QOTD: Age spacing pros and cons

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
indianajones's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 01/21/07
Posts: 1486
QOTD: Age spacing pros and cons

If you have two or more kids, what is the spacing between them? What do you like about that age difference? What has been challenging about it?

mandi04's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

Well the spacing between #1 - #2 and #3 - #4 is 20 months. The first time around I found it really hard, I really was not looking forward to doing it a second time. I just think that babies are still babies until they are 2 so it's hard having two babies that need a lot of attention and I really felt like DD1 lost a lot of her 'baby' time because we had DD2 so quickly. This time I'm not having quite as hard of a time as I did before, I think part of that is being more used to caring for multiple kids at a time. I do love how close DD1 and DD2 are, I love that they've always been interested in pretty much the same toys and activities and books. The cons are really just how hard it is with two babies. Right now DS1 is interested in potty training but with a newborn around the last thing I want to focus on is potty training. It can be frustrating when they are both crying and want my attention, but luckily that's been pretty rare, only a handful of times in the last 8 weeks. I think it really helps that I have the older girls this time around since DS1 likes to play with them and they like to play with him so they can occupy him when I can't (when they aren't at school).
The spacing between DD2 and DS1 is a little over 3.5 years. She was potty trained and could understand there was a baby coming and she was excited about it. I guess a con could be that if she were an only child to begin with it might be harder the older they are and the more alone time they have with mom and dad to adjust to having a new sibling.
We really didn't plan any spacings but the one between DD2 and DS1 but I think it worked out perfectly. DD1 never remembers being an only child and then the girls are close and I had a little break and then had the boys close. I don't really prefer one spacing over the other at this point. If I were to have only had two kids I definitely would've wanted them less than 3-4 years apart, my brother and I are 5.5 years apart and we really never played together or had any of the same interests whether that was in places we were going, toys, anything really. I felt like an only child for the most part since by the time I was old enough to remember anything he was always gone at friends houses/school activities/ect.
If we were to have another, which we're not, it'd just depend on how many more we'd have. I wouldn't want one at the end with a big gap in age when all the other kids have someone close in age.

indianajones's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 01/21/07
Posts: 1486

My girls are almost exactly 4 years apart.

Pros: DD1 was old enough during the pgcy to have some understanding of what was happening. We could talk through it, she could participate in preparing for baby, etc. Now that baby is here, she can be a help to me (if she is in the mood, lol) by getting out diapers, picking out outfits, entertaining baby while I'm changing her, etc. She seems to enjoy her "big kid" role and knowing that there are lots of things she can do that the baby can't (reach the light switch, go potty, buckle her seatbelt, ride a bike). She is also generally independent enough that she can entertain herself while I tend to baby.

Cons: None yet, but I anticipate that as they get older, they will have very little in the way of common interests, and that might make it hard for them to play together or get along.

skylersmomma's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 day ago
Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 927

Kesler and skyler are almost 8 yrs apart and with skyler having sum special needs i think it is a great age difference for me. altho its is like starting all over again forgot how little babies are Smile

Nell4Him's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

DS's #1 and #2 are almost 5 years apart (4 years 8 months) and I was SOO worried about the change from being an only child for so long to being a big brother. I was thinking that he'd ask us to take him back to the hospital. But he never did. He's in love with his little brother still. And little brother simply adores him. He's his little copy cat/clone. Of course, DS#1 is starting to get a little tired of it. I try to give him breaks from his big brother role, but he can't seem to stop helping with him. He's got a natural parenting skill to him. If little brother needs help with his shoes, he's on it. If he needs help getting in and out of his high chair, he's on it. So much responsibility falls on him that I fear he's gonna not be a child like he's supposed to be. He's so mature (he's 7 now). We were kinda planning on 2 years and 9 months apart the first go round. In fact, I was about 6 weeks pregnant when DS#1 turned 2, but we had a m/c the day after his 2nd birthday party (Easter 2006). God simply had other plans. But it worked out cause we didn't want 2 in diapers at the same time and Jacob was potty trained for almost a full year by the time Daniel came along.

Now, Daniel and Evie are almost 32 months apart, right where Jacob and the angel baby would have been. Boy I tell you. It's not easy. Daniel is having night terrors and has random series of tempter tantrums (a few a day for a few days in a row), and he's still in diapers. Of course, he's delayed in communication and fine motor skills, and we JUST got him evaluated right before Evie was born. He now has a "teacher" coming in to our home 2x each month and a speech pathologist who visits 2x each month. I'm still trying to figure out my schedule. Add to that the fact that I'm actually making exercise a priority for me and the 7 year old no longer being able to ride the bus (our choice) because he conveniently left his homework on it (yay me)..... I'm one crazy woman right now. Lol

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 707

DS #1 is 7 MINUTES older than DS#2 ;-). That one I had no choice in the matter...lol. Although they were by FAR my easiest babies. DS#3 was born THE DAY AFTER K and K's FIRST Bday (so I had 3 kids 12 months and younger). It was EXTREMELY difficult the first 5 months or so. K and K didn't start walking until 15ish months old so I had 3 babies that had to be carried or put in a stroller. Needless to say I didn't do much without another adult during those months. DS #3 and DD #1 are 3.5 yrs apart and it was good. all the boys knew what was going on and were excited while I was preg. They also were all in Headstart so I had a few hours aday with just baby. She was 4 when Ds#4 was born....that age difference has bbeen fairly easy as well. DS#4 will be 4 next month so he was 3 yrs 10 months when Alli was born. And he loves her to death.

What is wierd for me right now is the fact that I have 12 yr old boys and a newborn :-).

And I know some of you have mentioned waiting longer so you would only have one in diapers......this should make you feel better. I HAVE BEEN BUYING DIAPERS OR PULLUPS SINCE APRIL 1999 (before that if you count what we bought before the twins were born)

Starflyr's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 10/20/07
Posts: 428

Brayden is 3.25 and Cassandra is 6 weeks now, its working well. He was potty trained aroudn the time we found out we were pregnant, and he isnt too jealous. It works very well Biggrin

We also have an 18 year old and THAT has been challenging..dealing with Senior year, college applications, driving, dating and all that with a toddler and a newborn is VERY tough.

Offline
Last seen: 5 months 1 week ago
Joined: 09/09/08
Posts: 665

Mason was about 28 months when Shaylynn was born. Honestly it was a lot harder while I was pregnant than now because I felt awful while pregnant and was so weak all the time and always having contractions, and could hardly bend over to help Mason take his pants off/on to go potty. Now that I can function somewhat normally again, it's not too bad. Shaylynn is very easy though. The hardest part now is trying to go anywhere with 2 (or 3 since I take care of my almost 4 year old nephew).

I definitely want to wait longer before having another baby though in case I have another difficult pregnancy, I want Shaylynn to be 100% potty trained before getting pregnant again. We started potty training about the time I found out I was pregnant, so it was a long 9 months. And he is actually doing much better potty wise since Shaylynn was born.

heatherliz2002's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

Catie and Ronan are almost exactly three years apart (their birthdays are about three weeks apart). So far it has been good. Catie is old enough to understand, help out a little bit, and is independent enough that I don't have my hands too full. But, she's still young enough to want to play with him. My brother and I are 3 1/2 years apart, and we've always been close, so I feel like three years is a good spacing.

Nell4Him's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

"mommy2four" wrote:

And I know some of you have mentioned waiting longer so you would only have one in diapers......this should make you feel better. I HAVE BEEN BUYING DIAPERS OR PULLUPS SINCE APRIL 1999 (before that if you count what we bought before the twins were born)

Gotta give you props! That's a lot of butt wiping Wink

But seriously, I respect you. I used to always want twins. Twice the work, but twice the blessing. Smile

Offline
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 07/12/06
Posts: 831

DS1 and DD1 are 2 years and 3 weeks apart. DD1 and Selah are exactly 2 1/2 years apart. I love this spacing. Don't think I'd want them spread out more. My first two are best friends! They are great entertaining themselves while I feed/take care of S.

mom22sofar's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
Joined: 02/20/09
Posts: 306

I have both, close and big age gaps-my first two are 18 months apart, then five years and the next two are less than 16 months apart. We love that the kids each have a playmate close in age, but it is crazy for a while. The older two now totally help with the little ones, which is the big difference, the first time, I didn't have extra hands to help me, and parking lots were my biggest nightmare. Now I can have the older ones help and they are awesome

Prudence's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/02/05
Posts: 256

We have almost perfect 3 year apart spacing on our baby boys... 09/05, 08/08, 09/11- and I love their spacing. They are far enough apart that it's been easier raising each boy, but they are close enough together that they will always be best friends. I make it a point to tell the boys that they will always have each other, they always need to look out and listen to each other, and they definitely love each other (and hate each other at times too- LOL).

Now, our oldest two are 16 and 11- boy/girl-and they are at each other's throat almost all of the time. Although it is improving as the 16 year old is learning to turn the other cheek. The 11 year old also has issues with the 6 and 3 year old. So I'm not sure if it's just a girl thing or a preteen thing or what.

nori_garsi's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 12 months ago
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

They are about a four year difference.

I like that Brandon is somewhat independent and can help me more around the house. I honestly couldn't imagine having two under two, I think I would go crazy. I also like that Brandon is in preschool so I get a small break during the day where it's just me and baby.

The one con is that they are a bit farther in age so they may not have as much in common as they get older.