
Moderator of Everything Breastfeeding!
Co-Moderator of September 09
Lenora- I completely feel your pain. With my first 2 c/s I had the exact same experiences you did.
With my last (12/09) I talked to my doc at length, the one who would be schedulded to do the c/s) and told him everything I wanted. Since it was scheduled, I had a spinal which was easy to handle, no arms strapping, I wanted to see baby dirty and wanted to see him before he left tge room. I got to snuggle him while DH held him for me because I didn't trust holding him yet.
DH stayed with him in my room and I told them no testing with out parental consent and which things we did and didn't want and wrote them in my birth plan and gave it to everyone...doctors, nurses, and they pinned it in my chart and on my patient tack board.
I was in my room with my new baby and DH within 15 minutes of him being born and within less than 10 minutes I had him in my arms and was feeding him. My hospital says no other family members until mom, dad, and baby have at least 1 hour bonding and then it's only if you agree you're ready. Perhaps you can also state that in your plan?
Lastly, this time around, I plan to ask my DH to leave DS with me to snuggle a bit longer before they go to the room and, while I'm waiting for the meds/nausea to retreat while in my room I plan to ask DH to unwrap DS and put him on my chest so we can be together until I feel I can sit up without the nausea.
I hope you can get to a place you feel comfortable with whatever decision you make. Just because you're having a c/s doesn't mean you have to forego all the lovely bonding that happens right after birth. Good luck!!!
My hospital has it so that the baby is always with you now. They did clean him up but he stayed with me and I got to BF him within 30 mins.
Now with DD she had low BS and had to go to the nursery for 4 hrs. that was difficult but it would have been done whether she was born vaginally or section.
Lenora, talk with your OB and see if you can come to a plan. My OB told me that if he is in town and not on call that I can have him paged and he will come deliver! Of course he is scheduled on vacation starting the end of this week so I dont know if that will happen, but at this point I dont care! LOL
That is such a tough position to be in! I hope your talk with the OB at your NST today can help you clarify your options and help you make a decision.
Star told me that you can specifically put in your birth plan that no one gets to hold/touch the baby other than Dad until you are out of the OR and have had a chance to bond. The same thing happened to me when I had DS - everyone got to see/touch him in the NICU while I was still recovering from hemorraging. It still breaks my heart. DH and I discussed it and we talked to our families about it and they were all very supportive (at least to our faces!) about us being the only ones to see/touch the baby if that same type of situation arose this time. I wrote it ALL OVER my birth plan too.
Good luck, Lenora!
If the baby is stable, there is NO reason why they cant 1) unstrap at least 1 arm, 2) wrap him in blankets and 3) let DH hold him and you touch him while they finish the surgery, and 4) go WITH you to recovery. If he ISNT stable, of course he would have to go to the nursery, but that is where the "nobody but my DH and medical personnell involved in baby's care may touch/hold him" part comes in. I also dont "get" why they would force you to take out your contacts for an elective c-section. Could you bring your glasses with you just in case?
I have ALL of that in the "c-section contingency" part of my birth plan, just like I had it last time. Just because somethign is standard operating procedure at a hospital does NOT mean that you HAVE to go along with it just because. Granted, last time, by the time I HAD my c-section, i was so out of it, that I told DH to take him to the nursery and get the bath etc over with while they finished up, but he was with me within 5 minutes of my coming out of the OR.
Definitely talk to your OB about it and talk to the anesthesiologist AND THE NURSES prior to your c-section (if you choose to go that way).
It's so hard feeling like you don't have choices. I hope you can come to a decision that you feel comfortable with. Like others said, I would definitely talk to your OB about c-section options, if it looks like VBAC is ruled out. When DD was born, it was an emergency c-section and I was under general anesthesia, so even DH didn't get to be in the room. But, they brought him in the second DD was okay, and they brought her to me the second I woke up from the c-section, so there was only about one hour in between her being born and me being awake and holding her. Even though they did they best they could, it was still really hard to feel like I completely missed her birth.
This time around, a second c-section really scares me too, but after talking to the midwives and my doula, I'm feeling better about what would happen if I ended up in a c-section (I'm planning a VBAC) because of some changes they are making for a more family-centered c-section. If I were to end up in a c-section, they now allow two support people to be in the room (so I could have both DH and my doula). They elevate the table a little and lower the curtain a bit so that, while you still can't see your incision, your view of the baby being born is similar to a vaginal delivery. They don't strap down your arms, and they immediately place the baby on your chest and you can breastfeed immediately. Even if your hospital isn't willing to do all of these things, I would definitely push for some of them- whatever is most important to you. My mom said that with both of her c-sections they didn't strap down her arms and they gave my brother and I to her immediately, and let her start breastfeeding... and that was back in 1980 and 1984. It can definitely be done, and even though it might be a slight annoyance to them to alter their regular routine, let them know how important it is to you, and that you're going to insist on it. Hospital policies aren't law, and they can't force you to do anything you don't want to. Okay, that got really long-winded- sorry! I just know how hard it is to have a very different birth experience than you wanted/thought you would have, and I really want this one to be better for you! I am still keeping my fingers crossed that you will find a way to VBAC! If not, I hope you can work something out and come up with a way of doing the c-section that you are more comfortable with!
i have no advice to offer you, but i hope in the end, you get what you want!
WIth that said, thanks for posting this. Reading through this has got me thinking bout the "what if" side of things that i didnt think about. i would definately not want ANYONE to hold or bond with my baby before i had a chance too, with the exception of my husband. i had just talked to my dr this morning about my birth plan, what little there is. i will defiantely type somethng up now and make it clear that should something happen, the baby goes to noone besides Brian. I can see my mom having a problem with this though....oh well!
I think you've gotten some great advice! I'd definitely talk to your dr about your csection options if a VBAC is out of the question. I think having a plan and being comfortable with that plan could help you come to terms with a csection Either way I hope that whatever ends up happening you get an experience that you are happy with
DD1- July 2004
DD2- April 2006
DS1- December 2009
DS2- August 2011