Question for moms of 2 or more...

[mlark1128]

Ever since we even thought about TTC #2 I've been freaking out about how having another baby will affect our current family unit and everything. What was harder for you--the adjustment from zero kids to one, or the adjustment from one to two? How so?

[IliLexy]

For some weird reason going from 1 to 2 freaked me out more than going from 2-3. But maybe that's because my 2 are in school now.
My 2 were only 12 months apart so it was hard in the beginning but easier later on! I love it now. I guess you just adapt and then everything feels normal you won't feel any different! Personally I find it way easier having 2(rather than 1) they keep each other occupied and don't need my attention all the time

[carg0612]

0 to 1 was harder for me. I felt like that was harder b/c we were used to doing our own thing. After my DD was born my ex was almost never around (one of the many reasons he's my ex) so I had to adjust to my own world. My DD was only just 2 when my DS was born but I involved her with the pg and she was wonderful. Again, by that time I was stable and used to the ex not being around much so my new baby just sort of fit in with the way I ran my life. Shortly after my DS turned 2 my marriage ended. I think it was harder on my ex since he didn't have anyone to run the house anymore. Again, he wasn't around a whole lot so it wasn't that big of a change emotionally for me.

Don't get me wrong - there were days that it was very difficult to have a toddler and a newborn. But they are so close to each other I can't imagine not having the two of them.

It's different with my 2 DSS. My new DH didn't know his ex was pg with their #2 until after they had separated. His 2 sons aren't as close as mine are and there is a lot of emotion regarding the fact he didn't want the child at all. He's risen to the occasion - after all he said the pat test he took proved the kid is his. It's still tough with him b/c he is a tough kid to deal with. Actually I think things for my DH got better when we got together and the kids started playing more.

Now when we have all 4 together it's almost like a big party. There are difficult days but then we have those days when they are all playing out in the leaves or riding bikes and laughing and having fun and I think how worth it it all is. I think it helped him to see me and my children embrace BOTH of his kids, not just one or the other.

I'm fairly worried about this new baby. My #3 and his #3 and the #5 kid in the house. My hope is that this "our" baby will help our family to really solidify even more. We still work through difficulties as a blended family but we really do love each other.

I think if you have a strong family now you will be just fine. A new little life will add al sorts of dynamics to your house but nothing you can't handle. The lack of sleep is particularly more difficult b/c you have a little kid who wants to run around - not sleep when the baby sleeps. But that is relatively short lived and when your DS gives your new little one a spontaneous kiss or does a silly dance in front of the baby just to make the baby smile you will melt and realize the difficulties aren't so difficult.

Just remember that you are strong and smart and you will be just fine. Just remember to love love love and a lot of the other stuff will fall in to place (even if it doesn't feel like it at the time).

Sorry for the ramble but we have a very complicated household!

[bemcnamara]

Going from 1-2 was super easy for me. I think the first one was so much scarier! I had no idea what to expect. The 2nd time, I knew what I was getting into. I also had really easy babies, so I'm sure that made a difference!

[Cheryl]

I hear from mothers of 3 or more that going from 1 to 2 is the hardest jump. Not for the kids but for themselves as mothers and the guilt (though unfounded ) they have when forced to split time.

It was harder for me going 1 to 2 than from 0 to 1. I just felt guilt (and still sometimes do) splitting affection and time. But it's weird how once you have two , you wonder how you ever felt busy before and how you ever thought you couldn't make the time or love for two instead of just one. KWIM? It just happens.

It will work out. I was nervous when I was preg. with my second. The fact that things were going to change and I didn't know how they would, scared me. But there's no reason to be scared. Like I said, it will work out and hopefully it will come naturally.

[jacen]

Originally Posted by carg0612

I think if you have a strong family now you will be just fine. A new little life will add al sorts of dynamics to your house but nothing you can't handle. The lack of sleep is particularly more difficult b/c you have a little kid who wants to run around - not sleep when the baby sleeps. But that is relatively short lived and when your DS gives your new little one a spontaneous kiss or does a silly dance in front of the baby just to make the baby smile you will melt and realize the difficulties aren't so difficult.

I read this and started BAWLING!!! not just tears or choaked up. Full out crying this is just Beautiful! I cant wait!!!


Thankyou for asking this question I have been wondering the same things myself.

[anreka]

i'll say this in all honesty, i wasn't freaked out with any of the adjustments. going from 0-1 was very easy cuz they start off so small and not doing or needing much. you grow and learn as they do and with 1 you don't have to divy up the time. it did help that my kids were all sleeping through the night at 1 month!

going from 1-2 wasn't very hard for us, cuz like i said, my kids are very good sleepers, and Parker LOVED his sister and wasn't jealous at all. i had Vivian when Parker was 20months and exploring his ability to be an independant person and loved playing by himself. he allowed me to spend the time i needed to with Vivian. and it helped that we put him in daycare 2 days a week when Vivi was 7 months old.


even though Charlie and Vivian are 16 months apart going from 2-3 wasn't as hard as i thought it would be because Parker and Vivian had each other. they were interested in Charlie but they loved playing with each other and i never felt guilty for spending time with Charlie. we also put Vivi in daycare with Parker when Charlie was 7 months old and we changed their days to 3 days a week. they both LOVE it and so does mommy since it allows me to get a lot done with just 1 child instead of 3!

gotta say...i'm totally freaked out about going from 3-5 in one shot the twins will most likely be born in April so that means that they'll be 22 months younger than Charlie. none of our kids are a full 2 years apart!! really don't know how i'm gonna do that!

[mlark1128]

Originally Posted by carg0612

0

I think if you have a strong family now you will be just fine. A new little life will add al sorts of dynamics to your house but nothing you can't handle. The lack of sleep is particularly more difficult b/c you have a little kid who wants to run around - not sleep when the baby sleeps. But that is relatively short lived and when your DS gives your new little one a spontaneous kiss or does a silly dance in front of the baby just to make the baby smile you will melt and realize the difficulties aren't so difficult.

Just remember that you are strong and smart and you will be just fine. Just remember to love love love and a lot of the other stuff will fall in to place (even if it doesn't feel like it at the time).

Sorry for the ramble but we have a very complicated household!

OMGosh I totally lost it reading this too. Now granted I'm having one of those "weepy" days anyway, but I couldn't stop the tears! Thank you for the kind words of encouragement!

Originally Posted by anreka

i'll say this in all honesty, i wasn't freaked out with any of the adjustments. going from 0-1 was very easy cuz they start off so small and not doing or needing much. you grow and learn as they do and with 1 you don't have to divy up the time. it did help that my kids were all sleeping through the night at 1 month!

going from 1-2 wasn't very hard for us, cuz like i said, my kids are very good sleepers, and Parker LOVED his sister and wasn't jealous at all. i had Vivian when Parker was exploring his ability to be an independant person and loved playing by himself. he allowed me to spend the time i needed to with Vivian. and it helped that we put him in daycare 2 days a week when Vivi was 7 months old.

going from 2-3 wasn't as hard as i thought it would be because Parker and Vivian had each other. they were interested in Charlie but they loved playing with each other and i never felt guilty for spending time with Charlie. we also put Vivi in daycare with Parker when Charlie was 7 months old and we changed their days to 3 days a week. they both LOVE it and so does mommy since it allows me to get a lot done with just 1 child instead of 3!

gotta say...i'm totally freaked out about going from 3-5 in one shot really don't know how i'm gonna do that!

I'm hoping baby #2 is a good sleeper and eater like you describe. I think one of the reasons I'm so scared is b/c Luke was such a high-needs baby (colic + reflux + all day screaming = exhausted mommy and daddy!). I'm scared to go through all of that again while also taking care of a toddler.

[KBlaix]

I'm really excited about going from 1 to 2 and I haven't gotten that guilty feeling yet, though I'm sure it will kick in at some point. Nathan loves babies so much. He also loves to help with the animals so I think he's going to want to help with the baby too.

I do feel guilty about the amount of time a newborn takes away from my animals. After those early newborn weeks though having pets and a baby is so wonderful and I'm looking forward to those days.

[RyleesMom]

To us.. going from 1-2 was not a big deal. While I was pregnant, I had the normal "guilty" feeling of... oh my poor DD1 isn't going to be the only baby anymore.. what have I done? But that was silly. Giving her a sibling was THE GREATEST thing I have ever done for her. They love each other so much and I wouldn't change a thing! Plus.. when you already have one kid.. adding another is simple. You already have the stuff.. you have BTDT and you don't freak out over the tiniest things you may have freaked about with your first. You feel more confident.. and well.. balanced I think! To me it was harder going 0 to 1. Way big adjustment there... your whole life changes when you add that first kid to the mix!