I just need to let it all out ladies.. I'm feeling so darn horrible about myself here lately I can't stand it!!
First, you all know I love Kyan and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world... I do however want to know... Why me?? I was getting my life together, furthering my education, lost over 100lbs, was feeling great about myself... Now I got kicked out of school, I hardly go anywhere anymore, I've gained 50 (YES 50) of the 100lbs I lost back and life more often than not sucks. I know I'll get back to where I was before I got pregnant but man... I an't tell you how on top of the world I truly felt!! This has been the hardest pregnancy I've ever had both mentally and physically. As bad as I hurt I'm basically bed bound.. And that in itself is wearing on my mentality.
Second, I wish my 9yr old would come around to the baby.. He's been at his grandparents house going on 3 weeks now and I do miss him. I don't miss the devil child he's become but I do miss HIM. He's so mean and hateful towards his 6yr old brother that we've got to keep them seperated. I'm waiting on the dr, who's booked solid, to give me a call so I can take him to the dr and see if he's bipolar like me. Which I honestly believe he is.. And I'd like for him to get help with that... If he's not I'd love for the dr to give me a lil insight as to whats going on and what I can do to modify his behavior towards the better... I know right now he hates me and I try and try to convince him that this isn't all my fault! He see's it no other way though.
Third, I'm tired.. I'm ready for this to all be over with so I can get back to life.. I'm ready to be one person again! I'm not looking forward to recovery.. Cause I'm a csection mom but it's got to be done!!
If you made it this far in my pitty party, TY for reading. <3
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. To be honest, this pregnancy wasn't planned and the babies couldn't have come at a worst time, but I'm firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You were meant to have this baby now, the reason may not be clear yet. Hope you are able to get your son to the Doc. thats not something you want to be dealing with when you are pregnant. It wil get better.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Ours wasn't planned either and we got our BFP just 3 months after moving in together. There's always a silver lining somewhere and I hope you'll see it soon. We're all here should you need us to talk or vent.
#1 - Thalia Elizabeth - born 9/1/2011, 9:40am 3lbs. 15oz, 16"
My September '11 Space
I'm sorry you're feeling so down...honestly this is the part of the pregnancy when I start getting down too, the insomnia and discomfort just start getting to you and you can't wait for it to be done. It's normal, just take care of yourself!
Hang in there Scilia, you're almost at the end.
Lenora & Chris 01.16.10
DS Brandon 05.13.07
DS CJ 10.06.11
*Co-moderator of January-June '07 and September '11*
Janelle and Brad 8-25-01
so sorry you are having a rough time, I hope things turns around for you soon
DD Dec 25/03
DS Jul 08/05
DD Jun 08/10