Oy the holidays - "So are you pregnant?"

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Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316
Oy the holidays - "So are you pregnant?"

Recently my sister (who has 2 girls) was at a family dinner and a reletive asked when they were going to have a boy. I was irritated for her!

It got me all worked up because I know I'll be hearing it this holiday season as well.
Why is it anyone else's business what's going on with my uterus/fertility?
Since we had DS I hear the "he needs a sister" all. the. time. and I know it's just going to be that much worse over the holidays.

Please tell me I'm not crazy... Is anyone else dreading this?
Will you openly share when you want to try for another, or will it be hush-hush until you announce the pregnancy?

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

I would hate that. This will probably be my last Christmas to NOT get that question.

DF's cousin got married 5 years ago, and someone always asks them at our get togethers, I feel bad for her when they ask. They don't really talk about what's going on, but I'm pretty sure they've been to fertility doctors, and may have already tried a round of IVF. I've seen her a couple of times recently, and she's been wearing looser clothes than she normally would.. I really hope this is their year.

What's a good way to fend off those questions?

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I get asked ALL THE FREAKING time whether it's holidays or not, if we are having another, or even worse "you're done right?" WTH! No, we are not done, we plan on 1-2 more kids if things work out for us and we don't change our minds.

I just answer truthfully that we want a large family and are having at least one more if we can. I'm dreading the "when" questions this year. We had DS and DD so close in age I think people are going to start asking "when are you having your 3rd" since everyone already knows we are going to have another eventually. I'm considering answering "no idea, but you won't be told until I'm 14 weeks pregnant and you better be happy for us!" LOL think that would shut them up?

Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316

"tink9702" wrote:

"no idea, but you won't be told until I'm 14 weeks pregnant and you better be happy for us!"

OMG YES! I love this! Totally stealing it!

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

I get that ALL the time too!!! Hunter is turning 3 in 2 weeks so people are like: he really needs a sibling, that's why he is trowing tantrums: WHAT??? OMG!!
Or they say: you are done, you really want to start all over again?? WTF
Please people, mind your own business for pet's sake!!!

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

This is pretty annoying. People need to mind their own business. I went to a party of the thanksgiving holiday and literally everyone there was pregnant or had a baby with them. So after they all announced their pregnancies, they all turned to us and asked "so what about you guys?" And of course this has been quite a sensitive topic in our house lately. DH was pissed. My MIL and my dad both ask us all the time. NO pressure! Geez.

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

:rolleyes: no pressure, ya right

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

I hated that too.....for us, though, we won't be hearing that any time soon. Everyone on both sides thinks that since we've had a boy we're finished. DH and I have decided that we'll keep quiet until we're pregnant and share then. Hopefully you won't hear too much over the holidays. I wish people would just learn to keep their thoughts to themselves. We'll share that important information when we're ready Smile

les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840

yea I've got it a few times in the last month, which is really hard because I DON'T know what's going on yet (lost my job, so most likely won't be trying in Jan like we had planned, but DH won't give me a definitive NO) I feel like saying "well we were PLANNING on trying in January, but I just lost my job, so now we aren't....thanks for bringing it up and making me sad.....AGAIN" Sad my family all know what is going on, so I don't get it from them, but random people on the street who think they need to ask me personal questions just piss me off Sad

CrysRee31's picture
Joined: 06/01/11
Posts: 1473

Hello all (totally lurking around here)!

I got that question so many times over the past 8 years! My DD has been an 'only' and if I had a dollar for every time someone suggested that my daughter needed a sibling I'd have been able to buy her one :/ Even AFTER most people found out that my (now EX) husband had a vasectomy they still brought it up (he didn't want kids to begin with).

My experience is, making a comment that throws them off will lessen the frequency of the questioning LOL. However it's a line that will never end, no matter what.

It's started again now that I'm remarried to a wonderful man and we DO plan to have more children, in fact we have been trying for a year but I don't think that's our families or friends or strangers business! I like the comment that they'll find out when you're 14 weeks pregnant!

VixB's picture
Joined: 05/07/08
Posts: 1435

"les27" wrote:

yea I've got it a few times in the last month, which is really hard because I DON'T know what's going on yet (lost my job, so most likely won't be trying in Jan like we had planned, but DH won't give me a definitive NO) I feel like saying "well we were PLANNING on trying in January, but I just lost my job, so now we aren't....thanks for bringing it up and making me sad.....AGAIN" Sad my family all know what is going on, so I don't get it from them, but random people on the street who think they need to ask me personal questions just piss me off Sad

Oh I am soo sorry about your job loss HUGS

Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265

HA! of course that's an annoying question!!! DH and I are TTC #1, but we haven't told anyone!! (ok I've told like two of my close g/fs that are pregnant or just had a baby) But we haven't even told our parents!!!!! I just finished school and haven't found a full time job yet (in teaching) and we just bought our first home, so we don't want our parents to stress and worry if they don't have to! Plus we want our parents to be completely surprised when we do tell them we're expecting!! Smile and b/c of our financial situation (and we've only been married a yr) we don't get the question much from family or friends.
We also have close friends that told EVERYONE they were going to start trying as soon as they got married, 18 months later, nothing - they recently found out there is an issue, and prob can only get pregnant thru IVF. B/c of this, we decided not to tell people b/c we don't want to have to explain to people IF we do have an issue.

Next time someone ask you that question tell them this "Yes, we're going to DO IT as soon as we get home!" I'm sure that will put an image in their mind they don't want, and will def shut them up! hahahahaha Smile

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

I am so intensely sick of being asked that!! DH & I have been together 6 years, married 3 and ever since our friends started having babies it's been the first thing out of people's mouths. It makes it especially hard to take because I've wanted to for years but DH wasn't on the same page.

My sister and one best gf were the main culprits Wink but I can forgive them that. It was so hard not to react badly to the other people who asked.

Worst comment we got was "We highly recommend being parents" :WTF:

Joined: 04/30/09
Posts: 2257

Ugh I hear you! DH's uncle is all "oh Emma needs a playmate!" and my mom's BF (who has four kids and seven grandkids not including Emma) was teasing that "Emma wouldn't be so spoiled at Christmas if she had a sibling to share it with!"

They all have a vague idea that we want kids about two years apart, but that I need to have eye "surgery" in a couple of weeks so that puts TTCing out for a little while. We're hoping to TTC by March/April at the latest.

When we do get pregnant, I want to keep things quiet until we're about 10/12 weeks along and we can go see my MW/OB team. Not that I think anything will be wrong, but it was kind of nice having it be private for a little while. We'll probably wait to tell "everyone" (on FB etc) until we are a little ways into the second trimester (and maybe have a u/s for NT Scan) just so I don't get the "oh you've probably got five in there!" comments.

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

"BokkieNYC" wrote:

Worst comment we got was "We highly recommend being parents" :WTF:

OMG! That is so awful there aren't even words for it!

How did this go for everyone? Any new terrible comments or were you pleasantly suprised?

I was happy that no one opened their mouth!!! Smile

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

"tink9702" wrote:

OMG! That is so awful there aren't even words for it!
How did this go for everyone? Any new terrible comments or were you pleasantly suprised?
I was happy that no one opened their mouth!!! Smile

I know, Meg! I still keep thinking "What is this? A bottle of wine??"

At least we had fewer questions this time around because my SIL was due with her first Smile

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

Try having four boys and no girls! LOL Then the comments follow you EVERYWHERE, EVERY single day!

Seriously though, try not to let other people's comment bother you. I constantly hear "are you done yet?" among many far ruder comments about my husbands and my own fertility, choices, lifestyle, finances etc. etc. etc. So annoying but if I let every comment get to me, I'd be a wreck by now!

I tell people different things based on who's asking or commenting. If someone seems genuinely interested if we are going to have more, then I tell them possibly. If someone is saying it to be snarky they get the sharp end of my tongue! LOL

We were planning on TTC around 2016 as that seemed like a good gap and there was no hurry so I'm here for the long haul, but recently my business went bust and has left us in a financial hole and also I've been told I'm probably pre-menopausal (at 29 Sad ) so I'm now feeling like we have to bring it forward... Our current plan is to see how 2012 goes, how quickly we get back on our feet etc. Then maybe in the later part of 2013 get the mirena removed and then TTC for a 2014 baby if it's still possible. Will I share ALL that information with other people in real life - hell no! LOL

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

"Sarah-Jean" wrote:

Try having four boys and no girls! LOL Then the comments follow you EVERYWHERE, EVERY single day!

Seriously though, try not to let other people's comment bother you. I constantly hear "are you done yet?" among many far ruder comments about my husbands and my own fertility, choices, lifestyle, finances etc. etc. etc. So annoying but if I let every comment get to me, I'd be a wreck by now!

I tell people different things based on who's asking or commenting. If someone seems genuinely interested if we are going to have more, then I tell them possibly. If someone is saying it to be snarky they get the sharp end of my tongue! LOL

We were planning on TTC around 2016 as that seemed like a good gap and there was no hurry so I'm here for the long haul, but recently my business went bust and has left us in a financial hole and also I've been told I'm probably pre-menopausal (at 29 Sad ) so I'm now feeling like we have to bring it forward... Our current plan is to see how 2012 goes, how quickly we get back on our feet etc. Then maybe in the later part of 2013 get the mirena removed and then TTC for a 2014 baby if it's still possible. Will I share ALL that information with other people in real life - hell no! LOL

So sorry about the business. Money is a terrible thing isn't it! I hope you are able to have another one and you get back on your feet quickly!