Stepmom Woes...

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LauraMae78's picture
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969
Stepmom Woes...

i am so frustrated today!! my DH has a 15 year old son. obviously, i am the step mom. being a step mom is very difficult, for those who dont know this already LOL the kid calls me mom, however, i work very hard to make sure that i dont cross any boundaries or make his mom feel as if i am trying to be HER. it is hard trying to balance being a step mom and yet not making the child feel less important, KWIM? remember, my DD was my step daughter too, though now she is mine now. well, yesteday DD and i painted this wooden letter to hang in Kendra room and i put a pic up on FB with a caption that said "what the martin Gals do when we're bored". no biggie. well, my step sons gram made a few comments about "doesnt tyler count" blah blah making it sound as if i am excluding him. i wrote back that i he counts, but he wanted no parts of painting the letters. at this point i thought she misunderstood the caption. well in the end, apparently there is more to it and she wrote that she wasnt gonna get into it with me. WTF?? i was left confused and clueless! this is a woman who i talk to maybe twice a year, for a moment at a time. now i think i am being accused of excluding him. First of all, normally i wouldnt care what she thought of me. but these damn hormones make EVERYTHING bother me. so i am left feeling....just BLAH! 2nd, i am so sick and tired of the bullsh*t! if its not one thing, then its another! the last 3 weeks have been horrible! i even had a meltdown the other night about how miserable i am from al the drama and stress! 3rd, if i treated him better, everyone would be pissed at me for trying to be what im not. if i treat him as my step son, i am a b**ch for leaving him out! I CANT WIN!! not to mention that the only person i should be worried about offending is his mom! so now im wondering if there is more to it than i know, what is the REAL reasonf or all of this? 4th...why in the world would someone want to start crap on a stupid pic on FB which had nothing to do with the kid!

I know all this probably sounds silly and petty, but its just one more thing in a line of events lately. Did i mention that i hate these hormones?? LOL well, thanks for listening if you made it this far, i just needed to vent.

Barbee06's picture
Joined: 06/16/07
Posts: 176

I am sorry you are dealing with this :bigarmhug:. There is ALWAYS someone in a family that has to be a drama queen and make things out of nothing. I know it is difficult with your hormones, but try not to let her bother you.

lamonsgrl's picture
Joined: 09/18/04
Posts: 1023

I'm sorry that there is so much drama over a pic. Sounded pretty harmless to me.

ceres's picture
Joined: 03/29/05
Posts: 115

That is just obnoxious that the Gma would say something so nasty to you!! I'm a step mom but we don't get to see DH's son. We haven't seen him since I was pregnant with DS#2 Sad His mom only lets us see him when she knows it will be a huge issue for us, like a week after DS#1 was born and I was still getting used to having a newborn or right in the middle of us moving to a new house, ect.

Being a step parent is very difficult and stressful, just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about them. All that really matters is your step son in that situation, not what everyone else thinks!

BloomingRose's picture
Joined: 12/03/08
Posts: 992

Really sorry you're going through all this. It seems to me you either 1, asked him if he'd like to help, or 2, when you started he simply said no thanks. I think the woman is just trying to get you all hyped up over nothing. I can relate though, because being pregnant EVERYTHING bother's me and sometimes even more than it should. It's so hard, and the hormones definately don't help! If she's that bad, delete and block her on facebook, then she can't be nosey to see what you are, or aren't doing with him and try and stir up trouble.

MandyMommyto1's picture
Joined: 06/27/09
Posts: 534

That sucks, and that's why I don't post anything on Facebook. It invites people you barely know to intrude in your life and cause drama where there doesn't need to be any. I wouldn't put much stock into her comments, you see her twice a year.

mom22sofar's picture
Joined: 02/20/09
Posts: 306

sorry for the rude comments, sometimes you just have to ignore other peoples issues and move on, if she has an issue with you, it is up to her to take it up with you. I hate it when things get blown out of proportion

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

:bigarmhug: Sorry you are having a tough time with it.
My first thought was, are you on good enough terms to talk to your step son's mom about her feelings on it. Maybe his grandma was hearing something from his mom about him being/feeling excluded? You could just bring it up as a "You are his mom and I don't want to take your place in any way but do you feel like I should be doing more/less with him as a stepmom?" kind of thing. Not to step on toes or accuse but as a geniune question. I think it sounds like you are doing fine personally. You didn't say 'what the Martin family does when we're bored', that would be excluding him and I can't really see a teenage boy being all that interested in painting letters anyways.

LizzyLaw06's picture
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 497

the captions was 'the martin Gals' so what's the big deal. you got a fifteen year old boy who doesn't have much, if any, interest in hanging out with his step-mom or even mom! you explained to gma that he didn't want to help-which makes me assume you offered- so that was all you could do. there are people who just like to start sh*t no matter how petty or the target is.

just unfriend the bit*h. lol she's not worth your worry.

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

:bigarmhug: I'm sorry she upset you, but it doesn't sound like she's worth getting upset over, especially if you only talk to her once or twice a year. Some people are just looking for things to complain about or criticize.

Starflyr's picture
Joined: 10/20/07
Posts: 428

oh zoiks. I hate that kind of thing.

My stepdaughter is 17 and we've had some... interesting interactions.

Hey, if you like internet forums, and you want a supportive place for step issues try this place:

www.secondwivescafe.com

It's awesome. It's saved my sanity 1000 times over since I joined there. They do verify that you are who you say you are, though, to keep it safe.

:hug:

Star

Maelani's picture
Joined: 01/09/10
Posts: 275

If you don't want to remove her completely from your FB, just delete the snarky comments and pretend they never happened. You didn't do anything wrong, your caption didn't exclude your step son anymore than they excluded your husband. Some people just live to criticize. My mother is one of them. After 33 years of dealing with her, I know its just better to nod and smile, and go back later to clean up the mess.

LauraMae78's picture
Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 969

His mom did stop in to drop off something to us yesterday afternoon and i mentioned it. howeer, i made it clear that i was only mentioning it because i was concerned that either she or her son were upset or maybe felt that i was ignoring him. she chuckled and said her mom was acting weird lately and to pay no attention. and that she was surprised that she commented on anything as the woman only get on FB to play games. after that i felt better and was able to let it go. my over active brain likes closure LOL...

and i REFUSE to not post stuff cause of jerks. i put stuff on there for family and friends who live far away, and this pic in particular was put up for my BF so she can see it. im gonna let ppl interfere with that LOL i have FB to keep in touch with those that i cant contact all the time, to share the stuff that i dont mind sharing and to get pics out to those who arent here to see. this is the oly person who started anything on FB, i guess im lucky so far LOL

Thanks for all the thoughts, i just want ALL THE DRAMA to vanish! atleast until Sept anyways Wink

had a good day yesterday though, went to see my 8 week old niece. She is sucha cute happy baby! While visiting we found it was her moms bday (her mom is my Dh's brothers ex wife, but she is still our family) so we took her and her SO out to a Hibachi joint! i ate like a pig and felt bad the rest of the eveing from being stuffed LOL i loved seeing DD with the baby, gives me a glimpse of what is to be in a few months. she is gonna be such a good big sister! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend!

mandi04's picture
Joined: 08/10/03
Posts: 2272

Glad things went well with your step son's mom Smile Sounds like maybe you should just block his grandma? Not sure of all the ins and outs of facebook but maybe if you could just have it so your staus/pictures don't show up on her feed she'd be less tempted to start something again.

heatherliz2002's picture
Joined: 02/02/08
Posts: 2273

I'm glad that his mom was able to reassure you that it was no big deal. I'm sorry that it happened, though. It's hard when pregnancy makes you super sensitive!