Before Dh was concerned about something being wrong physically or mentally after dealing with issues with each of our kids. His fears were put to somewhat of a rest when I assured him that the cyst on Sofia's brain and the focus on her heart were not a genetic thing. Then when we found out that Josh does not have autism after all more stress was gone.
Now he has come up with something new. He says that he worries about how we will be going through the new born phase again of getting no sleep and having to work crazy hours. I told him that we wont have to be working as much this time around because I will be topped out at work. YAY. Then he mentions about how I had a break down after having my daughter. I dont know if ppd triggered it, but I had to be hospitalized for 4 days. I suffer from bipolar disorder and am on 4 different medications. When pregnant I have to be off of them. Then I plan to nurse again and dont want to take them then although I dont think I can anyways. I understand his worry but I dont want that to stand in the way. I was speechless at trying to calm his fears on this topic cause I didnt know what to say. I hope this does not stop us.
11/2012, 12/2012, 2/2013
First off YAY both kiddos are and will be good! I am sure that was a huge relief for you both!
And the sleepless nights and what not is all temporary. I mean with kids and babies its all phases. Heck my 2yo still gets up once a night. everynight. You learn to adjust just like you did having the 1st kid, and the 2nd. Sleepless nights or not, we all know they are worth every second of stress and worry. I am sure he will come around. Do you have any friends that already have 3 kids that can lend some good advice for him?
I'm so glad both of the kids are doing well and your DS does not have autism! Great news!
As far as DH's new worries - I'd write down his concerns and match them point for point on what you will do if that happens. example:
1. Concerns about lack of sleep
we will take turns getting up with the baby. It only lasts for a certain amount of time. We have done it before and can do it again
2. Concerns about PPD/breakdown
you will both monitor yourself carefully for any signs. You will see the doctor at the first signs something may not be right. You will be willing to give up nursing if it really becomes a problem (only if you would actually do so).
those are just examples and may not be what you'd say - but I'd write down your thoughts and go through it all with him to show him how serious you are out wanting a third child.
Sorry your DH is being a road block. I know how you feel.
Does this all come down to him not wanting anymore kiddos or is he willing but just hesitant because of real concerns that need to be thought through? I hope you can work it all out in the end.
Sara- Unfortunantly all but one of our friends has 2 kids and they try to talk him out of having more. LOL. The one friend we have with 3 has a girl about our son's age and then 2 twins that are a year old. So she is aways telling DH and myself not to have more. The thing is she admitted if she had a singleton the second time around she would have had another. Also, our friends give Dh the old you have a boy and a girl, you should be happy with that. Ugh.
Mel- I like the listing out his concerns and then points I can make about them. I think I just might try that.
Lynn- Sometimes I do wonder if he just doent want anymore kids, but he tells me he does and then at times he will bring up having another baby. So he is either toying with my emotions or is just uncertain about his concerns.
11/2012, 12/2012, 2/2013
I doubt he's toying with you. He is probably just not sure how to make it work with 3 kids. Sometimes my DH is like that. We don't have any friends with 3 kids and it makes him nervous from both a financial standpoint, and also from a having enough time for all three and juggling practical life with 3.