Starting to get nervous...long

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Roobear's picture
Joined: 03/26/08
Posts: 343
Starting to get nervous...long

After everything that has gone on with this pregnancy, the difficulties DH and I were having, and all the uncertanties, the last few weeks we've seemed to settle into some sort of normalcy. We're still no where near ready for this baby, but I think that has more to do with us being disorganized and busy than anything else.

Things with DH and I have been better, we're talking more, he's talking about the baby, he's getting involved with getting Hailey ready, we're even having some sex! But I spent so long trying to be upbeat and strong about the situation with the baby's arm that I think its hitting me now what's coming.

I'm getting scared. Scared that despite all the testing we've missed something, something big. That the baby won't just be missing half an arm. I had similar fears before H was born, that something was missed and she wouldn't be healthy. I'm trying to chalk it up to "I know too much about all the bad things that can happen". We're finally going to meet with the prosthetic department to talk about our options after baby is here, so I think that will help. I'm a planner, I like to have an idea of whats going to happen.

I've been having some fairly irrational fears lately too. The big one is that Hailey is going to drown at the cottage. I can see her in my mind floating in the lake and it scares the hell out of me. So much so that we got her a new life jacket this past weekend, and I've told DH we're only going up 2 more times before baby. She's never alone at the water, but for some reason its all I can think of. My other fear for her is that she's going to get run over in our driveway. We have a long one, and last summer and this one something like 5 kids in Toronto were killed in their own driveways by relatives backing in/out and not seeing them. Again, she's never out there by herself, and she knows the rules about staying off the driveway, but it still worries me.

I am also scared something is going to happen to DH, unrelated to his liver disease (he's actually doing really well and feels great). He went to help my girlfriend who got a flat on the highway, and I was terrified he was going to get hit by a car while changing it.

I'm going to chalk it all up to lack of sleep and nervousness about actually facing the reality of having this baby soon. I think my fears about the baby are manifesting themselves into other things. I hate it when things are out of my control!!!

BloomingRose's picture
Joined: 12/03/08
Posts: 992

:bighug: Oh gosh, I can't imagine how you feel. It's one thing, and very natural to worry about the baby, but as you said, when one thing starts leading to bigger things, it's really hard to deal with. I know it's hard but have you tried thinking about all the GOOD things about the baby? Things like, lots of movements, what he/she is going to look like, how much hair will he/she have when born etc. Have you maybe tried going away with just hubby for a weekend and doing something fun while DD is at relatives? That may help.

I'm glad that you and hubby are working things out and things are getting much better between the 2 of you. It's hard to deal with everything you are going through and having a hubby not on board just makes things that much worse. I can relate to those feelings but on a totally different level/situation.

I think though that a weekend alone with just hubby may help... not only for you, but for both of you. Have some long talks about anything and everything EXCEPT the worries and the problems... a walk, what about a day cruise or a nice sunset one if there's places like that around? Maybe it would help bring you 2 even closer again and maybe with some good rest without DD around, you yourself will start to feel better about things?

Hang in there. Parenthood for some is a long, hard battle, and I hope that everything continues to go well Smile

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

You poor thing! You must be going out of your mind.

I say you need a nice relaxing weekend. Try and do nothing but lounge about from Friday night, relax yourself. Hopefully these fears will evaporate!


mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

:bigarmhug: if it makes you feel any better I do think some fears are completely normal during pregnancy. I know I seem to get a lot more paranoid, this time around it's been 'what if something awful happens during delivery and I don't make it', but I remember the fear during my last pregnancy that we'd be in an accident and one of our kids wouldn't make it.
I know no amount of 'reason' can make me feel better but haven't they done a few ultrasounds on your little one to check him/her out? I'd assume if there was something more they would have caught it by now.

katielee83's picture
Joined: 11/13/08
Posts: 493

So sorry you are feeling this way! I don't have any advice, but I hope that being able to come here and give voice to your fears helps you manage them. We're here for you!

mom22sofar's picture
Joined: 02/20/09
Posts: 306

Those darn hormones, I think they can cause all kinds of worry and strange dreams. I tend to worry about things too, and it is really hard not to. I always find it strange how everyone wants to tell a pregnant mama all about the horrors of child birth and things going terrribly wrong, when in reality, those occurances are so few, but they stick in our minds. I hope the bad dreams and thoughts settle down for you soon. maybe you need some positive affirmation thoughts or something to help knock the bad ones out?

skylersmomma's picture
Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 927

I dont really have an advice to give, But I understand the fears of the unknown when u know your expecting a special baby. We are here for you.
I have crazy dreams too and I freak myself out by worrying I chalk it up to pregnancy hormones.

ekcanada's picture
Joined: 05/06/09
Posts: 1707

I think your stress is more elevated than ours because you know that the LO has an "issue" (I am sorry it sounds so insensitive but I didn't know hwo else to put it).

I am always amazed that we are able to carry healthy babies. I worry until the baby is checked out that there is something wrong and then a whole new set of worries starts.

As for my family, I am constantly worried about DD and DH. Every time I go to a funeral I bawl because all I can think of is what would I do if I was there for DD or DH.

It is normal to worry, but I am so sorry you are struggling. It is great to hear that things are going better with DH and you have some plans in place for you precious little baby to get here. Correct me if I am wrong but its arm will not be an issue for awhile correct?

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

:bigarmhug: I think it's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling, and I'm sure the pregnancy hormones aren't helping. Hopefully things will get better after you talk to the prosthetic department.

heatherliz2002's picture
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

:bigarmhug: I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I'm glad things have been better with DH, though. If it makes you feel any better, I get irrational fears about DD and DH too, even when I'm not pregnant!

MandyMommyto1's picture
Joined: 06/27/09
Posts: 534

I's totally normal to have these fears - not that it makes it any easier, but, it's normal. Hormones play tricks with your head, and if your insomnia is anything like mine, those fears sure plague you when you can't sleep at 2am. I've been lying awake at night worrying too - about lots of things, money, logistics of having 2, irrational things like DH being hurt, all that. Plus babe was conceived at New Year's when there was a lot of drinking going on, so I have fears about that too.

Try to relax, we'll meet our LOs soon, and all the fears will be put to rest Smile

Roobear's picture
Joined: 03/26/08
Posts: 343

Thanks for all your support ladies. I'm a worrier by nature, so between the hormones and the lack of sleep I think its just being heightened. I told DH today that I was getting scared now that it was coming closer, and he basically said I'm not allowed to be the scared one, I need to be the one to keep it together, cause thats what he relies on! That no matter what I will be able to handle it and it keeps him calm. While I appreciate the vote of confidence, it makes it hard to talk to him about my fears for this baby.

I guess I can see where he is coming from, I spent 2 months convincing him this baby will be fine, so to now bring up all my concerns and fears seems a bit hypocritical. I'm going to email the family we were matched with through War Amps and talk to the mum about my feelings. I'm also actually kind of excited to meet with the prosthetic people, I got some info on the different "infant" arms they have, they're really cool! I want to hear what the recommend.

Thanks again. Its nice to know I can come on here and be crazy and not be judged harshly!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:big hug: sounds like anxiety, be careful, you could throw yourself in to a panic attack thinking about all of these scary things. Take a breather. Smile I too some times think about the what-ifs and it worries me and I quickly shake it out of my head. I know it's easier said than done. =/

LizzyLaw06's picture
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 497

"skylersmomma" wrote:

I dont really have an advice to give, But I understand the fears of the unknown when u know your expecting a special baby. We are here for you.
I have crazy dreams too and I freak myself out by worrying I chalk it up to pregnancy hormones.


sorry girl, i can understand the fears. probably from the reality that baby will be hear soon.

we are here for you

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

Hun it's not hypocritical, it's just normal. Even if you know everything will be fine it's perfectly normal to have fears! :bigarmhug: I'm expecting baby #4 and I still have fears, I'm sure yours are amplified by knowing that things are going to be a little different this time around.