I hate the internal conflict!

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CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855
I hate the internal conflict!

I LOOOVE being pregnant. If I could forever be 28 weeks pregnant I would. DH and I love babies and children and are hoping to have around 4. That being said, we are in no position to be ttc right now. We both lost our jobs back in July and had to move in with my dad. We rented out our house to cover the mortgage. We are working on getting new jobs so that we can move back into our house in the fall when the lease is up. I know that getting pregnant now would not be good just bc of our situation. I def need a job with benefits and a steady income before we think about #2. But that doesn't stop the fever!! I drool over the BFPs and first appts and announcements, etc. I know in my head that we absolutely can't risk it right now (even though it took us 27 months and 6 IUIs to get DS). Even DH is talkin about another baby and points out tiny babies when we are at the store or wherever.

Anyone else struggling?? Anyone else longing but waiting?? I'm really looking forward to getting a new job and moving back into our house so that we can think about TTC again! I hope everything falls nicely into place so that we don't have to wait YEARS! :eek:

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

:bighug: I wish you were in a better situation! That must be so frustrating. Do either of you have good job prospects at this point?

(BTW, I totally know what you mean about wanting to be forever 28 weeks pregnant... I'd do that, too.)

isisgoddess_1's picture
Joined: 03/29/08
Posts: 1220

I know what you mean. I hope you get a good prospect soon. I am sure things will work out soon for you and hopefully they will be even better than before.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am in a different (but similar) situation! I would give ANYTHING to TTC right now, but I am in school for another year and DH does not make enough to support me and a baby. We are hoping to buy a home so we can get set up and can be ready to go once I am done my program, but who knows when that will happen. I have had baby fever for the past 5 years solid, so I do know how you feel. I figure that when it is the right time, it will just happen, so enjoy your DS and you will get your others soon!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I'm not in baby fever mode at the moment, but i've been there! it's rough, especially with your situation. I hope everything falls into place sooner rather than later!

lizzib45's picture
Joined: 12/06/08
Posts: 957

I totally hear ya! Totally longing but waiting. I hope you guys find something soon !!!

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Thanks ladies for all your support. DH and I both have a couple job prospects that we are hoping will pan out. I'm excited to see what's in store for our future, I just hope that it happens soon! Thanks for understanding how I feel! But I'm sorry that some of you are feeling the same way!

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

Hope the jobs come through for you both! I know how you feel. DH and I were only working freelance and I was just part time for most of last year and it is a big reason we decided to wait. Things will work out financially sooner or later and if you are both committed to wanting another, I'm sure it will happen.

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

"eliann" wrote:

Hope the jobs come through for you both! I know how you feel. DH and I were only working freelance and I was just part time for most of last year and it is a big reason we decided to wait. Things will work out financially sooner or later and if you are both committed to wanting another, I'm sure it will happen.

Thanks girl! This made me happy. Smile I got a call for a job interview today... just praying that it will be enough to provide for our family. We also think we figured out a way last night that DH can get his degree in about a year instead of 2.5 and then he will have a job that will give us enough for me to stay home Yahoo That is my ULTIMATE goal and dream Wink

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

That sounds fantastic, Caity! I really hope it works out for you. Do you mind me asking what he's studying (no pressure to answer)?

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Not at all! He is studying computer information systems. Although I'm not sure whether he will get that or computer science. He is really good in the sciences and used to be majoring in biology.

Well I had a job interview yesterday and it went really well. I'm really praying that they'll offer me the job and that it'll be enough $. Sucks that it comes down to money, but we gotta pay the bills!

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

Wishing you luck and a good offer!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

I hope you get the offer! Good luck.

Julz806's picture
Joined: 12/14/06
Posts: 77

I'm slightly envious that you know what you want.... Although I know baby fever can be horrible (especially with someone as impatient as I am). I'm just so on the fence. One day I want one, the next day I don't. I will say that my baby fever hit a peak when our finances were all screwed up. It isn't easy to HAVE to say no because of your situation. We're still not in a place where we are so comfortable that adding a baby wouldn't be a financial burden, but it also wouldn't be the end of the world so I at least feel ok saying no for now.

I know things will fall into place... I hope it's soon.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I hope you get the job! My DH is a computer "geek" as well, works for a big contractor for the Navy.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

Julz - oh, I go back and forth, too. But, I'm pretty sure if I stop at 3 I'd regret it later. And I think I can handle another, so I'm going to go for it. Wink I hope things fall into place for you soon.

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Thanks for the support ladies. I did get a new job and I start on Monday. It's not as much pay as I was hoping for but it's a job at least. Things have been really rough with DH lately and I've been thinking a lot about divorce Sad I guess I need to find a thinking of TOC board! Ha!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

What's going on with DH that you'd want a divorce? We're here to listen, commiserate, give advice, whatever you want!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

Oh Caity! :bighug: I'm so glad you got a job. You and your DH have been through so much stress recently: no jobs, living with your parents (right?) wanting to TTC but not being able to, raising a toddler... I don't know what marital issues you're dealing with, but I hope you're able to work through them and maybe some time to solve the other problems will help, too. We're here to listen if you need us.

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Thanks so much ladies. You guys are the best. I so appreciate all the support. DH has anger issues. He never gets physical or anything, but he is very quick to get mad and say mean things and try to get at me verbally whenever he gets angry. I have dealt with it the last 5.5 years but am just getting tired of it. It was one thing when we didn't have a ton of other things on our plate. But I'm just so stressed about everything else in life that I don't know what to do. I'm really frustrated that most days I feel like I'm married to a teenager. He sleeps late and doesn't help out, etc. Now I do have to say that since I started my new job, he has stepped up. He is staying home with DS while I work and he has been doing a good job. He has been cleaning the kitchen every day and making the bed and keepin things tidy. Which I of course really appreciate. And he has an interview coming up in a couple weeks at a new sporting goods store that is opening up. I'm very optimistic that he will get the job. I've also been debating bc dh has a lot of health problems. I know I vowed in sickness and in health but I really thought the health would be the majority of the time as the sickness would be the occasional cold or stomach bug. He lost his job last July bc he couldn't work due to his health issues. They just really frustrate me and you guys probably think I'm terrible for feeling this way, but I'm tired of spending all my time in hospitals and emergency rooms and dr offices. It's all just very difficult...

Ok, that was a ton. Thanks for listening ladies!!

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

Caitlin, Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with DH. My DH also has anger issues. I've asked him to go to counseling for it, but he refuses. I bought him a book and he did read it and started to do better but then went back to his ways. My DH is aware of his issues and we have lots of talks about it. His outbursts don't happen all the time, but when they happen they are bad. He isn't physical either, but very Verbal, not necessarily at me, its usually directed at inanimate objects and the dog... but still. He gets mad and stays mad for an unreasonable amount of time over the littlest things. Road rage is a major issue, so I always offer to drive.

I'm sorry he has health issues. I'm sure that doesn't help with his anger issues, it must be frustrating for both of you. I hope that if you still love him that you can work things out and find your way back to the love that you had for each other when you first met. Concentrate on the good stuff. I know its hard when things are so stressful. Maybe have a date night soon?

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2438

double post

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3009

:bighug: sorry about the anger. DH has some issues when we first got married, but thankfully got them under control (again, not physical, just very quite to anger).

And the health... I don't think you're terrible for feeling that way! My DH is a handful when he has just a cold or stomach bug. Honestly, last time I ended up calling my ILs to help because he was getting on my nerves so much.

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Thanks for the support ladies! The good thing is that DH knows he has an anger problem. Hopefully that will lead to him learning to control it better. The other good thing is that it doesn't happen all the time and as long as he isn't drinking then we have a great relationship. I just wish he would give up the drinking all together. Then things would be great. As far as his anger goes anyways.

lizzib45's picture
Joined: 12/06/08
Posts: 957

Sorry I am late jumping on this thread.

Caitlin- Congrats on the new job! thats awesome news! And I think alot of us are in the same boat as far as DH's with anger concerns. I think its a good sign he realizes the issue as I think men have a hard time admitting almost anything, especially anger.
My DH and I separated for 2 months last year. I do believe counseling was a great help and it took him alot just to go on his own. But it totaly helped him seeing some of his issues from a strangers perspective. And the drinking - yes! DH isnt an alcoholic but his drinking did get too much for my liking. Its 1000 times better now. I definitely think men take alot longer to grow up and definitely experience some growing pains having kids. Its like they need to protest it a bit before they realize having kids is a great thing. Just take things one day at a time. thats all you can do really. And we are all here for each other, hang in there and keep us posted!