Not ready and feeling trapped... (long vent)

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mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272
Not ready and feeling trapped... (long vent)

Can I just say I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed these days? First, I'm not ready to have this baby, not for labor and delivery, not for actually having the baby, not for a potential NICU stay almost an hour away from our house. Not ready, at all. My contractions make me feel like a ticking timebomb!
Anyways, so when I was at the hospital I got a chance to talk to them about their 'procedures. First, they don't let moms catch their own babies and they looked at me like I was crazy when I asked. This is one of the things I loved most about DS' birth and my most vivid memory of any of my births. Second, any baby under 36 weeks, no matter what, is taken to the NICU for at least 24 hours. Even if they are doing fine, they have to stay in the NICU a minimum of 24 hours. I just really don't want to deliver there, my midwife can't deliver me there, I have absolutely no chance of getting a waterbirth there and honestly I feel like if I have to deliver there I stand almost no chance of a natural birth, despite just having one. The one nurse made some comment when I said I was going to deliver naturally along the lines of "we'll see about that". I called the hospital I *want* to deliver at today, it's where I delivered my son and I loved it there and the nurses were all great, they are very used to natural births and low intervention. They said 36 weeks is the absolute minimum...even if I go the day before I turn 36 weeks I have to go to the other hospital and they really prefer for you to be 37 weeks (the lady on the phone was trying to insist on 37 weeks until I pointed out that I delivered my son there less than 2 years ago at 36 weeks). Right now 12 days seems so short and yet so incredibly out of reach...not even thinking about 19 more days. I just don't know that I'll get there as much as I'd love to and nobody around me seems to think I will (my phone is ringing off the hook the last two days people calling to see how I'm 'feeling'). I just want to cry, this is definitely our last baby and I really wanted another great eperience like I had with DS and I feel like it's slipping away from me.
I'm just really, really frustrated and feel like I have absolutely no choice at this point.
If you read that you get a cookie Wink I just needed to complain a bit I guess. I'm feeling so stuck right now.

Joined: 12/21/09
Posts: 344

I think you should unplug the phone, and plant yourself in bed for a very long time.

skylersmomma's picture
Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 927

:bigarmhug:
I agree unplug the phone and curl up and relax.
Hope your feeling better crossing my fingers and saying a prayer you make it too 36 wks.

Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I hope you can keep that baby in there long enough to deliver at your hospital of choice.

heatherliz2002's picture
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

:bigarmhug:

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Have you thought about having a doula or someone with you who can advocate for you? Just remember the hospital can't make you do anything you're not okay with, although it is definitely a lot easier when they are on the same page as you, instead of having to fight against them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you make it to 36 weeks and can deliver at the hospital of your choice! I know it's hard when you have kiddos demanding your attention, but try to rest and relax as much as you can!

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

"heatherliz2002" wrote:

:bigarmhug:

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Have you thought about having a doula or someone with you who can advocate for you? Just remember the hospital can't make you do anything you're not okay with, although it is definitely a lot easier when they are on the same page as you, instead of having to fight against them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you make it to 36 weeks and can deliver at the hospital of your choice! I know it's hard when you have kiddos demanding your attention, but try to rest and relax as much as you can!

Agreed.

Mandi!! I wish I could give you a giant hug - just reading your post stressed me out. What horrible hospital policies & I 2nd what Heather has just said - they are policies, not Law & if you can maybe a Doula might help especially if you end up delivering at the hospital your not wanting to Sad I'm so sorry & can completely understand why you are upset & feeling trapped & hope like crazy that you make it to 36 or even 36+ weeks. One word of encouragement - while pregnant with my twin boys I went into labor at 33 weeks & felt much as you did, I still had lots of contractions, lots of braxton hicks & lots of discharge but made it to 38wks, despite everyone telling me I wouldn't make it past 34 weeks. So hang in there & try & keep positive! And rest, rest, rest!! (((giant hugs)))

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

Thanks for listening to me Smile I would love to get a doula but I'm just not sure about it. I don't know where I'd even look and then there's the fact that I never planned to have one so we really haven't budgeted for it. The difference between the two hospitals is huge considering they are affiliated. With my son at the hospital I want, the nurses were some of the best 'doulas' I could have hoped for. I'm going to look into a few things tonight and try and ignore everyone and get myself in a better place mentally.

cherylfhorn's picture
Joined: 08/24/08
Posts: 600

Don't stress over this too much cause you don't want to put yourself into labor. Just relax and stay in bed as much as possible. Remember I went in at 32 weeks & my docs didn't expect me to make it 3 days. But here I am at almost 37 weeks. You can do it! This may sound crazy but seriously talk to your LO. I completely believe in the power of your brain convincing your body to do stuff. I hope it all.works out & you can deliver where and how you want.

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

I can totally understand they way you're feeling right now. It sucks when you have your heart set on a certain birthing experience only to have it threatened. I hope you are able to make it to 36 weeks so you can deliver at the hospital you want.

Joined: 12/21/10
Posts: 529

**Lurker**

I am sorry you are having to go through this and and I totally understand as this is our one and only child and I desperately want the birth I want.

Anyway, regarding the doula...check with DONA as at our childbirth classes a "trainee" was there and she was working on her certification and has to do "x" number of births for her certification and she was doing them for donations. That might help with your budgeting concerns.

Good luck and I hope that you get the birth you desire.

Joined: 07/12/06
Posts: 831

Oh No! HUGS! I totally understand your feelings about not wanting to deliver at the first hospital. They don't sound very patient friendly. I think the other ladies have given you some good ideas on how to handle things if you have to deliver at the first hospital. If you have time, you might want to check out this book, "The Birth Partner", http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Partner-Complete-Childbirth-Companions/dp/1558323570 It's an amazing resource for anyone who can stand in as a doula for your or even for your DH to help you feel more comfortable. There is a kindle version available.