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cherylfhorn's picture
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 08/24/08
Posts: 600

I've been debating about posting this for about a week now and I think it is time I at least expressed my thoughts. I know this board is all about support and sometimes we don't think about what we are saying but we all need to be careful about what we post. I have not been on here because of a few posts that upset me SO much I didnt know if I could come back. There were some posts about breastmilk and stuff on here complaining about having too much etc. I tried everything under the sun to breastfeed but my body refused and dried up after 2 weeks. I cried for weeks and still do sometimes because I feel so inadequate about not being able to produce milk. I know its not my fault but it still is a really sensitive subject. I know I am not the only one on here with my problem. If it effects me I have a feeling a few others might be effected as well. So PLEASE be careful what you say and be aware that others are not as lucky and you might be hurting someones feelings. I dont want to make anyone mad but I had to post this cause it was bothering too much. We all need to be careful what we say sometime, myself included.

Starflyr's picture
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 10/20/07
Posts: 428

There are SO many variables in everyone's life, I know that all of us will have at least one issue where we feel like we havent been "good enough" as mommies. It's really hard to post anything whether it be a good thing or a challenge without potentially offending someone.

My personal trigger issue is that I (apparantly) cannot give birth vaginally no matter what. In fact, with my son it was SUCH a big deal that we overcame a lot of other issues in my quest to "make it up to him" that I "cheated" him out of a vaginal/natural delivery.

I TOTALLY hear what you're saying, about subjects being really sensitive. I hope that my posts about Cassandra didnt upset you (or anyone else!). That was not the intention of the postings, it was more sharing the experience of the early weeks of motherhood, and the challenges that WE are facing (especially with the tongue tie and everything)

I have to work pretty hard to not feel inadequate or bitter when I read others "perfect natural birth" stories, especially since I "failed" again with Cassandra.

In the end, it is not breastfeeding or bottle feeding, c-section or vaginal delivery that matter... it is the mother-child relationship and how it grows, and I think that THAT is more what people are here posting about. Each mommy has her own experiences and challenges to face. Having a challenge in one way or another doesnt make people who DONT have that particular challenge better or worse than the people who DO.

It is very difficult to grieve the loss of something that you value very highly, whether that be breastfeeding or something else.

Be easy on yourself. If a post upsets you, try not to read it, and if you do read one accidentally, try not to internalize it. It's NOT easy. You are not a "bad mommy" because you didnt produce as much milk as another mommy. You are still a GOOD mommy who is still feeding her child, and I bet that your little guy is growing, happy and healthy!


Last seen: 2 months 1 week ago
Joined: 09/09/08
Posts: 665

I can understand how you feel. I didn't get to breastfeed yet again because I didn't make much milk either. It does make me really sad sometimes reading about everyone else getting to breastfeed. I feel like I am the only one formula feeding, and like something is wrong with me because breastfeeding is supposed to be natural, and it just doesn't work for me.

I just try to keep reminding myself that I am doing what's best for MY baby.

mandi04's picture
Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

Like Kalee said we need to do what is best for each of our babies.
This board is to support everyone though and honestly the post to Sonia was pretty insensitive in itself. I know how you are feeling, no matter what I tried with DD1 she would NOT latch, she screamed and cried everytime I'd so much as attempt to get her to latch and I tried for weeks and then felt like people were telling me I wasn't trying enough and then another half were questioning why I was even trying. Add to that I had postpartum depression and seriously felt like my baby hated me. It took a while to be able to read posts about breastfeeding and it probably took until I did breastfeed our second baby to be able to not feel a sting whenever I'd read about it.
BUT when it's going good you want to celebrate it, and when you are having problems you want someone who understands. It's a good idea to avoid those posts if they are going to be hard for you to read. I think it was Star that pointed out that different posts can be painful for many people. We have women on these boards that struggle with different things whether that's breastfeeding, their birth experience, infertility, illness, ect. Just like you told Sonia to be glad she could breastfeed you have to think of the women who would say be glad your child is alive and healthy. If we stopped posting about our joys and problems it wouldn't really be a support board anymore.
I really struggled with writting this post so I hope it doesn't come off badly, I just don't think that not posting about breastfeeding at all is a good solution anymore than not posting birth stories anymore or pregnancy announcements would be.

bamsmom's picture
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

Everyone has successes and 'failures' in motherhood. We live and learn from them. Its boards like these that help us all during these times by giving support. We are all Mom's....we need to be here for each other. Whether its advice, a shoulder to cry on or a high five...that IS what we are here for. I am sorry that some posts hurt your feelings, but unfortunately everyone is going to run into these types of issues, try not to take it personally!

LizzyLaw06's picture
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 497

Hugs girl.

We should be able to post about the things that make us happy or sad but I agree sometimes people just need to think about what they say. Sometimes as simple as the way they word stuff.
I don't think that means not posting something at all of our own topics for fear of upsetting someone. Like pp said, sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on or a high five. Whatever the case may be.
My march 08 board lost a good 75% of our members about 6 months into our babies being here because one person said something and the entire thing got out of control. I would hate for that to happen here.

ekcanada's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

I tHink it is important for us to be able to post about all our struggles and successes in our lives. We are friends and in many cases the best place for advice we have.

Just like the others situations and goings on, we would love to help you overcome your feelings about not being able to nurse. I do feel that if those of us who are struggling with an overabundance of milk have every right to request the supoport and help of those on the board as those who are not able to nurse or have chosen not to.

I hope you continue to post more about your journey with jayden and know that you are doing everything you need to, to give him what he needs

It is such an emotional subject. Ithinkwe all need to keep in mind that.