Hi! I'm Jess, 24, and I'm engaged to be married next fall.
The past few weeks have flown by, as my fiance and I got some unexpected news. We found out almost three weeks ago that he has testicular cancer. His urologist tried to perk us up a little, and explained it as, if you were told you were going to have cancer, and you could choose whichever type you wanted, this is the one you'd want to choose. Regardless, it's terrifying. We've gone from making appointments to meet with photographers and see venues, to scheduling surgery, cat scans, and urologists. He's scheduled to have surgery to remove the offending testicle on Wednesday, and I really hope it all ends there, but he'll be under observation for the next while to watch some of the questionable markings on his last cat scan.
So, why am I here? The fear of possible radiation, chemo, and further surgeries aren't without cause, all of which will affect fertility. We've had family members generously offer to pay whatever costs come with sperm banking and treatments, but that's really not what we had in mind when it came to having children. We've decided that we can do this now, I'm going to stop taking birth control, and just let it happen. I think we'll try up until August, if it doesn't happen by then, we'll be a little more cautious. Conceiving any later than that would leave me largely pregnant at our wedding, I'd be perfectly happy to be within the first trimester at the time of our wedding.
I never thought I'd be putting any of this into words, but there are some things that just can't be planned for! I'm sure we'll get criticism for PLANNING to get pregnant before we get married, but we both seem to stray from the traditional, and have families who are supportive of this decision.
I'll likely give an update on his condition, but won't really have more answers for another two weeks or so, at which point we'll learn whether he'll need chemo or radiation, if at all! Fingers crossed!
Last edited by browntown; 07-06-2011 at 11:10 PM.
Wow! Thats so much to deal with!! I cant imagine having all of that on my shoulder.. Makes me feel that my "worries" really aren't that big of a deal :-/
But I believe things happen for a reason! Maybe it was meant to be for you guys to have your child/children sooner rather then later!
If I may ask, why does the doctor say this is the cancer you'd want to have? Is it a more isolated type thing (easier to get rid of with removal?)
Also- Does the radiation/chemo/treatment type things affect his sperm.. as in.. could you not TTC during treatment? (I didn't know if it makes the sperm... non working for the moment?)
I think it's sooo great that your families offered to do that!! That must mean you guys have a great support system!!
When is the wedding? You said fall, so I was thinking Sept/Oct? But not sure where your from so maybe "fall" isnt until winter here.. hehe.. But I wasnt sure by what you meant about STOPPING in August so you wouldnt be largely pregnant at the wedding, but it would seem like the SOONER you start the MORE pregnant you'd be KWIM? So even if you tried up until you got married, if you got pregnant two days before the wedding you wouldnt be large at all?!?! Unlless Im reading this wrong hehe... Or you meant about having the wedding like NEXT year and didnt want to be large from AFTEr having a baby?!!
Fingers crossed for you and hope you guys get some good news soon!!!
Okay just saw your ticker... one year 4 months UNTIL.. now I get it So you'd either have the baby before.. OR take a little break until closer to time? Sounds like a good plan..!!!
IMO it wouldnt be the worst thing to be largely pregnant at my wedding... beats the first trimester of being exhausted with morning sickness and Im sure people would understand, if not then they shouldnt be there! Could always have a special honeymoon or ceremony in a few years after
I'm not sure about radiation, but with chemo, it's probably best that we abstain. I have a LOT of questions to ask. He has an appointment with our regular family doctor coming up, so I'm hoping he can clear up a lot of the confusion, and put us on the right track when it comes to TTC.
Oh, and you were right.. if we don't get pregnant before August-ish, I'd like to wait another 6 months or so to try again. The wedding isn't until Sept 2012 (SO glad now that it's that far in the future, I wouldn't be able to deal with high wedding stresses right now!).
That is a lot to deal with! I'm glad his prognosis is good. Keep us posted!
Hi there and welcome to the boards. Sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment and very sorry to hear about your fiance. I hope he gets a speedy recover and you can start looking forward to your wedding. I can understand wanting to try for a baby soon and think you guys should just go for it.
~ Charlotte ~
Hi, and Welcome to the boards! You must be a strong woman! I cannot imagine being at that stage of life planning a wedding and then finding out that news. I completely agree with everyone else here! If you guys want to try now, then go for it! A baby always lifts everyone's spirits, and will give him something to fight for to be better. I hope that everything works out and that the cancer has not spread. Good Luck! Please keep us updated.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes ladies!
I think we're both pretty optimistic, but really can't shake the underlying concern. We're confident that he'll be able to shake the testicular cancer and make it "yesterday's news" in no time, but I really won't feel at ease until he gets another cat scan that shows that it's no longer a concern anywhere else in his torso. His bloodwork didn't show any of the markers for anything else.. so we're basically crossing everything on our bodies in hopes that we get the answers we WANT to hear.
We're going to go ahead and try up until August, then call it quits until late spring next year!
Sorry to hear about your DF! That's scary but it's great that you guys have a plan and are being optimistic. Good luck with the TTC. Glad to have you on the board!