Social Services (OT)

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ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707
Social Services (OT)

Airing dirty laundry and a personal relief of tension...

I called child protective services on my sister today.

She is 5 years younger than me. Two kids, two different Dads. She moved out of the house at 15, dropped out of school in grade 10 and has been a burden on my family ever since. She finally started to turn her life around in January. She entered a program to become a personal care assistant. She managed o finish the program top of her class. Around the time she graduated, her relationship with her boyfriend fell apart and he moved out.

She hasn't got a job since graduation, she is dating a new guy so she is out all day and night and leaving the kids with sitters or at daycare. My parents support her entirely.

I have been worried about the kids for awhile. When I saw them today, my niece hugged me for a long time and neither of the kids were smiling. When my sister finally showed up she barely greeted them and they barely acknowledged her. The house smelled awful (I didn't even go inside!).

This isn't the first time she has been trouble so there is an open case with social services. My parents and I disagree about how to handle the situation (I think they are enabling her). DH and I are also struggling with whether or not we are prepared to take the kids if social services feel my sister is an unfit parent.

The kicker is also that it takes a lot to have. Child removed from it's parents. There has to be abuse, neglect (ie children are being left alone), significant behaviors, etc. So according to SS mandate, the children are not "at risk".

I am a bit heartbroken and unsure of what to do. I want to do more but my hands are a bit tied and I am also being selfish in that don't want to take in 2 kids. I am also angry at my parents although I know they struggle, maybe more then I do. I also know they are worried sick as well for the kids.

Thanks for letting me vent, no comments are needed just needed to get it off my chest and tell someone that didn't know my parents or my sister...

Cherrykitten's picture
Joined: 07/03/08
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Joined: 07/15/07
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Disneykat's picture
Joined: 01/02/07
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:bigarmhug: Erin

heatherliz2002's picture
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

:bighug: Such a hard situation to be in. I'm so sorry.

lamonsgrl's picture
Joined: 09/18/04
Posts: 1023

Sorry you are put in this situation. Big hugs sweetie!

jonibug's picture
Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 781

Big hugs, thank you for being brave enough to put the kids first. That is never easy.

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
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Joined: 04/24/11
Posts: 1253

I'm so sorry, I deal with the same thing in that my brother and his wife are low lifes and don't deserve their daughter. But I've been told to stay out of it by my parents. So sorry that you are dealing with this in the state you are in.

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

Thanks ladies

bamsmom's picture
Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 1635

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but it is the right thing to do if you are truly concerned! Children are the most factor..HUGS!

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

I can completely understand where you are coming from! 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Daniel, my mom and dad took my sisters kids from her and told her to straighten up. Their house was a mess, they were constantly yelling at the kids, the kids had missed more days of school for lice and the fact that my sister simply wasn't getting up in the morning to make sure they got ready for school. She kinda had given up on being a parent and life in general.

My mom has taught parenting classes for a Child Protective Services program and is therefore a "mandatory reporter" and could have lost her job for not reporting my sister. She took pity on her and finally (after months of struggling) took the kids. She told my sister that she had no choice and that it was either that or reporting her and having the state take them. Only if the state took them, then we weren't sure where the kids would end up because my parent's house isn't legally big enough to house a boy and a girl (they have to have separate bedrooms).

DH and I discussed taking the kids in if asked to as we had the best living "situation" for them. We have a 3 bedroom house and we could have put my niece in her own room... but we were nearing the end of our pregnancy and weren't sure we could handle the stress.

My parents ended up having the kids for 3 months. The first month my sister chose to party instead of clean up her house and her act and DH and I finally decided that if she didn't step up we would take them in. NOT an easy decision for us and we still weren't sure how we were going to handle going from a 4 year old and one on the way to having a 6 year old, a 5 year old (they are 18 months apart) a 4 year old and a newborn. Talk about stress, eh?

My sister did end up stepping up, though. She kicked her dead beat husband to the curb and my parents returned the kids to my sister after 3 months.

While it's a very DIFFICULT decision to make, I am super proud of you for stepping up and calling. :bigarmhug:

I will pray for your family and that the right decisions are made by the state and everyone else involved.

MandyMommyto1's picture
Joined: 06/27/09
Posts: 534

So sorry you're having to deal with this hon. We're always here if you need to vent Smile

skylersmomma's picture
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nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

:bigarmhug: What a difficult situation to be in. Vent away...

katielee83's picture
Joined: 11/13/08
Posts: 493

I'm so sorry, Erin. I hope a good outcome for the kids results from you taking the step to call social services. That would be such a hard position to be in. Thinking of you and your family!

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

I think as adults it's our job to protect children, whether or not it's in the adult's (parent's) best interest. I think you did the right thing (if my opinion matters at all)

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

Again thanks ladies! Nothing has changed, I don't know when SS will drop by so I will not hear anything until then.

Yesterday, she was late picking the kids up from daycare so I rushed to get them (she showed up as I was getting their).

I had a meeting with m minister today to help me work through some things. Right now it is wait and see though. The situation is not severe enough for the authorities to step in and I of course can't take the kids away without my sisters permission.

It is kind of consuming me so on the advice of my minister, I am going to take a step back unless I am needed and pray the children are not at risk. My parents are still directly involved even though I don't agree with how they are handling things, they do have the kids best intrests at heart.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!